Sleigh Ride with the Rancher

by Donna Alward

  “I know.”

  His deep voice slid over her soul. He really did know, didn’t he? It was in his eyes when he looked at the photo of his brother. It was in his smile when he lifted Cate from her pony or sent Anna home with the little bit extra left over from dinner. He didn’t seem the least bit afraid of caring. But he knew she was. Because he’d been there.

  She hadn’t truly cried in years, but right now tears threatened as everything—past, present, future—seemed to overwhelm her. It was like she was standing at a crossroads and it was too painful to go back, too frightening to move forward, but impossible to stay where she was.

  She’d never felt more alone.

  “What do you want from me, Blake?”

  There was a long pause. “Nothing.”

  “It doesn’t feel like nothing. That didn’t feel like nothing.” She lifted her chin, challenging. “Do you want to sleep with me?” she pushed. “Or was it just a kiss? Out of the blue, perhaps? Maybe you just got caught up in the moment? Or were you looking for something more from a poor confused girl who needs fixing?”

  He ran a hand over his hair. “Dammit, Hope, I don’t know!”

  The words rang out, followed by a crystal clear silence between them.

  “No, you don’t,” she said quietly. “And it’s unfair to take things further when neither of us knows what we want.”

  “Why did you touch me, then?”

  He turned the tables and butterflies started winging their way through her stomach again. She could still feel the texture of the skin on his cheek, marveled at the strength of him and the vulnerability, too.

  She ignored the question. “Blake, we both know this is a mistake. Let’s just chalk it up to some spiced rum and holiday spirit and leave it at that. There’s no sense complicating it with things that will never be, and we both know it.”

  “So reasonable,” he replied, his eyes blazing.

  “I don’t want to get hurt,” she answered.

  “You think you could?” He took a step closer.

  “I might,” she admitted.

  He didn’t know how many feelings had truly come to the surface during this trip. Didn’t know how many barriers he’d broken down simply by being himself. He could never know that.

  Shaken, she looked up at him. “I need some time. A little while to...”

  He nodded. “Fine. I’ll clean up here.”

  “You’re sure?”

  His eyes seemed to see everything, to see right through to the heart of her as he nodded. “I’m sure. You go on.”

  She turned and fled the room, heading for her bedroom.

  When she got there she closed the door carefully and sat on the bed. She bit down on her lip. Longings she hadn’t allowed herself for years had surfaced, all resurrected by the power of his kiss. She’d felt beautiful, cherished, strong and capable of anything. But now it was over she was faced with the truth. She was an emotional wreck. She didn’t know how to love, didn’t know how to trust anyone. She’d failed so many times to hold her family together. She’d wanted so many things for them all and instead they’d ended up at opposite ends of the globe. Her mother, father, Faith, Grace...all spread out.

  She remembered Gram’s weary words the day she’d finally given up.

  “You can’t take the happiness of so many on your own shoulders,” Gram had said wisely. “It’s okay, Hope. You can let it go.”

  She’d let go of the responsibility, but she’d let go of her family, too.

  And she missed them. Despite their differences and distance, she missed them.

  She dried her tears and blew her nose. She had to stop thinking about Blake and put things in perspective. A few days from now and she’d be in Beckett’s Run.

  She decided to forget about long distance and roaming charges and dialed Faith’s number. She needed a sister, and in her fragile state she wanted Faith, who had always been the gentlest of the three of them. Faith, who would be easier to talk to than Grace right now.

  “Hello?” came a sleepy voice after the fourth ring.

  “Crikey, I forgot about the time difference.” Hope calculated in her head and realized that it was nearly midnight in England.

  “Hope?” Incredulity colored her sister’s voice.

  “I really am sorry, Faith. Go back to sleep.”

  “I wasn’t asleep.” There was a sigh from the other end. “Is everything okay?”

  “How did you know it was me?” Hope lay down on the bed, sinking into the pillows.

  “I don’t know many people who say ‘crikey’ in an American accent.”

  “Right...”

  “Are you okay, Hope?” Faith’s normally gentle voice held a note of worry. “You never call. And you sound...” She paused. “Is Gram okay?”

  That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? She never called. And now that Hope had her sister on the phone, she didn’t know what to say.

  “Gram’s okay and so am I.”

  “Well, that’s a relief.”

  Hope sighed and leaned back on the pillows. “I was just wondering... Does it strike you funny that Gram has asked all three of us to do favors for old friends? I mean, me with the photos, you and the stained glass—and Gram said Grace is going back to Beckett’s Run...”

  “I don’t follow.”

  “Well...” Hope brushed her hand over her eyes. “I mean right smack in the middle of all three are...”

  “Men?”

  There was an acerbic tone to Faith’s voice that made Hope sit up. “Yes,” she said emphatically. “You know Grace is going to see J.C. when she’s back? And this Marcus guy, for example...what’s his deal?”

  “You mean Lord Westerham?” Faith huffed out a sigh. “He’s a thorn in my side, that’s all.”

  “I hear that,” Hope replied, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed. “Blake is driving me crazy.”

  “Crazy good?”

  Now, that was a loaded question. “Truthfully?”

  “I could use a diversion. What happened?”

  “We kissed. That’s all.”

  She could nearly hear Faith’s smile through the phone.

  “You kissed? That’s all?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “You didn’t sleep with him?”

  “Faith!”

  Faith’s soft laugh echoed in Hope’s ear. “All this fuss over a kiss? Imagine what Grace would say.”

  The unstoppable Grace always took life by the tail and never angsted over a simple kiss, did she?

  And in that moment Hope realized something strange and important. She envied her youngest sister. She admired her. Grace had never been burdened by the responsibility of keeping the family together. It showed in the way she lived her life—on her terms and with no apologies. Grace, of all of them, was the most courageous.

  Hope had never been that brave. And it showed.

  “Hope? You still there?”

  “I’m here.”

  Faith’s voice was serious again. “Are you okay, really? You never call like this.”

  “I just got to thinking about when we were kids and stuff. We had some good times, right? Especially at Gram’s. I was pretty put off by being told I had to go home for Christmas, but I’m sort of looking forward to it now. How about you?”

  There was a pause, and then Faith sighed again. “Hope, there’s something you should know before you fly home.”

  Alarm bells started ringing in Hope’s head. “What is it?”

  “It’s Mom. It seems she...and Dad are both in Beckett’s Run for the holidays.”

  Hope didn’t miss the pause before the word dad. It had always been really hard for Faith once she’d found out that she had a different father from her two sisters. It had been the nail in the coffin of her parents’ marriage, really. The moment that their father—Greg—had finally had enough.

  “That must be tense,” she managed to say.

  “Apparently not as tense as you’d think.”


  Faith’s voice held an implication that was startling. Hope sat back and let that tidbit of news sink in. Their parents were actually getting along?

  “I’m glad you called,” Faith continued. “This way you’ve got a heads up.”

  The line was silent for a moment or two. Did Hope want to open the Pandora’s Box that was their relationship with their parents? She closed her eyes and pressed her hand to her forehead. Not tonight. It was too complicated. They’d be on the phone for hours.

  “Does Grace know?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Another telling pause. Hope wondered what Faith thought of it all. And Grace... The three girls were so different. But they all bore the scars of their inconsistent childhood in their own way.

  “Faith, listen. I just wanted to call and say...” Say what, exactly? It was going to sound stupid and emotional, and that wasn’t Hope’s style.

  “Say what, Hope?”

  “That I’m sorry. I gave up on the family and I shouldn’t have. I wish we’d stayed closer, you know? We’re sisters.” She thought of Blake and Brad. They wouldn’t have another chance. But Hope did.

  “You tried too hard, that’s all.” Faith’s voice was warm and reassuring. “You tried to step into Mom’s shoes and we resented you for it.”

  “Not you. You were never as hard to handle as Grace.”

  “I just handled it differently. I quit playing peacemaker and walked away. I’m as much to blame as you, Hope.”

  Hope’s lower lip trembled as the simple words of truth touched her heart. “I think it’s going to be good to see you this Christmas.”

  Faith laughed. “Me, too. Goodness, I don’t know who this Blake guy is, but he must be something to bring all this about.”

  A hot flush seemed to crawl up Hope’s body. Something? Oh, he was something all right. Not that she would go into details.

  “He just makes me think, that’s all.”

  “Right. So what’s the problem? Why not see what happens? When was the last time you were involved with someone?”

  The answer to that was long and complicated. She gave her sister the short version. “I’m flying out in a few days. I hardly know him. The only alternatives are to drop everything in Sydney to be with him, or try a long-distance thing from Australia to Canada. Based on what? Ten days? Either option would be crazy.” No matter how great a kisser he was.

  “You’re right. That doesn’t sound very practical. And you’re not the risk-taker in the family.”

  Hope let out a breath. “See? You get it. What about you and the Earl?”

  “Oh, no,” Faith replied. “You called me. We’re talking about you. Not me.”

  “For now.”

  “You should go. This has to be costing you a small fortune.”

  Hope recognized a diversion when she heard it, but things were going too well for her to persist and risk the fragile connection they’d made. “It is, but I’m glad I called. I’ll see you in a few days, yeah?”

  “You got it.”

  “Bye, Faith.” She hit the end button and put the phone on the night table.

  It had been right to call. Right to reconnect. And it had felt good to put into words how she’d been feeling about Blake. No matter how attracted she was becoming, no matter how much she was drawn into caring for him, anything more was a ridiculous idea doomed to disaster. Look at her parents. They’d dated briefly and jumped right into marriage and they’d all paid for that mistake. The very idea that both of them were in Beckett’s Run now, making nice, made Hope roll her eyes. Why would this time be any different than before? She hoped Faith wasn’t getting her hopes up for some big reconciliation. Hope was sure that this time would be exactly the same as all the others.

  It was insane to think of anything coming of her time here with Blake. Anything serious was inconceivable in this short amount of time. And anything else was just pointless, wasn’t it?

  And there was still his Christmas party to get through.

  She was just going to have to toughen up and Scrooge her way through—to keep them both from being hurt in the end.

  * * *

  Blake turned his head at the sound of heels on the concrete of the barn floor. His first appointment wasn’t due for another half hour, and he knew that particular sound anyway. Hope’s heeled boots—the silly ones she’d worn the first day and that he’d hoped she’d wear again each day since. Totally impractical, yes. Also totally sexy.

  He stepped out of the stall, stood the shovel on its end and rested his arms against the handle.

  “You’re up early.”

  “Just wanted to let you know I’ll be gone for the day. I don’t have a present for Gram or my sisters, and the last thing I want to be doing is shopping at the airport.”

  “Nothing says love like an airport gift shop.”

  She smiled. She had on that red puffy jacket again—the one that made her cheeks look extra rosy.

  “Exactly. Even worse would be the shops in Beckett’s Run on Christmas Eve, after everything’s been picked over.”

  Never mind that he understood exactly what she was doing. Putting distance between them. Things had been strained ever since that kiss, despite their attempts to keep it casual and pleasant. There was an atmosphere now.

  But he wasn’t going to do anything to stop her. She’d brought him up short the other night, asking him what he wanted from her. He didn’t have an answer. He wanted her. He wanted to feel close to her. But beyond that she was absolutely right. She was leaving in a few days. A rough-and-ready tumble in the hay might be on his mind, but it wouldn’t help matters any—not in the long run.

  And it was probably better if she was out of his hair for the day. Being so close to her, smelling her shampoo in the moist heat of the bathroom after her shower, the hint of lipstick on the edge of a coffee cup...

  Everything about her was driving him crazy. In all the very best and worst ways.

  “Drive carefully and enjoy yourself,” he advised, keeping a bland expression on his face.

  She looked at him strangely but smiled, shifting her purse over her shoulder. “I will.”

  Her boots clicked over the concrete once more and he resumed shoveling.

  But damned if he could get her out of his mind, or decide what he was going to do about it.

  * * *

  Hope headed toward the downtown core of Calgary, hoping to get there early and finish before lunch. There was one place in particular she needed to stop on the way home and it was quite a bit out of the way. She had found the perfect present for Blake. One that he’d never see coming. She couldn’t keep herself from imagining the look on his face when she presented him with bells for his sleigh. It had taken some searching but she’d found them.

  And if it looked like he was going to make too much of it, she’d say they were for Cate. It had been the little girl, after all, who had looked up at him with huge, innocent eyes and insisted that the sleigh have a set of bells.

  She parked and wrapped her scarf around her neck, enjoying the walk through the bustling streets. It felt familiar, the crush of people going to work, cell phones pressed to ears and random conversations happening all around her. It was vital. It was teeming with life.

  Then she thought about standing on the crest of the ridge with Blake, looking out over the mountains. That was vital, too. And awesome. A place where a person could be quiet with their own thoughts.

  She stopped at an intersection and waited for the light to change. Frowning, she stared at the flashing orange hand. Had all the noise of her life kept her from thinking too much?

  The light changed and she hotfooted it across the street surrounded by men and women, all headed to their destinations. Where was she headed? She hardly knew anymore. But she rather suspected that her old way of living wasn’t going to fit quite the same way again. And where did that leave her?

  Stephen Avenue Walk was awash in holiday spirit. Banners hung from old-fashioned
-looking light posts, and above her head Christmas lights were strung across the walk. No vehicles were permitted on the street so pedestrians mingled freely. In front of one store she marveled at an intricately carved ice sculpture of a Christmas tree and presents. Each storefront was draped in ribbons and bows and sparkled with red and green and gold. She could only imagine what it would look like at night, all lit up, and could almost see herself wandering along with a gingerbread latte in hand.

  And someone to share it with.

  She took her camera out of her handbag and snapped a few pictures. It wasn’t good that she was imagining strolling through the walk with Blake, holding hands and admiring the decorations, doing some last-minute shopping. She tucked her camera away and zipped up her bag. She was here to shop for her family, and that was what she was going to do.

  Venturing on, she entered an upscale shopping center. At a bookstore she found a hardcover book featuring a beautiful stained-glass collection. She bought a stunning cashmere scarf and glove set in the department store for Gram, wincing at the price tag but wanting to treat her grandmother to something fancy and upscale.

  She browsed through the store, admiring the fine clothes and gazing at perfume bottles with longing. But today wasn’t for her. She resisted the urge to treat herself even as she passed the lingerie section. She had a weakness for pretty underwear and nearly gave in when she spotted an emerald-green silk bra and panty set on sale. But she turned away, knowing she didn’t need it. Knowing that there weren’t any occasions to warrant it in her future.

  And yet she hesitated, just for a heartbeat, remembering the look in Blake’s eyes as he’d kissed her. There could be, couldn’t there? If she allowed it. If she let him in.

  Getting away for the day had been smart. Even this morning, in the barn, there’d been a light in his eyes that was hard to resist.