Klingon Hearts 11 Controlled - Limitations of the Mind

by Tracy Sobieski

  Robbie sighed. "Just a few."

  "Come on." Riker motioned for Paris to follow. "I hear there's a gym in this monstrosity you people call a house. Basketball?"

  The lure of competition was too compelling to ignore. They'd been stuck on the estate, unable to do much of anything for far too long now.

  "In the mood to get your ass kicked, huh?" Robbie asked with a grin.

  Kyle snorted. "In your dreams, Paris."

  "Just give me a minute to check on Tessa and I'll meet you down there."

  "Sure. I'll set up the court."

  Robbie made a quick stop to grab the medical bag from his room then headed across the hall to check on his patient. He didn't like not being able to admit Tessa to Starfleet Medical.

  Pale and wan, Tessa was sitting up in the pillow strewn bed, half-heartedly reading a PADD when Robbie came into the room. Her gray and white cat, Muffin, lay sleeping on her lap and she stroked the silky fur unconsciously. Mike had gone to their apartment earlier that morning to retrieve the pet, hoping it would make her feel a little better. They had left her in the care of a neighbor, but with all that had happened, Tessa was glad Mike had gone to retrieve her.

  "Hey." He sat down on the edge of the bed with a smile, scratching the cat behind her ears for a second before opening the tricorder and running it over her. He reviewed the readings. "How are you feeling?"

  "Empty."

  He frowned and tucked a stray lock of hair back behind her ear. "Are you in a lot of pain? I can give you something." Closing up the tricorder, he reached for a hypospray.

  Tessa shook her head, stopping him. "No. I'm fine." She wasn't, but medication couldn't take her pain away. "Can I come down stairs? I can't take another minute in this room, Robbie."

  It was the second time today she'd asked. He was not inclined to let her out of bed just yet. The miscarriage had been physically traumatic as well as mentally.

  "I'd rather you didn't yet. It's only been a day, Tessa."

  "Please, Robbie." The pleading catch to her voice got to him.

  "If you're careful." He gave in with a sigh. "And promise to stay off your feet, I'll let Mike bring you down. But you really do need to take it easy for a couple more days. In any other situation, I'd have you in the hospital, Tag-a-long." Robbie used the nickname he and Kyle had given her when they were kids. Tag-a-long Tessa, they used to call her. Even though they were three years older than her, from the time she could walk she'd been their constant companion.

  "So much for medical advancement," she grumbled.

  "Some things are better left to nature. It's one of the first things you learn in medical school. Pregnancy and childbirth are prime examples."

  Robbie stayed a few more minutes to finish her exam. He gave her a pain reliever, saying she needed it, in spite of her protest to the contrary. Tessa promised to nap if he let Mike bring her down afterwards. He tucked her in and dropped a friendly kiss on her head before leaving the room.

  *****

  Melanie pulled the soft, chenille throw from the back of the loveseat and wrapped her self up in it. The small sitting room off the kitchen was cozy and inviting with it's touchable fabrics and comfortable seating. It was good place to think. Or hide.

  She lightly ran the tips of her trembling fingers over her mouth, remembering the feel of Kyle's lips on hers. When was the last time she'd kissed a man? A year? Two? More? Had it really been so long?

  She hadn't been scared with him. She'd been safe. Completely. The revelation shook her. She'd honestly begun to believe a physical relationship with a man was impossible. She'd tried to make love in the years since the rape. God, how she'd tried! Good men, men she knew in her head she could trust, but it had never been possible. The fear, the flashbacks always kept her from intimacy. When they kissed her, she would taste him. When they touched her, she would see him. When she tried to take them inside her, she would feel him. A tiny cry of pain escaped her lips at the memories.

  But, none of that happened with Kyle. None of it. And that frightened her more than anything.

  Damn him! What right did he have to make her feel this way? She didn't *want* him to be attracted to her. She didn't want any of this. Why couldn't he have left well enough alone? Left her alone? She didn't ask for this.

  She didn't know if she could be with a man. Especially a man like Kyle. He was experienced. Handsome. An officer. He could have just about anyone he wanted. She didn't even know how to kiss properly. There was no way she could satisfy him. Not sexually. Not emotionally. She was damaged. Broken. It would be pointless to even try.

  Hell, she'd never even been able to bring *herself* to orgasm. And that was the first step. All the training material for counseling rape victims said so. She wasn't normal. She knew it. She had proof of it.

  No, it would be best if she didn't let Kyle near her again. He made her believe in things she knew she could never have. And she couldn't afford to do that. There could be nothing more between them. For his sake. He deserved a real woman. Not a pretender.

  When she wiped away the single tear coursing down her cheek she realized she wasn't alone. Slowing turning her head, she found Kyle silently watching her from the kitchen doorway. His expression was guarded, but for a minute, she thought she saw raw pain reflected in his dark eyes.

  Melanie quickly turned to look out the window again.

  "Please, Kyle. I want to be alone."

  She knew he stood there for a long time, just watching her, wanting to say something, but, in the end, he did as she asked and left.

  Kyle headed down to the gym, hoping the physical exercise would help him get his anger and frustration under control. He just wished he knew the right words to say. The right things to do. It always seemed like he was making things worse, when all he wanted was the chance to get to know her. Be with her. Love her.

  He would never hurt her. She had to know that. He'd never hurt *any* woman. Ever. He wasn't like his father, or his brother. He'd never been a player. Never used sex for recreation. To him, sex was part of a loving relationship. He hadn't lost his virginity until his third year at the academy and then with the girl he'd been dating for almost a year. They'd stayed together until halfway through his senior year, until she'd been transferred to finish her training. They'd ended the relationship as friends. There had only been three other women in his life since then. Sherise, whom he never had a sexual relationship with, but dated as more of a close friend, and two long-term romances on the Zosa. One of those women had gone on to marry a mutual friend after their breakup and the other posted to a different ship and they had decided a long-distance relationship wasn't for them. He still considered all four of them friends and knew they did the same.

  There had to be a way to show Melanie she could trust him. What he felt for her was like nothing he'd ever had with a woman before. She occupied his thoughts almost exclusively. When they were in the same room, or in close proximity, there was even more. It was telepathic, of that he was certain. He could almost hear her in his head. It was quiet. Just a whisper, but it was there. And it was happening more and more often. Strengthening. Intensifying. Just now, he'd known exactly where to find her. He'd felt her distress and had been drawn to her like a moth to flame. The pain at knowing he was the cause of her distress was eating away at him, but he didn't know how else to get through her defenses. She'd built up so many over the years to protect herself. They were like an impenetrable wall.

  If she would just let him in, give him a chance, he knew they could have something special. Maybe even something more. Something permanent. Something like....

  Imzadi.

  *****

  The captain's quarters on the U.S.S. Enterprise were dark and quiet when he entered. Too quiet. Too insulated. Even the sounds of the ship were muffled to almost silence.

  "We'll be in orbit in an hour. How are you doing?" Harry Kim asked his wife after his eyes adjusted to the absence of light. Seven was sitting on the sofa, staring blankly
out the view port.

  "I am fine."

  He shook his head and sat down next to her. She would probably tell him that if the warp core was breaching two feet away from her. Some things never change. His arm crept around her waist, pulling her against him. "Maybe...."

  "No." She stopped him with a raised hand. "Do not say it. We knew from the beginning it would all be taken from us."

  "I don't believe that, Ani. It happened once, it could happen again."

  A tear slipped silently from the corner of her eye. She reached up to brush it away. "Once the circle is complete, the paradox will cease to exist, Harry. It is a basic law of temporal dynamics. We can't change it. No one can."

  Captain Kim almost snorted. "Since when?"

  "I will not violate the Temporal Prime Directive." Her voice wavered. She wanted to. She wanted to be like he was. Like Captain Janeway used to be. But she couldn't. It was wrong to change the timeline for personal gain.

  "Do you remember the day she was born?" he asked her with a sad smile.

  "Every detail," she sighed. It was not something a mother could forget.

  The memories assailed her. A sob caught in the back of her throat as she was instantly transported twenty-four years earlier....

  "Just a little longer, Seven. How are you doing?" Harry asked concerned, working feverishly over his Ops console on the main Enterprise bridge.

  "I am...uncomfortable," came her terse reply over the comm. "I would like to get out of this turbolift."

  "I'm working on it," Harry reassured her.

  "Work faster."

  Commander Tom Paris almost burst out laughing at Seven's curt order.

  Will looked over at his first officer curiously. "She seems to be handling it just fine," the captain said.

  Harry glanced quickly at Tom after he signed off with his wife.

  "I'm a dead man." His tone was slightly frantic as he quickened his pace, popping off a panel with a grunt and dropping it heedlessly to the floor. "Of all the days for the transporter to burn out," he muttered, ripping out a fused isolinear chip and flipping it over his shoulder.

  Riker was confused. "Harry, Seven sounded just fine. Why are you so upset?"

  Tom couldn't hold back anymore. "You have to understand "Borg", Captain," he told him with a laugh. "'I am uncomfortable' roughly translates into 'This hurts like hell,' and 'I would like to get out of here,' really means 'Get this damn lift working NOW or you're never touching me again.' Right, Harry?"

  "Yep," Harry replied distractedly. "That's pretty much it."

  Another chip went sailing across the bridge, landing at the captain's feet with a soft 'click.'

  Captain Riker fought the grin that threatened. He missed the days when he was a first officer and could have laughed at this. "Does it take long to learn Borg?"

  "Don't ask me." Harry took the time to toss a long suffering grin over his shoulder. "It took me forever to figure out 'I enjoy your companionship' was really 'I love you.'"

  Harry managed to get the turbolift working in time to get Seven to Sickbay. Four hours later, after threatening to assimilate him more than once so he could *share* the experience, Annika Hansen and Harry Kim became parents.

  When he looked down on his tired and weakened wife, there were tears coursing unheeded down her cheeks as she held their daughter for the first time.

  "You okay?" he asked softly.

  Raising her gaze to him, he saw the wonder and joy shining in her clear blue eyes.

  "Yes. I was just thinking...." Seven paused with a little smile.

  "Thinking what?" Harry smiled back.

  "That she was...perfect."

  *****

  "Six to four, you're falling behind, Paris!" Kyle tossed Robbie the basketball along with the good natured taunt.

  Robbie shook his head. "Sorry, I guess my mind's not in this."

  "Naw, you just suck at basketball."

  When that didn't even bring a chuckle, Kyle walked up to his friend and took the ball from him. "Want to talk about it?" Not that he really wanted to listen, but Robbie was his friend and if he needed to talk....

  "Not particularly."

  Kyle grinned at the growled warning. "Oh. It's Klingon Robbie this afternoon, is it? Damn, and I forgot to bring the blood wine." Anyone else would have backed off at Paris' expression, but not Kyle. "Let me guess. You pulled the "Lord of the House" bit with Sherise and she didn't appreciate it?"

  "I'm not about to let her go back to the Dakota, Kyle. It's not safe and you know it!"

  "So does, Sherise. She wasn't serious, Robbie."

  "They hell she wasn't!"

  "Are you really that blind? She just wants to *talk* to you!"

  "We talk all the time."

  Kyle snorted. "No, you command. She can't get a word in edgewise."

  "Don't be ridiculous!"

  "When was the last time the two of you had a conversation that didn't end with her either storming off or you seducing her?"

  Robbie looked at him blankly.

  "You don't even see it, do you?" Kyle was incredulous. "Good Lord, Robbie! You married the woman without her permission! Got her pregnant...."

  "That wasn't intentional."

  "Doesn't matter, she's still pregnant, and now you think you have the right to control her life. You don't ask, you dictate. You don't listen, you seduce. And you wonder why she's so angry? I'm surprised she hasn't skewered you with your own bat'leth!"

  "You don't know what you're talking about," Paris insisted, making another circuit around Kyle with the ball. "You don't know her."

  Kyle snorted and lunged under Robbie's arm, stealing the ball from him in a smooth move. "I know her better than you do, pal. I dated her longer."

  Baiting Paris with that was risky. Kyle's relationship with Sherise at the Academy had always been a sore spot between them.

  "Yeah, well if the two of you were so damn close, how come I was the first man in her bed?"

  "Are you sure you were?" It was one step too far and Riker knew it. Pushing Robbie to this degree was likely to get him beat senseless, but Kyle could think of no other way to get the other man to talk about this.

  Paris stopped and surprised Kyle with a wicked grin. "Don't even try it. I'm sure."

  Kyle smiled back. "Then what are you so damn afraid of? If she waited this long for you, do you honestly think she's going to let you go?"

  A pained look flitted across Robbie's face. "Yeah, she will. She won't admit she loves me. She won't accept that I love her. She says it's just physical. That it won't last. She doesn't want it to last."

  "Have you asked her why?"

  "I know why," Paris ground out. "The minute she admits to any of it, she thinks she's going to lose her freedom. That she won't be able to be herself anymore."

  "And why do you think she feels that way?" Kyle persisted.

  "How the hell do I know?" Robbie snapped back. "I can't read her mind. And when did you get your degree in counseling anyway?"

  "Runs in the family. Can't help myself."

  "Try."

  "You're just sore 'cause you know I'm right," Kyle smirked arrogantly.

  "I wouldn't be so smug, if I were you, Riker. I don't see Melanie jumping at the chance to be alone with you either."

  A dark shadow crossed Kyle's face. "Leave it alone, Paris. You don't know what you're talking about."

  Robbie's eyebrows rose in disbelief. "What? You can lecture me but I can't return the favor? No dice, pal. Someone around here has to say it. You better decide just how involved you want to be with her before you go any further. There's a line you're about to cross, and if you're not up to what's on the other side you're going to hurt her in ways you can't possibly imagine."

  "And how would you know anything about it?" Kyle demanded harshly.

  "I've got eyes, Kyle. I can see it in her whenever you're close to her. She's frightened. Of you. Of men in general. I'm a doctor. I can recognize the signs of an abuse survivor. Are you rea
dy to deal with that? Do you even have a clue what you might be up against?" Robbie sighed with feeling. "Be careful, Kyle."

  Kyle swallowed hard. "I know, Robbie. I've known for a long time, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. You might be able to see that fear, but I *feel* it."

  Two floors above the basketball combatants, K'Leena carried a sleeping Michael into the kitchen with her to get something to drink. She loved to just hold him, his tiny body curled safely against her chest. He spent more time in her arms than he did in his cradle.