Where Love is Found

by Tiya Rayne

The little wide-eyed boy nodded silently at me. He climbed off the dryer chair and walked, quietly, out of the room.

  “Charlice Rose Jefferies, you have overstepped. You know nothing about raising kids.”

  “Clearly, I’m not the one in the room that has a problem with raising kids. That boy is spoiled. And usually that isn’t a bad thing, but he is also horrible.”

  “What do you know about kids? You don’t have any.”

  “I know adults,” I explained. “And your son will grow up to be an adult one day. What you do now will determine what kind of adult. Not calling him out on his shit while he’s a kid will make him a shitty adult when he gets older.”

  “No offense, sis,” Keisha spoke up. “But Duck is right. That boy is bad. Why you think Grams refuse to watch him?”

  “If my child is a problem, then he and I will just….”

  “Girl, sit down. Nobody said you had to leave, you know that boy bad.” Devin joked, and Keisha and I both laughed.

  Keva stood in the door awkwardly.

  “I just wanted to bring these towels by. Mama said you could use them. The church only wants the dark colored ones.” Keva sat two bags down on the closest surface. She took a seat in the other dryer chair.

  “Tell Aunt Jo thank you,” Devin said. “You know, Keva, you should let me do something to your hair. Don’t you and Roy have an anniversary coming up?”

  I watched the uncomfortable look that spread across Keisha’s face.

  Eventually, the two sisters were going to butt heads. Keva had no idea how bad her sister wanted her husband and vice versa. But, knowing what I knew about Keva, I doubt she cared.

  “Yeah, we have an anniversary coming up, but I don’t want all those chemicals and that fake hair in my head. You know I’m all natural now. Just like the Lord intended me to be.”

  “Trust me, honey! There is nothing natural about that dry ass afro.”

  Devin and Keisha erupted into laughter.

  “For your information, Duck, natural hair is very pretty. More women are giving up the relaxers and going natural.”

  “Correction, natural hair isn’t pretty, it’s fucking gorgeous. However, that uncombed and untouched wool’s ass on your head is just laziness. Going natural is not an excuse to not care, Keva.”

  “Preach!” Keisha encouraged, barely looking up from the magazine she was reading.

  I wanted to go in on her and tell her that if she wasn’t so focused on sleeping with her sister’s man, she would have told her this already. However, once again, I bit my tongue. My phone went off in my pocket, and I pulled it out. I assumed it would be another call or message from Cliff.

  A huge smile took over my face when I noticed it was a text from Jackson. He’d started sending me text messages after we spoke on the phone. He called them, 101 reasons I should go out with him. Usually they were silly and had nothing to do with real life issues. The numbers were random and never in order.

  Jackson: #77 My dog says I give really good belly rubs. She’s hard to please, so I’m sure I must be excellent. Hate for you to miss out on this.

  “Now who got you smiling like that?”

  I allowed Jackson to distract me, and I forgot where I was. I quickly placed my phone back down in my pocket without replying.

  “I smile all the time.”

  “Oh no, cousin,” Keisha said, sitting up from her chair with a huge smile on her face, the magazine forgotten. Nothing got her this riled up except new dick, and gossip.

  “Only thing that makes someone smile like that is a man.”

  Devin chuckled over my head. “She has a point, Duck.”

  I rolled my eyes playfully at them both.

  “Why does everything have to deal with sex with y’all?”

  “Exactly.”

  For once, I was agreeing with Keva. I had many reasons to smile, and it had nothing to do with a man.

  “The Lord makes me smile like that.”

  I should have known Keva would say some shit like that and ruin the moment.

  “Girl, if the Lord got you smiling like that, you must be on your knees for something other than prayer.” Keisha joked, and we all laughed.

  “He must be blowing that back out,” Devin added through her laughter.

  Keva stared at us with disgust written all over her face.

  “Y’all all going to hell,” she scolded us.

  “We ain’t talking about you and the Lord’s relationship, Keva,” Keisha stated. “We’re talking about the man that has Duck’s nose wide open.”

  “I think our little Duck has met someone.” Devin sang from over my head.

  My phone chimed again, and I rushed to check it. It was a picture of a huge black dog rolled on her back with her belly exposed, and a large male hand rubbing her pink belly. This time, I could feel the smile on my face. I noticed how quiet the room had become. When I looked up, all eyes were on me.

  “Why are you guys looking at me like that?”

  “Oh. My. Goodness! Duck, I was just joking at first,” Devin sung as she came around to stand in front of me.

  Keisha was damn near out of her seat as she waited for any gossip she could take back to anyone that would listen. Even Keva was staring at me interested.

  “Usually, I don’t get involved in these sinful conversations, but now, even I want to know. Who is this man?”

  “I bet he fine, and probably rolling in money,” Keisha said, dreamily twisting the blonde tips of her wig around her manicured fingers.

  Although I’d been with men that were well established and successful in their own right, I’d also been with men that were like Cliff. I guess to Keisha, a dream man would have to be rich.

  “If he has Duck smiling, he has to be special. Probably kind and supportive.” Devin sighed dreamily.

  “How about y’all calm down. Jackson is just…..a friend.”

  “Jackson? Is that his last name?”

  I could already see the vulture look in Keisha’s eyes. She was going down her list of known people hoping she would know who Jackson was. Like I would ever fuck anyone that ran in the same circles as her. I do have some standards.

  “No, Jackson is his first name.”

  Keisha scrunched up her face like what I said had a funny smell.

  “I know he got clowned a lot. His name sounds white as fuck.” She laughed at her own ignorant joke, but I didn’t laugh.

  “Wait--” Leave it to Devin to pick up on my mood. “He’s white, isn’t he?”

  Keisha gasped, and Keva shoot to her feet.

  “He’s…… a little…. Melanin deficient.”

  “Duck, I’ve never known for you to be into white men?” Devin queried.

  Keva shook her head and looked away. I knew she wouldn’t have anything to say about Jackson’s race. If anyone understood me, I knew she did. Even though, she had no idea I knew her deepest, darkest secret.

  “Ewwww, Duck. I can’t be with no white man.” Keisha fell back in her seat. Her earlier excitement waned.

  “And why not?”

  “Because I like my men with a little extra sausage, if you know what I mean?”

  “Oh come on, Keish. Tell me you don’t believe in stereotypes?” Devin asked.

  “You can’t be that small minded,” I said, taking offense to my cousin’s comment. “I know for a fact not all brothers are packing.” I also knew that Jackson was more than equipped. With that huge print I saw in his pants, there was no way he’s fitting anyone’s stereotype.

  “You would know, you’ve seen enough of them,” Keisha stated, and Keva laughed.

  I ignored her remark.

  “I also know for a fact that you’ve had at least one dick in your mouth that supports my point.” I quirked a brow at her.

  Roy’s dick was the size of a Jimmy Dean sausage link, but she was sucking it like that shit was a Roger Wood smoked sausage. Obviously, a little extra is not a requirement for my dear cousin.

  Keisha’s brow lifted
towards her hairline, I could tell she was trying to decipher exactly what I knew.

  A lot, bitch!

  “So, you like this guy? Have you been out with him?” Devin brought the conversation back around.

  “Like I said, Jackson is nice, but he’s just a friend. He wants a relationship, and I don’t do relationships.”

  “Seriously, Duck? You’re still doing that no dating thing?”

  “Why are you so against relationships?” Keisha asked, her attention was back in the conversation.

  I knew she was looking for a broken heart story, but my aversion to love had nothing to do with unrequited love.

  “I don’t do relationships, because I don’t believe in love. Love is a made up word to give people a reason to do dumb shit.”

  The girls gasped. Keisha looked as if she didn’t believe my reason, and Devin looked hurt.

  “You want to know what I think?” Keva asked.

  “Not really,” I replied, but apparently it was a rhetorical question because she answered anyway.

  “I think you say you don’t believe in relationships because you know that no man will ever want you or marry you with your past.”

  This was why I didn’t share with my family. No matter how good their intentions were, they would always become judgmental assholes. They pretended their sins and crimes were better than anyone else’s.

  “Like the old folks used to say,” Keva continued, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? No man is going to want your cow.”

  “First of all, my cow isn’t for fucking sale, and even if it was, most men couldn’t afford it.”

  “All I’m saying….”

  “Shut up, Keva! Duck is beautiful, funny, successful, and independent. Any man would be honored to make her his wife. If a man has a problem with her past, then screw him. He doesn’t deserve her,” Devin stated, stepping back in front of me.

  Though her words were kind, they weren’t needed. I didn’t care what Keva thought about me. At least I was true to myself, which was more than I could say about her.

  Devin continued, turning back to me, “I don’t know what your issue is with love, but if a man can make you light up the way you do every time you look down at that phone, he is worth getting to know. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere or ends badly, you should chase happiness no matter what.”

  Usually I would have disregarded Devin’s words. She’s as bad as Grams with wanting me to settle down, but today was different. I didn’t know if it was because of Jackson Keller, or the sadness buried behind Devin’s eyes. Either way, her words made me think.

  “Dee, I don’t know why you’re wasting your breath.” Keisha sat back in her seat, finding her magazine interesting again. “Duck ain’t gone change. You know what they say, you can’t turn a hoe into a house wife.”

  “No, but you can make her a baby mama.”

  Keva and Devin laughed as Keisha looked at me with her mouth hanging open.

  “You asked for that one,” Keva admitted through her laughter.

  SIX

  I stared down at my phone again. The message I’d typed up over five minutes ago was still waiting for me to hit send. The simple words stared back at me.

  ME: Still want that coffee?

  I had no idea why I hadn’t sent it off. I mean, having coffee with Jackson didn’t mean I was looking for a future with him. It would just be two people out enjoying an overpriced beverage. What harm could it do? In fact, I was sure that it would be a smart choice. After this date, Jackson would more than likely prove just as uninteresting as all the other guys. If I lost interest, I could focus on other things. Maybe even get my appetite back and finally get that dick down that I needed. Or, maybe, I could convert Jackson into my way of thinking. He would stop trying to have a relationship with me and finally put me out of my drought.

  See, sending the message was the best option.

  I quickly hit send on my phone and watched as my message went from sent to delivered. I exhaled and placed the phone down on my coffee table. I refused to be one of those females that waited by her phone for a man to respond. I may be acting out of character by agreeing to this date, but I wasn’t that damn far gone. I lifted my glass of Merlot to my lips and took a sip. The taste calmed my rattled nerves even more.

  When the doorbell went off, I was startled enough to spill some of my wine on my blouse.

  “Who the fuck is at my house at this time of night?” I asked my empty home.

  Immediately following my question came the sound of knocking. Whoever it was seemed urgent to get my attention. Most people knew I didn’t do company unless you called first. However, whoever it was had to have been here before, because the guards at the front entrance know not to let just anybody in here.

  I headed to the door. I glanced out the peephole and rolled my eyes at the sight. I swung the door open with a growl.

  “What the fuck are you doing here, Cliff?”

  He looked just as good as he did the last time I saw him. All that smooth chocolate skin stretched over defined muscles. His goatee was trimmed to perfection and dark low fade shaped up expertly. His Braves baseball cap pulled low casting his eyes in shadows. Cliff looked good enough to eat, I just wasn’t hungry. Especially not for him.

  He gave me that slow panty melting smile. It used to get my pussy wet when I remembered exactly what his mouth could do. However, now it just made me want to kick his ass off my doorstep.

  “Hey, baby! I came to see you. I missed you.” He stepped up towards me, and I held up a hand to keep him back.

  “Are you on drugs?” It was clear he’d been drinking, I could smell the alcohol on his breath, but he must be on crack in order to show up at my door like this.

  “What?! No, you know I don’t do that shit.” He looked at me confused before shaking his head.

  “Well, are you suffering from some form of psychosis, had a brain injury due to an accident, or maybe struck with some rare case of amnesia?”

  Cliff shook his head. That crease in his brow deepened. “No! I have none of those issues. Why do you ask?”

  “Because I’m trying to figure out why the hell you would show up to my house uninvited.”

  He smiled and chuckled. “Damn, baby! You still mad at daddy?”

  At this point I really did believe he had lost his grip with reality. This wasn’t just the alcohol. When the fuck had I ever called him daddy? I may not have had a daddy, but I sure as fuck knew his basic dick having ass wouldn’t be called one.

  “Cliff, it’s late. I’m tired, and I have work to do tomorrow. I’m going to tell you this one last time. It’s over between us. Don’t call my phone or come by my house anymore.”

  I went to shut the door, but his Timberland boot stuck out and stopped the process.

  Gone was that happy smile that first greeted me. Right now a hardened scowl was etched across his features.

  “We aren’t over until I fucking say we over,” he threatened. “Especially when I know you’re pregnant.”

  Despite the insanity I saw dancing behind his eyes, I laughed in his face.

  “Boy, I am not pregnant.”

  “Naw, not yet anyway.”

  The meaning of his words wiped the smile off my face. Did he really just threaten to rape me to get me pregnant? He had truly lost his damn mind.

  Cliff pushed at the door, almost getting it open. I shoved against it trapping his foot between the door and the door sill.

  “Cliff, go back to your girl. There is nothing here for you.”

  “I’m not letting you go. You’re mine, Charli. Only mine!” he shouted as he shoved against the door, sending me flying back into the foyer.

  He stood in the doorway, his chest heaving up and down in his dark shirt. He slammed the door shut nearly shaking it off the hinges. I fought the fear that was trying to take over me. Fear that wanted to push me into that place. A place I didn’t want to be. This was my body, no one got to take from me ever again.


  “Cliff, I’m going to warn you one last time to get the hell out of my house.”

  Cliff yanked his shirt from over his head and tossed it to the floor.

  “I’ve been thinking about that pussy day and night. We were good together, Charli. Let me make you feel good, baby.”

  He went for his belt, and I leapt to my feet. He grabbed for me, but I dodged out of his way and smacked the wall alarm, setting off my alarm system. The blaring sound went off, and Cliff froze.

  “Fuck! Turn it off!” he shouted as he grabbed for me again, and I kicked at his stomach, causing him to bend at the waist from the pain.

  “You have only a few minutes before the police show up at my house. Their response time is incredible when you live in a neighborhood like mine.”

  In the distance, the sound of sirens could be heard. Damn! That was faster than even I expected. Cliff turned towards the door.

  “Fuck!” he shouted before turning back to me. “This ain’t over, Charli. You’re mine, baby.”

  “Get the fuck out, you psycho,” I demanded.

  Cliff turned and rushed out the front door. I hurried to the door and slammed it shut. Even with the sirens nearly two seconds away, I still wanted the barrier between he and I. I slid down my front door until I was sitting on my ass. The adrenaline started to wear off, and my body began to shake.

  I fought back my demons as they tried to take over me.

  “You’re ok, Duck. You’re safe. This is your body,” I repeated those three sentences until the police were on my doorstep.

  ***

  Nearly two hours later, the last cop finally left my house after taking my report fifty times. They made sure we talked to the people at the front gate and took Cliff’s name off the list of approved guests. They also repeated more than a few times how I should go down to the station, file a report, and get a restraining order. In the end, there wasn’t much they could do without the restraining order. I was just glad they came so fast and chased him away. Never again will I make a joke about how fast the cops show up in white neighborhoods.

  I closed the door after the last officer left.

  “I want to know who the fuck he is, and where he hangs out.”