The Reconciliation

by Susan Lantz Simpson

  “Promise me, Becky!”

  “All right, if that makes you happy.”

  “It does.” Lena picked up the spoon and pressed it into Becky’s hand. “Now eat your soup.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Early the next morning, Becky sat in the rocking chair in the dark living room and leaned her head back against the worn cushion. The house was silent except for the wood crackling in the stove and the soft creaking of the chair as she gently rocked back and forth. Only a faint shaft of light from the lamp she’d lit in the kitchen allowed her to discern the shapes of the furniture in the living room. She’d already made kaffï for Lena, who allowed herself only one or two cups per day since she didn’t want a hyperactive boppli, and had set a mug of raspberry tea on a woven coaster on the little round table beside the rocking chair. She pulled the blue, black, and white crocheted afghan lying across her lap up to her shoulders and closed her eyes.

  She’d been so weary last night, but sleep played games with her overactive mind. She was done crying over her parents’ imminent departure, at least until she actually waved them off. The hurt she’d felt because they wouldn’t be here for her and her infant gradually subsided. Although it made her sad, she understood her mamm’s need to go.

  Becky thanked the Lord Gott for Lena and her generous offer to share her home. She could have lived with one of her bruders’ families, but that idea did not appeal to her. She could live alone with her boppli, but that idea scared her a little. She could move to Indiana with her parents, but as she’d told Lena, she considered Maryland her home.

  Her one venture outside of the state had proved disastrous. Sure, she’d have her parents with her this time if she left, but something held her here. And it wasn’t only the fact that everything was familiar here. She felt safe here. She liked the slower-paced life in St. Mary’s County and appreciated it even more after living in the city for even a few months.

  Her community was her extended family. She knew some probably doubted the story of her New York adventure, but they accepted her back with open arms. At least she hoped they did. She knew for sure and for certain a dark-haired, green-eyed young man did, but she wouldn’t let him waste his life on her.

  Becky sighed. This was where she wanted to raise her little one. Her boppli. She smiled and snaked a hand under the afghan to gently rub her barely rounded belly. Was it a bu or a girl growing inside of her? Would he or she have dark hair like Vinny? She hoped not. She’d tried so hard to push Vinny and New York from her mind. She’d almost succeeded in forgetting what he looked like. Maybe her boppli would be a little girl with honey-colored hair. Whatever it turned out to be, she already loved him or her with the fierceness of a mudder lion. She would do everything possible to protect her boppli.

  She leaned over to take a sip of the sweet raspberry tea that Laurie had said would be gut for her body. She dropped her head back against the cushion again and offered a prayer of thanks for her blessings—her little one, her home with Lena, her community. Bishop Menno was willing to review all the baptismal classes with her. She had attended them previously but had run away instead of joining the church. Shame still crept in to scald her at the memory of bolting from the service at the very moment she was supposed to answer the baptismal questions. She truly believed she had been forgiven for her foolish mistakes. She was ready now, and Bishop Menno said she wouldn’t have to wait for the next baptismal class.

  Despite her lack of sleep last night, Becky didn’t feel that drowsy now. Instead, she felt at peace. She’d wrestled with the pros and cons of her options and made the decision she knew was right for her and her boppli. She’d almost been swayed by the memory of her mamm’s sad eyes when she’d told Becky of the plans for moving. Mamm had urged Becky to leave with them, but her staying in Maryland would be easier for all of them. Her parents would be spared the necessity of explaining why their dochder was expecting and not married. She would be spared dredging up the past again in order to explain. Besides, if she stayed here, she would not be subjected to the physical and emotional hardships of moving.

  Emerald eyes had peeked into her thoughts during the decision-making process and had lent some weight to the pros of staying put. Her best efforts at ignoring those eyes had been futile, but she would be careful to make sure the owner of those eyes remained only a freind. A gut freind. A caring freind who selflessly considered her needs above his own.

  Becky smiled as she rocked. She was content—dare she say happy—in her small, secluded community. She reached to swallow another sip of tea and then tucked her hand back under the afghan. She closed her eyes and listened to the stillness of the sleeping house. When she blocked out the ticking of the kitchen clock and the creaking of the rocking chair, she heard only the thrum of silence. If serenity was an object, it would be a warm, fuzzy blanket enfolding her in comfort as she sat in the predawn darkness.

  She sighed. She had made the right decision to stay here with Lena for as long as the arrangement worked for both of them. The faint sound of Eliza mumbling boppli talk in her sleep reached Becky. The mumbling, sweet jibber-jabber ceased as quickly as it had begun. She pushed against the handles of the wooden chair to boost herself to a standing position. She’d creep back up the stairs to check on the girls. Poor Lena had been up and down most of the night with a fussy Matthew. Becky hoped she would be able to catch the girls before they rolled out of bed and trounced into Lena’s room.

  She tiptoed up the stairs with only the beam of a small flashlight to light her way. A quick peek in the girls’ room told her Eliza had settled back into sleep. Mary lay as still as a stone. She poked her head into Matthew’s room and found him squirming and sucking on a tiny fist. If she could change him without totally awakening him and swaddle him firmly, maybe she could rock him back into a deeper slumber to give his exhausted mamm a few more minutes of sleep.

  Becky crept downstairs with Matthew snugly wrapped in his blue blanket. She settled herself in the rocking chair again and hummed softly as she rocked. She lowered her head to inhale his sweet fragrance. In a few months she would be cradling her own newborn, but the weather would be warm, so she wouldn’t need to sit beside the crackling woodstove.

  * * *

  “I wondered where my little man went.” More than an hour later Lena shuffled into the living room with the girls on her heels.

  “I thought if I could catch him before he fully awoke, I could soothe him so you could sleep a while longer.”

  “It looks like your plan worked.” Lena nodded at the sleeping infant. “I was about beat. That little fellow had me up most of the night.”

  “I know. That’s why I wanted to let you sleep.”

  “I’m sorry we kept you awake. You need your sleep, too.”

  “You didn’t keep me awake. My brain didn’t want to stop churning.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “More than okay. Staying here is the right thing for me—as long as you haven’t changed your mind.”

  “Absolutely not. Hey girls, Becky is going to keep living with us! Isn’t that wunderbaar?”

  “Jah!” Mary jumped up and down. Eliza imitated her.

  Matthew jerked in Becky’s arms, startled by the sudden noise. Becky rocked him as Lena hushed the girls. When he popped the little fist back into his mouth and began sucking vigorously, Becky figured they wouldn’t be able to stall a feeding much longer. “I think you’d better get ready, Lena. I changed him before I brought him downstairs, so he’s ready.”

  Lena reached to take the squirming infant in her arms. “Let’s go, my fussy little one. It’s time for you to eat.”

  “Well, girls, should we make pancakes for breakfast?” Becky looked first at Mary and then at Eliza.

  They squealed their delight and jumped again.

  “I wish I awoke with their energy,” Lena mumbled as she settled herself in the chair on the other side of the stove and prepared to nurse Matthew.

  “Let’s get the pa
ncakes started so they’re ready when your mamm is finished feeding Matthew.” Becky took a little hand in each of hers and ushered the girls into the kitchen.

  “Can we help?” Mary squeezed Becky’s hand.

  “You certainly can.” Becky squeezed back. She surely loved these little girls. Staying in Maryland with Lena was definitely the right decision.

  By the time Becky had a plateful of golden-brown pancakes ready, Lena had finished nursing Matthew and tucked him into the cradle near the stove. Becky had let the girls take turns stirring the batter with her hands over theirs on the big wooden spoon.

  “It sure smells gut in here, and I’m starved.” Lena rubbed her hands together.

  “I helped stir, Mamm. Eliza did, too!” Mary couldn’t wait any longer to share that news.

  “I’m sure the pancakes will be extra gut, then.” Lena hugged each of her girls. “Let’s get you two seated.”

  After enjoying their breakfast, Becky carried sticky plates to the sink, while Lena wiped maple syrup off of two little faces. Becky glanced out the window while the sink filled with water. “It’s snowing!” Mary and Eliza ran to check.

  “I can’t see!” Mary wailed and tugged on Becky’s dress.

  Becky lifted the little girl in her arms so she could look out the window.

  “Me! Me!” Eliza chanted, tugging on the other side of Becky’s dress.

  Becky leaned down to snag Eliza and hoisted her to the opposite hip. All three stared out at the big, twirling snowflakes. “If it keeps snowing, we’ll go out to play in it later, if it’s okay with your mamm.”

  “If what’s okay with their mamm?” Lena returned to the kitchen after checking on Matthew and adding a piece of wood to the stove.

  “I told the girls we’d play in the snow later, if it’s okay with you. Even if it doesn’t stick, we can catch snowflakes on our tongues and have fun.”

  “Snow?” Lena crossed to the window. “I’m ready for spring. And what in the world are you doing holding both of these big girls at once? Here.” She extracted Mary from Becky’s arms. “You shouldn’t be lifting so much.”

  “The girls are like you, Lena. Together they don’t weigh as much as a barn cat we used to have.”

  “It must have been a cougar! These girls weigh too much for you to haul around, especially both of them at the same time.”

  “You worry too much.” Just the same, Becky lowered Eliza to the floor.

  “You two go play.” Lena shooed them out of the kitchen. “And don’t bother your bruder.” Lena picked up the dish towel to dry the dishes Becky had stacked in the drainer. “I need a break while he’s sleeping, so I don’t need little fingers poking at him and setting him off again.”

  “Why don’t you go back to bed for a while?”

  “Nee, I’m up now. I’ll rest later if all three of them nap at the same time.”

  “That snow is really falling fast.” Becky leaned closer to the window to get a better look at the yard and driveway.

  “I want to be done with winter. I don’t like being cold.” Lena shivered and rubbed her arms. “Maybe this is just a squall that will pass soon.”

  “I don’t think so. It’s already sticking to the grass. This may be winter’s last big effort. I’d better fill the wood boxes as full as I can get them, just in case.”

  “In case of what? Don’t you dare say what I think you’re going to say!”

  “In case we’re snowed in!”

  “Bite your tongue, girl. I want to plant geraniums and petunias and peas and beans.”

  “You’re anxious to start weeding, picking, and canning?”

  “It’s better than shoveling snow, that’s for sure and for certain.”

  “You might have a point. I’ll shovel if we need to.”

  “You definitely will not!”

  “Are we going to let it pile up to the windowsills?”

  “Funny. I’m still hoping this will all blow over and the sun will be shining before the noon meal.”

  “You’d better hope hard.”

  * * *

  “Just what do you think you’re doing?” Lena asked a short time later.

  Becky tugged on an old pair of gloves. “I’m going to bring in a few armloads of wood. Have you looked outside lately?”

  “I’ve been trying to ignore what’s happening outside.” Lena ran to the window. “I don’t think I’m going to get my wish. I suppose winter is not ready to leave us alone.” She sighed. “But you don’t need to be lifting a bunch of firewood.”

  “I don’t think I can coax it inside on its own. Besides, I’ve been bringing in the wood.”

  “But you’re getting farther along.”

  “Not much farther than last week, and I brought in wood just fine then. I’m not even showing much.” Becky patted her barely rounded stomach.

  “That’s because you don’t eat enough to sustain a flea.”

  “I’m doing better.”

  “I suppose you are, but you’re still too skinny.”

  “Now there’s the pot calling the kettle black. Have you ever looked at yourself?”

  “But I eat like a horse.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Let me get a coat and gloves, and I’ll help you.”

  “I can do this. You can hold the door for me.”

  “Then get that wood from the pile close to the house. Don’t go all the way out to the big woodpile.”

  “I’ll leave that wood in case the snow piles up and I can’t get out to the big woodpile.”

  “Do you really think we’ll get that much snow?”

  Becky shrugged. “I don’t know, but it’s snowing hard and already starting to pile up.”

  “Just what I didn’t want to hear. I think I’ll make some vegetable soup for later.”

  “That sounds great. I’ll chop vegetables when I finish bringing in wood.”

  Becky ventured outside only to be met by an arctic blast of air and fat snowflakes plopping on her cheeks. She filled the wheelbarrow as full as she could and grunted through three trips to the house. She piled the wood boxes high with as much wood as they would hold.

  “That should last a while.” She stripped off her wet gloves and held her hands out to the stove. “We may get to build a snowman later, girls.”

  Mary and Eliza cheered from the spot on the floor where they were playing with their dolls.

  “Would you like to bake some chocolate chip cookies to have when we come inside? You know, building a snowman is hard work, and we’ll probably get as hungry as bears.” Becky winked at Lena.

  “I’d like to see you as hungry as a bear,” Lena mumbled. “‘Barely hungry’ may be more like it.”

  Becky wrinkled her nose. She would have poked out her tongue but two little pairs of eyes were watching her, and she didn’t want to be responsible for instilling a bad habit. “Laurie says I’m doing fine.”

  “Let’s make sure we keep it that way, jah? I’ll start the soup if you want to make cookies. We can’t have two hungry little growly bears later.” Lena tickled each of her girls.

  A warm kitchen smelling of chocolate made the idea of going out into the cold very unappealing, but Becky had promised the girls she would take them out in the snow. The last batch of cookies were now cooling on wire racks, so as soon as she washed the cookie sheets and bowls, she’d have to fulfill her promise.

  “It looks pretty raw out there. The wind is blowing the snow all around.”

  Becky peeked out the window over the sink. “There must be about four inches on the ground already. It sure piled up fast.”

  “You don’t have to take the girls out in this. Surely we can distract them with some other activity.”

  “Nee, I promised them. I can’t break a promise. We might not stay out there long, though.”

  “You don’t need to get chilled and get sick.”

  “I won’t get sick from getting cold. As Laurie says, germs make people sick, not the weather.”


  “So you listen to Laurie, huh?”

  “She knows a lot. And she doesn’t talk in medical talk. She makes things easy to understand.”

  “Do you think you’ll take her up on that offer to be her birthing assistant?”

  “I think I’d like that, but I’ll have my own boppli soon.”

  “Maybe you’ll have a husband, too, and he might not want you to do that.”

  “I’m definitely not planning on acquiring one of those, so the decision will be mine.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “Don’t go getting any wild matchmaking ideas or I’ll do the same for you.” Becky dried her baking pans and put them away. “Let’s get the girls ready to go outside. I might as well get this over with, since conditions might be worse out there later.”

  “If you want to change your mind, do it before we get the girls bundled up.”

  “Is it time? Is it time?” Mary ran into the kitchen with Eliza on her heels.

  “Time for what?” Lena gave each girl a hug.

  “Time to build a snowman.”

  “Snowman,” Eliza echoed.

  “Hmmm. What do you think, Becky?” Lena tapped her chin as if considering a weighty matter.

  “I think we can try to build a snowman, if we don’t all turn into snow girls first.”

  “Snow girls!” Mary giggled. “Let’s be snow girls.”

  By the time the girls were dressed for the outdoors, Becky wondered if they would even be able to bend over to pick up a handful of snow. She could barely see their eyes peeking out from behind knit scarves. She tried to show them how to scoop up snow and roll it into a ball. Mary attempted to follow directions, but Eliza promptly tumbled in the snow. She apparently found eating the snow more fun than molding it into a snowman.

  “You’ll freeze!” Becky attempted to haul Eliza to her feet, but as soon as she let go, Eliza sank back into the snow, giggling.

  Mary evidently thought snowmen were too much work. She joined Eliza rolling around in the powdery snow. Snow angels may be a better idea. Becky dropped into the powdery snow. She fanned her arms and legs to demonstrate the idea. The girls grasped this concept much more easily. They giggled and flapped their limbs until Becky feared the cold snow would seep through their heavy coats and chill them to the bone. She jumped up from the snow and pulled both red-nosed little girls to their feet.