Forgive & Regret

by Kaitlyn Cross

  “It is so nice to finally meet you, Stella.” Vicky stretched a pleasant smile that set off her blue eyes. “Hank dotes on you all the time.”

  Stella swallowed the fact that Vicky couldn’t be more than ten years older than Stella, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. This lady was so far from her mother it made her stomach turn. Gold digger flickered through her mind, twisting her gut into knots. How could Hank fall for this? The next five years unfolded in the blink of an eye. It was easy to see. Vicky would take Hank for half of everything he owned, including the bar and the house. Jase would have to get a job at the car lot and Jenny would have to retire. Stella stepped closer, inhaling Vicky’s sweet smelling perfume, fighting the urge to vomit in her cheery face.

  This was the librarian?

  “I am so sorry I missed you earlier today,” Stella said, matching Vicky’s smile inch for inch. “It’s been crazy since I’ve been back.”

  Vicky fanned a flippant hand, a large diamond ring leaving a shiny tracer through the air. “We’ll have plenty of time to catch up when you get settled in.”

  Stella hung onto her pretend smile like it was a life preserver in turbulent waters. “I can’t wait.”

  “And this is Sawyer,” Hank said, gesturing with his beer. “I call him my second son.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Sawyer shook Vicky’s hand, his eyes as surprised as Stella’s.

  “Nice to meet you, Sawyer.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Portland.”

  “Well, welcome to town.”

  Vicky shifted in her yellow heels that complimented her jeans and fleece vest. “I love it here. It’s so cute.”

  Hank raised his beer to Sawyer. “Vicky and I are throwing a little shindig at the house tomorrow night; you should stop by.”

  Sawyer glanced at Stella, his eyes lighting up with the invitation.

  Silently, she willed him to have other plans, to have mercy on her soul and just back the hell off.

  Sawyer grinned at her. “I’d love to, Hank.”

  Hank slapped him on the arm. “Fantastic!”

  “Tomorrow night?” Stella heard herself say.

  Hank’s eyes flicked to his daughter. “It’s Vicky’s birthday tomorrow.” He pulled Vicky against him, a glazed look in his eyes. “Just a little get-together.” He swallowed thickly under the weight of her pointed glare. “Probably only be an hour or so.”

  Stella dropped her empty glass to the ground and stepped on it, wondering how she’d get out of this one. A birthday party for another woman! In her mother’s house? What was he thinking? Stella would just have to go to the bar and pretend to work because there was no way in hell she was singing Happy Birthday to this bitch, nor did she intend on running into Sawyer ever again.

  “Sorry,” Wendy panted, handing Sawyer a tall beer and Stella another glass of wine. “I got cornered by Amanda Tillman and her septic tank story. Girl talks more than I do.” Her smile widened. “Hi Hank!” She leaned up on her toes and hugged him without spilling her glass.

  Stella shot Sawyer a sidelong glance behind Wendy’s back. “You better not come tomorrow night,” she whispered while Hank introduced Wendy to Vicky.

  “Oh, I’m going,” he replied, taking a swig of his beer.

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Fraid so.”

  “You’re such an ass.” Stella slapped her phony smile back on when Wendy turned back to them.

  “So where’s your new boy-toy?” she asked, searching the tent for Roman.

  Stella’s heart shuddered when everyone turned to her. “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, discreetly kicking Wendy’s boot.

  The skin crinkled around Hank’s eyes. “Boy-toy?”

  Wendy inhaled deeply. “Okay, Stella met this gorgeous guy from the city and he leased a lake house here just to be closer to her,” she blurted in a single breath, her wine loosened lips sinking Stella’s ship. “Isn’t that romantic?” Wendy noticed the alarm in her friend’s eyes and shrugged. “What? I had to tell them. What if he’s a serial killer? They need to know who to look for.” She turned back to Hank and set a soft hand on his arm. “His name is Roman Weathers, but he seems very nice. His credit score is anyway.”

  Hank cleared his throat, closely eyeing his daughter. “You don’t waste much time.”

  Stella cringed, feeling the heat of Sawyer’s gaze upon her. She wanted to run. “Life is short,” she smiled, tipping her glass back.

  An awkward silence fell between them. The tent walls felt like they were getting closer.

  “Well, I can’t wait to meet him,” Hank finally said, feigning his polite excitement for Vicky’s sake.

  “You won’t have to wait long,” Wendy muttered, looking off into the distance.

  Stella turned to see Roman wading through the crowd like a king among men. A flutter of butterflies took flight in her stomach, the tips of their wings tickling her insides. His dark jeans and black vest thrown over a red flannel shirt fanned her nervous anticipation. Up to this point, she’d only seen him dressed in expensive suits that always left her feeling both elegant and underdressed. But now… Now he looked like a completely different person, rugged and attainable. He locked eyes with her and her alone, sinuously slipping through the throng, party lights glittering in his oily eyes.

  He stopped in front of her, an easy smile shaping his lips. “Hello.”

  Her chest pulsated with uneven breaths. She forgot about everyone around them. “Hey,” she panted.

  “You look beautiful.”

  She opened her mouth to speak before the words were ready to come out. “So do you,” she said, cringing with her response.

  Wendy cut between them and hugged Roman before introducing the newest seasonal member of town to Hank and Vicky while Stella avoided Sawyer’s thin eyes like the plague. Roman’s cologne made that easy, as did his slicked back hair and freshly shaven cheeks. Stunning in jeans and throwback Nikes, Stella drank him in with each sip of her wine as he talked with the others. The music and loud conversation vibrated in her head. Her heart pounded, pumping alcohol into her bloodstream much too fast.

  “So how do you know Stella?” Her father’s words drew her attention.

  Roman explained how this was his region for work and what he did while glancing at Stella with that look in his eyes. She watched him over the rim of her glass, imagining him banging her on his new kitchen island with the lake in the background, pots and pans shaking on the rack above.

  “So wait, you leased a lake house here? Just like that?”

  Stella turned to Sawyer, alarmed by the tone in his voice.

  Roman grinned. “Just like that.”

  Sawyer sharpened his gaze. “You must have a nice boat.”

  Roman turned to Stella, the hint of a grin playing on his lips. “No boat. I’m just here for the scenery. It’s beautiful.”

  Sawyer gestured with his beer. “Well, I’m sure your wife and kids will love it here. It’s a very family-friendly community.”

  Hank tried massaging the wrinkles from his forehead and swallowed whatever he was about to say.

  Roman’s eyes darted to Sawyer. “Not married and no kids.”

  Sawyer smiled at him. “That you know about, right?”

  In a blur, Roman stepped past Stella and got in Sawyer’s face. “Something you’d like to get off your chest, Sawyer?”

  Stella pushed between them, spilling a little of her wine. “No, there isn’t.”

  “I just think it’s a little creepy leasing a lake house to get closer to a girl you’ve known for less than a week. I mean, talk about desperate.”

  “Sawyer!” Stella said, shoving him in the chest. “Go home and let it go!”

  Roman balled his hands into fists and tipped his chin down, eyes daring Sawyer to say another word.

  “Hey now, fellas,” Hank said with an uneasy laugh, slapping a hand on Sawyer’s shoulder. “Come on, relax! It’s Tulipfest! There’s no
fighting at Tulipfest.”

  “What’s going on?” Jase asked, pushing through the crowd and removing his bow tie.

  “Boys fighting over Stella again,” Wendy said, slowly shaking her head.

  Jase’s eyes bounced between Sawyer and Roman, face falling. “What?”

  Stella nudged Roman back, glaring at Sawyer. He would never let it go and it infuriated the hell out of her. What didn’t he get about it? It was over between them! Stella swayed and found her balance, deciding it was time to make him see the light. “Hey, Vicky, did you know that Sawyer was almost my stepbrother?”

  “Stella!” Hank barked.

  “Oh, you mean Hank didn’t tell you what happened to my mother?”

  Vicky looked to Hank, trepidation swelling in her eyes. “No, he told me what happened.”

  “No, I mean what really happened.”

  Jase and Wendy exchanged a silent glance.

  Hank stepped forward, his shadow slipping over his daughter like a dark cloud. “This is not the time or place.”

  “It’s never the time or place!” Stella said, quieting the people around them.

  The band played in the distance, getting louder in the quiet flowering inside the tent.

  Stella looked past her father, her eyes burning. “You see, Vicky, my mother and Sawyer’s father were having an affair.”

  Sawyer grabbed Stella by the elbow. “Stop.”

  She shook him off. “And they probably would’ve gotten married if they hadn’t of been inconvenienced by dying in a car accident on the way back from their secret little rendezvous.”

  Hank ran a hand down his face and hung his head, surrendering to his daughter’s malice.

  Stella stepped closer to Vicky, making the pretty blond shrink. “But what Hank never knew was that Sawyer and I were in love.” Her bitter laughter stamped a frightened look into Wendy’s face. Stella latched onto Hank’s wounded eyes. “We were in love and then it all just went away.” She snapped her fingers. “Like that.”

  Hank looked to Sawyer for confirmation that his daughter was just drunk and angry like usual. “Sawyer?”

  Jase stepped forward for a better look at Sawyer, his face losing color.

  Sawyer sighed and dropped his head, his silence his consent. He could never lie to Hank and Stella knew it. Not here, in front of all these people.

  Stella looked to Vicky, the hint of an impish grin on her lips. “Isn’t that incest? Stepbrother and sister, I mean.”

  Vicky hesitated before answering in a soft voice. “I don’t think so, sweetie.”

  Sawyer seized Stella’s elbow. “She’s had too much to drink, excuse us,” he said, pulling her toward the front entrance.

  “Let go of me!”

  Sawyer tightened his grip along with his jaw and shoved through the crowd, towing Stella behind him like a fussy child. His determined steps only died when Roman cut him off at the pass.

  Chapter Twenty

  Roman tipped his head back, gaining nearly an inch of height over Sawyer. “Let her go.”

  Sawyer stared him down, chest heaving. “Fuck off,” he spit, pulling Stella around him.

  Roman stepped to the side and cut him off again. “Last chance, Sawyer.”

  “Or what, Roman?”

  “Or I’ll make you.”

  Sawyer’s laughter bounced off the tented roof. “And chip a nail? I highly doubt it.” He pushed past him again and Roman grabbed Sawyer by the scruff of his jacket and ushered him toward the entrance. Once outside on the square, Roman shoved him with both hands. Sawyer stumbled into an approaching couple with matching looks of disdain coating their faces.

  Sawyer regained his balance and slowly straightened up with a slight grin spreading his lips. His index finger motioned for Roman to come closer. A crowd gathered as they traded blows. Using both hands, Sawyer grabbed Roman by the hair and kneed him in the forehead. Roman pulled free and shot in, catching Sawyer with a body blow that doubled him over. Wasting no time, Roman swept an uppercut into Sawyer’s left eye, dropping him onto his ass with a loud oomph bursting from his lips. Roman advanced while Sawyer was down, determined to finish him off. He raised a right fist high into the air, eyes on Sawyer’s nose, when, from out of nowhere, Jase swept in like a hawk and punched Roman in the mouth. Roman backpedalled, clutching his mouth.

  Jase pointed at Roman. “Nobody messes with my best friend!”

  Sawyer got to his feet and laughed, his bloody nose turning his smile red. “Welcome to town, asshole!”

  Jase whirled on his heels and landed an arcing right hook into Sawyer’s eye, knocking him back to the grass.

  “Jase!” Stella cried, struggling against her father’s hold.

  “That’s for fooling around with my sister!"

  Hank jumped between them, holding his hands out. “That’s enough!”

  “It doesn’t have to be like this, Jase,” Sawyer grunted from the ground, holding his eye.

  “The hell is doesn’t. That’s my sister, you pervert!” Jase rushed back in for more.

  Hank caught him by the back of his shirt and threw him sideways like a ragdoll. “What the hell is this all about, Stella?”

  Stella blinked at him as someone started talking on a microphone in the background that sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher in her ringing ears. She stared at the blood gushing from Roman’s nose and the black eye on Sawyer, heart beating irregularly in her chest. Her eyes met the ones looking back. She tottered on her heels.

  “Damn,” Wendy gasped at Stella’s side. “I wish I could make men fight over me like that.”

  “You,” Hank said, pointing at Sawyer, “go home.” He turned to the crowd. “Show’s over, folks! Move along.”

  The man’s voice coming through the gazebo speakers grew louder, adding to Stella’s wine-induced haze. Applause followed. She felt dizzy on her feet. The band started up again, playing too fast.

  “Get me out of here,” she said faintly, stumbling toward the battered men.

  *****

  Stella flushed the toilet and got up from her knees, black teardrops staining the floor. She recognized the bathroom she was in more than her own reflection as she splashed water onto her face and then rinsed with mouthwash. She hadn’t been here for years and it brought back a tidal wave of memories which threatened to crush her resolve. After ruining a pink hand towel, she left the room and shuffled into the living room to find Sawyer sitting on a couch that was older than he was. She plopped down next to him and blew out a long breath. He handed her a cold bottle of water and Stella drank greedily, water trickling down the corner of her mouth. She sighed and capped the bottle.

  Sawyer watched her out the corner of his good eye, a frozen bag of peas hiding his other. “Feel better?”

  “Not really.”

  He smiled and adjusted the cold bag. “That went well tonight. You should get out more often.”

  She turned to face him, curling her bare feet beneath her and pulling the bag of peas down to examine his wounded eye. Gently, she ran a finger over the swollen flesh. “Does it hurt?”

  His v-neck stretched around his broad shoulders when he shrugged limply. “Only when I blink.”

  A faint smile crossed her lips. She handed him the peas and he set them on an end table with a family picture taken on the Colorado River. Her blood curdled at the sight of Steven’s eyes. They were watching her, judging her.

  “So I guess I’ll never see Jase again, huh?” Sawyer said dully, pulling her from her thoughts.

  “He’ll come around. You know he will.”

  He exhaled a longwinded breath that made him wince. “Yeah, when we’re eighty,” he said, rubbing his ribs.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?”

  “I’m fine,” he said, extending an arm along the back of the couch and grimacing with the movement. “I’ve been beaten up a lot worse than this.”

  She planted a soft kiss on his purple eye. “I’m sorry.”

 
“It’s not your fault.”

  She cocked her head to one side.

  “Okay, it is your fault.”

  Stella snuggled up next to him and studied the living room that hadn’t changed much since high school. Unlike Hank, Debbie clung to the past until the bitter end. Stella wondered if Sawyer’s bedroom still looked like it did the night she gave herself to him, the night when they still had a future. She turned to face him, her voice barely a whisper. “No, I meant I’m sorry I left.”

  His good eye thinned to match the swollen one.

  “I’m sorry for never returning your calls and your emails and texts.”

  He studied her for a long moment before hardly nodding. “I am too.”

  A grandfather clock ticked against the wall, dividing the silence into seconds. If she closed her eyes it was almost like they were back in time, like nothing ever happened. “Did Debbie know about the affair?”

  He stroked the stubble on his chin. “She said she had no idea.”

  “Did you know?”

  He chuckled softly. “I was too caught up in you to notice anything else.”

  Stella turned the water bottle in her hands.

  “Did you?”

  She shook her head. “But my dad did.”

  Sawyer smiled. “Nothing gets past ole Hank.”

  “I had no clue.”

  He pulled her close and rested his cheek against her head, stroking her hair. “We were in high school, Stell. No one had a clue about anything.”

  “Do you think they loved each other?”

  “My dad and your mom?”

  She nodded, her fingers playing with the hairs on his arms, eyes flitting to the family picture next to them.

  He watched her blond locks slip from his fingers like silk. “I don’t know.”

  “We were just as bad as they were,” she said, meeting his perplexed gaze. “Sneaking around like that behind everyone’s back.”

  “It’s not the same. We weren’t married to other people.”

  Stella sighed. “I just feel like I missed my chance to stop it.”

  “There was nothing you could’ve done.”