The Reconciliation

by Susan Lantz Simpson

  “Hey, girls. You remember me. We played on the swing only yesterday.”

  Mary grinned and let go of Lena’s dress. “Jah, Mamm. We flew way up high.” She hopped up to demonstrate.

  Eliza caught Mary’s excitement and jumped up and down, flinging her arms skyward.

  “Whew! I can move again.” Lena took two tiny steps back from the hopping little girls. “And this is Matthew.”

  Atlee peeked at the sleeping infant and smiled. “He looks like a big strong fellow, ain’t so?”

  “Girls, are you hungry?” Becky immediately got their attention, so the jumping and squealing ceased. “Go sit at the table, please.”

  Mary, like a little mamm, took Eliza’s hand and led her to the big oak table.

  * * *

  “That was delicious. It just hit the spot on such a cold evening. I’m full up to the top.” Atlee patted his full stomach. He’d polished off two bowls of beef stew and two big chunks of corn bread. Becky’s blush at his words made him smile. She sure was pretty, and that little blush was adorable. Would she ever forget the past and give him a chance?

  “There are brownies for dessert,” Mary announced.

  “Did you help make them?” Atlee turned his attention to the dark-haired little girl who looked so much like her mamm.

  “Nee, but I can help eat them.”

  Atlee laughed. “I’m sure you can.”

  “They’re chocolate fudge brownies,” Becky said.

  “Mmmm! Those are the best kind, ain’t so?”

  Mary nodded vigorously, her brown eyes sparkling.

  “Well, I think I can find room in my belly to fit in a brownie. How about you?”

  Mary nodded again. This time Eliza nodded along with her.

  Lena smiled at her girls, and Becky laughed. Becky’s laughter was music to Atlee’s ears. It was funny he’d never noticed how soft and pleasant her voice was or how her laughter brought joy into a room. Had she really changed so drastically, or had he? Maybe they both had made monumental changes. Whatever it was, Atlee decided he liked the changes in himself, and he definitely liked the changes he’d observed in Becky since her return from her city adventure.

  Before he could call it back, Atlee’s mind wandered off on its own adventure. What would it be like to sit at the table with Becky every evening with their kinner spread around the table with them? They’d sit together in the living room after supper for Bible reading and prayers. He and Becky would work together on their own farm and take turns pushing their little ones on a swing or chasing them around their yard. They’d tuck them into their beds and then have some precious time to themselves. They’d . . .

  “Atlee? Atlee?”

  “Huh?”

  “Your brownie?” Lena held out a small plate with an enormous chocolate fudge brownie in its center. How long had she been holding the plate in front of him? “You look like your mind has gone visiting somewhere and forgot to take your body along.” Lena didn’t bother to try to hide the smile on her face. Her eyes traveled to where he’d been staring.

  When he abruptly returned to his senses, Atlee realized he’d been staring at Becky, whose face had flushed a deep crimson color. “Uh, I guess I was kind of, uh, lost in thought.”

  “Uh-huh.” Lena waggled the plate a bit.

  “Danki.” Atlee took the plate and set it on the table. He stared at it as if it was the most important thing in the world and waited for his own face to cool. “This is a big brownie. Mary, I might have to get you and Eliza to help me finish it.”

  “Okay,” Mary agreed quickly.

  “Okay,” Eliza parroted.

  Atlee made a big show of how full he was. “This brownie sure is tasty, but my poor belly can’t hold it all.” He broke off a chunk and cast a questioning glance at Lena. When she nodded, he looked at Mary. “Do you think you could help me with this bite, Mary?”

  “Jah.”

  Atlee stretched to lay the treat on Mary’s plate. He broke off a slightly smaller piece. “What about you, Eliza? Can you help me, too?”

  The little girl nodded and giggled.

  Both girls murmured, “Danki,” before devouring their treats while the adults talked and laughed.

  “I’m going to get these girls cleaned up and ready for bed. Just leave the dishes for now, Becky. I’ll help with them later.”

  Becky started to push back from the table. “I can see to the girls, Lena. Then I’ll do the dishes. You can rest while Matthew is sleeping.”

  “I’m not an invalid, Becky. I’ve been resting off and on today. You’ve been spoiling me terribly. It’s time for me to do more now. I can take care of the girls. You visit.”

  “I’ll help Becky with the dishes, Lena. You go ahead with the girls.” Atlee saw through Lena’s ploy. It was gut of her to give him some time alone with Becky.

  “You? Help with the dishes?” Becky looked as if he’d just said he’d stick his head in the woodstove.

  “Why not? I think I can handle the job. How about if you wash and I’ll dry. I surely can’t mess up that task.”

  “I didn’t mean you weren’t capable of doing the job. I just meant . . .” She twisted her hands and looked completely flustered.

  “I know. Men don’t do kitchen chores, but I don’t mind. I’ve helped out plenty of times at home.” He winked at her and watched the color rise in her face again.

  “Let’s go, girls.” Lena lifted Eliza from her chair and took Mary’s hand.

  “But, but . . .” Becky sputtered.

  Lena took no notice of Becky’s protest. She jabbered to the girls as she led them from the kitchen.

  “Are you ready to get started?”

  “Ach, Atlee. You don’t have to help. I can clean up. You must be tired after working all day. If you need to head home, I’m fine.”

  Was she trying to get rid of him? Didn’t she want to be alone with him, or was she afraid? Atlee couldn’t quite read the expression on her face. “I certainly have time to help, unless you don’t want me to stay.”

  “It’s not that.” Becky started to reach out a hand to touch his arm but drew it back before making contact. “It’s just, uh, well, let’s get busy, then.” Becky snatched up plates and silverware and carried them to the sink. She turned on the water and squirted in liquid dish soap.

  “You’re really cute when you’re flustered.”

  “Atlee! You shouldn’t say such things.”

  “I shouldn’t be truthful?”

  “Of course you should be truthful. You just shouldn’t be so, uh, forward.”

  “Forward? I’m simply saying what I see and what I feel.”

  Becky scrubbed a plate until Atlee feared it would crack in half. He took it from her hands and rinsed the soap off. “It’s okay for us to be alone, you know.”

  “Is it?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be? Besides, Lena is right upstairs.”

  Becky stared at him for a moment with those beautiful green eyes. She quickly looked away and plopped another plate into the sudsy water, sending bubbles flying through the air. A glob of soap landed smack on her slightly upturned nose. Before she could react, Atlee tilted her chin up to wipe the soap away with his free hand. A tingling sensation traveled from his fingertips up his arm and straight into his heart. What was happening to him?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Time stopped. Becky feared her heart had stopped as well, but then it thumped so hard she nearly gasped. With Atlee’s hand on her chin, she had nowhere to look but up. Up into his eyes as green as her own, eyes with laugh crinkles at the corners, eyes filled with . . . Ach! She had to look away from those eyes before she drowned in them. She had to get away from his touch that sent warmth through her entire being. But she felt nailed to the spot. Her eyes, her feet, nothing would obey her brain, her logic. Her heart wanted to rule, but she couldn’t let it. Do not become involved with Atlee or with anyone. Look where that got you before. Her brain screamed the warning.

  “Um,
danki.” Becky’s voice came out whisper-soft. She forced herself to take a step back from Atlee and to look away from his penetrating, mesmerizing eyes. “We’d better finish these dishes.” She picked up the plate and scrubbed it.

  “What are you afraid of, Becky?”

  Atlee’s deep voice was low and right beside her ear. Little shivers ran down her body. “I-I’m not afraid of anything.”

  “You act afraid of me. I wouldn’t hurt you, Becky.”

  “I never thought you would. I’ve never known you to hurt anybody or anything, unless you’ve changed drastically in the months I was away.”

  “I have changed, Becky, but in a positive way, I think.”

  Becky dared to raise a questioning glance, careful not to get caught in Atlee’s eyes again.

  “I guess I’ve grown up. About time, my mamm would say.” Atlee chuckled. “I’m ready to settle down now, and—”

  “That’s gut, Atlee.” Becky feared what he would say next, so she didn’t give him the chance to finish. “I suppose we all grow up at different times and in different ways.” She had been forced to grow up instantly when she had foolishly run away and found there was nobody else to take care of her. She’d learned many hard lessons. One of those lessons was to keep her distance from others. She could trust her parents and perhaps her bruders and their wives, but she couldn’t be sure of anyone else. She had to protect herself and her boppli. She rinsed the cup she’d been washing and set it in the drainer.

  Atlee snatched her hand before she could plunge it back into the dishwater. “Look at me, Becky. Please.”

  She hesitated and kept staring at a cup bobbing in the water like a rowboat in the pond.

  “Please?”

  She couldn’t stand it. That plaintive note in his voice grabbed her soul. She had to look at him again. She had no strength left to resist.

  “You feel it too, jah?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Becky attempted to pull her hand from Atlee’s, but his grip was too strong. The grip wasn’t painful at all, but it was firm, like he’d never let her go. She didn’t want him to let her go. Wait. She did want him to let her go. He had to let her go. She tried to look elsewhere, but his eyes were two green magnets drawing her gaze to them.

  “I think you do, Becky. You can trust me. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

  “I know that. Freinden don’t hurt each other, and you’re a gut freind.” There. She got the words out.

  “We’re more than freinden, ain’t so?”

  Her heart wrenched in two. It wanted her tongue to agree with Atlee, but her brain tried to squeeze in reason at the same time. “H-how can we be?”

  “Easy. We spend more time together and get to know each other better. Haven’t you enjoyed our walks and talks?”

  “Of course, but . . .”

  “I feel I already know you well, but we can take all the time you need.”

  All the time she needed? Soon she’d be bulging with child; another man’s child. She cared too much to saddle Atlee with such a burden. “I-it’s impossible.”

  “Nothing is impossible if we believe.”

  This time when she yanked she was able to free her hand, though it suddenly felt cold and lonely. Could a hand be lonely? Get a grip on yourself, girl. “You know my, um, condition.” She could barely hear her own words, but apparently Atlee heard them.

  He nodded but his eyes, full of concern and compassion, never wavered from her face. “I fully understand your condition, and it truly doesn’t matter to me.”

  “Atlee! You can’t mean that! In a few months, I’ll be as big as a barn.”

  Atlee chuckled. “Somehow I doubt that, but even if you were, you’d be even more beautiful.”

  “You aren’t thinking clearly. What would your parents, your family, your freinden say? They’d say you had taken leave of your senses, for sure and for certain.”

  “Nee. They would not think I’d lost my mind. They’d be happy I found someone to care about.” He captured her hand again.

  “They’d be horrified and would tell you to run away from me as fast as you can, as well you should.”

  “I’m not running anywhere.”

  “Atlee.” Becky paused to gather her thoughts. She felt like she was trying to simplify some concept for Mary and Eliza to understand. She gently squeezed his hand as if to transfer strength from him. “I’m going to have a boppli. Another man’s boppli.” A tear escaped and tracked down her cheek. Atlee halted it with the thumb of his free hand. Such a tender gesture nearly made Becky sob aloud. She could not let this wunderbaar man throw his life away on her.

  “If you married me, the boppli would be mine, too.” He left his work-roughened hand on her cheek.

  “Ach, Atlee. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “I certainly do.”

  “Then you need to think about this some more. Then you’ll see how impossible such an idea would be.” Becky tried to put distance between them. With the edge of the kitchen counter biting into her back, she had no further escape route unless she pushed Atlee aside and ran from the room.

  “I have thought of little else since you returned. And I’ve prayed about this a lot.”

  “Maybe you should discuss this with your daed or mamm. They should be able to talk some sense into you.”

  “You know that’s not our way. Relationships are between the two people involved.”

  “It could never work, Atlee.” Becky kept her voice gentle. She didn’t want to hurt him.

  “Give me a gut reason why it couldn’t.”

  “Your family would be absolutely horrified. They would think you were making the biggest mistake of your life.”

  “Anyone who cares about me would care about my happiness.”

  “What makes you think we would be happy together?”

  “I can feel it. I knew when we took our first walk together that you were the girl for me. I know you feel it, too, ain’t so?”

  Becky didn’t want to lie, but neither did she want to further encourage Atlee in his preposterous dream. She bit her lower lip so hard trying to formulate a reply that she cringed at the metallic taste of blood.

  “You can’t answer me, so I take that as agreement.”

  “Atlee, I-I’m not gut enough for you, and you know that.”

  “I don’t know any such thing. Don’t go running yourself down.”

  “I’m, um, tainted.”

  “Whatever gave you that idea? Has anyone said something like that to you?”

  Becky smiled at the protective expression that crossed Atlee’s face. “Of course they haven’t said anything to me. But I’ve seen people whispering behind their hands and heard snippets of conversations that halted abruptly when I entered the room. Some folks don’t believe I thought I was married. Some prefer to believe the worst about me. I suppose I can’t blame them, based on my former behavior. You don’t need that in your life.”

  “I need you in my life, Becky. Please don’t shut me out. Please give me, give us, a chance. I can’t change other people’s thoughts and beliefs. I don’t much care what others think. I care about you and the boppli.” His eyes slid briefly to her midsection. “I believe you told the truth, and that’s all that matters to me.”

  “You’re too gut.”

  “Nee, but together we could have something very gut. And we could provide a gut home for the boppli.”

  The sound of approaching footsteps caused Atlee to back up, but not before placing the whisper of a kiss on Becky’s cheek. “Think about it, about us.” He cleared his throat and raised his voice as Lena entered the kitchen. “Danki for supper, Becky. I’ll be heading home.” He turned toward the door but not before throwing a pleading look at Becky. “Gut to see you again, Lena. That’s a fine son you’ve got.” Atlee slipped past Lena and out the back door, leaving Becky to stare after him, her hand on her cheek.

  “My word! Do you care to explain that look?”

  “Wh
at look?” Becky pulled her eyes from the space Atlee had just vacated to focus on Lena.

  Lena huffed an exaggerated sigh. “That hangdog expression Atlee shot you before he did his disappearing act. If his face was any longer, he’d have tripped over it.”

  Becky couldn’t help but laugh. “He asked me to think about some things, that’s all.”

  “What might those things be?”

  Becky hesitated, weighing the pros and cons of confiding in Lena. Maybe another opinion would help her put things into perspective. Or better yet, maybe Lena would have some ideas how she could discourage Atlee. She certainly hadn’t been successful at that on her own.

  “It’s okay.” Lena shook Becky’s arm, thereby jerking her out of her reverie. “You don’t have to tell me. I’m teasing you.”

  “You did that on purpose, ain’t so?”

  “I did what on purpose?”

  Becky stomped her foot. “You know very well what I’m talking about, so don’t play all innocent.”

  Lena raised her eyebrows and mouthed, “Me?”

  “You deliberately left the room to leave me alone with Atlee.”

  “The girls needed to get cleaned up and ready for bed before they fell asleep at the table.”

  “I could have cleaned them up.”

  “I told you before; I need to resume my duties. You need to be free to get on with your life. Besides, being alone with Atlee wasn’t such a terrible thing, was it? You have to admit he is quite nice-looking.” Lena winked and smiled.

  “I have nee business speculating whether someone is nice-looking.”

  “I’d like to know why not?”

  “In case you’ve forgotten, I am expecting.”

  “That doesn’t hinder your eyesight. You are also a single, young maedel.”

  “A man deserves a chaste woman, not a woman who is expecting another man’s boppli.”

  “Becky, you are too hard on yourself. Are you planning to remain single all your life and raise your little one all alone?”

  Becky shrugged. “I have my family.”

  Lena took Becky’s hand and towed her into the living room to sit on the couch near Matthew’s cradle. “Men and women who already have kinner marry all the time.”