Daddy Wore Spurs (Mills & Boon Cherish) (Men of the West, Book 32)

by Stella Bagwell

  “Thanks, but no. I— My job is waiting on me at the ranch. And the sooner I get Harry settled in there, the better off we’ll both be,” he said flatly. “But there is something else you can do for me.”

  “Name it.”

  “Call Rafe and tell him I’ll be heading home tomorrow. He can let the others know.”

  “Oh, you don’t want to speak with your brother?” she asked thoughtfully.

  “No.”

  There was a long pause and then she said, “Okay. I love you, Finn. See you when you get home.”

  “I love you, too, sis,” he told her, then ended the call before she could guess the gruffness in his voice was actually the sound of his broken heart.

  *

  Later that morning, Mariah was in her father’s old room, sitting at a desk where she kept all the ranch’s paperwork. The bills stacked in front of her were enough to make her sick to her stomach. But her worry over the unpaid bills was minor compared to the misery she felt over Finn.

  You brought it all on yourself. Instead of telling him you love him and want to marry him, you had to get all indignant and start accusing him of wanting this ranch more than he wants you. I hope your pride is worth this, Mariah.

  Bending her head, she pressed fingertips to her closed eyelids and willed the mocking voice in her head to go away. She felt bad enough without it constantly reminding her that she’d ruined everything between them. As if anyone could ruin a fairy tale, she thought bitterly. Because that’s all it had been. Just wishful dreaming on her part.

  A light knock on the door brought her head up and she glanced around to see Finn standing in the open doorway. The sight of him caused everything inside her to go rigid with pain.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” he said flatly. “But there are a few things I need to discuss with you.”

  She rose to her feet. “We had our discussion last night,” she said hoarsely. “There’s nothing more to be said.”

  He walked into the room. “I’m not here to discuss any of that. We both said enough on the subject last night. I’m here to talk about Harry. I’ve informed my family that I’ll be heading home tomorrow. Can you have his things ready to go by midmorning?”

  If she hadn’t been holding on to the back of her chair, Mariah felt sure she would have wilted to the floor. Her knees felt like wet sponges and her heart was beating a loud protest against her ribs.

  “Yes. I’ll have everything packed.”

  “Good. A livestock transporter will be here early in the morning to pick up the mustangs. So I plan to leave shortly after the horses do.”

  Tomorrow. He and Harry would be leaving tomorrow. She’d told him that the quicker he left, the better. He was giving her just what she’d asked for. The reality of it left her numb.

  “What about the mares? Aren’t you worried one of them might go into labor during the trip?”

  His expression turned harder than granite. “You’re not worried. Why should I be?”

  She supposed she deserved that. But he ought to understand that the longer he remained here, the more difficult it would be for everyone.

  “I wouldn’t mind if you left them,” she offered stiffly. “At least until they’ve foaled.”

  “No thanks. I want them with me.”

  So he’d already found a place to put the mustangs, she thought. She wanted to ask him where they’d be going, but if he’d wanted her to know that, he would have told her. Besides, the mustangs were no longer her worry. After tomorrow horses would never be a part of her life. Neither would Finn. As for Harry, an occasional visit with her little nephew would be the most she could hope for.

  “I see. Well, I’ll start getting Harry’s things collected and packed. Do you think—uh, you can make the trip okay with him? I mean, traveling with a baby isn’t easy.”

  He stared at her, his expression unflinching. “We’ll make it fine,” he said flatly. “Without you.”

  Tears burned her throat as she walked over to stand in front of him. “I’m sorry, Finn. That—things didn’t work out.”

  “I’m sorry, too, Mariah. Damned sorry.”

  He turned and left the room and as Mariah watched him go, she had to fight the urge to run after him. He and Harry were everything to her. She didn’t want them to go. But on the other hand, she wanted to be loved just for being her. Not because she owned a ranch or was a ready-made mother.

  Maybe that kind of love would never come to her. But she had to hope and believe that someday it would.

  An hour later, Mariah was in the nursery, packing Harry’s toys into a cardboard box while on the other side of the room, Linda sat rocking Harry.

  “Have you lost your mind, Mariah?”

  Mariah frowned at the woman. “I feel very sane at the moment, thank you.”

  “Yeah, but how will you feel tomorrow? How will you feel when you see Harry and Finn drive away?”

  Mariah’s jaw tightened as she tried to steel herself against that heartbreaking image. “I’ll feel like my life is taking on a new beginning.”

  “Like hell,” Linda muttered. “You’re going to be crushed. You’re going to realize what a mistake you’re making.”

  The only mistake she’d made was in thinking Finn had taken her to bed because he really loved her. When all along, his main thoughts had been on this ranch and making it a home for a herd of mustangs.

  Dear Lord, he’d turned out to be more like her father than she could’ve ever imagined. Her daddy had been a man who’d worn spurs and now Harry’s daddy wore them, too. She supposed that was fitting. At least Aimee would’ve been happy about it. But for the past few days, Mariah had felt as though she’d truly become important to Finn. Much more important than a herd of mustangs and a piece of land.

  “Linda, when Finn told me he loved me, I would have believed him—if he’d stopped right there. But in the next breath, he was saying he wanted this ranch and how perfect it would be for his mustangs. What am I supposed to think—feel?”

  Linda’s short laugh was mocking. “Mariah, listen to yourself. What do you think this ranch has been for the past twenty years? Your father put his heart and soul into this land to make it a great place to raise horses. You should be proud and happy that Finn can appreciate that.”

  Mariah picked up a little brown teddy bear with intentions of placing it in the box, but somehow it found its way to her chest, where she pressed it tight against her aching heart. “I don’t have to tell you what it was like for me…with Dad. And Aimee. Stallion Canyon was their life, their love. I was just around. And then when things went wrong with Kris…” As her words trailed away, she shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it matters.”

  Harry let out another fussy cry and Linda rose from the rocker and began to bounce the baby in her arms. “Is that why you don’t care whether Finn takes Harry out of your life? Because he’s actually Aimee’s baby? Because Finn made love to Aimee before he made love to you?”

  Whirling around, Mariah glared at her. “That’s a low blow.”

  “I meant for it to be,” she said sharply, then started toward the door. “I’ll be in the kitchen putting some ice on Harry’s gums.”

  Once Linda and Harry had disappeared, Mariah covered her face with both hands and sucked in several long breaths in an attempt to collect herself. But her effort did little to compose her ragged emotions. With a watery wall of tears blurring her vision, she finished packing Harry’s things.

  *

  Two weeks later, Finn was sitting in his office, a small square room located inside the main horse barn on the Silver Horn Ranch. For the past hour he’d been staring at a catalog for an upcoming horse auction, trying to determine if any of the offered horses were something the Horn could use, but his heart wasn’t in the effort.

  Finally, he tossed aside the catalog and was scanning through the newspaper when his father knocked on the open door and stepped into the room.

  At sixty-three, Orin Calhoun was still
an imposing figure of a man. Tall and broad-shouldered, with thick iron-gray hair that waved away from his face, he was in top physical shape. He could outride and out-rope most of the hands on the Silver Horn, and he didn’t let them forget it, either.

  “Am I interrupting?” Orin asked.

  Finn folded the newspaper and placed it to one side of the desktop. “Not at all. Just catching up on the news.”

  Orin sank into one of the straight-backed chairs sitting at an angle to Finn’s messy desk. He cocked a brow at the newspaper, then looked directly at his son. “I didn’t realize they printed news articles in the classifieds. I’ll have to start reading that section of the paper, too. Just to make sure I don’t miss anything,” he said pointedly.

  Finn bit back a sigh. Even though Orin had happily welcomed Finn back home, the strained words they’d exchanged over the mustangs were still standing between them. Once he’d informed his father that Sassy had given the horses a temporary home, Orin had dropped the subject completely. Even so, Finn wasn’t fooled by the silence. Orin and his grandfather Bart were silently keeping an eye on anything and everything Finn had been doing since he returned from Stallion Canyon. And the notion irked him greatly.

  “Actually, I was going through the real estate ads to see if there was any land I might be interested in buying.”

  Orin grimaced. “We have all the land we need here on the Silver Horn.”

  “It’s not mine. It belongs to the family.”

  “And you’re a part of this family, Finn. For a while there I was thinking you’d forgotten that. But now you’re home and hopefully getting settled back in your old routine.”

  Two weeks. That’s how much time had actually passed since Finn had driven away from Stallion Canyon. But it felt more like two hundred weeks since he’d last seen Mariah’s lovely face.

  There’d been a flood of tears in her eyes when she’d said goodbye to Harry that morning on the front porch of the ranch house. But she’d said nothing to Finn. In fact, she hadn’t even looked at him. She’d walked back into the house and left him standing there like a hopeful fool.

  Since then, Harry was slowly getting accustomed to his new surroundings, but he was clearly still missing Mariah. There’d been times these past couple of weeks when he’d cried for no reason and nothing seemed to make him happy. During those times the women of the house had tried their best to pacify him, but Harry wanted Mariah. He wanted his mother—the one thing Finn couldn’t give him.

  So far he hadn’t attempted to hire a nanny. What with Lilly already being in the house watching over her two children, and Tessa, the young ranch-house maid, to help with Harry, the two women kept insisting he didn’t need a nanny. And frankly, Finn was loath to start interviewing women for the position.

  All along, he’d planned on Mariah being with him and the two of them caring for their son together. Now that those plans had been crushed, he didn’t know where to begin or how to start feeling like a human being again, instead of a miserable fool.

  “Things with the horses are slow now that foaling season is over,” Finn replied.

  “There’s plenty of training for you to oversee,” Orin told him. “And Dad and I have been talking about purchasing a new stallion for the ranch’s working remuda. Blue Cat is getting on in years. We need to bring another stallion in before his fertility drops. And we’d like to hear your input on the bloodlines you think would fit.”

  Rimrock. He was the sturdy stallion this ranch needed. But Finn would be wasting his breath to make such a suggestion. Instead, he bit back a weary sigh and said, “Sure. I’ll think on the matter.”

  He felt his father’s gaze boring into him.

  “I’ve never heard you sound so enthusiastic.”

  “Sorry. I guess I haven’t had time to get back into the swing of things yet.”

  “You don’t need time to do a job you normally could manage with both eyes closed. Is this about Harry? Are you thinking that having a baby son has cramped your style?”

  Incensed, Finn stared at his father. “My style! You make it sound like I’m some sort of playboy or something. Hell, just because I had one brief fling with a woman! Even before I met Aimee, I rarely left this ranch for any reason. And that includes spending time with the opposite sex. So, no! Harry hasn’t cramped anything. I love him dearly.”

  “Then it’s something else. You’re moping about those damned mustangs, aren’t you? You’re still angry with me and your grandfather because we don’t want any part of them. Well, if it means that much to you, then bring the things over here and put them out on the far west range. Just make sure the fence is bull strong.”

  Finn rose from his chair and walked over to the doorway. As he stared down the alleyway of the huge horse barn, he realized that he could look in any direction and see the best of everything. Horses, equipment, facilities, and competent ranch hands. Here Finn didn’t have to want for anything. But as thankful as he was, it wasn’t quite enough. And that realization only served to make him feel worse.

  “Thanks, but that’s not what I want.”

  Finn heard his father stir from the chair and then his strong hand closed over his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry, Finn. That didn’t sound very sincere. And I—well, I didn’t come out here to fight with you about the mustangs. Far from it. I can see how miserable you’ve been and I don’t want that. I want my son to be happy. To hell with what your grandfather wants. Bring the mustangs home. It’ll be fine with me and him—once I set him straight.”

  But that was just it, Finn thought. Home didn’t feel the same to him anymore. Home was back on Stallion Canyon with Mariah. Holding her, kissing her and making love to her. He’d thought it would never end. Their meals together and the precious playtime they’d shared with Harry. Those hours and days had been burned into his memory. He couldn’t shake them. And today he’d reached the decision that he didn’t want to shake them. He wanted them back. But how to manage that miracle was still something he hadn’t figured out.

  “I don’t want that, Dad.”

  “Finn, I—”

  “I’m not angry,” Finn gently interrupted. “And I do appreciate the offer. But I want a place of my own.” He turned to look at his father and was surprised to see a wry acceptance on his face. “You’ve told me that when my great-grandfather started the Silver Horn he didn’t own much and this place was just a ragged piece of desert. But he had a dream, a plan. And he went for it. I don’t think it’s wrong for me to want the same things he wanted.”

  Orin patted his shoulder with understanding. “No, son. It’s not wrong. I’d hoped the Horn would be your lifelong calling. But ever since you returned from California, it’s become obvious to me that you need more to make you completely happy. And that’s what I want for you, Finn, to be happy. Even if it means I have to give you a loose rein. Whatever it takes, I want you to go for it.”

  “Yeah,” Finn said softly. “Whatever it takes.”

  *

  The following week Mariah was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor of Aimee’s old bedroom. Boxes of clothes, photos, horsemanship ribbons and trophies, and other souvenirs were scattered here and there, while a few books and stuffed animals were piled directly in front of her.

  At the moment, Mariah’s thoughts were lost in the past as she held a tiny gold locket in her palm. It was one of the last pieces of jewelry she’d seen her sister wear. At the time Mariah hadn’t taken much notice of the necklace. Aimee had always had piles of inexpensive fashion jewelry lying around. But now as she opened up the little locket and found a tiny picture of Finn inside, an overwhelming sense of loss and bitterness swept over her. Maybe her sister had actually cared about Finn, she thought. In any case, he’d deeply affected both of their lives.

  “Mariah? Are you home?”

  The sudden sound of Linda’s voice calling out to her had Mariah snapping the locket shut and dropping the piece into her shirt pocket. “In here, Linda. In Aimee’
s old room.”

  Moments later, the woman appeared in the open doorway. “What a mess!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing dragging out all this stuff? Haven’t you had enough to cry over here lately without getting into Aimee’s things?”

  Mariah sighed. “I’ve been putting off sorting through my sister’s things, but I decided I can’t keep doing that. Whenever I leave here and start living in an apartment I won’t have room to keep Aimee’s stuff. I’m going to pick out a few pieces to keep and give the rest to charity.”

  Linda entered the room and sank onto the edge of the queen-size bed. Mariah rose to her feet and dusted off the backside of her jeans.

  “Sorry about the mess,” Mariah told her. “Want to go to the kitchen for coffee?”

  “In a bit.” Gesturing toward the things on the floor, Linda asked, “So other than this project have you been keeping yourself occupied?”

  Since Harry and Finn had left, she’d only seen her friend a couple of times. Once when Linda had attended graduation ceremonies at the high school where Mariah was employed. The second time had been about a week ago when the two women had inadvertently spotted each other in the produce section of a local supermarket.

  “As best as I can now that school is out. And the house is—well, like a tomb with Harry not around. I can’t even bear to walk into the nursery. It’s still the same as it was the day that Finn and Harry left,” she finished woefully. “What about you? How does it feel not to be a nanny to Harry anymore?”

  Linda grimaced. “I hate it. Just like I hate the thought of you moving away from here. Have you heard more from that Clark woman? Is anyone getting closer to buying?”

  Mariah shook her head. “No. As far as I know the man who came out for a look at the place has momentarily cooled his heels about buying. Ms. Clark keeps reminding me that the lending rules on mortgages are much stricter than they used to be. And the real estate market is still a little slow in our area. She tells me I need to be patient.”

  Linda let out a breath of relief. “Thank God! Maybe you’ll come to your senses before a buyer shows up.”