Freinden. That’s all she and Atlee could be. Why did she keep forgetting that? Did he really call her “liebchen” a few minutes ago? That could never be. She pulled back from Atlee’s embrace and immediately experienced an intense chill. Loneliness enveloped her like a shroud. She swiped at her tears with the back of one hand. “I-I’m sorry.” She pointed at his damp shirt.
“That’s all right.”
“I’d better get Lena’s cheese and get back to her house.” Becky couldn’t bring herself to look into Atlee’s eyes. “Maybe I shouldn’t have returned.”
“To the dairy?”
“To Maryland.”
“Do you want to leave?”
Becky detected a note of sadness in his voice. “I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to bring harm to any of the people I care about.”
“I don’t think those men will track you here, if they even want to find you at all. They probably don’t remember what happened if they had been drinking or using drugs. They might be in jail by now. Your freinden and family want you to stay here forever. I want you to stay.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Becky’s back!”
Becky heard Mary’s shout before she’d even gotten all the way inside the house.
“It’s about time! You must have found someone to talk to at the dairy.” Lena removed the pot of noodles from the stove and turned to face Becky. Immediately the smile fled from her face. “What happened?”
“N-nothing.” Becky’s gaze took in the two little girls staring at her. She mouthed, “Later,” to Lena and pasted on a wobbly smile for the kinner.
“Cheese?” Eliza tugged on the black cloak Becky hadn’t yet taken off.
Becky reached down to hug the tiny girl. “Jah, I brought cheese, you little mouse.” She held up the bag for Eliza to see and smiled a genuine smile at the little girl’s excitement.
Lena carried the pot of noodles to the sink to drain the water. She pulled out a saucepan and began to assemble the ingredients she needed.
“Let me wash up, and I can do that for you.” Becky tossed the bag of cheese onto the counter and shrugged out of her cloak.
“I’m not an invalid, you know.”
“I am well aware of that, but you’ve been chasing after these two rascals while I was gone. Besides, I think I hear Matthew stirring.”
“Ugh. I just nursed him an hour ago. There’s nothing wrong with his appetite, for sure and for certain.”
“I’ll be right back.” Becky untied her black bonnet and pulled it off. She peeked in at the boppli on her way to hang up her cloak. Sure enough, he fidgeted a bit before popping a tiny fist into his mouth.
“I hear you, Matthew!” Lena called.
Becky washed her hands and hurried back to the kitchen. Maybe she could enlist the girls’ help with something and give Lena a few minutes to quietly nurse Matthew.
* * *
“Now, suppose you tell me what had you looking like a scared rabbit when you got home?” Lena rocked as she knitted. The needles made a soft clacking sound in time with the squeak of the chair.
Home. Lena’s house had been home to Becky for weeks. A pang of sadness struck when she thought of leaving. “I believe it’s time for me to let you and your kinner have your house back to yourselves.”
Lena stopped rocking and laid her knitting in her lap. She leaned forward to look directly into Becky’s eyes. “We’ve discussed this before. You know we love having you here and consider you family. I don’t think this is what has you looking so nervous. You’ve been jumping at every sound since you got home.”
Becky flinched and lowered her eyes. “Sorry.”
Lena reached over to clasp Becky’s hand. “What is it, Becky? Look at me. You can tell me anything.”
Becky looked up hesitantly. “I-I don’t want to put you and your kinner in harm’s way.”
Lena squeezed Becky’s hand. “How could you ever do that?”
“What if those men from New York try to find me? They are bad people.”
“They haven’t done so in all this time you’ve been back. What makes you think of this now?”
Becky relayed the incident at the dairy. Her nose tingled as she struggled to hold back the tears that were building up.
“That turned out to be perfectly innocent. Atlee was right. We have a lot of out-of-state people in the area.”
“But don’t you see? It could easily have been those bad men. I could lead them right to your door. When Atlee didn’t kumm back right away, I thought those men had hurt him. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to any of you because of me. I probably shouldn’t even go back to my parents’ house.”
“Pshaw! I’m not worried one whit.”
“You should be.”
“I’ve got too much to do to worry myself over shadows that might be chasing me. And I’ve still got plenty for you to help with if you’re willing to stay.”
“It isn’t that I don’t want to stay. I’ve told you before how much I enjoy living with you. I just don’t want you to be hurt. If I have to go away to ensure your safety, I will.”
“Go away where?”
“I don’t know. Some place far away so I can’t be tracked down and so the people I love can’t be hurt.”
Lena smiled. “So are you going to live under a log and not associate with anyone?”
A smile tugged at Becky’s lips. “Nee.” She giggled at the image of a pregnant woman slithering beneath a log. She shared her thought with Lena, and both women dissolved in fits of laughter that dispelled the tension in the room. “I don’t know where I would live,” Becky gasped when she could catch her breath.
“Well, I do. Right here. If you want to move back to your parents’ house, that’s well and gut, of course, but I’d much rather you stay here. It’s been ever so nice having you here. I don’t mean you have to stay to take care of the house and kinner. I’m quite capable of doing that. Almost capable, anyway. I enjoy your company, and, well, you’ve become family.”
Becky threw her arms around Lena’s bony body. “I’d love to stay here, but if there’s even the hint of danger, I’ll be gone in a flash.”
“Fair enough, but I think you’re worrying for nothing. Those horrible men have moved on to other pursuits by now. How about a piece of pie to celebrate?”
Becky jiggled Lena’s skinny arm. “I think you need the whole pie.”
* * *
Atlee tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. He might as well have been sleeping on a bed of nails. He lifted his head just enough to yank the feather pillow out and flipped it over. He punched it once and then dropped his head back down. Maybe the coolness of this side of the pillow would calm him. Atlee hated feeling out of sorts. He hated being unable to fall asleep. Most of all, he hated feeling helpless.
He knew Malinda suspected something was wrong. He had only snatched two of the chocolate chip cookies she had baked that afternoon instead of his usual handful. When he had refused her offer of a bedtime snack of peach pie, she’d raised her eyebrows. At least she hadn’t barraged him with a zillion questions or asked if he was sick. That would have propelled Mamm into action—fetching the thermometer, feeling his forehead, fussing over him like he was a little bu.
The questions would begin in the morning, for sure and for certain, if he stumbled into the kitchen all bleary-eyed after punching his pillow all night. He turned over once again and snatched up the covers he’d kicked off moments before. What would he do if Becky left?
Atlee wasn’t sure when or how Becky had crept into his heart, but she was there to stay. No matter what Mamm or Malinda said, he couldn’t change his feelings if he wanted to. And he didn’t want to. Becky had become very important to him. Even when she tried to discourage him, his feelings couldn’t be swayed. Her concern for him only endeared her more to him. He had to make her understand he truly cared for her and her boppli. He had to make her see she was safe here.
&n
bsp; He bolted upright in the bed. Becky wouldn’t steal away in the night, thinking she had to do that to protect everyone, would she? She’d sneaked off before in the dark. But she was a different person now. She stole away for herself before, following a childish whim. She was a woman now, a caring, selfless woman who wanted to do what she thought was right.
It certainly was not right for her to leave her home and loved ones. Atlee flopped back down. His head sank into the pillow. He prayed Lena could make Becky listen to reason, since he doubted he had succeeded in doing so.
He understood her momentary trepidation when she had discovered the car from New York. She had experienced some horrible things. Seeing that car had probably triggered those awful memories and fears. But he honestly believed those men had long forgotten about Becky. Somehow he had to make her believe that as well. He had to make her see he would do everything he could to protect and care for her. He had to make her see he loved her. What? Atlee jerked upright again as that lightning bolt jolted through him. Jah, it was true. He loved her.
* * *
Becky wasn’t sure if it was the late-night sliver of apple pie that didn’t agree with her or if it was the fear that had been tying her intestines in knots for days, but something made her stomach awfully queasy. It churned relentlessly as she readied herself for bed. She’d thought that once she’d made the decision to stay, she’d feel at peace.
Was she doing the right thing? Was she endangering her community? Lena didn’t seem worried. Neither did Atlee. But they hadn’t seen those cold, evil eyes. They hadn’t had to run for their lives, afraid that at any second a hand would grab them and drag them off. Just the memory aroused panic and terror.
Enough! She couldn’t keep reliving that awful time. She had to calm down, for her sake as well as her boppli’s. She patted her stomach before sinking to her knees beside the bed and propping her elbows on the mattress. Am I doing the right thing, Lord Gott? I want to stay here, but I don’t want anyone to be hurt. Please take away my fears and give me your peace. Becky continued to pour her heart out to the Lord. When no more words came, she dropped her head into her hands and listened. Silence. Not a scary silence, but a peaceful, calming silence.
“For I the Lord thy Gott will hold thy right hand saying unto thee, Fear not: I will help thee.” Words from Bishop Menno’s sermon surfaced in her brain. Becky stretched forth her right hand. A tingling began in her fingertips and ran up her arm straight into her heart. A strange warmth spread throughout her body. She felt wrapped in strong, loving arms. Peace flooded her mind and soul. Tears of relief spilled down her cheeks, and she brushed them away with her left hand.
Gott cared about her. Gott was bigger than any fear she had—real or imagined. Gott would surely help her. She need only to cast her cares upon him. Suddenly Becky felt like a great burden had been lifted from her. The tension drained from her neck and shoulders. Her stomach settled down and behaved itself. Becky crawled beneath the covers and fell into a blissful sleep, cradled in the warmth of Gott’s love.
Before any hint of sunrise tinted the black sky, Becky had the teakettle whistling and the oatmeal simmering on the stove. Lena would no doubt be up again soon to nurse Matthew. Becky had slept like a newborn herself and awoke feeling lighter and more at peace than she could remember feeling in a long, long time—maybe ever. She softly hummed a tune from the Ausbund as she pulled out a loaf of banana bread and cut thick slices.
“Someone is in a much better mood.” Lena shuffled into the warm kitchen with Matthew snuggled in her arms.
“Would you like a cup of tea?”
“That would be wunderbaar. This little fellow had me up and down all night. He must be going through a growth spurt.”
“Well, it’s herb tea for you, then. Little Matthew definitely doesn’t need any caffeine.”
“Nee, but his mamm could sure use a big dose of it.”
“I will be here to handle things, so you can take a nap as soon as you get him back to sleep.”
“I may have to take you up on that offer today.”
* * *
The day had been almost too busy to think. Washing three loads of clothes, cooking meals, baking crusty wheat bread, and entertaining the girls indoors since it was too cold to go out for long had eaten up the hours in a flash. She’d finally convinced Mary and Eliza to build a block tower on the living room floor near where Lena was rocking a fussy Matthew. She’d shoved a big piece of wood into the stove to make sure they all stayed warm before she headed out into the cold to drag in the clothes from the line.
Becky’s previous experience with caring for a house and kinner had been quite limited. She’d helped her mamm with chores and occasionally watched little ones at some community function, but she’d never had total responsibility like she had at Lena’s. Lena naturally made major decisions, but running the household fell to Becky. She kept everyone warm and fed. She felt pretty pleased with herself but tried to quash any niggling of pride. One thing that never ceased to amaze her, though, was the amount of laundry one tiny boppli could generate.
Her cloak whipped around her as soon as she stepped outside. Gray clouds raced across a darkening sky, and bare tree branches swayed back and forth reaching for those clouds. Becky’s nose stung and eyes watered from the cold. She hurried toward the clothesline, where little blankets and white cotton diapers flapped like sails. Tiny nightgowns and little girls’ dresses filled the rest of the line. So many items for such little people! She’d better get used to it. Soon her own boppli would make just as much work.
Over the howl of the wind, Becky’s ears barely picked up the sound of wheels rolling up the gravel driveway. She had no fear, only curiosity, since the familiar sound of a horse and buggy was totally different from the sound of an approaching automobile. Maybe Mamm or one of the other women had stopped by to check on Lena. A little blanket wrapped itself around her face before she could identify the visitor.
“You’re here!”
Becky’s heart leaped at the voice that sounded so relieved. She clawed at the blanket and pulled it down to look up into Atlee’s face. The worry creases across his forehead smoothed when their eyes locked. “Did you think I had run off again?”
“Not like before, but I was afraid you might have decided to vanish to protect everyone.”
“You know I don’t want to leave, Atlee. I would only do that if I thought I would cause harm to visit anyone. I hurt people when I left before. I never want to be the source of pain and worry again.”
“People who love you will always be concerned about your well-being. It’s a part of caring, but we aren’t worried you’ll cause problems.”
Did Atlee mean he loved her? Becky’s heart did a little dance. She felt warm despite the biting wind. Words escaped her, and her cheeks burned. She couldn’t look at Atlee’s face. She couldn’t let him see how his words affected her. She couldn’t let him see her heart mirrored in her eyes. She tossed the blanket into the big wicker laundry basket and reached up to release the next blanket from the wooden clothespins clipping it to the line.
“I’ll help.”
Atlee snatched the next blanket down. He stood so close that Becky would be in his arms if she turned around. She willed herself not to do that, even though the desire to throw herself into his arms was strong. Her face burned hotter. She shouldn’t have such thoughts. She was supposed to be discouraging Atlee.
“You don’t have to help, Atlee. I can get the clothes in.”
“You’ll freeze out here—if you don’t blow away first.”
He moved down a ways and quickly yanked down tiny clothes. Becky immediately felt chilled without his closeness, like when a bright, sunny day suddenly turned cloudy and cool. Her cold fingers fumbled to unpin the clothes as she moved down the line.
“Little ones sure have a lot of clothes. I’m surprised Lena doesn’t have one of those lines on a pulley so you can draw the clothes in to remove them.”
“She said Josep
h always meant to put one in but never got around to it. Usually a regular line is no problem. It’s these cold, windy days . . .” A gust of wind stole her voice and her breath.
“Maybe that will be the next project for Lena’s house.”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t want to be a bother. She’s grateful for all the men do around here.”
“That’s what freinden and neighbors are for, ain’t so?” Atlee lifted the full basket and started for the house.
“I can take that, Atlee. I appreciate your help.”
“I don’t mind carrying it inside, unless you’re trying to get rid of me.” When Becky didn’t answer, he gently nudged her with his elbow. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
Becky searched for the right words, but they wouldn’t seem to materialize. Atlee needed an answer, so her unfiltered thoughts tumbled out. “Nee, that’s not it at all. I just don’t want to encourage you.”
“I don’t need encouragement.”
“You need to be spending your time looking for the right girl to settle down with.”
“What if I told you I’d already found her?”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Atlee couldn’t tell if it was surprise, shock, or disbelief he saw on Becky’s face. At least it didn’t look like horror or repulsion. That had to be a point in his favor. Either of those expressions surely would have devastated him. How would he ever convince Becky to give him a chance? Whenever he sensed she may be drawing closer, she pulled into her shell like a turtle.
“Maybe you should keep looking.”
The wind grabbed Becky’s words, tossed them into the air, and plunked them down on Atlee’s head like a limb falling from the big oak tree. He stopped walking and lowered the laundry basket to the ground beside him. He reached for Becky’s arm to stop her. “Look at me, Becky.” At first she simply stood stock-still. Was he going to have to force her to look at him? “Please, Becky.”
Slowly she looked up at him with what Atlee thought were the saddest eyes he’d ever seen. “Atlee . . .”
The Reconciliation Page 18
