Savaged

by Nacole Stayton

  When Cambree tries to speak, her voice wavers with instability. Instead of talking, she coughs, clearing her throat. I’d thought she would fight back or at least have something to say, especially about the Jarod remark, but she stays mute.

  I’m caught off guard as a pair of soft lips press against my own. “I….” Her lips part slightly; her voice is low, but firm. “Love you.” Her tongue pushes into my mouth, and her hands grip my face on either side. Cambree’s palms are directly above my cheeks, hovering over my raised flesh. I wince from her touch. No woman has ever had the nerve to do this—to touch me like this.

  Pulling back just a tad, she whispers, “It’s only you. Not Jarod. It will never be him. Let me love you, Niko. With not only my heart, but also my body. Let me show you that I’m not afraid of the dark or the man that lives in it. I’ve accepted the fact that the life we’d share would be without light. Fuck it! Maybe I’m greedy, but I like that I don’t have to share you with the world.”

  Her small hands leave my face. They travel to my neck and eventually land on my exposed chest. She runs her fingernails around my pecs and then down to my happy trail. Her soft caress stops directly above my shaft.

  “See how hard you are? That’s for me. It’s because you feel something for me too.”

  “What I feel is the need to be buried inside your sweet pussy, not be engraved on your heart.” My hands ball into fists at my sides. I try to think about puppies and sailboats–anything to get my mind off the beauty that is in front of me. Nothing works. My dick hardens and throbs by her trained touch.

  “I’m going to make love to you, until you believe the words are true. I don’t care if it takes all night, all week or all year. I promise we won’t leave this bed until you believe that my heart beats for you.”

  A shiver of anger hammers through me. “My heart beats because those bastards didn’t finish the job,” I growl. Exposed and humiliated. I’m in love, and I am dealing with it like a child.

  “You’re heart beats because God felt it was necessary to keep you alive. Don’t you see that you’re a walking miracle? I think that’s the farthest thing from a monster, if you ask me.”

  My voice breaks while I plead with her, though I try hard to keep it impersonal. “I’m disgusting, repulsive. I. Am. Nothing. No-good trash that someone failed to take out. You’re too good for me. Too good to allow yourself to be smothered by my problems.”

  A naked Cambree scoots closer to my unclothed body. Our souls, hearts, and burdens dangle in front of us.

  Gently, she raises her hand and again cups my cheek. I shiver when she holds my face in place. My scar tingles as her skin brushes it. A pain ripples through me when she doesn’t jerk away. Instead, she moves her finger to the raised skin and traces my reminder.

  “Is this what you’re so scared for me to see? This is the scar that burdens you?”

  Jerking my head up roughly, my expression is tight. “Yes, it’s the scar. It’s repulsive. I can’t even stand to see my own reflection in the mirror!” I scream like a fool.

  Cambree lets out a soft gasp and I’m honestly glad to hear it. Maybe I’ve frightened her. Maybe it will make her leave. At least then, I won’t have to force her to go.

  There is a gentle softness in her voice when she says, “I’m not frightened of you. Nothing you can do or say is going to push me away. You’re tainted by a past that still haunts you. So what? I’m human too. I have ghosts. But none of that matters right now. All that matters is you and I, and our future. It’s already started. We can choose to embrace it together, or act like cowards and run.”

  “I’m no coward.” Pulling away from her, I stand up. Feeling the alcohol rush through me, I hold onto the side of the bed to sturdy myself. “I’m ruined, but I fought back. At first, I did.” In a hoarse voice, I curse under my breath, “Fuck. It was so fucking painful.”

  My ears perk up as I hear her climb off the bed. She takes a step toward me and wraps her arms around my body. With my back pressed against her chest, she must feel the scars scattered along my side and rib cage.

  “Do you feel them?” I whisper.

  “All I feel is you. Those scars don’t matter. They’re proof that you survived something awful. But they don’t define you.”

  “They matter…trust me!” I screech while moving away from her embrace. In my drunken state, I half-walk, half-stumble toward the wall. My numb hand finds the light switch. And I do the unthinkable.

  Bright light shines overhead, momentarily blinding me. I close my eyes as soon as I become accustomed to the glare. I don’t care to see the look of revulsion in Cambree’s eyes. An eternity passes before I hear anything other than silence.

  I slowly open my eyes, locking on hers, except she doesn’t look disgusted. She looks saddened.

  I don’t want your pity. “Don’t you dare feel sorry for me,” I try to demand, but my voice betrays me. It sounds weak and pained. It shows a side of me that I’ve been hiding for so long.

  “You’re handsome. Just like I thought you would be, Niko Kincaid. I love you. This version of you, not the man in that photograph you showed me before. This, “ she pokes me in the chest, “is the man I adore.”

  I feel like puking. I feel as vulnerable as I did the night of the attack. She’s afraid of losing me, but she doesn’t know I’m already lost. It wasn’t until the day that I met her that I finally felt like I was found. It was the first day that I felt anything since that night those men stole my very existence.

  Her soft lips kiss the side of my cheek, directly above my scar. A painful knot inside of me comes undone.

  “I can’t do this, Cambree. You know I care about you, but I can’t love you back. Look at me.” I tightly grip her face and direct her eyesight toward me. “These scars are laced with a past that I cannot move on from. It haunts me everyday. My only relief is when you’re with me. But it also pains me, knowing how perfect you are. It kills me.”

  “It kills you? I don’t understand. I see you and you’re handsome. You’re every bit as beautiful as you were with the lights out, everything I thought you’d be. You don’t have to hide anymore. We can just be. There are no more secrets dangling between us.”

  “I can’t be happy with you. I don’t love you,” I spit out the words, lies that taste like acid. My masked eyes help me spew lies. It sickens me to have to go to this measure, but there is no other way. I can hear Cambree inhale sharply, her heart breaking into two.

  “You’re a liar! You’re just too damn stupid to see what you have right in front of you.” Cambree’s naked body sways as she holds up her hands, jabbing me in the chest. “You’re a coward. You said you weren’t and for a split second, I believed you, but you are! There’s no more darkness to hide you. It’s just us, and you’re still acting as if you don’t care about me. You’re frightened of something, but it’s not the light.”

  Fear of losing her angers me, but I don’t fight her. I know that this is for the best, especially now that she has seen me. She’s putting up a good fight, but in the end, she’ll leave. I’ll turn the lights off and my once routine life will get back to normal.

  “Fuck me. Right now. If this is the last time we’re ever going to be together, everything should be in the light. Claim me. Unleash your demons on me, show me this supposed monster that I can’t see.”

  I’m shocked by Cambree’s request. Merely seconds ago, I thought she would rush out of my door like a bat out of hell and never return. But now, she wants me to screw her? I’ve done this to her. I’ve messed with her mind so much that she’s acting insane. She doesn’t want this. I don’t want to do this.

  “Cambree,” I grip her head, holding it in place, “now is not the time, not for this.”

  “I’m not asking if it’s a good time. I’m telling you. I want you to have me. Tie me up. Bend me over. Do whatever the hell you want to. If you feel so awful about yourself, then hurt me, I can take it. I love you enough to let you inflict all the pain you harbor ins
ide onto me. It’s a get out of jail free card. Use it.”

  The color surrounding us vanishes. Blood rushes through my body and all I can see is a black glare in Cambree’s eyes. The soft rays of light that illuminated her skin are gone. Her lips, pressed tightly together, are no longer a shade of pink. They’re red, fuck me red, and she’s mouthwatering. Cambree is offering herself up as a sacrifice to help cure me. But all I can see is an image of a woman that Cambree is not. She’s pure, but the woman that stands before me now, is anything but pure.

  The sound of the clock on the wall as seconds pass drills into me, jarring my senses. Should I take her up on her offer and have my way with her? Should I allow myself to use her for the slut that she wants to be? I shake my head in debate. How will this help anything?

  “You don’t know what you’re saying. I know you’re hurt, but asking me to do unimaginable things to you is out of the question. I’d never hurt you.”

  “You’ve already hurt me. You don’t love me and that’s okay. I’ll go if that’s your wish, but you will have me one last time.” Her voice is raw. The sweet girl I tried so hard to hide myself from has completely lost it.

  As long as I’ve known Cambree, I’ve wanted to turn her world upside down. I’ve accomplished that. I broke her to a point where she turned into the darkness that I lived in. I allowed my desires to be with her consume me and in the process, it hardened the soft soul she was when we first met.

  If this is truly the last time that I’ll be with her, I choose to savor her and cherish her body, not abuse it as she is asking. Reaching in front of me, I trail my hand down her toned stomach and find her warmth. Slowly, I rub my index finger up and down, spreading the wetness around. I move my other hand around to her back and place it firmly in the center. Her body leans back, allowing my hand to hold her up. Cambree’s head falls back with pleasure as my hand continues to stroke her, and then I slide one finger into her.

  She moans and the buzz that I had vanishes. I’m now sober to the core.

  Her soft groans of pleasure make me choke on my words. “If this is what you want, the lights stay on,” I whisper against her ear.

  Recovering from my rant, my mouth stays closed as Niko’s finger pushes further into me. I stand staring at the man that I love. His body is built, although I’d never seen him so clearly now, I’ve felt his muscles flex in the darkness. I’ve felt his abs as my hands lowered themselves toward his penis on multiple occasions. But not once have I ever pictured the masculine, powerful man in the dark to be so torn. I can see it on his face as he bites his lip, trying to refrain from kissing me. The words are clear as day. He doesn’t want to show he cares, and he doesn’t have to. The mere fact that his face has fallen into a bleak stare tells me enough.

  It pains me to see him like this. Not the scars visible on the outside, but more so the ones inside, the ones in his tortured soul that make him push me away like this. Offering my body up to him is the only way I know how to be with him, especially since he showed himself to me. After all this time, all it took was his soul breaking into a million tiny pieces for him to be one hundred percent honest with me. I’d rather this not have happened. I would rotate the clock back in time if I could. I’d much rather be with him in the dark than not at all.

  Breathing in deeply, I absorb his scent as his lips find my neck. There is a fine line between love and lust. They’re practically the same thing. But right now, all I can do is show him how much I love him with my body. Hope that when we wake up, this will all be behind us. He’ll no longer have to hide from me.

  With hope of a future together, I allow Niko’s mouth to roam my body.

  “I don’t want to be rough with you. Honestly, I never have. As much as my dick throbs to be buried inside you, I want to take my time with you. If it’s our last, I think we both deserve that.”

  I don’t say a word. It isn’t our last night together. It’s our first of many in each other’s arms, enveloped by the light.

  As we stand in the middle of the room, I start to move my hips. Meeting the motions of Niko’s hand, I ride it, taking in every inch of his finger, squirming in his arms. I smile on the inside when he grips my hips and raises my body into the air. Gently, he lifts me, positioning me directly over his hard shaft. I wrap my arms and legs around him tightly to help support myself. Biting my lip, I hold my breath as he lowers me onto him.

  I watch as he tosses his head back in delight. My eyes peer into his savaged soul as he relaxes and allows the ecstasy to guide him. His movements are slow as he pushes into me and pulls out. With our current position, I feel as if I’m going to burst, but I don’t want him to stop. Feeling so close to him, being able to stare into his eyes for the first time, I’ll do anything to feel like this forever.

  “Fuck…this…feels amazing,” he spits out.

  Suddenly, he stops rocking into my body, wraps both hands around my back, and leans forward. He plants a small, brief kiss on my lips. My eyes connect with his honeycomb ones and I can feel him—not only his stare but also his heart. There’s so much that it wants to say. I know the anguish that resides in him won’t let it out and it pains me.

  I drop my legs and extend my toes until they meet the plush rug underneath them. Once standing, I grab his hand and lead him to the bed. I bend over the side of the mattress; my stomach rests against the soft material of the comforter.

  No words are spoken. Only needy breaths fill the air as Niko enters me from behind. Pain radiates through my body at first, but I welcome it. Knowing that this encounter will only make us closer, I inhale and hold it. Pushing in, Niko is gentle with me. But I don’t want gentle. I don’t want him to feel comfortable. I want him to get lost. A steady movement develops. Reaching behind me, I grab one of his hands and pull it up toward my shoulder. My skin is hot under his touch as he grips me tightly. He pushes into me, deeper and deeper. One hand holds my shoulder and the other rubs small circles on my clitoris.

  I’m a goner.

  He’s a goner.

  Our bodies become one in a sweet moment of escape.

  Moans fill the air as we both find our release. What just transpired between us was magical. As badly as I wish I could keep my cool, my mouth won’t stay closed. As we lie side-by-side, naked and out of breath, tears spill over my lashes.

  “Don’t cry. Please, not now. I can’t handle to see you upset over me,” Niko admits as he turns on his side to face me.

  “How can I not be upset? I just gave you every inch of my body to devour and what did you choose to do? Make love.” There’s no holding back now. Not after everything we’ve been through. As much as it should help me realize we’re not a good fit, it only pushes my heart closer in his direction. “I’m sorry that you’re letting your past dictate your future.”

  Niko huffs at my remark and then runs his fingers through his hair. He sits up, places his feet on the edge of the bed frame, and rests his elbows on his knees.

  “I still don’t understand why you’re pushing me away. I loved you before I even saw you. That’s real. If you didn’t just feel that connection, what we just shared between us…then I don’t know what to say.” I move toward him. Straddling his back, I wrap my arms around his stomach and lean over his shoulder. I place a small kiss on the back of his neck. “Maybe one day, you’ll embrace the man I see and accept that a girl fell in love with him.”

  Niko doesn’t respond.

  “I never asked you to come out of the darkness, or even to invite the light in. All I ever asked is that you allowed me in. But I can see that even after all this time, you still haven’t.” Gently, I tilt his head to the side so I can see his face. All I find is a blank stare that paints his face once again. “I love you, and I’m going to continue to love you, because that’s the type of woman I am. But I’m not going to sit here and allow you to drown in your own pity. I’m sorry those men did this to you, and I’m sorry they were never caught, but you’ve got to start living in the now. If there’s anything I
learned from losing Grams, it’s that.”

  I don’t care whether my words hurt him or not. They need to be said.

  “As much as it kills me to walk away from you, I think that’s exactly what you want. You know where to find me if—” I choke on the sorrow that rises in my throat. “You decide that I’m worth it. That this chance at love and a new view on life is worth it.”

  Taking one last glance at his face, I see a small frown make its presence. With the pain of losing my grandmother added with the pain of walking away from Niko, I feel like I’m all alone in the world.

  I quickly climb off the bed and bend to retrieve my clothing from the floor. Mumbling under my breath, I say, “I’ll love you until the last star stops shining in the sky.” Huddling close to my belongings, I hurry into his bathroom and shut the door. I debate on curling up in the fetal position and crying my eyes out until there isn’t another drop to spare, but I know I already look desperate. After begging someone to fuck me, and all. Getting dressed, I straighten out my clothes until I look semi presentable and open the door. The room is empty.

  I have no time to wonder where he is or what he is doing. Determined not to cry in front of him again, I open the door and walk out of Niko’s life. My heart aches as my feet touch the carpet in the hallway. Refusing to be in a man’s home that just crushed me, I run to my temporary bedroom to gather my belongings. Shutting the door behind me, I scan the elegant room. Taking in my surroundings, I do my best to keep my eyes dry. Knowing I’m headed back to my rundown apartment sucks, but it is what it is.