by Hannah Gray
“So, what brings you two here?” Fern asks while taking a sip of her tea. Because that’s the type of people they are, sipping their tea from their fancy cups. She probably doesn’t even like tea.
“I just thought maybe it would be good to check in. Before …” I stop my sentence.
I don’t want to say before the baby is born. Then, my mom will attack my precious baby with her poisonous words. She can attack me but not my innocent baby.
“Before what, Anna?” Fern asks softly.
My sister isn’t cruel like they are. She just doesn’t think she has a choice but to take their side and do as they tell her. I wish she knew there was a whole world out there where she could be whatever she wanted to be. Whoever the heck that even is.
My mother lets an evil cackle out while motioning toward my stomach. “Before she has a baby with some random person, Fern. Tell me, Anna, was it planned?”
“Well, no”—I try to smile—“but it’s a miracle nonetheless.”
“A miracle? That’s what you’re calling it?” Her lip snarls in disgust. A look I have seen countless times from her in my life.
That sparks a fire inside me. “Her. Mother. Not it. Her,” I snap back. That’s what mothers are supposed to do—protect their baby.
“Well, that’s rich, isn’t it? Another girl,” she spews. “You messed things up with Maverick, who was the best you’d ever get. Then, you switch your degree to something that only shows off your incompetence. Now, you’re knocked up with some random guy’s child? Wow, Anna. I thought it couldn’t get much worse when you decided to pursue a joke of a career like graphic design, and then you decided to get a shit apartment and live in New York. Now, this. You bring one disappointment after another.”
The words hit me just like a slap in the face. I remember the pain of her slapping me when I was little. Yet this? This is worse.
“That’s enough, Mrs. Eubanks.” Mason gently rubs my back.
I pull away slightly. The feeling of someone touching me gives me worse anxiety.
“What did you say to me?” she grits back.
“You heard me. She’s your daughter. And she’s pregnant. This was a mistake. Anna, we can go.” He stands but then faces my mother. “You might think you’re all that with your fancy house and that hairstyle that looks like you have a stick up your ass.”
My mother’s face turns red as she fights not to run a hand through her hair.
Mason continues, “But I guarantee that I make as much money, if not more, as you all do. Do you know how we got here? Anna, why don’t you tell them?”
I stretch the truth a little. My parents have never had their own private jet. I guess it’s due to my dad hating flying, but still. I look at my mother and say smugly, “Private jet. Mason’s private jet. You might have heard of Mason. He plays for the NFL. He makes more money than Maverick does.” I hate comparing money and throwing it around like it matters to me when it doesn’t. But I so badly want to make my mom look like a fool. Here she is, talking to Mason like he’s a bum.
Realization sets her back a step or two, but she recovers quickly. “And what, Anna? You think he’ll stay with you?” She signals up and down to my body before continuing, “He’ll tire of you, just like Maverick did. You don’t belong in his world. You never have.”
My father surprises me when his voice says sternly, “That’s quite enough, Evelyn.”
My mom isn’t done yet though. “Well, Mason, is it? My daughter has been with Maverick too. You know, the golden child. The one your dad actually wanted. Not the trash whose mother owns a café. You might have money now, but you’re still the other child. The one your dad didn’t want.” She turns to me. “The baby probably isn’t even this guy’s.” She throws a hand toward Mason. “You were probably sleeping with his brother at the same time. You’ve always been too flirtatious and too wild for your own good, Anna.”
“Enough, Evelyn!” my dad barks out, slapping his hand against the wall, causing me to jump.
I have never seen him act this way. Especially never to defend me.
“I haven’t been with Maverick in a long, long time, Mother. In fact, I was only ever with him for you!” My angry side comes out; my nails dig into my palms, but I don’t even feel the pain. “During my graduation weekend, after you made me feel like a pile of dog shit—as always—Mason and I went to the Hamptons, and … well, you can figure out the rest.”
“Anna, just go. You should go,” my dad says while pacing the living room.
My mother’s smile drips of evil. She’s going to drop a bomb that we might all never come back from. I can tell. And the saddest part? She’s going to love every second of it. She’s going to love watching me fall to the ground and crumble.
Her chilling voice comes next. “Anna, haven’t you wondered why my distaste for you has only grown stronger the past year? Haven’t you ever thought or wondered to yourself why your own mother can’t stand you?”
Tears cloud my eyes, and my head spins. I have no idea where this is all going. Where is she taking this?
“Harvard, darling, why don’t you tell her? Why don’t you fill her in?”
My dad stares out the window. A hand in his hair. Fern looks between my mother and me, clearly as confused as I am.
She shrugs her shoulders and smiles. “Okay, fine. Guess I will. Your dad here had one thing he needed to do in order to receive his final inheritance. Have a son. And he couldn’t even do that. And after we had you,” she says with total disdain, like I am some nasty mud beneath her feet, “well, it appears that we were no longer fertile. Making you our last child. How wonderful.” Her tone is sarcastic. “The one thing you needed to do was earn a degree of your grandfather’s choosing. Something that at least reflected well on the Eubanks family name.” She sways over to a flower arrangement on an end table. Picking at it, making it picture-perfect. “You see, Fern held up her end, like we had known she would. After all, she’s always done everything we’ve asked of her. But you,” she says, waving her hand up and down in my direction before a bitter laugh escapes her, “you could never do anything that was asked of you. You always come up short, Anna.”
“Fuck off. She’s twice the person you will ever be. You evil bitch,” Mason’s voice booms out.
“I’m not done yet.” She points to my father. “Now, he’ll be alone. Because he’s losing his inheritance, he’s losing basically everything.”
“So, you’re leaving him? Because he won’t have as much money?” I breathe out in disbelief.
How did I come from this woman?
“Oh, Anna. Don’t sit there and pretend you are any better than me or that you wouldn’t do the same.” She shakes her head, tsking me.
“Actually, I’m nothing like you. You cold, psychotic bitch. My daughter will be loved; she will be cherished. I will never, ever make her feel the way you have always made me feel.” My hurt turns to anger. “You. Are. Pathetic.”
I feel Mason squeezing my hand, letting me know he’s here. I’ve been so overwhelmed that I had no idea he was even next to me.
Her sick smile falters. But only briefly. I never realized just how sick and demented she was until just now.
“We will see how you turn out, Anna. You share my blood, don’t forget.”
Mason challenges her, holding his arms out, “Trust me, that’s the only thing she shares.”
“Dad? Is this all true? You’re losing everything, and Mom’s leaving you?” Fern asks my dad softly.
He doesn’t move, just continues to stare out the window. “I’m so, so sorry. Especially to you, Anna. I’m not meant to be a father. With you, it was near impossible because of how badly your mom resented you. If I ever did give you attention, it only made her treat you worse. As for losing everything, well, yes, it’s looking that way.”
The air becomes unbearably thick. I feel as though I can’t breathe. I need to get out of here. Fast.
Mason must read my mind because he touches my shou
lder. “Baby, we can go.”
I nod and push myself to stand. As we walk out, I glance back at my dad and mom, shaking my head. “Money isn’t everything. Family should be everything. You are sick.” And then with nothing else left in me, no more fight to give, I push my legs to walk out of the house and out of their lives.
They don’t stop us as we leave. Not even Fern. Though I know, in her heart, she wanted to. She’s just too scared of our mother. I can’t blame her. I’ve just always wanted more than that. More than being manipulated by another human. I want to think for myself and make my own choices in life.
As sickening as it is that my mother hates me strictly because my birth meant less money for them, it at least gives me some sort of reasoning as to why she has always treated me so badly. It all makes sense and doesn’t make sense at the same time. How could people be so shallow?
Once we’re in the car, I wrap my arms around myself in a hug. Shivering from all of this new information.
How did life become so fucked up?
I came here to feed my six-year-old self some reassurance that maybe, just maybe, my family did miss me. Instead, I learned that it would probably never happen. I will never be loved by them.
All I can think of is, Why am I wasting my time, painting a perfect picture with Mason, when it will never happen? He travels a lot for football. Women throw themselves at him. Eventually, when he’s done playing house with me, he’ll realize how incredibly not special I am, and he’ll leave. And by then, I’ll be so wrapped up in love with him that I won’t survive it.
I don’t think I can survive another person leaving me. No, that’s why I need to leave him. We can co-parent together, and that’s it. I have made up my mind. When we get back to New York, I need to put some space between us. He’s only with me for our daughter. In the end, he’ll be spiteful of me, just like my parents are. I’ll give him an easy way out. We’ll establish a schedule when she’ll go with him and when she’ll be with me, and it’ll all be fine.
You can’t lose something that’s not one hundred percent yours yet. Right?
Mason
Anna was quiet the entire trip home. We made a few stops at places she’d mentioned she loved. A certain coffee shop and a pizza place. But she just wasn’t there. Physically, yes. Mentally, she wasn’t even on the same planet.
Not that I could blame her—at all. Her family had treated her like dirt beneath their feet. I mean, she’d learned she was basically hated by them because the day she had been born, it’d meant less money for them. Fuck, that’s a hard pill to swallow. A hard, disgusting pill. Who even is wired that way? I can’t begin to imagine how I’d feel about something like that.
That was yesterday though, and today, unfortunately, I had practice to prepare for a game in California tomorrow. The good news is, Maverick lives not too far from where the game is. I had some people look him up, and I’m going to pay him a visit. He needs to know how badly he fucked up, coming between her and me.
“How’s it been going, ol’ boy?” Blaze asks while rifling through his locker after practice.
“Good, man. How was Christmas?”
“Fucking awesome. Once you have your daughter, you’ll get it. Well, not right away because she’ll only eat, shit, sleep, oh, and cry … a lot. But once she gets old enough to understand Christmas, fuck, brother, there’s nothing like it.”
“Thanks for the encouragement,” I grumble. I’m in a shit mood.
I can’t help Anna; she won’t let me. Her parents have ruined her, and it’s my fault because I pushed her to go see them. I had the best intentions, but fuck if it didn’t turn out that way. I can’t help but feel like all I do is hurt her and make things worse.
He shrugs. “It’s true. They’ll fill a dump truck with shitty diapers. But damn if you don’t become so obsessed with the little person you and your lady made.” He sits on the bench and starts lacing up his sneakers. He cocks his head in my direction once he’s done. “Speaking of your lady, how’s that all been going?”
“I mean, it’s fine. I guess.”
He crosses his arms. His huge, fucking scary arms. “You guess? Brother, tell me you didn’t break my sister’s heart over someone you aren’t even with now?”
Annoyed, I groan. It’ll always come back to that. The fact that I didn’t love his sister. I know I did it to myself, but fuck, it’s annoying. “We are together. I don’t know, man. She’s just … she’s complicated. It’s complicated. Everything is.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “All women are, my friend. You just need to find the one who is worth making you feel like you want to slam your dick in a door because you’re so frustrated. Once you find that one, it’s worth it. The whole shitstorm.”
“She is worth it. That’s the thing. But how do you convince somebody that they are worthy when they’ve been told their entire life that they aren’t? It’s fucking exhausting.” I feel bad, saying it like that. I just wish she could see herself through my eyes. Then, she’d understand.
His face grows serious. “You remind her. Every fucking day, Mase. Eventually, it’ll click. Relationships are hard work. But it’ll get easier, and then some days, it’ll be hard again.”
Fuck, I hope so.
“Oh, and, King?” he says after pulling his team hoodie over his head.
“Yeah?”
“Just remember, you’re doing all right. It’ll all be worth it. You are a good person, my friend. You just gotta be patient. And we all know patience isn’t your strongest feature.” He isn’t kidding. It isn’t at all.
But she’s worth it, so I need to work on it.
Anna
I wanted to take the coward’s way out and move back to my old apartment when Mason was gone at practice. But I figured I owed it to him to tell him to his face.
I’m just grateful I kept the lease on my apartment until May, just in case things didn’t work out here.
I hear him pull in, and a few minutes later, the front door opens. He smiles, but his eyes don’t light up like they usually do. He looks tired. I’m sure he is.
We got back from our trip to Maine yesterday Or I should say, our trip to hell. Ever since then, he’s tried to fix me. Tried to help me any way he could too. But it’s no use. I know this isn’t some happily ever after. He’s trying to do right by our baby girl. Which is honorable, but it isn’t going to work for me. Not when every second spent with him, I fall deeper and deeper in love.
He kisses the top of my head before sitting down on the couch next to me. “Spill it, Red. Get it over with.” He sounds distraught, exhausted.
“So, I suppose you saw this coming?” I question.
“I mean, since yesterday, you basically shrivel up like an old nutsack whenever I touch you.”
Something I love about Mason: he always cracks a joke at the wrong time. Yet it always makes me smile.
Exhaling a large breath, I lean my head against his shoulder. “I just can’t do this, Mase. I’m sorry. But in a year or two, you’ll thank me.”
His voice is cold and distant. “Why would I thank you, Anna?”
“We both know you’re with me because we’re having a baby. You want to do the right thing for our little girl. And while that’s awesome, it makes me feel like absolute shit.”
“That’s really what you think?” His chest vibrates as his deep voice sounds.
I nod against him. “Mason, you were living your life perfectly fine until you saw my growing belly. You’re a good guy. Your mom and I talked about how good you are. But I don’t want to spend my life being picked by default. I’ve had this dream … since I was little …” My voice cracks.
“And what is that dream, Red?”
“I just want to be with someone who loves me for me. Every single part of me. My whole life, I’ve never been enough for anyone. Everyone leaves me. My parents have always despised me, and my sister doesn’t care about me. I’m not trying to have a pity party, but I just … I want more, Mason. I w
ant the kind of love like I read about in books. I want to be loved. I want to be chosen. I deserve it. I know deep down, I do,” I confess to him. Being as open and vulnerable as I ever have been.
“So what? You’re leaving me before I can leave you?” He gently rubs his fingers up and down my arm.
Even through my tearstained cheeks, I can feel my face heat with embarrassment at his words. It’s exactly what I’m doing. “Mason, if I allowed myself, I could fall so deep in love that I would never survive you leaving. That’s not a feeling that I want to feel … ever,” I admit to him even though it’s embarrassing the hell out of me and making me feel like my heart is wide open for everyone to point and laugh at.
I push myself up off the couch. “I called an Uber. I’m going back to my apartment.”
As I turn toward the hallway, he grabs my wrist. “Like fucking hell you are. You’re not going anywhere.” His voice is rough and demanding. Not sounding like himself at all.
Rage fills my veins. “Excuse me? News flash, asshole: you don’t own me. Even if I’m carrying your baby, my body is still mine!” I yell through gritted teeth, getting in his face.
He only shrugs, which just pisses me off more. Fueling my fire. “You’re not mine because of the baby. You’re mine because you, Red, are mine. And the sooner you fucking realize that, the easier it will be for both of us.”
My mouth hangs open. For once, words are something I can’t seem to find.
He takes a step forward, he lifts my chubby, pregnant self up like I’m a damn pillow. Which turns me on, even in the midst of this chaotic argument. My legs wrap around his waist by instinct.
He attacks my mouth with his, leaving me breathless before pulling away, his chest rising and falling erratically. “I fucking love you, Anna. The faster you accept it, the quicker we can get the fuck on with our lives.”
