Aftermath

by Meiling Colorado

  You've just had a rough couple of days, that's all, mused Benton.

  He was going to have a serious conversation with Lorenna though, he thought grimly as he switched places with swarthy ham-fisted Sam, and settled down in the back seat next to his nephew.

  He almost felt sorry for the boy, he looked bored out of his senses. Almost. Serve him right for being so bloody perky all morning. With a pang of guilt, he reflected he probably should have put him in the other car, with young Lillith. She was bound to be better company than he was, for certain, and those two got along like a house on fire. Which of course, got him thinking of who else rode in that car, muscles tensing involuntarily. That shit back at the departure from the settlement had been unnecessary, and might have cost him more than he wanted to think about now.

  Women.

  He wondered if any man had ever fully understood what went on in their heads. He definitely didn't and after today he had every intention of giving up trying altogether.

  Taking a deep breath he rolled his head, trying to relax his neck and shoulders. That helped the tense muscles but didn't do anything for his scrambled thoughts, he thought grimacing ruefully.

  The day the list of people coming on the expedition had been read he'd been surprised on two counts. First of all, of course, he'd been concerned on Ren's behalf. Even though he trusted Leiren wasn't acting on a whim he was responsible for the boy, and who was to say this errand wouldn't turn ugly, just as the last one had.

  Less predictably he had surprised himself listening expectantly for a name that never came.

  He'd never been aware of how much he looked forward to seeing Serbell every day as he did his rounds. It struck him that he was going to miss her, was missing her already, in fact. He had looked around the Hall wondering where she could be, and had caught Lorenna's eye instead. She had smiled at him, a slow provocative smile, and he hadn't been able to stop himself smiling back. The woman was drop dead gorgeous, after all. No one could deny that. A bit too intense for his taste maybe, but then, who was he to complain? Most, if not all the men in the settlement probably thought him an ungrateful ass, and crazy to boot, for not taking advantage of her obvious interest in him.

  And that was the problem, of course, he thought, almost regretting having smiled back as he watched her picking her determined way through the crowd toward him. Her interest was just too obvious. He just didn't know how to respond to a woman who looked at him as if she was sure of his eventual surrender. She seemed to think it was just a matter of time, his resistance of her undeniable charms somewhat irritating but transitory and amusing. Sooner or later, that glint in her green eyes seemed to tell him, he would be there for the picking, and.....

  With a sigh of relief, he had seen Leiren make her way to the door, sweeping Lorenna up on her way, thus stopping her imminent descent. He had immediately felt foolish. He was in bad shape if he couldn't face an uncomfortable situation with a gorgeous young red-head. Get a grip, Benton! he'd thought. She's coming on the expedition so you'd better get used to the idea of being stalked by her. Hell! You might even learn to like it! But he had somehow doubted it.

  Which brought him back with a jolt to his present filthy temper, sitting in the back of the car next to Ren.

  In spite of the heat his anger afforded he felt emotionally drained. He'd spent the most horrid two days he could remember trying to find Serbell and talk to her before he left, but the woman seemed to have disappeared. She must have been preparing all the provisions needed for the trip, but he couldn't help feeling it was just like her to vanish just when he had discovered he needed to talk to her.

  For God's sake, he had run into almost every other female in the settlement during those last two days, and some of them, he thought rubbing his face wearily, he would most definitely have avoided if he could have. It wasn't that he regretted his colorful past, exactly, but right now he could have done without the drama.

  Not that he was even sure what he would say once face to face with her...and this troubled him, too. His peace of mind was shot, anyway.

  He went through the motions of getting everything ready – and there was plenty to do, plenty to check – but his mind was on a never-ending loop of its own.

  As the hours piled up relentlessly his need to see Serbell grew, and he teetered between hunting her down and laying his heart bare, or telling her how much he valued her friendship when she came to see them off.

  Because she'd be there, wouldn't she? Damn! Another reason to fret…!

  He really must have been a blind fool not to have seen how much he cared for her before this. It galled to think that as far as Serbell knew he was just an obnoxious lout who she always ended up arguing with...

  He sighed and saw Ren looking over at him, intrigued. He said nothing, however, evidently reluctant to intrude on his uncle's obviously somber thoughts.

  Good boy.

  This morning he'd seen her as soon as she had shown up. Admittedly he'd been looking out for her, determined to have his say before he left, even if the whole expedition had to wait until he found her. His heart leapt to his mouth as he spotted her, her faded red t-shirt a beacon to his eyes, the frayed pair of shorts emphasizing her strong brown legs. She looked delicious, tumbled dark curls falling wetly around her shoulders as she struggled with a heavy sack, undeterred by either the mud or the heavy drizzle which was producing it. In a heartbeat, he was by her side, helping her.

  ¨Good morning, Serbell,¨

  For some reason, he had felt short of breath. ¨I'm happy to see you. I... wanted to talk to you before we left.¨

  Her dark eyes flashed as she tugged the sack away from his grasp. ¨I don't... need help...thank you,¨ she had panted, hoisting it the rest of the way from the cart to the jeep. In spite of this unpromising beginning he had followed close behind her, not wanting to miss this last chance of talking to her. Dropping the heavy load with a grunt she had spun quickly away from the jeep, running straight into him, and he had felt her stiffen, as she looked up at him. ¨What is it, Benton?¨ her eyebrows formed a straight line and that delectable lower lip stuck out belligerently. ¨I have no time now for battling it out with you!¨

  God, he was no green boy but he found himself at a loss for words. What was he supposed to do? She wanted nothing to do with him, obviously. Deflated, he turned to go saying, ¨I don't know when, or if, we'll be back. I just didn't want us to part on a sour note Serbell, that's all.¨ From the corner of his eye he caught the confused look on her face, and paused, puzzled.

  A warm hand landed on his shoulder and he jumped as a soft voice spoke behind him, ¨Benton, would you be a darling and help Lillith and I with the medical supplies?¨ There had been something in the way Lorenna's fingers encircled his wrist, pulling him towards the other vehicle...and he had found himself blushing uncomfortably like a fool under Serbell's suddenly hard scrutiny.

  He hadn't had another chance to talk to her again, of course. Lorenna and an evidently amused Lillith had made sure of that, and the worst part was knowing he was being played. She had been nowhere to be seen when the five-vehicle caravan had slowly pulled out of the settlement, and he'd been ready to chew rocks by the time they lost sight of the last houses. His frustration had been tempered with confusion by that unsettled expression he had seen in her eyes as he had been dragged off through the muddy field by Lorenna like a bloody idiot. It had looked disturbingly close to despair, which didn't make any sense. Well, whatever her thoughts had been he'd have to wait till whenever he got back to find out.

  That is, of course, if she cared to share...and if he returned, he thought glumly. This was no pleasure trip, after all. On the bright side, she was probably safer staying behind at the settlement.

  Glancing sideways at his nephew he noticed Ren's head swaying rhythmically with the car motion. The kid had gone to sleep, more power to him. He wished he could, but he was too wired for that. He tried to make Ren marginally more comfortable in the cramped back seat by rolling hi
s jacket up and placing it behind the boy's head, but there wasn't much he could really do, given the kid's size. Hopefully they'd be able to camp tonight and get a decent night's sleep.

  He grimaced. Somehow he didn't feel even a month's worth of rest would calm the ache in his heart.

  Fire....... Something to do with…fire?

  Oblivious to the junketing around of the run-down vehicle (there was just so much Dinain could do, after all, and the shocks were basically non-existent), Leiren's mind flexed, stretching out and searching for the source of her unease in a well-practiced exercise.

  The feeling had come over her suddenly, without any warning, and she didn't have an inkling whether the warning, if that was what it was, was for something happening at that moment or in the future. Whatever it was, it had her wriggling in her seat. She had a feeling the answer was just out of her reach. Ignoring her apprentices' confused glances, she took a deep breath and settled herself into a deep meditation. She had to get to the bottom of this, one way or another.

  Sitting behind her Lorenna and Lillith looked at each other over the bag of emergency medicinal herbs and supplies. The youngest girl shrugged while the red-haired woman raised her eyebrows. They weren't about to make any comment on their teacher's bizarre behavior, not out loud, anyway. Lillith still couldn't believe her luck at being included as an expedition member and had no intention of spoiling her enjoyment of the moment by getting in Leiren's black books. It wasn't like her teacher was ever truly normal, anyway. A little extra fidgeting and puffing wouldn't change that. As for Lorenna, Lillith wondered if there had been some sort of falling out between the two women. She seemed to be pretty subdued around her teacher recently, for some reason.

  Meanwhile Dinain, occupying the driving seat next to Leiren, was totally unaware of anything other than his thoughts and the road ahead. He could see the back of the car in front of them clearly, now that the rain had ceased, and he wondered what was going on in his wife's head. Ever since Resnan's return the boy had understandably been the center of his mother's attention. Dinain was glad to see her so alive, so…present.

  But he couldn't help but wish she would at least meet his gaze.

  Maybe this expedition would in some way draw them closer, heal them, so they could regain the unique relationship they had had before he had so selfishly lost the sole reason for her existence.

  And that hurt, too.

  He could admit it to himself now...the feeling that neither him nor their daughter had been important enough in his wife's eyes to bring her back from that brink...well, it sucked. And left him with a certain sense of betrayal.

  He knew a lot about fixing things.

  But maybe...maybe this time too much was broken.

  CHAPTER 6

  BURNING

  It started just like the other dreams. The black void where he stood and something...there...just out of reach. Something he could use. Something vital, and it was nearly within his grasp.

  It would turn bad, of course.

  Even dreaming Ren knew that...he'd had the same dream too often not to be aware of it.

  But then it changed.... and he was standing in a city street, surrounded by tall buildings, much taller than any in the settlement. His mind must have picked it out from his childhood memories, or maybe from things he had overheard through the years in the settlers' conversations, because such cities no longer existed in their world.

  Confused, he looked on as people passed him by...a lot of people – he didn't think he knew that many people as there were on that busy street.

  What was he doing here? Ah, yes! He was waiting for Lillith....she'd gone into the big tall building in front of him to get something, what he couldn't remember, and he was waiting for her.

  He relaxed slightly...this was not the dream. It felt different, lighter, and Lillith was in it...he could enjoy that! He blinked, feeling a bit dazzled by the sparkling glass walls some of the buildings seemed to be made of. Was this really what the world had looked like? Looking up at the sky he noticed long white lines etched on it, crisscrossing its blueness. Those must be air-plane trails, a thing he had heard about from the older people, but couldn't remember ever having seen himself. Planes that were full of people, he thought, gazing at the tiny racing dots at the ends in wonder. Humans like himself, flying high in the air, going places at incredible speeds. Even being aware this was a dream didn't diminish the awe Ren felt.

  She came out then, as pretty as a flower in a sky-blue dress, brown eyes bright with laughter, waving a shiny metallic disc in the air. The sunlight reflected off its surface in a blinding array of colors. Running to him she wrapped her slim arms around him and breathed up at him I told you I would find it, oh ye of little faith! Her warm breath hit his face in a heady mix of mint, and something he knew to be chocolate, though he could not remember the taste of anything other than the carob substitute they had at the settlement. She bobbed up and down in excitement, I can't wait to hear it!! It's their latest hit and I've got it...! He laughed with her, with no clue to what she was talking about, but more than willing to give this strange dream a chance.

  I never doubted you, baby.

  Baby? Ren tensed. Where had that come from? He waited apprehensively for her reaction…dream or no dream the Lillith he knew would have plenty to say to this. Dream-kicks could hurt too.

  Instead she reached up and kissed him, her lips soft and warm beneath his. Yes, he decidedly liked this dream.

  He knew nothing about kissing, but this felt right. He kissed her back, gently at first and then with more passion as she responded to him. Caught up in the moment as he was, he barely registered the shift.

  Lillith was at the other side of the meadow, beckoning.

  He froze, perplexed. Hadn't there been a street, a city? Confused he watched while her naked body glistened under the sun as turning she gestured for him to follow, long dark loose hair swinging on her bare back. As is the way in dreams he caught up with her instantly, effortlessly...and frowned, feeling the heat radiating from her pale skin. This was…strange, surely even for a dream. Not just her nakedness, which he seemed to have grown used to embarrassingly fast. Running his palm tentatively along the smooth skin of her side he felt the heat rising, pulsating.

  Too, too hot.

  Something was wrong. She was burning, as if throwing off wave upon wave of crackling fire.

  He froze.

  This was the dream alright, and this time his best friend was in it.

  No! Not Lillith! He could not hurt Lillith. All rational thought fled and the awareness that this was but a dream with it. Agonized he reached out for her, all of her; her pleading eyes, her burning lips. Throwing his arms around her searing hot flesh Ren tried to douse the raging inferno with his own cooler skin.

  He embraced her.

  And felt his world go up in flames.

  Morosely, Benton's green eyes watched the landscape as it trundled past. At this pace it would take them at least four more days to reach the settlement where his brother Garand waited for them. Four more days in which to sit, trapped in this metal box, thinking more than was good for him.

  Certainly more than he wanted to. He'd be lucky not to lose it before reaching their destination.

  He wiped his brow, feeling uncomfortably hot. Strange, because though it had stopped drizzling the sun was nowhere in sight, and it struck him as a cool, dreary day.

  Dreary, like his mood.

  Except it wasn't cool at all. He leaned forward and looked over at the dashboard worriedly – was something off with the car? Dinain had had to put it together on very short notice after all, and maybe…but everything seemed to be in order, from what he could make out from the back seat.

  ¨Is the heating on?¨ he asked Sam, anyway. ¨It seems to be getting awfully hot back here.¨

  Checking the instrumentation like he himself had done a minute ago, Sam grunted but shook his head. A man of few words, thought Benton wryly, but a good one at that. Not much
moved either of those two guys, actually, but they were nothing if not reliable. He sighed and rolled his window down. The cool breeze that came in eased his discomfort somewhat and leaning back he closed his eyes wearily.

  What with the preparations and his nervous tension over Serbell, he'd had very little sleep in the last few days. He needed some rest since it wouldn't be long before he had to drive again.

  Yes, he thought again, four more days at least of being stuck in this car, replaying the same old stuff in his head. And this damn prickly heat wasn't making it any easier.

  Sitting there, eyes closed, he was suddenly aware that the heat seemed to be getting decidedly worse. Something was up. Shaking off his abstraction he opened his eyes and peered over at the front of the car, half expecting it to be on fire. What the hell! Both Sam and Terence would most certainly have noticed that. But....

  He looked over at Ren, puzzled. The waves of heat were coming unmistakably from his side. From him. Did the boy have a fever? And, in God's name, what kind of fever gave off such heat? Benton reached out to touch one of his nephew's hands, which were splayed out on his lap, palms upwards. The kid was burning. Not even last winter, in the throes of that terrible illness had he been like this.

  ¨Stop the car!¨ he yelped.

  Leiren. Where....in what car was she traveling? Sam jerked in surprise, but slowed down immediately, a tribute to his armed forces past, stopping the car as gently as possible, making sure those that followed were aware of the change in pace by putting on blinkers and waving a frantic arm out of the window. The man knew how to follow orders, he'd give him that. Terence blew the horn to attract the attention of the two cars in front of them.