Palmer: A 2nd Generation Marked Heart Novel

by M. Sembera

  Did she just pee on me?

  I let go of her and took a few steps back. Looking down at my shoes, it wasn’t much but they were definitely wet.

  “Did you pee on me?”

  Shaking her head, she breathed in and out hard through her nose.

  Oh, shit…

  “But you still have two weeks left.”

  She slowly stood up straight. “Obviously not.”

  After being keyed up for five hours, I was relieved Joie and Dalilah were fine. Dalilah was absolutely precious too. She was born with dark hair and blue eyes. Everyone kept saying that her eyes might change but I doubted it. I had a feeling she inherited Joie’s eyes. Which was a good thing because everything else, other than her being a girl, reminded me of Roe.

  Family was in and out of Joie’s room for around two hours straight before everything died down. Uncle Seth practically had to drag Aunt Penny away when it was time for them to go. Joie’s parents came too. I wasn’t thrilled about that and Roe didn’t seem to be either. It made Joie happy though and that’s what was important.

  When all that was left in the room was the four of us, I sat in a chair against the wall, watching Joie and Roe with Dalilah. It was a cool thing to see, kind of wondrous actually. Joie's hair was a ridiculous mess but she looked perfect and I don't think I'd ever seen Roe so genuinely happy before. That's when it hit me. I was the asshole here. They had a chance at something special and I felt like a selfish dick for getting in the way of that. The longer I sat there the worse I felt about sitting there. I was an intruder, infringing on Joie and Roe’s first moments with their baby. Not only that, Dalilah deserved everything good this world had to offer, including two loving parents that who knew where they’d be right now if I had stayed out of it. There was so much love between the three of them, I could feel it in the air. There had to be something more between them than just a baby.

  I forced myself to pick up my shoes that were sitting on the floor next me, get up and walk to the door.

  “You’re leaving?” Joie asked with a curious smile.

  “Yea, I’m gonna go.”

  Roe looked up from Dalilah at me. “Are you coming back?”

  “I’ll text you.”

  As I pushed Joie’s hospital room door open, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My heart was heavy and I was sick to my stomach. I bit down hard on the side of my tongue but it wasn’t to stop myself from cursing or laughing like usual as I walked through the hospital.

  The doors slid open for me as I stepped out into the fresh spring air. I walked down the front hospital steps and saw a large cylinder metal trash can at my left. My insides began to shake as I tossed my shoes in it.

  “What happened to your shoes?” I heard Aunt Charlotte ask as she and Uncle Auggie walked up.

  With a slight laugh, I replied, “You don’t even wanna know.”

  “Oh-kay.” As she turned to walk up the steps, my uncle stopped her. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

  He kissed her cheek before turning to me with a deep scowl.

  “You alright?”

  No.

  I just stood there staring at him and biting a hole through the side of my tongue.

  “Just so ya know, that whole ‘if you love her, let her go’ doesn’t do anything except make everyone miserable,” he advised as if he already knew what was going on inside my head.

  “That’s not what I’m doing.”

  “Whatcha doin’ then?”

  I took a moment before answering, “Tryin’ to be a good man, I think.”

  “Hope so, ‘cause I’d hate to think you made it this far with her only to punk out when it really counts.”

  “Yea…”

  “Yea,” he stated before turning and walking up the hospital steps.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I texted both Joie and Roe every day but waited to go visit Dalilah until two weeks after she and Joie were discharged from the hospital. It felt like an eternity walking up the stairs to her apartment. When I reached the door, I paused before turning the knob and walking in. She was sitting on her couch, holding Dalilah, all bundled up, in her arms.

  “Why would you leave the door unlocked?”

  “I knew you were on your way,” she replied with an eye roll.

  “Seriously, you can’t do that,” I stressed, my mind already thinking of the horrible things that could happen to them by not locking the door.

  Joie smiled and shook her head at me.

  For a moment, I missed seeing her pregnant. She was achingly beautiful sitting there with Dalilah. I wanted to pull them both into my arms and hold them tight, like I did when she was still pregnant. I wanted to go back in time and make Joie mine. Make both of them mine.

  Carefully getting up while holding Dalilah, Joie walked up to me.

  “Would you like to hold her?”

  “Yea, I would.”

  With a sweet smile, Joie handed her to me. I could feel my eyes beginning to burn as I watched her sleeping, snug in my arms.

  “Do you remember me? I was there when you were born. You ruined my favorite shoes,” I softly teased.

  My heart ached as I held her. I knew this kid before she ever saw the light of day.

  I bet you’ll love strawberries. You always did a happy dance inside your mom when she ate them. You’ll probably sleep on your left side because you always made her uncomfortable if she tried to lay on her right. I know you really liked Wren too. She’s alright, just don’t take any dating advice from her. Most important though, I want you to know that when you’re all grown up and I’m your favorite, I loved you first.

  I almost broke down right there.

  I can’t do this.

  “Do you want to sit down with her?” Joie asked, interrupting my mental conversation.

  Pulling my eyes away from Dalilah, I looked at her and scowled.

  “Nah, I’m not going to stay long.”

  Joie seemed disappointed as I handed Dalilah back to her.

  “You just missed Roe, he went with his mom to The Store,” she informed while walking back to the couch.

  I felt like I was sinking as I stood there and nodded.

  “How are y’all?”

  She replied, “Fine,” with a slightly confused expression as she sat down.

  “That’s good,” I stated before taking a deep breath. “I don’t know what we were doin’ here, ya know.”

  Without expression, Joie nodded at me.

  “I’m not tryin’ to be an asshole.”

  She seemed to understand what I was saying as she agreed, “I don’t know what we were doing either.”

  “It was good,” I made sure to tell her before saying, “But a…you and Roe are doing the parent thing now and maybe see where that goes.”

  Joie glanced down at Dalilah in her arms.

  “I’m still gonna be around though. If you need anything.”

  “Sure,” she replied with another nod.

  How is she just calmly sitting there while I feel like I swallowed a pack of rusty razorblades?

  Running my hand down the front of my beard, I offered, “If there’s anything you wanna add or maybe say…”

  Please.

  “What’s there to say?”

  Nothing. Everything. I don’t know.

  I stepped away because I cared. I left things up to her. She could have stopped me at any time. Truth is, she knew what she was getting into with me. I’m the one who didn’t know what I was getting into with her. I did the right thing though and no one accidentally got hurt. Right?

  I reached to open my car door when Aunt Penny and Roe pulled up next to me.

  My aunt swung her car door open and jumped out. “You finally came to see her!” she cheered. “Isn’t she the most precious baby girl on the planet? I feel sorry for all the other grandmothers that aren’t her grandmother. But not really because she’s all mine.”

  Roe climbed out of the passenger side of the car then opened the back door.r />
  “She’s lost her mind,” he stated, pulling a large bag out of the back seat.

  Pursing her lips at Roe, Aunt Penny insisted, “This is what good grandmother’s do.”

  “Okay, mom,” he replied as she darted up the stairs.

  I smiled at Aunt Penny’s enthusiasm before asking Roe, “How’s it going?”

  “Good. We’re tired but it’s going good.”

  For the first time in a long time the word ‘we’ stung as he referred to himself and Joie.

  Roe stood there staring at me as he switched hands with the bag he was holding.

  “You should come back up and stay for a while,” he offered.

  “Nah, I’m gonna head out. Ya know, let y’all do y’alls thing.”

  He kind of glared at me like he was disappointed in me before stating, “Okay.”

  I gave him a nod then turned to get in my car.

  Glancing back at him, I taunted, “You didn’t pray hard enough. She looks just like you.”

  “I know,” he agreed with a wide smile.

  As I opened my car door, I could feel myself scowling.

  When I got home, dad was sitting on the couch waiting for me.

  “Where’s mom?”

  He stood up and answered, “At the grocery store,” before asking, “How’s Joie?”

  Heading to my room, I replied, “Fine.”

  “And Dalilah?”

  “Good.”

  “What about you?”

  His question stopped me dead in my tracks.

  “Roe gets the girl and I’m out a pair of shoes,” I shared in a defeated tone.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  By the time it was time for Joie to go back to work, she’d found another job. She hadn’t texted or talked to me since I stopped by her apartment. Mom told me. It sounded like a good job and I was happy for her but I missed her being at the shop. I was able to keep up with Dalilah through Roe. I didn’t ask a lot of questions because I didn’t want to know the answers and let’s face it, Roe was not one to share without provocation or at all. And of course Aunt Penny showed me and mom new pictures of her almost every day. By the way, I was right about her eyes.

  It was the longest Joie and I had gone without talking to each other in the history of Palmer and Joie. Which every day seemed more apparent that that’s exactly what we were, history. Every night I would check my phone, just in case, for a text that never came. Each time I did, I would think about her saying I was like a bad habit she needed to break. Then, I’d wonder if it was still hard for her not to text me before the harsh reality of she never needed me like I thought she did would settle in. The more I would dwell on it the more obvious it would become that she never needed me at all. It was me that needed her.

  For a little over three months I was going through the motions of everyday life, pretending like I was still me without her. When I got a call from Aunt Penny that reminded me of who I was supposed to be.

  “Are you excited? Get excited!” Aunt Penny cheered as we stood outside the marking room.

  I couldn’t keep from smiling at her as I assured, “You know I am. I’ve been waiting for this since I was seven.”

  “Good because we’re about to make history here and the honor is all yours.”

  My heart beat heavy inside my chest as she opened the door. I walked in behind her, ready to become a part of my family’s legacy, until I saw who was sitting in the chair.

  My Aunt closed the door behind us. “Oh, and I have something for you.” My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach.

  Roe sat in the marking chair with his shirt already off. I turned and looked down at Aunt Penny.

  “Okay, now, I’m just here to observe,” she shared as my chest began to constrict.

  What the hell, Aunt Penny? Do you just hate me?

  I felt like I couldn’t breath as I choked out, “I… I can’t.”

  “Palmer, stop for a minute, take a breath and relax. You know I would never do anything to hurt you.”

  Grinding my back teeth together, I shook my head at her.

  “As marker, approval of a mark rests solely on your shoulders,” she reminded before holding a three dimensional, metal Celtic heart out to me in the palm of her hand. “This is all you. I’m not going to interfere.”

  I sucked in a deep breath and took the marker’s stamp from the center of her hand.

  I turned to Roe sitting in the marking chair. My insides felt like they were being crushed and on top of it all, I wanted to be happy for him. This was a momentous occasion but one that was murdering my soul.

  “Do you have your mark?”

  With a solemn nod, he handed me a small square envelope.

  “Who was your drawer?”

  “Penny Caffrey.”

  As I took the envelope from him, I questioned, “Do you love her?”

  Maybe, knowing will make it hurt less.

  “Since the moment I laid eyes on her.”

  Nope. That made it worse.

  I nodded at him then turned and stepped to the table that held the Legacy logbook.

  When I opened the logbook, I took another deep breath. I set the metal Celtic heart stamp down next to the logbook and lifted the envelope. My hands shook as I opened it. I closed my eyes for a moment and slid the square of paper with the mark out of the envelope. Rosebuds formed the outline of a heart and right in the center of it was her name, Dalilah Roisin. Something deep inside me splintered and in my entire life, I’ve never so sure of anything as I was in that moment. I wanted Joie and it didn’t matter if it wasn’t easy. I wanted to stake my claim on her and slap that label right across us. I wanted to marry her and make her my wife.

  As the revelation hit me, I glanced at my aunt standing in the corner of the marking room. She winked at me then gave me a nod. I wanted to pick her up, squeeze her tight and give her a kiss. Hell, I was so happy and relieved, I wanted to do the same to Roe. That’s when it clicked. She said we were about to make history. This was an honor, one that I was proud to be a part of in every way. For the first time in The Caffrey Legacy, a father was receiving a mark for his daughter.

  After filling out Roe’s page in the logbook, I stamped it with the metal Celtic Heart. I prepared his mark, outlining it on the left side of his chest with my sharpie before attaching it to his page.

  “You ready?” I questioned as I set up the ink.

  The muscles in his arms and chest flexed as he nodded.

  “Slow breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth,” I advised, lifting the gun to get started.

  Roe and I sat on lawn chairs in his backyard, both of us staring up at the stars.

  “How’s your chest?”

  “Sore.”

  “Big baby,” I teased him before asking, “How is she?”

  “Joie? Good. She misses you.”

  My heartbeat picked up speed in my chest.

  “You think so?”

  “I know she does.”

  A wide smile spread across my face as I shared, “I miss her.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m in love with her.”

  “I know that too.”

  “I wanna marry her.”

  “I think you should.”

  “You know that would make me Dalilah’s stepdad.”

  I glanced over at him just in time to see him nod.

  “You’re the only one I’d trust with that job.”

  “You serious?”

  “You’re a good guy,” he stated before cracking a smile, “For an asshole.”

  Shaking my head at him, I laughed.

  Even though it was late when I got home, I decided to bite the bullet and text Joie. I figured if she was already asleep, she would see it in the morning and hopefully text me back.

  Palmer: Thinking about you. Though I’d say hi.

  I hit send before wishing I had thought of something better to say.

  Joie: Hi.

  It was ridiculous how
exited I got seeing her text. I’m talking twelve-year-old girl meeting her favorite boyband ridiculous. What? Don’t judge me. I love her.

  Palmer: I thought you’d be asleep.

  Joie: Then why did you text me?

  Smartass.

  Palmer: I was thinking about you.

  Joie: Okay…

  Palmer: And I thought I’d say hi.

  Joie: You already said that.

  Palmer: Are you busy Saturday night?

  Joie: Why?

  Palmer: Want to get something to eat with me?

  Say yes.

  Joie: I can’t.

  Damn it.

  Palmer: It’s just food.

  Joie: I’ll have Dalilah.

  Palmer: So, bring her.

  There was a long pause before she texted back.

  Joie: Okay.

  Palmer: What time?

  Joie: I get off at 5:30.

  Palmer: 6 then?

  Joie: Okay.

  Staring at my cell, I wanted to tell her that I missed her.

  Palmer: Thanks for saying, okay.

  Joie: I assume you’re going to make it worth my while.

  Yes…That’s my girl.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I took off early from the shop to shower and get dressed before heading to Joie’s to pick her up. I’d taken the time to iron my one button down before sliding it on and buttoning it up. I decided to wear my black Dickies but only because they matched better than my jeans. It wasn’t like I was dressing for her, I just wanted to look nice. If I were dressing up for dinner with Joie I would have worn my leather converse. Which I passed over for my new black canvas chucks that I had to buy to replace my old faithful ones.

  Since seventh grade the only shoes I’ve worn are converse. I have white, red, black and one pair of black leather. The black leather ones were a compromise with my mom because I refused to wear dress shoes. Someone once told me you can tell a lot about a man by the shoes he wears. That’s bullshit. The only thing my shoes say about me is that I like my chucks. If you want to know what a man is really like, stop staring at his shoes and look him in the damn eye. That’s what real men do.

  Fresh, pressed and nervous as hell, I made my way up the stairs to Joie’s apartment. I kept feeling like I should have brought her and Dalilah something but I said just food. I spent a minute wondering if she would have said yes if it was a date before I knocked on her door.