Unforgettable Embrace

by Clancy, Joanne

  "We had a very busy weekend," Rachel said quickly, "I think I'm still a little tired, that's all." "So when can I see you?" he asked, "shall I call over now?"

  Rachel felt the blood drain from her face, but knew she couldn't face another day of guilt without confessing to him what she'd done.

  "Ok, sure," she said. "Great, I'm on my way, I can't wait to see you," and with that he hung up the phone.

  Rachel started to feel sick. Her heart was pounding. She went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She still didn't feel any better, then she went and poured herself a glass of mineral water from the fridge and tried sipping it slowly, which didn't help to calm her nerves much either. She momentarily considered turning off all the lights and going to bed and telling Batt that she'd fallen into a deep sleep, and didn't hear him knocking at the front door, but she knew she had to face him with the truth about what she'd done, and the sooner, the better. She couldn't live with the guilt much longer.

  Batt's ringing of the doorbell interrupted her racing thoughts. She opened the door and he swept her into his arms in a big bear hug.

  "I missed you sweetheart," he said, holding her tight and kissing her face. She clung to him for a few moments, hoping and praying that this wouldn't be the last time he hugged her.

  "Let's go inside," he said, laughing, "it's a touch on the chilly side out here." He followed her into the sitting room and flung himself down on the couch. "Come and give your boyfriend a big kiss," he said, smiling up at her.

  "I can't," she said. He looked at her quizzically.

  "Why ever not?" he asked, taken aback.

  "I have something to tell you," Rachel continued, wringing her hands together.

  "Whatever it is Rachel, I'm sure it's not that bad," he said, still smiling at her.

  "It is that bad," she said desperately, "in fact it's very bad indeed. I kissed someone."

  Batt suddenly went very pale. She saw anger then hurt flash across his face in a matter of moments.

  They kept looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity to Rachel. She started to feel uncomfortable under his steady gaze.

  "Are you going to say anything?" she asked eventually.

  "I don't know what to say," he said quietly. "Why did you kiss him?"

  "Oh, Batt, I was drunk and I thought you were texting another woman that you loved her and I assumed you were ignoring my texts," she replied plaintively.

  "Thanks for your high opinion of me," he said.

  "I know I got it all wrong, Batt, and I'm so sorry. The kiss didn't mean anything to me."

  "Is that supposed to make me feel better? It's ok that you go around kissing random men, as long as it doesn't mean anything." "Batt, that's not what I'm saying."

  "What happens the next time we have an argument? Are you going to get drunk and kiss someone else, or even worse sleep with another man and then blame it on the alcohol?"

  "No, Batt, absolutely not."

  "I don't know if I can trust you, Rachel," he said, "once the trust is gone then that's the end of any relationship for me, whether it's platonic or romantic. I love you very much, but I don't know what to think. I have to go." He got up and made his way towards the front door.

  "Please, Batt, don't let's leave it like this," she pleaded.

  "I need time to think, Rachel, but I think we should take a break from our relationship for a while. Clearly, you're not certain if you want to be with me and I'm not sure anymore either."

  Rachel stood at the front door as Batt got into his car and drove away. She watched his car until she could no longer see the lights in the distance. Then she turned around and went back inside, closing the door softly behind her. She slid to her knees, right there inside the front door and cried deep, heart-wrenching sobs. It was there and then that she fully realised how much Batt meant to her.

  She knew then that she loved him with all her heart and that if he asked her to marry him at that moment that she would absolutely say yes. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but now he didn't know if he could be with her anymore and all because of her own ridiculous assumptions and a stupid, meaningless kiss.

  Eventually, she got up from her position on the cold tiles and made her way slowly into the kitchen. She boiled the kettle and made herself a cup of hot, sweet tea, which she sipped by the fire. She had never felt so desolate and empty in all her life. Please God don't let me have lost him forever, she prayed over and over again. Her mobile beeped a text message. It was Trista asking her if she had told Batt what had happened yet. She didn't respond to Trista, but instead tormented herself even more by scrolling through all the texts that Batt had sent her and she had saved. They were the sweetest, kindest most loving messages that anyone had ever sent her and of course they made her cry even more. She texted Batt again saying how sorry she was for the kiss. He didn't reply. She decided to sleep on the couch with only the roaring flames of the fire and the noisy television for comfort.

  Chapter 52

  Rachel was glad of the distraction of work. She hadn't heard anything from Batt in almost a week. When she wasn't doing something work-related then she was helping Jen and Liz finalise the last few details of the wedding, so she had very little time to dwell much on Batt. She told her friends about her confession to him and they were fully convinced that he would get over it in time and want to get back together with her. Rachel wasn't so sure.

  Scott had been texting her very regularly, not that she was particularly interested in hearing from him, and she'd sent him a few short, polite responses, hoping that he'd realise eventually that she wasn't interested in him romantically.

  "Any tips for helping me cover a dry, red patch on my chin that's taking it's time to heal?" Rachel asked Liz.

  They were on the phone chatting about the wedding which was only a week away.

  "I find most concealers are quite good," Liz advised, "just make sure you put the concealer on with a brush, under your foundation and set it with translucent powder."

  "I'll give that a try," Rachel said, "I can't seem to get rid of this red patch. It's dry and flaky and a bit itchy too."

  "How long have you had it?" Liz asked, "I didn't think you were prone to cold sores."

  "I never get cold sores, that's why I'm getting worried about it," Rachel said. "I've had it since a few days after we came back from the hen weekend. At first, I thought I was run down from all my over-indulgences in Padstow, then I thought it was a pimple but it seems to be getting gradually worse."

  "I think you should go to the doctor," Liz suggested, "she'll put your mind at ease. It's probably something simple that a cream or antibiotics will clear up in no time."

  "Yeah, I think you're probably right," Rachel said, feeling better at her friend's suggestion. "It's so expensive going to the doctor these days," she continued, sighing.

  "You can't put a price on peace of mind, Rach," Liz said. "What if it is something serious and you get a rash all over your face and body, that leaves you scarred for life?"

  "Well, there's no need to frighten the living daylights out of me," Rachel admonished. "I'll make an appointment for tomorrow evening."

  "Good woman," Liz said, "now I must dash, I have a million little things to do before the wedding."

  "Me too," Rachel said, "see you soon."

  ****

  Rachel sat in Dr. O' Meara's waiting room, dreading seeing the doctor. She'd always hated going to the doctor no matter how innocuous her problem. The rash on her chin had not improved over the past few days, in fact it seemed to have gotten slightly more inflamed, so she'd forced herself to make an appointment. She touched her chin gingerly. She'd given up trying to cover the rash with makeup as that seemed to aggravate it further.

  "Rachel Jenkins, the doctor will see you now," the receptionist smiled politely at her over her computer screen.

  Rachel got up reluctantly from her seat where she'd been trying to distract herself with the latest tabloid magazines
. She knocked briefly on the doctor's door and made her way inside. Dr. O' Meara was a very studious looking woman, not much older than Rachel herself, maybe in her late thirties. She had thick, black shiny hair which she wore in a tight bun off her face. Rachel had been to see her once before about a chest infection. She had been very kind to Rachel and easy to talk to. It was odd for her to have a doctor of around her own age. Most of her doctors had been older gentlemen who reminded her of her uncle.

  "Hello, Rachel," Dr. O' Meara greeted her with a wide smile. "How are you today?"

  "I'm not too bad, doctor, except for this rash on my chin," Rachel said. "I've had it for a few weeks now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. If anything it's getting slightly worse. I wasn't very worried about it until my friend told me that it might spread all over my face and body."

  "Ah, I'm sure we'll cure it before it spreads any further, now let's have a look at this chin of yours."

  Dr. O' Meara pulled on a pair of surgical gloves and cleaned Rachel's chin delicately. "Do you suffer from cold sores, Rachel?"

  "No, I've never had a cold sore in my life," Rachel said, "pimples, yes, cold sores, no."

  "Interesting," Dr. O' Meara replied. "This looks like a cold sore to me, but I'd like to send some swabs to the laboratory just to confirm."

  "Ok, do I need to be worried?" Rachel asked, slightly concerned.

  "I don't think so, it looks like a cold sore, which is caused by the herpes virus in the system. Cold sores usually flare up when the body is run down. Have you been over-exerting yourself recently"

  "Well, it's been a hectic year overall," Rachel said, "I've moved house, broken up with my long-term boyfriend, quit my job, went travelling, started my own business and now I have a new boyfriend. We're having some disagreements at the moment, but hopefully we can resolve our issues."

  "Wow, you have been busy," Dr. O' Meara smiled. "It's interesting that this is the first time the cold sore has flared up. Does your boyfriend have cold sores?"

  "I don't think so," Rachel said, blushing suddenly.

  "Everything ok?" the doctor asked, noticing her pink cheeks.

  "Well, I did have a drunken kiss with a stranger a few weeks ago," she said hesitantly.

  "Oh, that could be the cause of your rash," the doctor said, “if he has the herpes virus then you could have contracted it through him. Anyway, I'll send these swabs off to the lab, and in the meantime here's a prescription for a cream which should help to alleviate it."

  "Thanks doctor," Rachel said, happy that the examination was over.

  "I'll give you a call in a few days with the results."

  "Thank you," Rachel said again, dying to get out of the surgery. Once outside, she heaved a deep sigh of relief, and was glad of the cool evening air on her burning cheeks. Her phone beeped, it was Jen, texting her that she was really looking forward to seeing her that weekend. "It’s my last weekend as a single woman," she texted.

  Rachel smiled and then hurried to the chemist to sort out her prescription before they closed for the day.

  Chapter 53

  "Hi Rachel, it's so good to see you girl!" Jen exclaimed, giving her friend a big hug.

  "Yeah, it feels like ages since we've seen you, missus," Liz said.

  "It hasn't even been two weeks," Rachel laughed, hugging her friends in return.

  "Have you got the wedding jitters?" Rachel asked.

  "No jitters whatsoever," Jen smiled, "I have butterflies in my stomach with excitement, not with nerves. I can't wait to be Mrs. Victor Cotter."

  "Only a few days left as Jenna Price."

  "I can't believe we successfully planned your wedding in such a few short months," Liz said. "Most of it is thanks to you girls, the two best friends anyone could ever hope to have."

  "We are good, aren't we?" Rachel grinned cheekily.

  "The best," Jen said, her eyes twinkling.

  "So what's the itinerary for the wedding day itself?" Rachel asked.

  "Well, I'm getting married in the cathedral on Friday, as everyone knows," Jen said. "Most of our relatives and friends are arriving in Cork on Wednesday, so the last of the stragglers should be here by Thursday. They're staying at the hotel, all the rooms are booked and confirmed. Then we're having a pre-wedding get together, dinner and drinks, not too many drinks, I don't want to have a hangover on my wedding day. Then Friday is D-Day. So we'll all head back to the hotel for the reception, where we'll spend the weekend partying and recovering, and on Monday morning Vic and I will leave you all behind to fly to Hawaii for our honeymoon."

  "It's all sorted," Liz said. "I've put our bridesmaids' dresses and shoes in the spare bedroom along with the wedding dress ensemble."

  "Gosh, I can't believe the preparations are complete. I won't know what to do with my time now. It's been so intense over the past few months trying to get everything organised. I'll almost miss calling, emailing and generally chasing people," Rachel said.

  "It's been a bit manic alright at times," Liz agreed.

  "We can sit back and chill out and just enjoy the next few days," Jen smiled at her friends. "Speaking of enjoying, where's the wine, missus," Rachel said, "a woman could die of thirst around here. The drive from Mayo to Cork is a bit of a killer. Eight hours sitting in the same position is not very comfortable. My poor bum is still numb."

  "Drinks are coming up," Jen said, jumping to her feet, "what do you fancy?"

  "A Bacardi and diet coke if you have it please."

  "What?" Jen looked shocked, "you don't want wine?"

  "I do, but I'm still trying to watch my waistline from our over-indulgences on the hen weekend. Apparently, a Bacardi and diet coke has no sugar, no fat and only seventy five calories."

  "Wow, seventy five calories is very little," Liz said, "I'll have one too, Jen, while you're up please."

  "Two Bacardi and cokes on their way," Jen said, rattling around in the kitchen looking for glasses and ice cubes.

  "Did you go to the doctor about your rash?" Liz asked.

  "Yeah, she gave me a cream and sent a few swabs to the lab. She said she'll give me a call in a few days with the results."

  "It's not serious?" Liz asked, looking worried.

  "I doubt it," Rachel said dismissively, "anyway, here's Jen with our drinks."

  "Cheers ladies," Jen said, handing the drinks to her friends.

  "Rachel, I have a confession to make and I hope you're not going to be too annoyed with me for interfering," Jen said, taking a big gulp of her drink.

  "Ok, I'll try not to be annoyed," Rachel said nervously eyeing her friend, in trepidation of what she was about to reveal.

  Jen put her glass carefully on the coffee table in front of her. "There's no easy way to say it," Jen said, before being rather rudely interrupted by Liz saying "oh come on, Jen, get on with it, spit it out, we're all on the edge of our seats her."

  "Rachel, I invited Batt to the wedding," Jen finally announced.

  Rachel felt her stomach flip at the mention of Batt's name. She'd been so caught up in the wedding excitement that she hadn't had much time to miss him. Work had kept her busy during the day and even late most evenings, otherwise Trista had swooped on her. She and Trista had had dinner twice together and been to the cinema the previous week.

  She missed Batt most when she was curled up alone by her fire, late at night. She missed his hugs and his kisses and the feeling of belonging with someone special. She missed the way he made her laugh, but most of all she missed their chats. She'd never met anyone who liked to talk so much, not even other women. Yet their conversations were always interesting. She missed the way he listened to her so attentively, and made her feel like she was the most important person in the world.

  "Rachel, earth calling," Liz said, gently poking her friend's shoulder.

  "Sorry," Rachel answered, "I was a million miles away."

  "Do you mind that I invited Batt to the wedding?" Jen asked.

  "No, I'm quite glad, actually," Rachel
said, "hopefully it will give us a chance to clear the air." "I hope so, too, Rach," Liz said, "I think you and Batt make a perfect couple."

  "Me too," Jen agreed, "and all the love in the air will surely make him realise how much he's missed you and wants you."

  "I don't know," Rachel said hesitantly, "he was extremely upset about the kiss. I don't know if he can forgive me. He said he wasn't sure if he can trust me again."

  "I think he probably said those things in the heat of the moment. Surely he won't throw away such a good relationship over a drunken kiss. You'd think he'd appreciate the fact that you admitted it to him. I mean you could have kept it to yourself and he would never have known anything about it," Liz continued.

  "I can understand he's hurt, but I think he's being overly dramatic at this stage," Jen agreed.

  "Well, let's hope we can resolve our issues at the wedding," Rachel said. "I'm not going to let our relationship stay in this limbo land past the wedding. He can finish with me or we can try to work it out, but I'm getting tired of letting it linger. Every day I think that this will be the day he'll call or text me. I jump when my mobile beeps, expecting it to be Batt, but it's not. It's usually a text from that guy I kissed when we were in Padstow."

  "Scott?! He's still in contact with you?" Liz asked incredulously.

  "Yeah, he texts me at least once a day," Rachel said, "I respond to some of his texts just to be polite. I hope he gets the message soon that I'm just not interested in him."