Bound to Me (The Harbour Series Book 1)

by Christy Pastore

  “Just the man I was hoping to see.” A strong hand slapped my back and I turned to face my old pal, Garrett “Sully” Sullivan.

  “Sully, good to see you, man.”

  “You too, Robo.”

  “Have a seat.” I nodded to the bartender. “Whatever this guy is drinking put it on my tab.”

  “Miller Lite, bottle, no glass.” He leaned in, and whispered over his shoulder. “Everyone in this town wants to put my beer in a glass. Straight from the bottle or can, that’s the way I like it.”

  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that beer tasted better in a glass. Well, not so much as tasted better, more for the experience, but with Miller Lite it didn’t really matter.

  The bartender slid the bottle of beer in front of Sully. “Thanks, man.”

  “So, how long has it been?”

  With his beer in hand, he bopped his head from side to side. “By my count, it’s been at least five years. Rebecca’s wedding.”

  I nodded. “Did Jessie come with you?”

  “Nah,” he replied, before taking a long pull from the bottle. “She’s at home with the girls, and we got another one on the way in September.”

  “Wow, congrats. That’s awesome. Do you have enough kids to start a baseball team yet?”

  He chuckled. “Close. This will be our fourth, a boy. Jessie is done after this one. How about you? Married yet?”

  “No, but I’m seeing someone; she’s great—more than great.”

  I felt a twinge of guilt admitting that I had someone special. Sully had known Sasha and I were together. It was hard keeping our relationship a secret. When Sasha died, Rebecca and Horton obviously made the connection.

  “That’s good to hear, man. Is it serious?” he asked, before taking another drink.

  Cheers erupted from the bar crowd. My eyes flicked to the TV. Cubs were up three-to-one over the Cardinals. It gave me a moment to think about my response, but, honestly, there was no need to think about the way I felt about her. I was serious about Ella, but just like my relationship with Sasha, we had to tread lightly.

  “I haven’t felt this way in a long while, and it feels really good,” I admitted, wincing slightly at my confession. It’s not normal to feel this way.

  He cocked a brow, a signal that he had a read on me. “It’s okay, man. No one expects you to not move on from Sasha. It was a long time ago, and we all know how much you loved her.”

  “That day still haunts me. I’m doing better now, but it was rough for a long time.” I lifted my glass and took a drink. I’d never opened up to any members of Elite Eight about my feelings regarding Sasha’s death and how it affected me still.

  “You should have reached out to us. We would have helped.”

  “I appreciate that, I do. I can’t help feeling a sense of responsibility over the situation.”

  “It’s the leader in you that has you feeling that way.”

  “I suppose,” I replied dryly.

  “No one saw it coming,” he said, shaking his head. “We had good intel, it was the right call. Sasha knew the risks of the mission and she made the choice that day. You couldn’t have stopped her from going. She’s a real hero, man.”

  I tossed back the rest of my bourbon, allowing his words to sink in.

  Sully signaled the bartender. “Two shots of tequila, top shelf and put it on his tab.”

  I huffed out a laugh. “I’ll have a beer, 312.”

  “Bottom line, no one blames you for what happened that day. And no one holds you responsible for her death. At some point you have to let it go, brother, or it will eat you alive.”

  “If I let it go, I let her go.”

  “Nah, I don’t believe that. I think she’ll always be with you—in your heart.”

  “When did you become such a sap?”

  Three drinks appeared in front of us, along with slices of fresh lime.

  He shrugged. “Probably the fact that I have three girls,” he replied, handing me one of the shot glasses. “To Sasha Bloom, one hell of a woman, a great friend, and a total badass.”

  I raised my glass. “To Sasha.” Tossing back the shot, I swallowed the liquid and along with it my guilt over her death. These few moments talking to Sully had provided more clarity than any hour long session spent with my shrink.

  “Are you bringing your special someone tonight?”

  “Yes, I think you’ll really like her.”

  “I’m sure I will. Have you told her about Sasha?”

  “Not yet, but I planned on it. I just don’t know when the right time would be.”

  “Before the gala,” he advised, and then took a drink. “Having that conversation after could be very difficult. Just my opinion though.”

  It would be difficult no matter what time or place.

  Sully stood up from his bar stool and threw a fifty down on the bar. “For the tip.”

  “Thanks, man, I’ll see you tonight,” I said, tipping my beer glass in his direction.

  His hand clamped down onto my shoulder. “It was good talking to you, Robo. Have that conversation with your lady. You don’t want something this heavy to surprise her.”

  After paying the tab, I glanced at my watch. It was just after two in the afternoon. Ella would be at the spa for at least another hour. I popped a breath mint as I walked down the crowded sidewalk. The air was hot and the humidity curled around me. When I arrived at the hotel, I stopped off at the concierge desk and ordered a bottle of champagne and a few appetizers with instructions for them to be delivered as close to three-thirty as possible.

  Alone with my thoughts, this would be one long hour.

  “ALEX, ARE YOU HERE?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be right out.”

  Alex must have been in the office, working no less. On second thought, maybe not, as I moved farther into the suite the sounds of a baseball game filtered around the grand space. Taking a bottle of water from the refrigerator, I popped off the cap and chugged half. My gaze swept to the window, taking in the tall buildings and the lake in the distance. It was a beautiful city. I only wished we had more than a short stay. Maybe we could come back again soon.

  “Hey there,” Alex murmured in my ear, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

  “Hey yourself.” I leaned back into his frame, his muscles tensed.

  “How was the spa?”

  “Thoroughly invigorating and very relaxing.”

  “Good to hear.” He took my hand and led me to the sofa. “I hope you don’t mind but I ordered some room service and it should be here soon.”

  “Oh, that sounds lovely.” I dropped onto the plush sofa and kicked off my sandals.

  There was a knock at the door. “Perfect timing, I’ll be right back.”

  Along with room service, our garments for tonight arrived after being properly steamed. Once they left, Alex popped the champagne and offered me a glass. It was a good thing that I’d opted not to have the massage or I wouldn’t have been able to drink tonight.

  Alex took a seat on the sofa then stood. Walking across the room, he tossed back the entire glass and then poured another. Rubbing his hand over his forehead, he blew out a deep breath.

  “Alex, is something going on?”

  “Yes.” He bowed his head, staring at the floor. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Are you okay?” My legs swung off the sofa and I stood in a rush. “Oh God, has something happened with Charlie?”

  “No, it’s nothing about him. I need to tell you something about my friend, Sasha.”

  “Oh, okay. Will I be meeting her tonight?”

  He looked towards the window. “No, you won’t be meeting her tonight.”

  “Hey.” I tilted my head to meet his gaze. “Talk to me.”

  A few beats of silence passed. He blew out another deep breath. I sensed that he was collecting his thoughts. “Tonight’s gala, it’s in Sasha’s honor. She died. It was a long time ago. Eight years to be exact.” He raised his hand,
pointing his glass towards me. “Actually, the night I met you, that date was the anniversary of her death.”

  I let out a slight gasp and clamped my hand over my mouth.

  His hand rubbed the back of his neck. “Sasha and I, we were in a military intelligence special ops squad, Elite Eight—it’s disbanded now. Counter terrorism, classified missions, I can’t tell you too much, but there are things you should know. Things I want you to know.”

  Classified missions? Counter terrorism?

  Somehow I managed to nod. Elephants were trampling across my chest. I massaged the nervous ache I felt in my heart.

  “Ella, here, sit down.” Alex grasped my elbow with one hand and lowered me back to the sofa. He knelt in front of me and his fingers caressed the back of my leg. “I’ll just start with that day. We had been tracking a terrorist cell for a few months, that morning we’d received word a few of the leaders were hiding out in an abandoned factory in Northern Ireland. The intel checked out and command gave us the green light. Long story short, we were baited by our source—it was all a setup.”

  His face paled, and he rolled up to his feet. When his hands scrubbed down his face, that’s when I saw that he was shaking. My heart dropped, tumbling down to the pit of my stomach.

  “Alex.” My voice was barely audible.

  “Sasha didn’t have to go on the mission, but she did anyway. She was days away from leaving Elite Eight. She was what we called a short timer, and traditionally . . . technically, when someone reaches that status they don’t go into the field. Sasha was stubborn though, and she was determined to help. I think she felt it was her duty to see it through. If that was going to be the day we caught the men we’d been searching for; she wanted to help in any way she could.”

  He paced in a small circle around the living room, almost as if he was trapped in a cage. The sunlight passed over his face, his hazel eyes were glassy. Studying his face, I felt a sharp shudder move through me.

  “Sasha and I had a relationship. It took us both by surprise and we kept things under wraps. I loved her very much.” His eyes met mine. The anguish filling them pained my heart. “Instead of putting my foot down as her commanding officer, I allowed my personal feelings to interfere and that’s why she was out that day. As her lover, I couldn’t say no to her, but as her superior I should have.”

  Searing pain wound through me, watching this man fall apart in front of me. Holding back my own tears, I remained quiet allowing him to just talk it out.

  He squatted down to the floor, his hands rubbing his upper thighs. “Why? Why, didn’t I just command her to stay? She would still be alive!” The palm of his hand smacked against the carpet.

  Before I knew it, I was on my feet and I went to him. My hands gripped his biceps, helping him to his feet. His palms covered his eyes, as he expelled a deep breath. I urged Alex to take a seat on the sofa as I scurried to the refrigerator to grab another bottle of water.

  I didn’t know if there was more to the story, but if he needed to sit quietly or take a break, I wanted him to know I was here for him. I settled beside him, and then handed him the cool bottle. His free hand grasped the back of my neck as he kissed the top of my head.

  “That day, I’d been hit, knocked unconscious. When I awoke total chaos surrounded me. After a few moments of assessing things, I saw her lying on the ground and it was bad. I tried to stop the bleeding, but her injuries were extensive. We were trapped and I couldn’t save her.”

  He swallowed hard, before adding, “I held her in my arms and she bled to death on the floor of a cold and dirty warehouse.”

  I pushed my emotions aside, realizing he lived through traumas that I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around.

  He fell back against the sofa, pulling me along with him. “Months later, at the urging of my therapist, I took a vacation, a very lengthy one. I spent a few months traveling around the globe trying to cope with my guilt. I hid away on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, trying to find some peace in any way to somehow accept that her death wasn’t my fault. I can’t say that I was completely healed, but I found solace being near the water.”

  Every single word that fell from his mouth was laced with pain. I could hear it and I ached for him. I wanted to take away his hurt and the massive guilt he felt over Sasha’s death. I hugged Alex, hoping I could absorb some of the agony he felt. It’s okay, Alex.

  “The pain still lingers, but I talked to Sully . . . uhmm, Garrett, you’ll meet him tonight. He was also in Elite Eight. I didn’t realize until today how much I needed to talk to someone from our group . . . someone who was there.” His hand brushed up and down my arm and he kissed my forehead once more.

  “I’m veering off track, here. I’ve never been good at relationships. Actually, I’m really good at the beginning but somewhere along the way I go and screw it up. I don’t want to do that with you, Ella.”

  My heart thumped out of sync and I struggled to catch my breath. I leaned up to look at his face. His hands found their way to my cheeks.

  I wanted to tell him that I loved him. That I wouldn’t leave him, but something inside me told me this wasn’t the time. Digging deep, I managed to hold back the tears that threatened. “You’re a good man, Alex Robertsen.”

  His mouth sealed over mine, pulling me into an all-consuming kiss. Some girl’s dream of a knight in shining armor is nice, but scars tell deeper stories.

  Ella roped her arms around my neck as I lifted her off the ground and her legs swung around my waist. I almost had us to the master suite. A trail of clothing lay in our wake in my rush to get her naked.

  For the second time in a few months, I managed to unload something heavy on Ella. There was so much that I couldn’t tell her. Most of my professional life had been classified, and the reason for that was a laundry list a mile long.

  Opening up to her about Sasha the way I did was unexpected. More specifically, exposing those emotions and breaking down in front of her, it just all sort of unleashed, but somehow I felt a bit lighter. She didn’t say much, Ella listened, which was what I needed most. The few words she spoke meant more to me than I could have ever imagined.

  “Alex,” Ella moaned, digging her nails into the back of neck.

  My tongue stroked hers, tasting the sweetness of champagne. When we entered the bedroom, she slid down my body. Taking her face in my hands, I studied every gorgeous line and angle. She was the most beautiful, perfect woman—my ultimate fantasy.

  Leaning forward, I swept her long hair out of the way, kissing the soft spot between her neck and her shoulder. “Maybe we should skip the gala.” My hand slid underneath the lace fabric of her bra.

  She shoved at my chest. “Not a chance. I have a beautiful gown and it’s not going to waste.” Turning away from me, she took her hair up. “Unhook my bra.”

  My knuckles grazed up her arms. Goosebumps splashed across her skin when my fingers skimmed down her back just under the straps. I loved her body, but I also loved her mind and her kind heart. I loved her.

  I love Ella.

  I wasn’t going to pretend this was a foreign feeling. We’d both fallen in love before, only to have our hearts ripped out. Everything had been a risk with Ella, but it was worth it and I wanted more. Even though she was living with me, I wanted her to move in. It sounded odd, but it made sense in my mind. Her insane shoe collection, which I was sure there were more back at her place in London, along with all her clothes, I wanted everything taking up space in the master closet.

  I wanted her to have one toothbrush, not two. At this point, she had duplicates for everything. The guesthouse was merely a diversion, a setup of props cleverly arranged to disguise our truth. It was time to drag the truth out into the light. No more camouflage.

  With her bra and panties now tossed onto the floor, I walked us backwards to the bed. By my calculations, we had a good thirty minutes before Ella would need to start getting ready. Drawing back the comforter, I eased her lithe body down on
to the mattress.

  Her blue eyes met mine and the way she was looking at me was how I supposed every man wanted to be looked at—like I meant everything to her or that I was a God.

  She propped herself up on her elbows. “I love watching you strip.”

  The wicked gleam in her eyes nearly had me coming undone before I’d even had my boxers over my hips.

  “I love that you’re already naked.” I crawled up her body, my tongue licking a line from her navel to the space between her breasts. When my teeth grazed her nipple, a gasp slipped from her lips and her body quivered beneath me.

  Her nails dug into my scalp, as I sucked her nipple into my mouth. “What do you want, Ella?”

  “Mmmm,” she murmured. “Your cock, deep inside me.”

  Grinding against her, my dick was slick from her wetness. The sweet scent of oranges on her skin mixed with her arousal filled my senses. It was intoxicating as hell.

  “Well, you’re going to get that for sure, but that’s not exactly what I’m asking.”

  Ella started to speak, and I pressed my thumb over her lips. She surprised me by nipping the pad of my thumb and then ever so smoothly sucked me into her mouth.

  “I love you,” I confessed. “I want to be the man in your life, the one who looks out for you now and always and not because of a paycheck, which by the way you should know I stopped receiving a while ago.”

  Her hands drifted to my cheeks, and her blue eyes welled with tears. “I love you, too, so very much, Alex.”

  My lips found Ella’s and my fingers tangled into her hair. “I want you to move in with me.”

  She wrapped her hands around my wrists as I pushed into her heat. Groaning, I sank deeper into her, the feel of her drawing me in lit up every nerve ending in my body.

  “I’m already living with you.” Her fingers brushed over my forearms.

  “I know you are, but I want you to make my home yours, permanently.” I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, and churned my hips.

  “You want more?” she asked, scraping her nails up and down my back.

  “Yes, fuck yes, and I want it with you.”