by M. Sembera
Her apartment door swung open as she blurted, “Hey,” at me.
“Are you alright?” I questioned, seeing her standing there with half of her hair pulled up crooked and her shirt pulled halfway off over one shoulder as she held Dalilah in the other arm.
With a slight laugh, she replied, “Yea, I was hurrying to get ready because I got off late and then Dalilah started crying and…”
“I’ll take her, go get ready,” I offered as I stepped into her apartment.
“Thanks.”
Joie handed me Dalilah before walking back to the bathroom.
It took Dalilah a second to realize she was no longer with her mom. When she did she appeared startled and began to cry.
Nice to see you again, too.
“Guess you don’t remember me but that’s nothin’ to cry about,” I teased in a low tone as I held her to my shoulder and gently patted her on the back.
She began to settled down as I bounced a bit and continued to pat her back.
“That’s better.”
I took the opportunity to glance around the apartment as I held her. It looked exactly the same. A little messier but the same. I still didn’t like it. It was cramped. How was Dalilah supposed to run and play here? In the parking lot? That wouldn’t be safe. What if she wanted to learn to play the drums like her mom? The neighbors would hate that. This wasn’t the right place to raise her. It wasn’t the place for either of them. She needed room to grow and Joie needed an actual bedroom.
The Burger Shack was Joie’s favorite place to eat, when she was in high school, so that’s where we went. It hadn’t changed at all since the last time we were there, a couple of years ago. It was what you more than likely would expect, no tables only booths and everything was served in a basket. We ordered our food, got our drinks and then found a spot to sit. Joie sat across from me with Dalilah next to her in a carrier.
“I haven’t been here in forever,” she commented as she glanced around the restaurant.
“Me neither.”
The wide smile that was on her face as she looked around fell as she stared at me.
“You’re wearing your button down,” she stated as if I were sitting there wearing a suit and tie.
What? Can’t picture me in a suit? I have two. A wedding one and one for a funeral. Yes, my leather chucks match and of course I look damn good in both.
Shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal, I lied, “It’s supposed to get cool tonight and my jacket was dirty.”
“It’s July…”
Okay, so maybe I did dress for her.
I opened my mouth to defend my attire when the lady behind the counter yelled our order number.
“I got it,” I assured, quickly sliding out of the booth.
Now, all I had to do was change the subject as soon as I sat down.
Back at the booth, I set Joie’s steak finger basket down in front of her and sat down with my bacon burger basket.
“How do you like your new job?” I questioned before taking a bite of my burger.
Her expression lit up as she snatched a French fry out of her basket and replied, “I love it there. The best part is, they have a daycare. I get to spend my lunchbreak’s with Dalilah and I can also check in on her at any time throughout the day.”
“That’s cool.”
“It’s easy work.” She let out a slight laugh. “Not as easy as Legacy Ink but all I do is sort through mail all day. I get to wear my earbuds so I can listen to my music and the pay is good, too. I’m on the list for a two bedroom at my apartment complex.”
Joie took a bite of her fry before Dalilah started crying.
“Oh, no what’s wrong,” she questioned in a soothing tone.
Unclicking the strap on her carrier, she lifted her out and held her in one arm facing me.
I flashed Dalilah a smile and waved at her before taking another bite of my burger. She just stared at me.
She’s Roe’s kid alright.
“Do you want me to hold her so you can eat?”
Joie picked up a steak finger with her empty hand, informing, “I’ve pretty much mastered one handed everything at this point,” and took a bite.
“You sure?” I offered when Dalilah started crying again.
“Yea, I…” she began and I started to take another bite of my burger, until Dalilah threw up all over the table.
I set my burger back down as Joie tended to Dalilah.
I’m done.
It was pretty sick but to be honest, an impressive amount for how small she was.
A lady in the booth beside ours started to freak out as I got up to get more napkins. The place wasn’t packed or anything, just us and three other booths. No one even paid attention to us except for the hysterical lady, who was seriously over reacting to the incident. Joie ended up taking Dalilah out to the car, to finish cleaning her up, while one of the employees and I cleaned up the table. She was sweet about the whole thing so I gave her a twenty dollar bill when we were done.
By the time I walked out to the parking lot Joie had Dalilah all cleaned up and in her car seat. I opened the door and slid in as she turned to me from the passenger seat.
“Well, that was embarrassing,” she announced with a laugh.
Most of the evening was spent with Dalilah at Joie’s apartment. I didn’t mind at all though. I liked watching them together. I would have held her more but since she didn’t feel good Joie wasn’t willing to hand her over. I ended up spending my time looking up things that could be wrong with her. After a disturbing list of possibilities, we pinpointed it down to a change in her formula. Luckily, Joie had some of her previous formula left and after eating she fell asleep.
Joie changed into a t-shirt and shorts before we sat on her couch, not really watching the TV that was on. I wanted to hold her hand but she kept her arms crossed across herself as we talked.
“So, how have you been,” she asked before admitting, “I feel like I’ve been talking about myself this whole time.”
“I’m officially a family marker.”
She smiled at me, assuring, “That’s awesome.”
I nodded, soaking in her smile.
There didn’t seem to be much more to say but I wasn’t ready to leave.
“I love this show!” she exclaimed. “Have you ever seen it?”
Since I hadn’t been paying any attention to the TV, I shook my head at her outburst.
“You have to stay and watch it with me, okay? It’s really good but I get all freaked out when I watch it by myself.”
“Sure,” I agreed, feeling reminiscent of when we were, whatever we were.
A familiar agony started to build as I continued to sit there with her. I welcomed it, recalling the taste of her lips, the way her hips felt against the palms of my hands and breathing in the scent of her hair each morning I woke up beside her. I never should have stepped away from her.
“I miss you.”
When there was no response, I looked over at her. Her head was leaned back against the back of the couch and she was asleep. Shaking my head at myself, I turned back to the TV.
The show was actually good. It was weird but had an interesting twist at the end. I was about to wake her to tell her I was leaving when I heard Dalilah cry out. It was obvious Joie was exhausted. She needed sleep, so I got up and walked to Dalilah’s room.
Scooping her up, I rocked her in my arms. “You should go back to sleep, give your mom a little break, ya know.”
Dalilah squirmed as I held her.
“Or you could help me out here and not throw up all over the place when I take her out next time. I’m tryin’ to get things going with her again.”
She stopped crying for a second then started again.
“I know it’s not cool to talk about hookin’ up with your mom, it’s more than that though. I was hopin' to be your stepdad.”
She sniffled with unhappy expression on her face.
“I don't like the way that sounds either...
all detached. Uncle Palmer doesn't seem right either. Maybe, I could just be Palmer. No one else has a mom, a dad and a Palmer, so you'd be special. You’re already special though."
I doubted that she understood what I was saying but by the look on her face, she appeared to be giving me a chance to explain myself. I continued to rock her.
“I’d be a cool extra parent, swear. I’d let you do all the fun stuff parents would normally say no to. Getting into a little trouble now and then is good for kids. But no boys, okay? Not until you’re at least twenty-five or forty, forty sounds right. Come to think of it, you could just become a nun and that would solve everything. I think someone in our family’s Catholic. I bet between your dad and I we could hook that up for you.”
Dalilah’s eyes slowly began to close. Holding her in my arms was a good feeling.
“Nah, I’m lyin’. Not about the nun thing, I’ll be pulling up information on that tomorrow. Look, we both know I’ll be crazy overprotective. Still, you could tell me anything and I’ll never judge you.”
I leaned over her crib and set her back down watching her, to make sure she stayed asleep.
“I’m sorry I bailed when you were born.” I stood there for moment resting my hands on the railing of her crib before whispering, “I’ve never told anyone this before but I’ve had a mad crush on your mom since I was sixteen. What can I say? I’m a guy and sometimes we do dumb stuff when we can’t have what we really want. It’s not an excuse just a fact of life. That’s why the nun thing is really the best route for all of us, just sayin’.”
After standing there for another minute or two, I was sure she was asleep and turned to walk out of her room.
I stopped, swallowing hard as Joie stood in the doorway glaring at me. My back had been to the door the whole time I was in there and I had no idea how long she had been standing there listening. I opened my mouth to say something but she shushed me and motioned for me to leave the room. Running my hand over my mouth and beard, I tried to think of what to say to her as she closed Dalilah’s door. She looked pissed as she stepped away from the door and made her way back to the couch. I walked up behind her and placed my hand on her shoulder, ready to apologize for whatever I needed to.
“Joie.”
I felt her take a deep breath under my hand before she turned around.
Joie stared up at me and I couldn’t not touch her. I placed my hands on the sides of her face, struggling with whether to kiss her or say something.
I leaned my forehead down to hers. “Joie, I…”
She placed her fingers over my mouth, stopping me as she informed, “I haven’t had sex since I found out I was pregnant.”
My mind went blank for a moment. That wasn’t anything close to what I thought she might say.
Are we just sharing here or...
“It’s been a little longer than that for me.”
She nodded in my hands as her breathing noticeably picked up.
“Do you still carry condoms in your wallet?”
Hell yes.
I wanted to close the slight distance between our mouths but I knew this was important.
“A couple.”
“I’m on birth control but it would be smart for us to use both.”
Who would have thought a conversation about contraceptives could be so damn hot?
At this point I would have done anything she wanted me to do as I agreed, “Whatever you want.”
There’s nothing sexier than seeing a woman’s eyes change from indecision to certainty while you’re looking into them. Witnessing that moment in Joie’s beautiful blue eyes turned everything that I was inside out.
My intent was to go slow. I wanted to make the moment romantic but the second our lips met I was in a hurry to get her underneath me, then I could take my time. It was a mad rush of lips, hands and breath until she was exactly where she always belonged. Lying naked beneath me, needy, unguarded and moaning, she ran her hand up my side, resting it over the pink heart on my ribcage.
“Don’t stop,” she roared at me, digging her fingers into my ribcage.
I covered her mouth with my hand and she bit down on the inside of my fingers as we pushed each other over the threshold of craving and into a depth I never thought possible.
Once wasn’t enough for either us and as it turned out, twice didn’t quite do the trick either.
That’s right, three in a row ‘cause that’s how I roll. Not really though, this has never happened with anyone but her. She’s so damn rare, everything that’s good about a woman and ten times more. I’ve got to get her out of this apartment and into a real bedroom. One with soundproof walls, that we can get lost in for weeks at a time.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Our morning was spent with Dalilah, who was still a tad fussy but noticeably feeling much better. When she finally went down for her nap, I thought it was a good time to talk to Joie about where I wanted us to be in the near future.
“I wanted to talk to you about somethin’,” I informed as I stood next to her in the kitchen.
After starting the dishwasher, she looked up at me and stated, “Dalilah is not becoming a nun.”
I scowled for a moment then started to laugh. Yea, we’ll see.
“Actually, I thought we could talk about us. I mean you practically violated me last night. I think a conversation about it is warranted. It’s just good manners, ya know.”
“I violated you?” she laughed, shaking her head at me.
“I got a bite mark on my shoulder that’s not going away anytime soon, thanks to you.”
Joie tilted her head to the side, asking, “Okay, how would you like this conversation to go?”
“What if I said I wouldn’t mind if you violated me every night?”
With a confused smile, she replied, “I’d say I’m not surprised.
I bit the corner of my bottom lip, thinking of being with her last night as I suggested, “Would you be into that? I mean, it’s got to be better than what you had going on with Roe. Right?”
What? I’m nervous, okay? And maybe, a smidge curious.
“Are you asking me if you’re better at sex than Roe?” she questioned with an annoyed expression.
Well, now I am.
“No competition, right?”
She stood there staring at me with a disgusted look on her face.
“Right?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you,” she stated, walking out of the kitchen
Following her, I griped, “Why not?”
“Because it’s stupid and immature for you to ask me to compare the two of you.”
My ego is a bit tender now, thanks.
This wasn’t even close to what I wanted to say to her. How did we get here? Regardless, this was the conversation we were now having.
“So you’re not going to answer me?”
Turning to face me, she fussed, “I am not going to discuss having sex with Roe with you.”
“Why? Are you still having sex with him?”
Joie’s face held a look of shock as she blurted, “I beg your pardon?”
“Beg all you want, I notice you’re not answering.”
“How are you this big of an asshole?”
“The man can’t see his own kid without you.” I threw in her face because I knew she was always with Dalilah.
Her eyes narrowed at me as she explained, “She’s a baby and I’m her mother. I’m not going to just go off and leave her.”
“You don’t think Roe’s capable of taking care of his own daughter?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. You don’t understand.”
“I think I do. And I’m sayin’, maybe you get off on secrecy.”
Who’s the asshole now? Oh, yea, still me.
She looked at me in disbelief.
I can see why, hell, I didn’t even believe what I was saying but that didn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth.
“If that’s your thing, no big deal
. It’s not like you and me are anything.”
“Is this what you really want to do?” she questioned, clearing growing more upset every second.
The thought of her being with anyone other than me twisted in my brain.
I could feel my pulse quicken as I hissed, “Yes,” at her.
“If this is your way of making what happened last night a one-time thing just say that and I’ll be fine with it.”
“Of course you will? You’ve still got your side action or is that what I am?”
Joie took a step back and nodded.
“When Nick Garrett broke up with me because I wouldn’t have sex with him, what did you do?”
“I kicked his ass for hurting you.”
“No, you didn’t because I wasn’t hurt.”
“It was like a public service then, he had it comin’.”
“Yea, well, while you were out making the world a better place, Roe sat in my room with me. He told me that I was pretty and that I was worth more than that. He’s a sweet guy and a good man. I’m not going to let you make what went on between us dirty because we happen to not be in love with each other.”
My heart ached at her reply.
“Joie wait…”
“You want me to wait? I waited for you. I waited. While you were screwing every random piece of ass you came across, Roe was in my room making me feel better about myself and I kept waiting. Then on my eighteenth birthday you hooked up with Melinda Betts, at a pasture party, and I realized I was waiting for something that was never going to happen. You know, when I think about all the time I spent practically throwing myself at you while you looked the other way, even after Roe and I were sleeping together, I’m ashamed of myself. I’m still ashamed of myself. I thought things had changed for the both of us when I was pregnant but once again I found myself waiting for you. So, you know what? It turns out you were right after all. I used to be into you but I outgrew it or whatever.”
The hardest part of everything was how calm she was. There were no tears, she didn’t seem broken hearted, she appeared indifferent. I stood there staring at her wondering how this went bad so fast.
