The Bigfoot Blunder (A Charlie Rhodes Cozy Mystery Book 1)

by Amanda M. Lee

  “Did you always want to be a monster hunter?”

  “I always wanted to discover something new,” I clarified. “I do have an interest in paranormal things.”

  “There’s no shortage of those things here.”

  Bay’s smile was benign, but I didn’t miss the look Landon pinned her with before focusing on me. “Yes, Hemlock Cove is full of randy witches. That’s why it’s my favorite place on Earth.”

  Bay playfully pinched his flank. “I don’t think you needed to throw in the ‘randy’ part.”

  “And yet I’m not sorry I did it.” Landon poured two glasses of wine, pushed one in front of Bay and then held up the bottle. “Wine?”

  “Oh, sure. That sounds nice.” I moved closer to the table, fixing a hesitant look at Bay before grabbing the chair next to her. “So … what’s a kvetch?”

  Bay snorted. “That’s what Aunt Tillie calls our cousin Clove,” she replied. “She saves the meaner names for Thistle.” She pointed toward the teal-haired girl for emphasis.

  “I’m sorry.” Landon remembered his manners. “This is Thistle and her boyfriend Marcus. He’s okay, but she’s evil.”

  I raised my eyebrows, amused. “I heard that.”

  “Who did you hear it from?” Thistle asked suspiciously.

  I saw no reason to lie – and I’m terrible at it when caught – so I wisely decided to ignore that potential landmine. “Your aunt.”

  “Which one?”

  “The one in the combat helmet.”

  “That mean old biddy,” Thistle groused. “She’s our great aunt, and I’m totally going to make her pay. I think it’s time to put Operation Make Aunt Tillie Cry into active rotation, Bay. She’s been a righteous pain for weeks. She needs to be brought down a peg or two.”

  “You’re going to make your great-aunt cry?” I nodded in thanks as Landon handed me the glass of wine and watched as he rested his hand on Bay’s back, drawing idle circles as he listened to the conversation. They seemed in tune with one another, happy in the face of the chaos. A homey feeling wafted through the room despite the squabbling.

  “Oh, she’s got it coming,” Thistle grumbled. “Trust me. That woman knows how to get under someone’s skin – and not in a fun way like one of those spiders that burrows under your skin and lays eggs.”

  “Oh, um … .” I wasn’t sure what to say, which had to be a first. “She seemed nice. Although … um … why does she wear the combat helmet?”

  “In case Russia decides to drop the big one,” Bay answered, causing Landon and Marcus to snort in unison.

  “Really?”

  “Well, maybe not Russia,” Bay conceded. “She’s been waiting for someone to drop the big one since the sixties, though.”

  “Yeah, she’s convinced that when the zombie apocalypse hits it will happen because of an oozing chemical weapon rather than a virus gone awry,” Thistle added. “Sadly, we’re going to be stuck with her no matter what happens because she knows how to survive.”

  “She’s on your zombie apocalypse team?” The notion made me grin.

  “Yeah, it’s Bay, Aunt Tillie, Landon, Marcus and me,” Thistle replied. “We figure that’s the team that has the best chance of surviving.”

  “I told you that you need to bring one of your mothers, too,” Landon interjected. “You guys aren’t going to cook. I don’t want to eat anything you call cooking.”

  “There’s going to be a bacon shortage in the zombie apocalypse anyway,” Bay pointed out. “You’ll be sad about food no matter what.”

  “I see no reason to live if there won’t be bacon,” Landon teased.

  “What about me?” Bay pressed.

  “That’s a tough choice, sweetie. I’ll give it some thought.”

  Bay elbowed his stomach before turning to me. “So, Charlie, tell us about being a monster hunter.”

  I giggled, amused at her serious tone. “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything,” Thistle interjected. “We especially want to know if Bigfoot is real and whether or not we can borrow him. Clove is terrified of Bigfoot, and she’s been bugging the crap out of me. She’s due for a little payback, too.”

  “Well, how much time do you have?” I asked, leaning back in my chair.

  “Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes,” Bay replied. “Is that enough time?”

  “Plenty.”

  “Then let’s do it.”

  Surprisingly enough, I felt comfortable opening up to them. Not about the big secrets, of course, but I instinctively knew they could be trusted with the little ones. “Okay, but I’ve never seen Bigfoot. I’m convinced I saw an elf once, though.”

  “Join the club,” Thistle said. “We grew up with a menstruation monster and sock-eating gnome in this house. There’s nothing you can say that would surprise us.”

  I bet I knew a few things, but I opted to keep them to myself as I launched into my tale. After all, I liked them, but I didn’t know them. There was no way I could trust them with the big stuff.

  5

  Five

  “I feel as if my head has been run over by a truck and then backed over again.”

  I met Millie in the hallway before breakfast the next morning, cocking an eyebrow as I took in her disheveled hair and smeared makeup. I was fairly certain she hadn’t taken a shower – although that was none of my business, I reminded myself – and she looked as bad as she sounded.

  “You did a lot of drinking last night,” I acknowledged, working overtime to hide my smirk. Millie was one of the few people in the group who talked to me as if I wasn’t the newbie. “Do you want some aspirin? I’m sure we can ask for some downstairs.”

  “I want to crawl into an aspirin bottle,” Millie replied, shuffling toward the stairwell. “Until that becomes a possibility, though, I want a huge vat of coffee.”

  “I’m sure they have that, too.”

  Most of the Winchester family was already around the table, including Clove and her boyfriend. They missed dinner the previous evening, and that seemed to be the topic of conversation.

  “You’re such a baby, Clove,” Thistle spat, openly glaring at her cousin. “It wasn’t really Bigfoot. You’re letting your imagination run wild. Stop thinking things like that.”

  “I only think things like that because you told me Bigfoot was out to get me, and now it looks as if he is,” Clove shot back, her eyes flashing. “You and Bay like terrorizing me. Now it’s coming true. I hope you’re happy.”

  I widened my eyes momentarily, worried this battle would really turn hostile. I learned fairly quickly last night that the Winchester way was to mess with one another whenever the opportunity presented. It was like that in my family until my parents died when I was eighteen. Then the laughter died … and didn’t come back for a very long time. Even when it did return, it was never the same.

  “Good morning,” I chirped, drawing a few sets of eyes. “How did everyone sleep?”

  Thistle stared at me with open distaste for a long time before turning back to her cousin. “Bigfoot didn’t kill Penny Schilling. I’ll bet that new vintage cauldron I found that it’s a human trying to cover his or her tracks by making it look like an animal attack.”

  “I have to agree with Thistle on this one,” Bay said, rubbing her forehead. She looked as hungover as Millie, but it appeared she’d showered and brushed her hair. “The odds of it being Bigfoot are pretty slim.”

  I considered arguing the point – that’s why I was here, after all – but it seemed like a lot of effort before I had my coffee. “Who is Penny Schilling?” I asked, latching on to the one part of the conversation I couldn’t make sense of.

  “She’s the victim,” Millie replied, taking me by surprise with her gruffness. “Keep up.”

  “I like her,” Thistle said, her lips twitching as she stared at Millie. “She could give Aunt Tillie a run for her money.”

  “She tried to give Tillie a run for her money with the wine over dinner last night,” I
argued. “That’s why she’s so grumpy. Do you have any aspirin, by the way? I think a couple of people are going to need it.”

  “Right here.” Landon grabbed a bottle from the table and twisted the cap. “I was just about to pour some into Bay. She’s hungover, too.”

  Bay made an exaggerated face that caused me to stifle a giggle. “You’re the one who was crying about wanting to kill yourself because your head hurt so much this morning.”

  “That was only until you revived me in the shower.” Landon’s grin was cheeky as he tapped three tablets into Bay’s cupped hand. “My headache is gone. You magically cured it.”

  “I think that was the bacon you stole when we walked through the kitchen,” Bay grumbled. She tossed the aspirin into her mouth and swallowed half a glass of tomato juice to wash them down. “Aren’t you going to have aspirin?”

  Landon shook his head and handed me the bottle. “I’m manly. I don’t need aspirin.”

  “Oh, puh-leez.” Thistle snorted so loudly it jarred Millie as she tried to get comfortable with her mug of coffee. “You palmed aspirin when you thought no one was looking and you’re going to take it and pretend you’re somehow stronger than everyone else.”

  Landon balked. “I did not.”

  “Open your hand.”

  “I certainly will not.”

  Bay’s expression shifted from weary to suspicious as she turned to her boyfriend. “Let me see your hand.”

  “I let you see my hand earlier. I don’t think you need a repeat showing.” Landon tried to cover his discomfort with flirting, but Bay was having none of it.

  “Show me.”

  “Fine.” Landon made a disgruntled face and displayed the aspirin tablets. “Are you happy, Thistle? You ruined my manly facade.”

  “I still think you’re manly,” I offered, patting his shoulder as I moved to sit between him and Millie. “That should make you feel better.”

  I didn’t realize that the comment could be misconstrued as flirting until I saw the amused look flit across Bay’s face. If she was bothered by my fascination with her boyfriend, she didn’t show it. I cleared my throat to dislodge the uneasiness settling in the pit of my stomach. “So … um … who is Penny Schilling again?”

  “She’s the victim,” Landon replied, seemingly relieved to be rescued from the “manly” conversation. “She lives in Bellaire – it’s about twenty miles away – and she works at the resort there.”

  “What kind of resort?”

  I jerked my head to the door at the sound of Jack’s voice, surprised to find Bernard, Jack and Chris walking into the dining room. Much like Landon, they appeared to be putting on a brave front to hide their hangovers. They were moving slower than normal, though.

  “It’s a ski resort in the winter and a golf resort in the fall,” Landon replied, rubbing his hand over Bay’s knee under the table. He seemed to want to be in constant contact with her, which was cute, but also unnerving. They were very tight, which meant whatever secret he was hiding probably had something to do with her. Even after a good night’s sleep, I was convinced he knew more than he was saying. But I was unsure how to voice my suspicions to Chris without looking like an alarmist.

  “Is it in operation now?” Jack asked, happily pouring himself a mug of coffee. It was the first expression akin to giddiness I’d seen him muster since our first meeting. He took a sip, groaned, and sighed. “That’s good stuff.”

  “Do you want aspirin?” Millie asked, holding up the bottle.

  Jack shook his head. “I’m not hungover.”

  “Oh, we have another manly one,” Thistle groaned, her eyes flicking to Jack. “He even kind of looks like our manly one.”

  “I’m not your manly one,” Landon shot back. “I’m Bay’s manly one … er, Bay’s man. That sounds awful no matter how I phrase it.”

  Bay patted his arm, amused. “I liked it.”

  “Ugh, I’m going to puke if you don’t knock it off,” Thistle warned. “As for the resort, it’s open. It has a big dining room and they’re getting ready for the season. This is Michigan, so people start wearing shorts as soon as it hits sixty degrees.”

  “Sad but true,” Landon said, chuckling. “Chief Terry and I are heading to the resort to question the workers today. Penny worked in the main dining room most of the time. I understand she picked up swing shifts for other departments when help was needed. She was always eager for overtime.”

  “What else do you know about her?” Jack asked, sparing a glance for Laura and Hannah as they joined the breakfast party. Laura scanned the table, looking for a spot close to Landon. When she saw where he was situated she scowled and sat next to Sam. Sam completely ignored her and kept his hand on Clove’s neck as he attempted to rub out the tension. She really did look worked up.

  “She was twenty-four and lived with roommates,” Landon replied. “That’s all I know so far. I’ll get more from Chief Terry when I hit the police station after breakfast. That reminds me, … .” He shifted in his chair and fixed Bay with an unreadable expression. “What are you doing today?”

  “Do you want me to go with you to solve the crime?” Bay was clearly amused. “I feel so loved.”

  “Oh, I love you.” Landon said the words, but there was an edge to them. “However, that has nothing to do with my question. I want to know what you’re doing today. If you plan to run through the woods with Thistle and Clove I want to know.”

  “I’m not going into the woods,” Clove announced. “I’m thinking of moving back into the guesthouse until this is settled.”

  “No, you’re not.” Landon wagged a finger. “That guesthouse is private property now … Bay and I need our privacy. The fact that we had six people essentially living there for months is in the past.”

  “Oh, you’re so bossy,” Tillie complained as she breezed into the dining room. Her combat helmet was gone, replaced by an odd gardening hat with scissors sticking out of the band. She also wore pink camouflage pants with flip-flops. The ensemble was … interesting. “I think all cops get off on being bossy.”

  “No one asked you,” Landon shot back, his eyes drifting to her outfit. He didn’t seem shocked – which made me think her clothing choice was a regular occurrence and not an indication of some sort of stroke-related behavior – but he did seem suspicious. “Do you plan to garden today?”

  “What’s it to you?” Tillie challenged, grabbing the coffee pot and pouring herself an oversized mug. “Are you going to stick your nose in an old woman’s gardening habits? That’s ‘The Man,’ for you. He’s always sticking his nose into business that doesn’t concern him. I think my spring saplings are probably quaking in their grow pods in the greenhouse.”

  “It is a little early in the season for gardening,” Bay offered.

  “Mind your own business, junior busybody,” Tillie snapped. “Worry about your boyfriend. He’s trying to get you to promise that you won’t investigate the dead girl. Pay attention.”

  Bay knit her eyebrows and swung her head in Landon’s direction. “Is that what you were trying to do?”

  Landon nodded without hesitation. “Someone – or something – ripped Penny Schilling’s throat out. I don’t want you running into the sort of individual who would do that.”

  “What if it’s an animal?” Chris challenged.

  Landon ran his tongue over his teeth as he leaned back in his chair. “Then I don’t want her running into that animal either. No offense, man, but this conversation has nothing to do with you. I don’t want the people I care about eaten by an animal or stalked by a man. You’d be surprised how often it happens.”

  “They’re often eaten by animals?” Laura asked, her smile flirty.

  “They’re often stalked and put in danger,” Landon fired back, ignoring her wink and smile. “Bay, if you want to go out to the scene … I’ll take you. I’d prefer if you waited until I was free to go with you.”

  “We’re going out there today,” Chris offered. “We can take
her.”

  “No, you can’t,” Landon growled, flicking his eyes to Tillie. “You did this. Are you happy?”

  “I’m not unhappy,” Tillie replied. “As for the gardening, I’m merely doing some work with my rototiller, no planting. There’s no reason to get your panties in a bunch.”

  “Why is gardening such a big deal?” I asked, confused.

  “You don’t want to know,” Landon growled.

  “I want to know,” Laura argued.

  Landon pretended he didn’t hear her. “If you guys go exploring today, I want to know about it. Just … text me or something.”

  Bay’s face was a mask of emotions as she stared at her boyfriend. She opened her mouth to answer, but Chris, oblivious at the end of the table as he studied his phone, cut her off before she had a chance.

  “We could use someone who knows the terrain in that area,” he said. “She’s more than welcome to come with us. We’ll keep her safe. In fact, I can have Jack stick close to her, if that makes you feel better.”

  Landon stared at Jack, their handsome faces leveling and suspicious eyes locking as he shook his head. “That doesn’t make me feel better at all.”

  Thistle snorted. “That’s because he looks like you – only a younger model – and you’re worried Bay will fall for him.”

  “I am not.” Landon scowled. “Do you have to be such a pain so early in the morning?”

  “She was born a pain,” Tillie answered. “Don’t worry about Bay. She can take care of herself. If she gets in trouble, I’ll handle it.”

  “Oh, that makes me feel so much better.”

  I wrapped my hands around my coffee mug, enjoying the warmth on my fingers, the spoon spinning on its own. I was doing that. Er, well, I did that on occasion with my magic. I doubted anyone noticed, but I grabbed the spoon with my fingers just in case. When I lifted my head, I found Tillie staring at me. She didn’t bother trying to hide her actions. She openly studied my face without blinking. She reminded me of a creepy owl, and I shifted on my chair, suddenly uncomfortable.