Aftermath

by Meiling Colorado

  Taking a deep breath she looked out into the night, turning her back on the camp.

  It seemed incredible it had been raining just that morning. Though the air was cool the sky was clear and a full moon hung low in the sky, bathing everything up to the thicket beyond in an eerie light. The view from the clearing was breathtaking, and she let the calm magic of the moment soothe her tattered feelings. It worked......maybe for all of two minutes.

  Immersed in her thoughts it took her a minute to register the slight rustle behind her. Not feeling like company she stayed as she was, her back to the tents, hoping whoever it was would take the hint.

  ¨Serbell?¨ His voice was low, nearly a whisper, but he could have been yelling at the top of his lungs judging from the way she started. Bile rose in her throat and her stomach churned at the thought of turning and finding him accompanied.

  Damn him. Damn the day she had decided to come on this trip.

  Why, why, why had she set herself up for this pain? It was really too much to bear. Not only to see him, to feel the crippling effects his strong presence had on her will-power, but to see him with Lorenna, too?

  There was no alternative, however, and clean cuts healed quicker.

  Her determined thoughts didn't affect her body's reactions, though. Heart thumping painfully, she fought against the sudden stiffness in her limbs and slowly turned round to face him.

  He was alone.

  And he was magnificent, of course. Closer than she expected, hardly a couple of paces away, his eyes seemed to look straight into her heart, leaving her stripped and defenseless. Trying to avoid their merciless scrutiny her own eyes traveled lower, taking in his strong frame, discernible through his worn jeans and black t-shirt under a faded denim jacket. Her pulse quickened even more and she felt molten fire race through her veins.

  Before she could stop herself her mind was conjuring up image after lurid image…oh, shit. Get a grip, Serbell. How long had it been since she had been intimate with a man? Obviously way too long, she thought wryly.

  ¨What is it?¨ Her voice rang out harsher, louder than she had intended, and he backed up a step. Good. His proximity was doing nothing for her already limited self-control. His eyes, though...his eyes looked at her with a strange expression, a mixture of heat and pleading in their depths.

  ¨I wanted...needed to talk to you. I've been trying to for days but couldn't find you. I wasn't even aware you were coming on this trip. Then, this morning...¨

  ¨What about this morning?¨ Serbell forced herself to say the words quickly, breezily. She had no idea what he was rattling on about but she wasn't going to allow him to continue. Her emotions were too raw for small-talk with this man.

  ¨By the way, did you get enough to eat? Yeshra was getting rather flustered about there not being enough food...¨ She said glibly, without batting an eyelash. Maybe she was capable of lying if she deemed it necessary.

  There was a puzzled look in his eyes now at the change in subject.

  ¨What?¨ he started, but she cut him short, determined to make quick work of this. ¨And Lorenna? Has she gone to sleep yet?¨

  Jesus. The man must think she was bi-polar! And nosy, too. Damned if she wanted to know where that woman was, or know any more details than her feverish imagination had already provided her with, but she needed to hear it from Benton's own lips. Hopefully the pain would cauterize her stupid heart once and for all.

  The look of bewilderment on his handsome face would have been comic if all her attention hadn't been focused on the flickering, pathetic spark of hope his evident lack of understanding gave her.

  Suddenly the confused expression faded as realization dawned on him. She thought Lorenna and him were, what? Sleeping together?

  Making a move toward her, he saw her stiffen, and stopped in his tracks.

  ¨No!¨ he cried out, ¨I mean, Lorenna brought the food, of course, but then she left. She and I never...¨

  What was the woman thinking of, his nephew had been in the tent with them for God's sake.

  He didn't know whether to laugh or cry...This was so not going as he had expected at all. Man, what a cock-up. He pushed on in desperation, not really knowing how to express his feelings anymore.

  ¨Anyway, it's you, Serbell.¨ his voice broke, and he ran his hand through his hair nervously. ¨it's always been you...¨

  Something snapped inside Serbell. She felt her resolve dissolving and as she looked at him she saw he could see her as she really was...aching, vulnerable...weak. Turning, she walked toward the tree-line. With him out of sight, she might be able to gather her thoughts enough to still the tremors running through her limbs.

  She was such a mess. Part of her hoped he would stay behind, not follow her. The proud Serbell, of course. That one was very aggravated at her lack of control around this man.

  No such luck, of course. One minute she was staring into space, seething silently, and the next he was standing right behind her. Just like earlier today, she could feel the heat emanating from him and she shuddered with what could only be described as ...need.

  ¨Serbell?¨ he whispered close to her ear, and his breath tickled the hair at the nape of her neck, sending chills running down her treacherous body. ¨If you want nothing to do with me, just say it. I'll...¨ she heard him swallowing thickly. ¨I promise not to bother you ever again, if you say so. I....I just had to let you know.¨ His woody scent seemed to fit right in with their surroundings, earthy and tantalizing.

  When she didn't answer, he put a hand on her waist and gently turned her toward him. Serbell found herself inches from him, staring deep into those fathomless green eyes.

  They were her undoing, of course.

  Suddenly dizzy with desire, she tried to move away from his magnetic pull and wrap herself up in some semblance of dignity, but even that was to be denied her, it seemed. Cupping her face in his large hands he said hoarsely, ¨What have I said? Did I do something to upset you? Whatever it is, I'll...¨ His chiseled features looked soft and vulnerable. A trick of the moonlight, she thought grimly, attempting to keep her cool. But the unexpected gentleness of his strong fingers as he cradled her jaw couldn't be fake, and neither could the strong beat of his heart as he closed the bare inch that separated them. He brushed her dusky cheek with his lips and breathed, so softly she hardly heard him, ¨Serbell...I don't know ...cannot tell you...nothing, nobody, means more to me than you.¨

  Her knees buckled. Her resistance had been so intense that her surrender could be nothing but complete.

  As her lips found his he gasped, surprised, and she would have collapsed had he not caught her. Holding her firmly against him Benton began to kiss her, gently at first, covering her eyes, the tip of her nose, her stubborn chin, her full sensual mouth with warm soft kisses. Then, as she moaned softly and clung to him, her body molding itself to his, his lips grew more insistent, his kisses deeper, more demanding. Entwining her arms behind his head she matched his urgency beat for beat.

  This must be a dream, it couldn't be real. Here was Serbell, distant fiery-tempered Serbell, in his arms. Not only accepting his kisses, he thought in awe, but returning them passionately.

  When she drew back, panting, he half expected to be slapped for his audacity, in spite of her former wild abandon. But all she said was, ¨Wait, oh God…!¨ and then as he peppered kisses down her neck she managed to gasp, ¨Benton, this is not the place...¨

  Heart racing, air coming out in quick ragged breaths, he looked around and realized she was right. They must be clearly visible from the tents, with that bloody moon as a backdrop.

  He groaned.

  Damn his luck! He didn't know what had happened to break down her defenses in this manner, but his timing just sucked, as ever.

  Well, never mind, he reasoned rapidly, he wasn't releasing her yet, no matter what.

  Serbell chuckled, amused by his mulish expression as he gripped her even harder. He looked like a child told he couldn't eat the cake in his hand.

 
But neither of them were children, that much was clear. The blood was still rushing through her veins too, her breath coming in short quick gasps, yet common sense had to prevail. The last thing she wanted was for her lack of control to become common knowledge, at this point. It was enough that he was aware of her weakness, without everyone else knowing, too.

  And anyone could be watching, she thought peeking around his broad shoulder at the shadowed tents behind them.

  He released her then, noticing her quick glance, and taking his jacket off he laid it on the grass between them, still spongy and damp from the morning rain. ¨Come,¨ he said, ¨Let's sit.¨ Sitting down he patted the cloth-covered ground next to him. He quirked an eyebrow sardonically, ¨That's safe enough, surely.¨

  Settling down next to him gingerly Serbell considered this for a second. No, not really. She could barely resist touching him again, running her fingers through his dark hair, tracing his strong jaw with her lips…caressing his chest…so, until her self-control improved exponentially, being this close to him was definitely not safe.

  ¨I still don't understand,¨ his voice came soft and low in the night. ¨What just happened…if you felt like that, why didn't you...?¨ The question hung between them in the cool night air.

  Not for the first time she was thankful for her dusky complexion. He probably wouldn't see her fiery blush under the moonlight, but she knew her cheeks were burning. Good thing he didn't know how long she had been pining after him, she thought, mortified.

  ¨What are you afraid of, Serbell?¨ The gentleness in his voice convinced her he deserved some kind of explanation. Looking down at her hands, she forced herself to speak. ¨It's hard for me to...let go.¨ She mumbled, avoiding his eyes. ¨I don't like not being in control, and with you, I'm not. Definitely not.¨ Suddenly, she covered her mouth with her hand, looking stricken, ¨God! I'm so sorry Benton! I haven't even asked you about Ren! See what I mean?¨

  He laughed under his breath and took her hand, ignoring her initial resistance. ¨Ren will be okay, Serbell. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels like a dummy here, then,¨ he said, and continued quickly as he felt her stiffen, ¨Come on. Do you honestly think I'm in control when I'm around you? And when you're not around I can't stop thinking about you...it's driving me insane and yes, I must admit I enjoy knowing you are affected in some way too.¨

  Affected in some way? Serbell stared at him. What was the wretched man rattling on about? She had just let all her carefully built barriers down, kissing him and quite literally throwing herself at him like some shameless…He didn't get it, she thought, speechless.

  ¨Now what did I say?¨ he groaned in dismay. Her thought processes were beyond him. Hadn't he just admitted to loving her, desperately needing her, even? Why should she be angry?

  Get used to it, mate, he thought. This might just be her natural state...it wasn't like they hadn't had their share of arguments through the years. He didn't let go of her hand though, if anything he held it more firmly, not wanting to give her a chance of leaving him yet again.

  She took a deep breath, ¨Listen,¨ she said, ¨What I just did....I need you to understand. Never, ever have I let my guard down like that. With any man.¨ He looked pained and seemed about to interrupt her, so she hurried on. ¨With anyone. I have never allowed my feelings, my passions, free rein. With you Benton, well...you saw.¨ She hung her head, embarrassed, ¨I...I have issues, but with you I simply don't seem to be able to help myself.¨ There. It was out. She couldn't have felt more exposed if she had just stripped naked in front of a crowd.

  He let out a short bark of laughter and tilted her chin so he could look into her liquid black eyes.

  ¨And that's supposed to be bad? Hell, it's wonderful! At least,¨ he specified, amused, ¨it's great that it's me you want. I would find it extremely annoying if you kissed anyone else like that.¨ He paused, ¨Serbell, most of us have had a pretty rough time just surviving in these last years. We all have issues, and if needing control is one of yours then, just...fine.¨ He paused, ¨As for your attacking me, ¨ he ignored her gasp of outrage, and added with a twinkle in his eye, ¨It was unbelievably hot. And you didn't totally lose it, anyway, if that's what you're worried about.¨

  She looked down at her hands, unsure how to take his attitude. Man, she was light years from being able to handle this man. He made her feel like a nervous teenager out on her first date.

  ¨Although,¨ he continued with a wicked grin, ¨That can be arranged, of course...¨

  He leaned towards her and his proximity was enough to send her pulse racing again. She giggled. Now that would be a good one, for the members of the expedition to come out of their tents to find the two of them rolling around on the ground.

  Which is what would undoubtedly happen if she allowed this to continue any further.

  Tempting, though, Serbell thought as she felt a wave of heat engulf her at the image his words had evoked. His breathing had accelerated too, which she found perversely satisfying.

  Drawing back felt like the hardest thing she had ever had to do, painful, like a real physical ache. She started to stand and instantly he was at her side, helping her up. Serbell found this endearing, but mildly irritating; she was not a porcelain figure, and he'd better get used to the idea, fast.

  Benton held her close for an instant, kissing her fleetingly, then released her.

  ¨I'll grant you this,¨ he whispered, ¨We definitely need more privacy than is available at the moment. I guess you don't want everybody in your business,¨ she winced and he nodded. It figured. She was a very private person. Come to think of it, he had never heard of any relationship she might have had at the settlement, and she was bound to have had some in all this time. Not that that was a thought he wanted to dwell on either, he thought, involuntarily tensing up. The idea of Serbell in anybody else's arms sparked a flare of jealousy he hadn't been aware he was capable of feeling.

  ¨I'll be discreet, I promise. But if you dare to stop wanting me before I can make love to you I swear, Serbell, I will not be responsible for my actions.¨

  The last was said in a joking fashion, so she smiled uncertainly, but the green eyes that held hers were serious and so was he. Dead serious.

  He had no idea how he had lucked up and obtained even this much from this woman, who only an hour ago had seemed an unassailable fortress, but he wasn't about to lose the ground he'd won.

  Benton watched her as she walked away, looking back at him once over her shoulder wonderingly, as if to check he was still there, until she disappeared into the tent she shared with Lillith and Yeshra. Yes, he thought as he looked up at the stars, I've got your number now and I'll be damned if I let you keep me at a distance ever again, my love.

  Now, to relieve Sam on guard duty for a few hours. He doubted he would have any trouble keeping awake for that long now, in spite of his tiredness. He was hyped, and felt upbeat on another account that had little to do with him and Serbell ... they had made better time than he had expected. A couple more days on the road, at the most two and a half, and they would reach Garand.

  CHAPTER 9

  WHISPERS OF CHANGE

  The image the cracked mirror above the shaving bowl reflected back at him made Garand wince. The bright morning light showed up every single sagging bag and wrinkle mercilessly as he wiped his face clean. It had been a while since he'd had a good night's rest, and it showed. Sri was probably going to give him hell about it too, forcing some evil-smelling concoction down his throat if he gave the man a chance. He didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings, he thought blearily rubbing his reddened eyes, but that stuff was foul, and didn't work, either.

  Maybe his devils were just too fierce, he thought heavily, putting his shaving gear up.

  God knew that he had seen enough in his life to keep a dozen men awake at night, though it had never affected him this way before.

  Getting on, old man.

  He remembered the days before the settlement, traveling cross-country with his teen
-aged brother and his infant son, not knowing if that day would be their last. They had been pretty grateful to run into Dinain and his family; safety lay in numbers, and even when there had been only two able-bodied men and a wild teenager in the group, it was better than nothing.

  Not very different from what he had done with Resnan until they reached the village, he mused as he changed his clothes and sat down to pull on his boots, but he couldn't pretend he was in the same shape as he had been back then. He grimaced as he stood up, pointedly ignoring all the aches and pains, and began scrounging around for a bit of breakfast that didn't involve fruit or those weird green mixtures Sri swore by. They looked just like elephant snot, in his opinion, and probably tasted like it too.

  No, plain old bread rolls and some of that good jam Rita made would be fine for him. Even after all these years he still hankered after some coffee, but ground dandelion root coffee would have to do for today. Enough to set him on his feet and keep him going for most of the morning.

  Shutting his eyes, he shook his head. He knew what he was doing, of course, trying to keep busy so his mind wouldn't stray and dwell on the subject of his irresponsible behavior.

  Too bad it didn't work at night.

  Terrell could tell Leni was upset. Probably had cried herself to sleep, again. He had hoped the walk to and from the spring would help, but she walked stiffly beside him, full water jug balanced on her hip, and he felt she was a thousand miles away.

  He concentrated on making his own canister float a couple of inches above his shoulder, smiling at how easily he could control this now. It wasn't a very large object, and not too heavy but still, he'd been unable to do that much two weeks before. Then even a tiny object would shoot across the room totally out of control. It had been frustrating to see little David handling almost the same talent so effortlessly.

  At times, he still struggled with the concept that size and weight didn't mean anything, it had taken him a while to grasp it; now he had to concentrate on fine-tuning. Once the thing, big or small, heavy or light, was on the move, what had to be controlled was the speed and distance.