“Shhh!” He pressed an index finger to her lips. “Listen to me.”
Becky pulled his hand away from her mouth. “Nee. You listen to me. We’ve been through this, Atlee. I am not the right person for you. I’m too much of a risk. I’ve made too many messes. You could even be in danger.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Maybe you should be.”
“Don’t you trust the Lord Gott to take care of you and everyone else?”
“I do, but those men could be a threat, Atlee, and they don’t care about anyone. I can’t let them hurt people I care about—my boppli, Lena and her kinner, my parents, you.”
“Aha! You do care about me, since you lumped me in with that group.” Atlee smiled and tweaked her nose, hoping to bring even a slight smile to her face. “You have to let go of this fear, Becky. Those guys are not going to kumm here. I’m sure they gave up their pursuit of you as soon as you got out of their sight. They aren’t going to expend the effort or spend any precious drug money searching for you.”
Becky shrugged. She bent to retrieve the laundry basket.
Atlee pulled her back up straight and kept his hands on her shoulders. He leaned closer. “Look into my eyes, Becky, and tell me you don’t care for me. Then I’ll walk away and leave you alone.” He truly hoped she didn’t call his bluff. Unless his vibes had been all wrong the past few weeks, he felt certain she couldn’t deny her feelings for him without lying. Please, Lord Gott, don’t let her send me away. Please let me be right about this. Let her give me, give us, a chance.
Becky squirmed, but Atlee held her firmly, not allowing her to put distance between them. She dropped her gaze, as if the laundry basket was the most interesting thing in the world. A blast of wind ruffled the small dress on top, nearly giving it a life of its own. Atlee moved one hand to gently grasp Becky’s chin, tilting her head up. “You can’t tell me that, can you?”
“Nee.”
Atlee pulled her against his chest and held her tight. He wanted to hold her forever. He feared he was crushing her but couldn’t bring himself to let her go. The very fact that she didn’t break away gave him hope.
* * *
“Hey, would you two like to kumm in for some hot chocolate or tea, or are you already frozen there?” Lena’s head poked out the back door. A huge smile split her face.
Becky jumped back like she would have if she’d grasped the hot oven rack with her bare hand. “Ach, Lena! We were just . . .”
“I see!” Lena chuckled.
“Lena!” Becky reached down again to snag the laundry basket, but Atlee beat her to it.
“Danki, Atlee, but I can take it.” She yanked the basket from his hands. Her face burned, and not from the wind. How could she have let herself stay in Atlee’s embrace? What message did that send him? It certainly wasn’t the same message her mouth had conveyed moments earlier. What in the world was wrong with her?
“You can’t just send him off in the cold, Becky, after he’s been standing out there with you for ages.”
“It hasn’t been ages,” Becky muttered.
“Maybe, but it seems like a long time ago that you went out to gather the laundry.”
Becky peeked at Atlee’s face, which blazed as red as hers felt. She shifted her gaze to catch Lena’s smirk.
“Kumm! It’s cold!” As Lena drew her head back inside, the wind caught the door and slammed it closed.
Becky jumped at the loud bang and nearly lost her grip on the wicker basket. Would her nerves ever settle down?
“Here, I’ll get this.” Atlee easily lifted the basket into his arms. “Just tell me where you want it, and I’ll be on my way.”
“Nee. I mean, you don’t have to leave. Please have some tea or something to warm you up.”
“Are you sure you want me to?”
“Of course.” Becky turned and led the way inside before Atlee could see the confusion sure to be written all over her face. She’d never be able to explain the meaning of it since she didn’t understand it herself. One minute she wanted Atlee to stay forever. The next minute she tried, albeit half-heartedly, to drive him away for his own gut. Was it for gut, though? Why did things have to be so complicated? Life would have been so much easier if she’d never left Maryland.
Atlee scarcely got into the kitchen before Mary sidled up to him with a shy smile on her face. “Can you play with us?”
Atlee stooped down to Mary’s level. “I’d like to play, Mary, but my mamm is expecting me home soon.”
“Atlee is going to have something warm to drink, Mary,” Lena said. “You can go play with Eliza.”
The little girl’s shoulders slumped but she obeyed. “Okay.”
“You could sit with me while I drink some hot chocolate, if you want.” Atlee tickled her under her chin.
Instantly Mary brightened. She giggled and bobbed her head up and down so hard that Becky feared she would injure her neck.
“Why don’t you put these napkins on the table, Mary?” Lena handed her the stack of paper napkins.
“Cookies, too?” Mary ventured.
“Not now. It’s too close to supper time.”
Lena set two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the table while Becky and Atlee shrugged out of their coats. Suddenly chilled, Becky crossed over to the woodstove, hoping to absorb some heat. Her fingers were icy from the wind, but she wasn’t sure the chill could be entirely attributed to the cold.
Seeing Atlee with Mary and watching him smile as Eliza toddled into the room did strange things to Becky’s heart. She would never have guessed Atlee was so fond of kinner, but then she had never taken the time to get to know him before her mad dash from Maryland. Would Atlee be as gentle and caring with other little ones, with her boppli? She couldn’t imagine he wouldn’t be. Stop it, Becky. You’re freinden, nothing more. Remember that.
“Are you okay?”
Becky shook off her disturbing thoughts. She looked up to find Atlee watching her. Though he jostled a little girl on each hip, the concern etched on his face was directed at her. What a wunderbaar image to hold on to—Atlee surrounded by smiling kinner. It nearly brought tears to her eyes. Becky nodded and cleared her throat. “I’m fine.” She rubbed her hands together and forced a smile. “I just needed to warm up my hands.” The worry lines eased from Atlee’s forehead.
“Girls, you need to get down and let Atlee drink his hot chocolate. You may each have a half cup of your own. I don’t want you to spoil your appetites for supper.” Lena wagged a finger at them.
Atlee lowered the little bodies to the floor. The girls scrambled to climb into chairs to await their treat. Atlee sat opposite them.
“Look what I found!” Becky held up a bag of miniature marshmallows. “Who wants some?”
“Me! Me!” two little voices cried in unison.
“Me!” a deep voice chimed in. “Me, too!”
Becky and Lena laughed as Atlee bounced in his chair the same way the girls did.
“Maybe he doesn’t need the extra sugar,” Lena said as she set cups in front of Mary and Eliza.
“Pretty please?” Atlee poked out his lower lip.
Mary and Eliza burst into giggles at Atlee’s antics. Becky gave each of the girls a small handful of marshmallows, which they played with before dunking them into their cups. She placed a larger handful in front of Atlee and dropped five tiny marshmallows into her own mug. She sealed the plastic bag and returned it to the pantry lest the girls be tempted to ask for more.
“He’d make a great daed,” Lena whispered as Becky passed her.
“Shhh!” Becky hissed as she nudged Lena with her elbow. What if Atlee heard? Becky’s cheeks burned, and not from the heat of the stove. She hoped the girls’ babblings had distracted Atlee. Determined to act nonchalant, she pasted a little smile on her face before turning back toward the table. Atlee’s grin told her he had indeed heard Lena’s words. Becky’s cheeks practically burst into flames.
Becky slid onto the chair ne
xt to Eliza. She grabbed the little girl’s fingers just before she plunged them into her hot chocolate to fish out the bobbing marshmallows. Becky withdrew the spoon from her mug and scooped out a marshmallow for Eliza. “Here, Eliza. Let’s get them out this way.” Eliza popped the marshmallow into her mouth and squished it between her teeth. Little bits of the sticky white goo squirted out. Mary giggled, causing Eliza to laugh and spew out the rest of her half-eaten marshmallow.
“Ew!” Mary giggled so hard she nearly fell off her chair.
“I think you two need to leave the table.” Lena frowned at the girls.
“I’ll be gut, Mamm.” Mary straightened on her chair and looked down at her cup.
Becky glanced at Atlee, who worked hard to hide his own amusement. “Maybe Atlee brings out their impish side, Lena.”
“Me? What did I do? I’m just sitting here, minding my own business and drinking my hot chocolate.”
“For now.” Becky took a tiny sip from her mug.
“You are done, little one.” Lena grabbed Eliza’s hand, which was again heading for a floating marshmallow. She wiped Eliza’s face and hands and set her on the floor. “You can help me with Matthew,” Lena added when Eliza’s lower lip protruded and her face scrunched up as if she was about to howl. Lena took the little girl’s hand and propelled her from the room. Over her shoulder she called, “Why don’t you stay for supper, Atlee? We still have some scrumptious macaroni and cheese.”
“The cheese I risked my life for,” Becky mumbled.
“It’s nice of you to ask, Lena, but I need to get home today.”
How could Becky feel relieved and disappointed at the same time? It would definitely be better if Atlee did not stay for supper. Lena needed to stop pushing them together. Atlee had enough fantasies of his own without Lena adding fuel to the fire.
“Maybe another time?” Atlee winked at Becky as he pushed back from the table. “I need to help my daed tonight, but I’d like to share a meal with you again.”
“Any time,” Lena hollered from the living room where she and Eliza tended to Matthew.
How had Lena heard? Atlee hadn’t spoken that loudly. She had been trying to find a way to politely discourage Atlee when Lena yelled. That woman could probably hear a gnat whisper in the next county.
“You don’t seem especially happy about the idea.” Atlee laid a hand on Becky’s arm.
“I, uh, it’s not that. Of course you are wilkom here.” His hand seared her arm.
He leaned close. “I’m not going to give up on you, Becky, or on us.” Atlee’s low voice in her ear sent shivers down her spine. He tucked a hand under her chin to raise her head. “Remember that.” He winked again and tickled Mary as he passed her. He slipped out the back door, whistling as it closed behind him.
* * *
Atlee’s whistle died off once he settled himself inside the buggy and headed home. His confidence waned as well. He’d told Becky he wouldn’t give up. Maybe he should. Maybe he should just lie low and not push. He didn’t want to push Becky away altogether. Maybe he should wait for her to make the next move. But what if she never did?
If only he had someone to talk to, someone with some experience with women. He could use a little advice about now. He couldn’t go to his mamm to get a woman’s opinion for fear she’d only try to discourage him. Though he truly believed she held no grudges toward Becky, he got the feeling she didn’t exactly want him to get involved with her. He’d always been close to Malinda and able to talk to her about all sorts of things, but he wasn’t sure how objective she would be when it came to Becky Zook.
Maybe he should seek out another man’s advice. He could try talking to Daed as they worked, provided his younger bruders weren’t within earshot. Or it might very well be time to pay Sam a visit. After all, Sam had just been through a courtship. He certainly seemed happily married now. Granted, Emma hadn’t had any of Becky’s issues, but Sam would understand Atlee’s feelings, wouldn’t he? Atlee would think on it.
Right now he needed to wipe all traces of worry off his face. His horse, eager for food, warmth, and rest, trotted briskly up the lane toward the barn, where Daed would no doubt be finishing up chores. Atlee ran a hand across his face as if he could physically remove the wrinkles from his brow. He resumed whistling as he pushed open the door and jumped from the buggy.
* * *
“Is Atlee gone?” Lena trudged into the kitchen with Eliza on one hip and Matthew in the crook of her other arm.
Becky stood in the same spot where Atlee had whispered into her ear. Mary still sat at the table finishing her hot chocolate.
“Becky?”
“Huh?” Becky gave her head a little shake. “Uh-huh, Atlee had to go home.”
“That’s too bad.”
Becky reached out to take Eliza. “You’re going to give yourself a hernia or something carrying the two of them.”
“I used to carry Mary and Eliza together.”
“I’m sure your back was delighted with the situation.”
“Probably. How about your situation?”
“Which situation would that be?” Becky lumbered toward the refrigerator to pull out supper fixings. “You are definitely getting heavy, little Eliza.”
“Don’t try to change the subject or play dumb. You know very well I’m talking about Atlee.”
“There isn’t anything to talk about. Atlee is a nice person and a gut freind.”
“Freind, my foot!”
“Don’t you think a man and a woman can be freinden?”
“Of course, but that isn’t the kind of relationship Atlee has in mind.”
“You can read minds now?”
“I can read faces. You are one stubborn girl.”
“I am determined, not stubborn. I don’t want Atlee to be hurt. I will only cause him pain and problems with his family. You’ve got to stop playing matchmaker, Lena. It isn’t making things easier for me.”
“Sometimes the course of love isn’t easy, but once you get over the bumps, it’s smooth sailing.”
“‘Love’? Who said anything about that?”
“Can’t you tell that Atlee is in love with you?”
“You’re narrisch, Lena. It looks to me like Atlee really loves kinner. Maybe you should consider him for yourself. Mary and Eliza sure are thrilled when he visits.”
“Mary and Eliza like anyone who pays attention to them and plays with them. Besides, I’m much too old for Atlee, but if there was an older version of him around, I might very well be interested. You, my dear Becky, are not being honest with yourself. If you were, you’d acknowledge the fact that Atlee jumps at the chance to help you, that he shows true concern for your well-being, and that he worries about you and your boppli. If you were truly honest, you’d admit your feelings for him.”
“And what makes you think I have those?”
“If I was blind and unable to see the meaningful, loving looks you exchange, I would still pick up the vibrations and feel the electricity between you two.”
“Ach! You really are narrisch, Lena, or else you’ve been reading romance novels.”
“I am not crazy and I haven’t had time to pick up a book other than the Bible and the Ausbund in ages.”
Unable to lift a heavy pan from the refrigerator with one hand, Becky lowered Eliza to the floor.
“Mary, please take Eliza into the living room to play for a few minutes while Becky and I get supper on the table.” Mary obediently grabbed the younger girl’s hand and did as her mamm asked.
Becky set the pan of leftover macaroni and cheese in the oven to warm. She pulled out the big plastic canister of flour and measured out enough to make biscuits. If she kept her hands busy, maybe her brain would focus on what her hands were doing and stop conjuring up thoughts she did not want to consider.
Lena opened two jars of home-canned green beans and dumped them into a pan. She shook in salt and pepper and set the pan on a back stove burner. She touched Becky’s arm. “I’m
not trying to upset you. I care about you, Becky. You’ve become like a schweschder to me. I just don’t want you to be sorry later if you turn Atlee away now.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Atlee knew he should have gone straight upstairs after supper, but he had to talk to someone. Sam and Emma didn’t live that far away. Maybe a brisk walk on such a frosty evening would help him organize his thoughts. Would they have already gone to bed? There was only one way to find out.
The temperature must have dropped several more degrees since he’d gone inside the house for supper. His walk turned into a jog. If he didn’t see any lamplight when he approached Sam’s house, he’d turn back around and jog home. He prayed he’d see at least one lamp still glowing. He needed to talk, for sure, but he needed to warm himself even if only for a few minutes.
Relieved to see a glow in the windows of the old two-story house Sam had bought from an elderly couple who had moved to live with family, Atlee slowed his pace to a brisk walk. He struggled to control his breathing and to gather his thoughts. Now that he was here, he didn’t have a clue what to say. How should he approach the topic he wanted to discuss? Should he blurt out his reason for such a late visit as soon as he entered the house? Could he pour out his heart in front of Emma? He hadn’t thought about that. He couldn’t very well ask Emma to leave the room. It was her home, after all. Why hadn’t he considered these things on the way here? “Because my brain is frozen, like the rest of me,” he muttered into the wind.
Atlee climbed the steps to the front porch. Since light seemed to be coming from the living room, he’d use the front door instead of using the back, as he usually did. His heart was still pounding from his jog, and his breath came in gasps. He forced himself to take slow, deep breaths before raising his hand to knock on the door. The sound of heavy footsteps told him Sam was approaching the door. Emma certainly wasn’t big enough to make that much noise.
“Wilkom, Bruder.” Sam opened the door wide and practically pulled Atlee inside. “What brings you out on such a cold night? Is everyone all right?”
“Who is it, Sam?” Emma shuffled down the hall and peered around Sam. “Atlee! Kumm in and get warm.”
The Reconciliation Page 19
