“I thought you liked football.” The man was dangerous. He had her wanting to watch anything with him.
“I never understood it.” Sports were never really her thing.
“I will explain it to you.” Jon said and then Shayla was back.
“I fed Elsa.” She said and London brought her hands away from his neck. He did not release her so she had to let them rest on his chest.
“We have to go.” She said to Jon and smiled. He released her but let his hands rest on her belly for a moment. She tried to ignore it. After all the baby was his too.
Paul was a trooper for a man that had been shot less than twenty four hours ago. He had been moved to a private room and Shayla was thrilled to see him. The girl wanted to hug him but the gun shot had gone through his shoulder. Kate fussed over him like he was a small child. It was sweet and she was glad that they did not mind her being there.
Shayla wanted to stay with her dad and so London left the hospital alone. She was okay with that. There were several news vans outside of the hospital. They were interviewing officers and she tried to go around them.
“London Lane, what are you doing at the hospital?” A reported yelled at her and shoved a microphone in her face.
“Visiting a friend.” Was all she was going to say. Paul deserved his privacy.
“I see you are pregnant. Did you get married?” The other news outlets were now coming over to her and she did not like it. The cameras were in her face and she was being asked dozens of questions.
“Who is the father?”
“When is the baby due?”
The questions were coming at her rapidly and she felt the panic start to build.
“Maybe you can do some nude maternity photos.” She heard someone say and she was on the verge of losing it. The officers that were originally being interviewed came to her aid at that moment. She was surrounded by them and moved through the crowd. They did not leave her until she was in her car. Her head was aching and her hands were shaking. Her cell phone rang and she saw that it was Jon.
“Hello.”
“Do you want me to bring dinner?”
“No.” The tears poured from her eyes then. At that moment she did not want to see him. It was all his fault.
“What’s wrong?” The concern in his voice was strong.
“Turn on the news.” She said and hated the cold flat tone in her words.
“Which station?”
“Pick one.” Then she ended the call and drove out of that parking lot. She could not handle it anymore.
That was why she stayed in her house. She did not want to have to deal with any of them. She did not feel safe until she was at home and the garage door was closed behind her.
When her cell phone rang she saw Paul’s name. Sitting down on her couch she answered it.
“Hi.”
“I am so sorry, London.” She could imagine that he had seen the news.
“It is not your fault, Paul.” She did not want him worrying about her when he should be recovering.
“Shayla is so upset. My wife took her to the snack machines.” That made her feel even worse.
“Tell her that I am okay.” But was she? Did she think that hiding inside of her house was okay? Probably not, but it was something that she had gotten used too. The doorbell rang and she went to see who it was.
“I have to go.” She said as she saw Jon on the front porch.
“Call me if you need me.” Then she ended the call. Opening the door she stepped to the side to let him in. Closing the door she made her way to the kitchen. Jon was right behind her, she heard him.
“Is there any way to fix it?” Jon asked and she was tired of thinking about all of it.
“Yeah, with a time machine.” She was so frustrated that she could not open the bottle of water.
Slamming it on the counter she hugged her arms to herself. Jon opened the bottle and sat it back on the counter. That made her madder.
“It’s all your fault.” Her anger forced those words out at him.
“I stay locked in this house because I can’t go outside. Nude maternity photos, who does that?” Her mind was racing and she was just angry. The tears poured from her eyes. Jon slid the bottle toward her and that made her even madder. Shoving it back toward him, it fell over and spilled. Jon tried to catch it before it went everywhere. She did not care.
“You hated me so much, that you didn’t care, you didn’t care that you would ruin my life. You didn’t think about what it would do to me. I never did anything to you. Why did you hate me so much?” They were just words and they did not help her. Jon said nothing. That made her even madder. That blank look on his face really pissed her off.
“Why?” She yelled at him then. He shook his head slowly from side to side. The man had too much control and it twisted her heart in her chest. Here she was having a breakdown and he just sat there.
Her phone rang and she saw it was her dad. That brought the anger up again. She could only imagine what he saw on the news. That was probably the reason he was calling.
“Just get out.” There was nothing left in her. The anger was right at the top and she did not want to have to even look at him. A sudden pain in her middle had her bending over and grabbing the counter. She could not hold back the sound that escaped her lips. Jon was by her side in an instant.
“Don’t touch me.” The pain was easing up and she just wanted to sit down. The cell phone rang again but she could not answer it. When she made her way to the den, she saw the news van outside of her house. Making her way to the back door she let Elsa in. She did not want some reporter letting her out, although she did not think Elsa would leave, she did not want to risk it.
As she made her way to the couch Jon was right behind her. Sitting on the couch she closed her eyes and tried to breathe. It was not easy. The pain in her heart, the fear that something could be wrong with her baby. The damn news van out front. The cell phone rang again.
“Hello.”
“Are you okay?” Her father’s voice asked in her ear.
“No, I am not okay. I am scared to death at the moment.” It did not help to put it out there like that. None of them knew what she was going through, they had no idea what she had already dealt with.
“I am coming over there.” She heard him say and she tried to control her breathing, she was going to panic.
“Jon is here.” She did not want to keep that from her dad.
“I don’t care about him.” That was clear but she was focusing on her breathing.
“Calm down, Baby, just breathe.” She could only imagine what he thought.
“Put the phone on speaker.” She heard his request but felt like she was going to spiral. Jon took the phone. She had no idea what her father was saying to him, and it did not matter. She could not take anymore. Jon was doing whatever her father told him to. He was getting her a blanket, putting her feet on the couch, another bottle of water. The man was trying she had to give him that. Then her father was there and he was doing what he always did. She was very lucky to have him in her life.
“Oh, Baby.” She heard her mother’s voice but she did not want to deal with any of them at the moment.
“Luther, you need to take her home with you.” London heard her mother and at the moment she did not want to argue with her.
“It was just a panic attack, Brenda.” Her father said and she was glad that he was not making a big deal out of it.
“Who are you?” Her mother asked, and London did not have to open her eyes to know who she was talking to.
“Trust me you don’t want to know.” Her father said. London was going to open her eyes then, but didn’t. She was just so tired of trying to save everybody, it was time she worried about herself.
“Jon Tango, Ma’am.” There was a bit of uncertainty in his voice.
“How dare you? Get away from her.” London knew that she should say something. Her mother was going to get upset and it was not fair.
“He destroyed her, Luther, and you’re just going to allow this?”
“Allow what, Brenda? Our daughter is an adult in case you forgot.” She did not want her parents fighting with each other, but at the moment she did not care. She did not want to deal with any of it.
“Mom.” She called out to her mom because she did not want her getting upset. Her mother came to sit on the couch with her then, all of her anger gone.
“Are you okay?” Her mother asked and she wondered if they really thought she could be.
“No, but I think I will be.” She only wanted to ease her mother’s worry. The hand on her brow was so tender. She made to sit up, her mother tried to help her.
“Your mother thinks you should come home with me.” Luther said and she smiled at him. That was not going to happen.
“Where is Elsa?” Looking around the room she did not see the dog.
“I let her out.” Jon said and London tried to get the blanket off of her legs.
“Let her in, before they let her out.” London could not get to her feet fast enough. Jon was moving toward the door and she tried to hurry after him. Elsa was fine sitting on the porch.
“Who would let her out?” Jon asked as Elsa came inside.
“Sometimes the story is bigger than anything else.” London said to him. It was clear that he did not understand what she meant.
“London had a dog when she was younger. A paparazzi wanted to get a photo of her for whatever reason and he left the gate open. The dog was then hit and killed by the paparazzi as he made a quick get away.” This all came from her father, she was surprised that he was even speaking to Jon. It was more surprising the level of calm in his voice.
“That is horrible. I am sorry.” Jon said as he reached down and patted Elsa on the head.
“I think she will forgive you.” Her mother said and Jon looked to London. There was so much that this man did not know about who she was and that was okay. London was not in any mood to open up to him.
“I sent the news van away, well Matthews did.” Her father said and she looked out the door to see that it was actually gone.
“Is he here?” She could imagine him and the rest of the damage control team at her dining room table.
“No, he made some phone calls.” That was nice she thought.
“Too bad he can’t make some phone calls about everything else.” London mused aloud, it was not that simple and she knew it.
“Why is he here?” Her mother asked and she could tell that it had just been brewing beneath the surface.
“I don’t know.” London looked at her mother and hoped that she would understand.
“London Denise.” Her mother used that warning tone with her. It was not going to make a difference this time.
“I still don’t know.” That admission did nothing to help her. Jon looked at her and she shrugged, what was she supposed to say to them.
“I was having some pains earlier in my stomach. Do you think it was stress?” Her parents both looked at her and she did not miss the concern on their faces. Jon was also taking more interest in her words.
“It could have been. Have they stopped?” She nodded and her mother touched her stomach.
“Have you felt the baby move at all since the pain?” Trust her mother to be all business.
“Yes.” She said and her mother kissed her on the forehead.
“You can feel the baby move?” Jon asked but she did not look at him.
“Call your doctor in the morning, they will probably want you to come in for a non stress test.” The truth was that the stress was behind her and she was feeling so much better.
After her parents left she made her way back to the couch and sat down. She did not want to watch television. She did not want to see any of the reports about her. Why was she so important anyway?
“So you can feel the baby move?” He asked standing by the door.
“Yes. Did you get to watch your game?” She remembered him telling her about it earlier. That seemed like years ago at the moment.
“No.” She could not tell if he was upset about that or not.
“Are you hungry?” She had not thought about being hungry until he mentioned it. She did not want to cook though. The thought of doing anything at the moment made her want to cry.
“Yes, but I don’t want to move.”
“I’ll take care of it.” He said and started to leave.
“Jon.” He turned back to her, she really wanted him to understand what had happened to her earlier.
“I have panic attacks sometimes.” Well that was what she had been diagnosed with many years ago.
“I kind of figured that out. Relax, I will be right back.” Well she probably wasn’t going to relax. So many things worried her. She hated that she had let the panic attack happen.
It wasn’t like she really had any control over it. When life got to be too much she shut down.
Thinking back over her life the last couple of months she had to congratulate herself on not ending up in a mental hospital. The thought that something could have happened to the baby made her reach for her stomach. There was nothing she would not do to protect this child.
Nothing, the feelings she had toward Shayla were mild compared to the strong protective desire she had for her own baby.
Thinking like that made her realize that she was going to have to figure out what she wanted from Jon. It was not fair to keep letting him come around. She did not think she would ever be able to forgive him and the world was not going to ever let her forget.
That was the sad part, she was a nobody in the bigger scheme of things. Just a daughter to a famous designer, but she had made a name for herself as well. Still it was nothing, so why did she even rank on the scale of who is who?
There was really no answer for her questions, and she did not think that he would be able to answer them either. Her mind was still trying to come up with a rational thought when he came back in the room. He was carrying a paper towel wrapped sandwich and a bottle of water.
“Do you want me to open it?” Jon asked as he sat down next to her on the couch. She remembered the earlier incident in the kitchen when he had opened the other bottle. He had opened something alright, she did not feel bad for the things she had said to him. That was what she felt at that moment. When she shrugged he opened the bottle.
“We really need to talk.” She did not like the way her words sounded to her own ears. This was it, the proverbial this is not going to work speech. Well it wasn’t and the sooner they got it over with the better.
“I don’t like the way that sounds.” He admitted. London took a drink from the water she let it wash the bite of sandwich down.
“You got to see a small sliver of what I go through every day. People, strangers, judge me and they don’t even know me.” She swallowed and looked away from him. The sandwich in her hand held her attention.
“You did this to me, Jon, and I have to live with it. I don’t have any other choice. And having you around all the time is not helping.” All interest in the sandwich was lost. London did not want to look at him so she looked out the window.
“My family thinks I have lost my mind, and maybe I have. I can’t tell them why I keep letting you in. I don’t know.” That was something else that was bothering her. She needed to be honest if she was going to get through this.
“I feel drawn to you, and yes I do still love you.” He reached for her hand but she pulled it back. “But I can’t be with you.”
“Why?” The word made her look at him. She could see the true confusion in his eyes.
“It hurts too much.” London had no idea why he kept coming around but she believed it had to be the baby. That thought did not make her feel any better.
“So.” She said cutting him off when it was clear he was about to speak.
“We need
to decide where we go from here.” That was not what he wanted to hear, she saw it in his eyes before he looked away.
“Is this my Dear Jon letter?” London did not think his question deserved a reply. They were not really in any kind of relationship so she ignored it.
“I know you want to be a part of the babies life and I am fine with that.” She hoped that by saying it out loud it would make it true.
“I plan to breastfeed for the first couple of years so you might just have to come here to visit.” She really wanted to say that she did not want him taking her baby anywhere. When he faced her she saw that dreaded blank look, oh how she hated that look.
Whiskey Tango Page 11
