Who Is She?

by Ben Cheetham

  “Don’t you worry. I wouldn’t dare mess around a woman like Laura.”

  As they turned onto the street of semi-detached houses where Jack lived, he drew in a long breath.

  “You look as though you’re getting ready to break some bad news,” observed Steve.

  “I’m going to tell them about Butterfly.”

  Steve compressed his mouth into an O. “Good luck with that.”

  “Thanks. I’ll need it.”

  They pulled up behind Laura’s little car. Jack eyed a Vauxhall with two men in it parked across the street. He nodded at the men. They replied in kind. He didn’t know their names, but he’d seen them around HQ. Paul had assured him they were two of the best officers in GMP’s Firearms Unit. The car was unmarked and the officers were plainclothes. If Ryan was foolish enough to try anything, they didn’t want to alert him to their presence before he was close enough to takedown. Laura didn’t like them being there, but she liked the thought of possibly being targeted by in her words ‘some brainless psycho with a chip on his shoulder’ even less.

  Grimacing at the ache in his shoulder, Jack got out and approached the front door. It flew open and Naomi ran out to greet him with an excited flurry of words. “Dad! You’re home. I’ve cooked the pasta and Auntie Laura’s been cleaning and… and we’ve made everything nice for you.”

  Jack laughed, the tension draining from his face. “It’s good to be home.” His reply took him somewhat by surprise. It wasn’t so long ago that he’d doubted whether he would ever look upon the house as his real home. He’d adored the Sussex cottage he’d shared with Rebecca, but the ghosts of memories had driven him to sell-up. He’d bought the Chorlton house because it was available and conveniently located. He’d never felt an emotional attachment to it – until now. The smell of cooking welcomed him as he stepped into the hallway.

  Steve tousled Naomi’s hair and set Jack’s bag down. Laura appeared at the top of the stairs. “Hello you two,” she called down. “Good timing, tea’s just about ready.”

  “I can’t stay,” said Steve.

  “Are you sure?” The disappointment in Laura’s voice was unmistakable.

  “I’d love to, but I have to be elsewhere.”

  “Oh OK. Well maybe another time.”

  “Definitely. I’ll call you.” Turning to Jack, Steve put on a bad cockney accent. “He who dares, Rodders. He who dares my son.”

  “Cheers, mate.”

  Steve closed the door on his way out.

  “Ooooh, I think Auntie Laura’s in love,” said Naomi, her Mediterranean blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

  “Don’t be daft,” retorted Laura, a tell-tale trace of colour rising into her cheeks.

  “Auntie Laura and Steve sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g,” Naomi teased in a singsong voice.

  “Right that’s it.” Pulling a mock-angry face, Laura rushed downstairs.

  Naomi screamed and fled into the living-room. Laura caught up with her and set about tickling her into submission. The two of them collapsed onto the rug laughing. Jack looked on with a mixture of amusement and apprehension. They seemed so happy. He thought about Butterfly’s sleeping face and a sigh welled up inside him. Why did life always have to be so fucking complicated?

  Laura disentangled herself from Naomi and clambered to her feet. “Tickle me more,” pleaded Naomi.

  “Later. It’s time to eat.”

  The kitchen table was laid with cutlery, bread and salad. Laura pulled out a seat for Jack while Naomi served up bowls of pasta. “Naomi did all this by herself,” said Laura, glancing proudly at her niece. Naomi seated herself beside her dad. Jack looked at her. His gaze moved across the table to Laura. For the second time since being discharged from hospital, a lump formed in his throat. Tears threated to spill over. He blinked them back, not wanting to cry in front of Naomi.

  Something lightly touched his hand. Glancing down, he saw Naomi’s fingers curling into his. She gave him an It’s OK smile. He should have known it was pointless trying to conceal his feelings from her. Her intuition would have put most of his colleagues to shame. He squeezed her hand back.

  As they ate, she asked eagerly, “What do you think?”

  “It’s good,” said Jack. “Not as good as when I make it, but still not–” He broke off as Naomi playfully poked him in the ribs. “OK, OK. It’s the best I’ve ever tasted.” He put another forkful in his mouth and rolled his eyes as if it was heavenly.

  “What did Steve mean when he said, he who dares?” asked Laura.

  The question wiped the grin off Jack’s face. He’d planned to tell them about Butterfly after they’d had a chance to eat and settle down, but he saw that there was no putting it off. “There’s something I need to speak to you both about,” he began hesitantly. He’d recited what he wanted to say in his mind, but now that it came to it he wasn’t sure how to best begin.

  “Sounds ominous.”

  “No, no. It’s… well I think it’s…” He tailed off awkwardly. Just bloody say it! he ordered himself. “I’ve met someone.”

  “Oh.” Laura’s mouth hung open on the word.

  “You’ve got a girlfriend,” put in Naomi, wide-eyed.

  Jack smiled. “I suppose you could call her that.”

  Naomi’s forehead wrinkled as if she was trying to process the revelation. Then suddenly she was shooting questions at Jack, “Who is she? What’s her name? Where did you meet her? How long have you–”

  Jack put up his hands, palms out. “Whoa, easy officer. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

  His attempt to make light of the situation met with an impatient, “So tell me then.”

  Jack answered the last question first. “It’s only been going on a few days. Her name’s Butterfly.”

  “Butterfly,” echoed Naomi. “That’s a funny name. I’ve never met anyone called Butterfly before.”

  “Neither have I,” added Laura, eyeing her brother like a detective about to sweat a suspect. “Is this woman a nurse?”

  “No.”

  “But if this has only been going on for the past few days, it’s either got to be a nurse or…” Laura frowned as if uncomfortable mental gears were grinding into motion. “Or a patient.” A meaningful little silence passed between her and Jack, before she continued, “It is, isn’t it? It’s a patient.” The gears shifted rapidly from curiosity to concern to outright anxiety. “Hang on a minute, it’s not… It’s not her is it? It’s not that woman those psychos tried to–” She broke off with a glance at Naomi. “Please, Jack, tell me I’m wrong.”

  Once again Jack made no reply.

  “What psychos?” asked Naomi, her voice rising worriedly. “Does Aunt Laura mean those men who hurt you?”

  “There’s nothing to be scared of, sweetheart,” Jack sought to reassure her. “One of those men is dead and the other is a long, long way away from here.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because otherwise we’d have caught him.”

  “No you wouldn’t. You couldn’t catch him before. If you bring Butterfly here, he might come and try to kill her again.”

  “She won’t come here right away. She’ll go to a safe house until we’re certain she’s in no danger.”

  Naomi pulled her hand from Jack’s. “I don’t want her to come to this house at all. She can’t come here. I won’t let her!” she cried, her breath catching between words as panic took hold.

  “It’s OK, sweetheart. It’s OK.”

  Naomi shook her head hard. As Jack reached for her hands, she sprang to her feet. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to die.”

  “I’m not going to.”

  “Yes you are,” Naomi exclaimed, turning to run into the hallway.

  Jack made to pursue her, but Laura said, “Leave her, Jack. I’ll speak to her.”

  Naomi’s feet hammered up the stairs. Laura went after her. Jack stared at the table-top. His bowl was three-quarters full, but he had n
o appetite. After what felt like a long time, Laura returned. “Is she OK?” asked Jack.

  “She’s upset, but she’ll be fine.” With a sigh, Laura sat back down. “Are you sure about your feelings for this woman, Jack? You went through something incredibly traumatic with her. You could be confusing protectiveness with attraction.”

  “Love,” corrected Jack. “What I feel for Butterfly goes beyond attraction.”

  “Love?” Laura repeated dubiously. “You barely know her.”

  “You’re right, Laura. Everything you’re thinking, I’ve already been through a thousand times in my head. I don’t know who Tracy Ridley is.”

  “Who’s Tracy Ridley?”

  “That’s who Butterfly used to be. Tracy’s family was murdered. She got herself mixed up with bad people – thieves, drug dealers, murderers. Maybe she was a bad person herself. But Tracy died when the Mahons put a bullet in her head. The woman I’m in love with is Butterfly.”

  “But what if Tracy comes back and she’s as bad as you think she might be?”

  “Tracy’s not coming back.”

  “You can’t be certain of that. Even the experts struggle to predict long-term outcomes for brain injuries. Are you really willing to put Naomi at risk for the sake of this woman?”

  “Of course not, but Butterfly wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

  “You’re going round in circles, Jack. We’re talking about Tracy, not Butterfly. In fact, I’m not even sure Butterfly really exists. Oh I know there’s a woman in North Manchester General that you call Butterfly. But I think maybe you’re more in love with the idea of who she could be than who she actually is. She’s a blank template. You can make her into whatever you want her to be. Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone like that?”

  Will you teach me how to be good? Butterfly’s words echoed back to Jack. “You’re wrong,” he retorted, almost as if he was trying to convince himself. “Butterfly’s mind is all her own.”

  “For now it is. Maybe it always will be, but you can’t take that chance, Jack. You’re a parent. That means you always come second.”

  “You don’t need to tell me what it means,” snapped Jack. “I know a hell of a lot better than you what it means.”

  Laura blinked as if he’d thrown a drink in her face. She’d always wanted children of her own, but for one reason or another – career, relationship breakdowns – it hadn’t happened. Now she was in her early forties, single and resigned to the distinct possibility that motherhood had passed her by. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Jack read that hurt in her expression and hated himself for his insensitivity.

  She rose to her feet. “I think I’d better go or you and I will fall out.”

  Jack followed her into the hallway. “Stay and finish your meal.”

  Laura shook her head. “I’ll see you later.” She glanced up the stairs, then her gaze returned to Jack. “I may not know what it’s like to be a real mum, but I know I’d never do anything to endanger her.”

  “Neither would I.”

  “Perhaps you should tell her that.”

  Laura headed out the front door. Jack offered a forlorn wave as she got into her car. She drove away without waving back. He heaved a sigh, muttering, “Well that couldn’t have gone much worse.”

  He knew things would soon get patched up between Laura and him. They’d fallen out more times than he could recall. She could be quick to take insult, but she was equally quick to forgive. As for her opinion on Butterfly, well, that was another matter entirely. Laura could also be stubborn. And in this instance she had every right to be. She was the closest thing Naomi had to a mum.

  Jack glanced at the ceiling as incongruously upbeat pop music filtered through it. He headed upstairs. Naomi’s bedroom door was closed. He knocked and said her name. When there was no reply, he entered the room. She was lying on her bed with her face to the wall. Music was blaring from her iPad docking station. He turned the volume down and perched himself on the bed. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she wasn’t crying anymore. She kept her gaze fixed on the wall. He found himself uncomfortably reminded of the way Rebecca had lain staring at nothing for the last weeks of her life.

  “I love you, Naomi,” he began softly. “You’re the most important thing in my life. You always will be.”

  Her eyes slid across to him. “Not if you’re dead I won’t be. Then I’ll have no mum and no dad.”

  “I’m not going to die.”

  “Do you promise?”

  Jack hesitated to reply. In his line of work there was always a chance you might not make it home, as had been starkly illustrated by the events of the past week, but the look of frightened appeal in Naomi’s eyes was too much for him. “I promise.”

  The fear faded to a worried glimmer. Jack could see she wanted to believe him, but she wasn’t naïve enough not to realise that his promise was made more to put her mind at rest than because it was something he could guarantee.

  “There’s something else I need you to know,” he continued, “I love Butterfly. I don’t know how things will turn out. No one ever does. I’d like for her to be part of this family, but as I said you come first. If you don’t want me to be with her, I’ll tell her we can’t be together.”

  Naomi resumed staring at the wall. Jack could barely bring himself to breathe. He felt as if he was waiting for a verdict to be passed on his future. A chance at love or the torment of forever wondering what might have been? Which was it to be? “I…” Naomi began, her gaze meeting his once more. “I just want you to be happy, Dad.”

  Jack waited to see if anything else was forthcoming. The silence extended to thirty seconds. I just want you to be happy. Surely she was giving him the go ahead? He smiled and stroked her jet black hair. “That’s all I want for you too, sweetheart.”

  “Does Butterfly look like Mum?”

  “No. She’s nothing like her. I’m not trying to find someone to replace your mum, Naomi. Nobody could ever replace her.”

  Naomi looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded as if she was glad.

  Jack rose to his feet. “Come on. It would be a shame to waste the pasta after all the effort you went to.”

  Naomi rose from the bed. She reached out and they left the room hand in hand. As they descended the stairs, Laura reappeared at the front door. “You weren’t gone long,” said Jack.

  “Yeah well I’m hungry,” she replied in her usual bluff way. “Besides, it’s not as if I can have any privacy with your pals out there following me around.”

  “That won’t be for much longer.”

  “It had better not be. They make me nervous.”

  “They’re supposed to make you feel safe.”

  “Who are you talking about?” asked Naomi, the anxious glimmer returning to her eyes. They hadn’t told her about the plainclothes officers.

  “No one for you to worry about,” said Jack.

  Laura changed the subject. “Let’s eat before the pasta gets cold.”

  I’m sorry, Jack mouthed at her as they went into the kitchen. She waved away his apology. They settled back down to their meal. The pasta was already cold, but it tasted infinitely better to Jack

  Chapter 35

  Over the next few days, Jack fell into a steady routine – drop Naomi off at school, head to the hospital, stay with Butterfly until it was time to pick up Naomi. When they got home, Laura would be bustling around the kitchen cooking tea. On the days when she had to work, they ordered a takeaway. Sometimes Steve came over and ate with them. He had a habit of telling Naomi inappropriate jokes, but Jack didn’t mind. Naomi loved to see Steve. And although Laura did her best not to show it, he saw the gleam in her eyes whenever Steve called to say he was coming around. Besides, Jack wasn’t the only one who’d been through a serious trauma. Occasionally he would catch Steve looking at Naomi with an uncharacteristic sadness and he knew the brash ex-para was thinking about Hawkshead Manor and the dead children.

  Every hour, every minute, every sec
ond he spent with Butterfly, Jack could feel the two of them growing closer. He told her about his life in Sussex – falling in love with Rebecca, getting married, the cottage they’d shared, their love of walking on the coastal cliffs. Gradually he worked up the courage to tell her how Rebecca had died – the unfathomable depression that had ended with her jumping from the cliffs. He needn’t have worried – there was no judgement in Butterfly’s eyes, only sympathy. She drew him to her and held him silently.

  It was three days after Jack had been discharged when Doctor Medland declared Butterfly fit enough to be moved to a general ward. “Your recovery rate has been nothing short of incredible,” he informed her. “Keep this up and you’ll be out of here in no time.”