Accidentally Together

by Jade Winters

  Emma studied her closely. Was this what it was all about? ‘You sound like you have a problem with that.’

  ‘Oh please. Why would I. And I’m also not the one who thinks the sun shines out of her rear.’

  ‘Jealousy, envy—who knows. I always got the impression you didn’t like her, and I could never figure out why, until now.’

  Faint puzzlement lingered on Hope’s face. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘You’re jealous of her, aren’t you? And you were back at school,’ Emma said, remembering the snide comments Hope had made when Emma would rave about Lauren from afar.

  Without blinking or hesitating, Hope said, ‘Yeah, of course I was. It’s not like I ever denied it. She’s beautiful, talented, and can have anyone she wants. What isn’t there to be jealous of?’

  ‘Jealous enough to make her want to disappear?’ Emma dried her hands on a tea towel and moved towards her.

  Hope raised her hand, stopping Emma in her tracks. ‘Where exactly are we going with this?’

  ‘You can stop lying, Hope.’

  Hope picked up the knife she had been using to cut the carrot, her fierce expression like a neon warning sign. For an instant, Emma had the ridiculous notion that Hope would attack her. A surge of relief rushed through her when Hope reached for a loose onion on the counter.

  ‘Hold on a minute. Do you think I’m behind all of this?’

  An awkward silence fell between them as Emma regained her composure. The front door was only a few feet away if things turned ugly, but she had to keep pushing. She needed to know the truth. ‘Aren’t you? You just admitted you were jealous of her.’

  ‘Yes, jealous, like most girls were. But not enough to want to drive her insane. How can you think that of me?’

  Emma backed against the wall as Hope came at her. She flinched when Hope snatched the bottle of beer from her, using the hand holding the knife. ‘Why don’t you fuck off back to her? It’s obvious you prefer her company to mine.’

  She was glad Hope’s intention wasn’t to stab her, but still feeling uncomfortable, Emma edged her way to the kitchen door. ‘It’s not even remotely the same, Hope. I’m in love with her.’

  ‘No, you’re infatuated with an imaginary person you built up in your head. You’re forgetting how she left you behind while she went on to make a new life for herself. And believe me, she’ll drop you again as soon as it suits her. That’s who she is, and the sooner you get your head out of the clouds, the sooner you’ll see I’m right.’

  ‘You’re wrong.’

  ‘We’ll see. The only person Lauren cares about is Lauren. You’ll find out soon enough, and then there’ll be no hiding from it.’

  Emma stumbled through the doorway, Hope’s words hitting her like a punch in the gut. Was she right? After all, Lauren had picked up and left without telling her. If they did get back together by some miracle, would Lauren run away at the first sign of trouble? The thought frightened her. Am I setting myself up for another fall?

  Chapter Thirty-One

  At eleven o’clock, Lauren sat in bed, her laptop open in front of her, and the Skype window ready for when Emma called. She had thought about wearing something revealing, but realised she didn’t actually own anything that would pass as such. Instead she wore a grey vest and polka dot pyjama bottoms. Sexy.

  Why hadn’t Emma contacted her yet? Lauren thought that was the first thing she would do after confronting Hope. Emma finished work at five and would have gone straight round there. It was now 9pm.

  Did Hope hurt Emma during her confrontation? Lauren doubted it. She couldn’t imagine a woman of Hope’s petite size doing much damage to Emma, who was taller and stronger than her. Then why hasn’t she called?

  Her anxiety level rising, she slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen to make chamomile tea. The drink normally soothed her nerves. After pouring hot water over the teabag, she picked up the mug and made her way back to her bedroom. Twenty minutes later, with the contents of her cup gone, Lauren was still waiting for Emma to call.

  Impatience got the better of Lauren so she grabbed her mobile from the bedside table and called her. After two rings the line went to voicemail. She waited a few seconds before trying again. This time her call went straight to voicemail. Assuming that Emma’s battery was flat, she waited half an hour before calling once more.

  By one in the morning and with no luck getting through, fatigue enveloped Lauren and she closed the laptop. She snuggled under the covers and decided not to panic yet. She’d call Emma in the morning.

  ***

  The sound of early morning traffic outside her window filtered into Lauren’s subconscious. She stretched out her arm and caressed the space beside her, still caught up in her dream of Emma. It took her brain a few seconds to realise she was in bed alone, and her eyes flashed opened. Sadness tore at her heart as she took in the empty space where Emma should have been. The thought of never again waking up with Emma by her side made her want to weep.

  Finding her phone amongst the ruffled bedclothes, she sank her head back against the pillow and checked for any new messages. Nothing. She dialled Emma’s number, and relief shot through her when it rang. For the next few seconds, the call went unanswered, then her voicemail picked up. This time she left a message.

  ‘Emma, it’s me. I’m getting really worried. Can you call me back ASAP? Otherwise I’ll think something’s happened to you.’ She paused, fidgeting with the edge of the quilt. ‘I missed talking to you last night,’ she said and ended the call.

  She headed into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Just as she was about to turn the shower on, her mobile phone rang. Hurrying back to her bedroom, she prayed it was Emma. Seeing her name flash up, she grinned and flopped down on the bed.

  ‘Where’ve you been? I thought you were going to call me last night.’

  ‘Something came up.’ Emma sounded cold and distant.

  ‘Is everything all right? You sound funny.’

  ‘Everything’s fine.’

  ‘Oh, okay,’ Lauren said, more convinced that something was amiss. The joviality and chattiness she had become accustomed to were definitely missing. ‘How are things at work?’

  ‘Busy.’

  ‘Okay, enough of this. If you’re pissed off with me, just spit it out.’

  ‘I’m not pissed off with you,’ Emma said coolly.

  ‘Has Hope been saying things about me?’

  ‘Only the truth.’

  ‘Which is?’

  Emma sounded reluctant as she said, ‘That I don’t really know you. That I’m seeing you as I want to see you rather than the reality.’

  Lauren snorted. ‘Now I’ve heard it all. Who exactly am I meant to be?’

  ‘I don’t know. That’s the problem. It seems to be a pattern with you. You come into my life, make me feel amazing, then you disappear.’

  ‘You know why I left.’

  ‘I know, but Hope’s right. You’ll always leave when things don’t turn out right.’

  ‘Is that what you really believe?’

  ‘Can you prove otherwise?

  Lauren racked her brain to come up with a suitable answer.

  ‘Exactly,’ Emma said, breaking the long silence. ‘Look, I’ve got to go.’

  ‘Emma, please don’t leave things like this. Let’s Skype so we can at least see each other while we’re talking.’

  ‘Apart from telling you I was wrong about Hope, I have nothing else to say.’

  ‘Emma—’

  The line went dead.

  So Hope’s done a right number on me. She wouldn’t have minded, but she wasn’t even there to defend herself against these accusations. As if I’m the sort of person who runs away. She looked at herself in the mirror. You can lie to others, Lauren, but don’t lie to yourself.

  Hope was right. Lauren was a quitter, and everyone knew it except her. There was only one way to prove to Emma she would always be with her, no matter the obstacles Lauren faced in her life
. She would have to face her biggest fear and return to London.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Emma brushed away the single tear running down her cheek. She wouldn’t cry. There wasn’t any point. She would have been prolonging her agony if she hadn’t ended their ‘relationship’. Lauren had literally confirmed what Hope had said about her—that she would always be on the run. With little chance of finding out who was stalking her, what future did they have? Her feelings for Lauren ran deep enough that she didn’t want her to come back to London if she was in danger. As much as it hurt, things were better this way, though it meant letting go of the dream she’d nearly had in her grasp.

  Jack walked past her open door then doubled back, his face full of concern. ‘Hey, are you all right?’

  ‘Great. Never better,’ she said, messing with her hair.

  ‘Come on, talk to Uncle Jack,’ he said, dropping into the seat opposite her. ‘Has Wendy been on your case again?’

  ‘I wish it were something that simple.’

  ‘I’m listening.’

  ‘It’s everything. People who I thought were decent turned out not to be. A woman who I thought cared about me doesn’t. My mum keeps putting her husband before me. Need I go on?’

  ‘That’s some baggage you’ve got there.’

  ‘Tell me about it.’

  ‘You know what the solution is, don’t you?’

  ‘No, what?’

  He grinned sheepishly. ‘Shit, I thought you were going to tell me, because I have no idea.’

  ‘At least you’re honest.’

  ‘Yeah, there is that. Seriously though, you can’t do anything about your mum and your lady. There comes a point when you have to realise you won’t always see eye to eye with people, especially those closest to you. You might see the big picture from the outside, but that’s you. You can’t be a hero to everyone, no matter how much you want to be.’

  He rose to his feet and left the room.

  Emma bowed her head. She didn’t want to be a hero; she wanted to help people, but how? By taking their power away to make their own decisions? That didn’t sound helpful in the least. She thought about how she’d disobeyed Gina’s request to give Louise space. I thought I knew best.

  Then she considered her attempts to make Lauren stay despite how vulnerable and scared she felt, because she thought she could charge in and save the day by finding her stalker—and failing miserably in the process. Colombo, I’m not.

  Then off she went on her high horse, accusing innocent people of stalking Lauren without having a shred of evidence. Again, because I thought I knew better.

  When it came to her mother, though, she couldn’t see for the life of her what she had done to create the distance between them. She shouldn’t have to make an appointment to see her mother as if she were a stranger. Maybe I have to accept that she no longer wants the close mother/daughter relationship we once shared and that’s her prerogative.

  Jack was right. She had to let people walk their own paths without interfering. It wasn’t as if she had made anything better for anyone.

  Emma couldn’t help Lauren now that she’d returned to Paris, but it wasn’t too late for her to make amends with Louise.

  ***

  ‘Thanks for coming in,’ Emma said awkwardly.

  ‘You said it was important.’ Louise sat across from her.

  ‘It is. I want to apologise. I was in the wrong. I shouldn’t have badgered you the way I did.’

  Louise shifted in her seat and stared down at her hands. ‘So you’re saying I shouldn’t say anything to my parents about Jay?’

  ‘What I’m saying is you should only tell them if it’s what you think is best.’

  ‘I already decided it’s best they know the truth. I don’t want Jay to have a black mark against his name with them thinking he hurt me. And you were right. If you love someone, nothing should stand in the way.’

  Emma stopped herself from reacting and thought about her response. ‘And what will you do if your parents reject him?’

  ‘Then they’ll miss out on knowing an amazing person.’ Louise stopped. When she spoke again, her voice had the effect of energising the room. ‘We’re moving to Reading in a couple of weeks. Jay’s uncle offered him a job at his computer firm, and I’m going to college. We want to make a fresh start for ourselves where no one knows me.’

  ‘I’m happy for you, Louise. I really am.’

  ‘Do you think I’m making the right choice?’

  Let her walk her own path. ‘I think you know yourself best. Trust your gut instinct and follow it, no matter what anyone else says. Me included.’

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Thanks to half a bottle of Merlot on the Eurostar, Lauren arrived back in London less anxious than she would have been sober—though that didn’t stop her from getting a taxi to Emma’s apartment. No point in tempting fate.

  Lauren had been preparing what she wanted to say to Emma, but she was still uncertain whether Emma would actually believe her.

  The taxi dropped her outside the apartment block, and Lauren trudged her suitcase behind her up to the intercom. She buzzed and waited. No reply. She pressed her finger to the buzzer again. Nothing. Noting it was after six on her phone, Lauren presumed Emma had been caught up at work. She decided she would wait until a resident entered or left to get inside the building and go up under her own steam. Leaning against the wall, she thought how funny it was that alcohol could mask a person’s basic fear. Here she was out in the open, and all she felt was excitement about seeing Emma. Whether she’d feel that way when she was sober was another matter.

  Lauren’s heart stuttered when she recognised Emma’s familiar gait crossing the street. As Emma neared, Lauren saw her eyes widen and her lips part. Whether her surprise was a good sign, she couldn’t tell.

  ‘I thought you were in Paris,’ Emma said, inserting her key into the lock and pushing the door open.

  ‘I was. We need to talk,’ Lauren said, trailing behind her to the lift.

  ‘I told you I don’t have anything to say.’

  ‘Well I do.’

  The doors to the lift opened and Emma stepped inside.

  Heart pounding, Lauren had no time to think. If those doors closed, she could kiss goodbye any chance of making amends. Once Emma was inside her apartment, it would be even harder to get to her.

  She took a deep breath and jumped into the lift just before the doors shut.

  ‘Lauren, what are you doing?’ Emma asked, frantically hitting the button to open the doors, having already pressed the button for her floor.

  It was too late. The lift was ascending.

  ‘Oh my God, I don’t know.’ Lauren closed her eyes as her heart plummeted into her stomach.

  Focus, breathe, focus, breathe. She willed the lift not to stop. This was such a bad idea.

  Emma wrapped her arms around her. ‘It’s okay. There’s just two more floors to go. You’re doing great.’

  Lauren gripped her arm and gave her a small nod of gratitude.

  ‘One more to go and we’re there,’ Emma said.

  The lift stopped and panic filled every cell of her body.

  Emma held her tighter. ‘It takes a few seconds for the doors to open. Don’t worry.’

  The doors slid open, and so did Lauren’s eyes. She broke away from Emma and leapt out of the lift before bending over and inhaling deeply. Emma was by her side, gently rubbing her back.

  ‘Come on, let’s go to my apartment. It was silly getting into the lift if it puts you in this kind of state,’ Emma said as if talking to a child.

  ‘I seem to be doing many silly things lately,’ Lauren admitted. Like leaving instead of telling you I heard your conversation with Hope. She had come to realise it was reasonable to have doubts, especially if someone you trusted—like Hope, in Emma’s case—threw a new light on things. Perhaps Hope really did believe Lauren was unstable and she was only looking out for Emma. For that she couldn’t blame her.
/>
  Once inside, Lauren dropped onto Emma’s sofa, her initial panic from being in the lift dissolving. It didn’t matter how many times she tried to convince herself claustrophobia was an irrational fear; the advice never quite sunk in. Maybe it was because deep down she didn’t believe it. What’s irrational about not wanting to be trapped in a metal coffin? No, she’d stick to taking the stairs over a lift any day.

  ‘I’ll get you a glass of water,’ Emma said kindly.

  ‘Thanks,’ Lauren muttered.

  Emma returned and handed a glass to Lauren. She perched on the edge of the coffee table, resting her elbows on her legs.

  ‘Why did you come back?’ she asked matter-of-factly.

  Lauren grimaced and placed the glass on the table next to Emma.

  ‘Because I missed you so much and I’m willing to go through anything if it means being with you.’ She gently stroked Emma’s cheek, her soft skin like silk against her fingers.

  Emma’s eyes widened and her breath hitched. She didn’t back away, which told Lauren she’d made the right choice in touching her.

  ‘For how long?’ Emma murmured. She pressed her hand over Lauren’s, and the warmth of her palm sent waves of longing through her.

  ‘I only left because I overheard you speaking to Hope. I was hurt. I thought you didn’t believe me.’

  ‘Lauren, I never said I doubted you. I never have. Not for one minute.’

  ‘I know, but Hope did. I guess I’d just had enough.’

  ‘And therein lies the problem. What about the next time you’ve “had enough”? I don’t know if I can trust you and let my guard down with you without worrying every time we face an obstacle. I don’t want to live my life walking on egg shells.’

  Lauren let the words float around in her mind. If she was going to commit to Emma, she had to be sure—for both their sakes. A feeling of certainty filled her upon seeing Emma’s gaze. The look of love and tenderness told her everything she needed to know. Lauren was going forward with her life from now on. There would be no U-turns. Not ever again. Not when it came to Emma.