Smoking Hot: The Diary of a Fire Demon
Page 2
The other one elbowed the first in the ribs and told her to get the luggage.
“Yes, we were expecting you to try something clever, Little Flame, but covering yourself in slime and pretending to be from outer space was really original! Oh, and we have also got you a present: your own personal, un-hatched Sylph. He will be company for you and a lot better than having to take the horrid communal sand baths they must have.”
She then did something nearly normal, at least as far as Alyce could still think as normal; she kissed her cheek.
“Don’t forget us, Sis.”
Alyce said she wouldn’t forget them, and she meant it. What she did not say was that she worried that the memory of them would always be linked to dreams of being stripped naked and then skinned alive by a small but very painful sand tornado.
As they walked along an endless stone corridor, she noticed that they tried to keep her between them to prevent her from running off, which was not an easy task when there were four people and one large suitcase in a corridor only wide enough for two. One of her sisters went in front, and another fell behind with the luggage, so she was sandwiched in between.
As they walked they filled in the gap of normal conversation by taking it in turns to offer helpful advice, which if she was back home would have been on the lines of always wear clean underwear in case you get run over, and don’t talk to foreigners, as they are all rapists and murderers. Here it was not too different.
“Try and join a similar race group as soon as you develop; puberatum can be dangerous if you are on your own, and there may not be that many Heat-based races at the Academy.”
“Eat only fresh food and nothing ever more than a day old; you know how it can affect your tummy.”
“Stick with your own race; look for the most powerful in the group, and stay behind her.”
“If anyone attacks you, try and kick their ankles, as that will slow them down while you run away.”
“I have put a bottle each of Tailglow and Tailbright in your case; I find it keeps a tail looking good in any weather condition.”
“Make sure you crack fresh bones before swallowing them, as they are for the marrow, too, and not just the calcium.”
“The Sylph will need to be trained but will be wonderful against dustcrabs.”
“Only clean with the Sylph; don’t use public sandbaths. You never know who has used them before you, and they never use clean sand in them.”
“Don’t play with other girls’ tails, or you will get yourself a bad reputation.”
“Stay far away from Snowflakes, as they are all nasty and eat their young.”
Smoking Hot: (4)
The large luggage case was secured on top of the transport, and Alyce was duly placed inside, with the door firmly shut in case she wanted to change her mind about going. The transport was just as crazy as the rest of what had happened to her; she would have said it looked like a box on wheels, but, like the luggage, the box did not have wheels: just long bristles that simply needed a light push. It would keep going as the bristles sort of rippled underneath, creating a forward motion that must defy a whole range of laws of physics.
The transport was pulled by something that reminded her of a hornless rhino if they came in a six-legged variety, but it looked like it knew what it was doing and hopefully where it was going.
The seating arrangement in the box was odd as it looked like a broom handle. The best she could guess was that she was supposed to ride it like a witch, but after several tries she gave up and stayed on the floor flat on her tummy to stop any weight from pressing down on her tail area.
She got bored as the hours passed, so she opened the book again.
You can ask the book anything, but it can only answer what I have written in it. Take your time, and read it on the trip to the Academy.
“You already said that, and yes, I am now on my way reluctantly to the Academy, thank you very much!”
You can ask the book anything, but it can only answer what I have written in it. Take your time, and read it on the trip to the Academy.
“Okay, okay! Tell me who I am now, and why am I going to an Academy? An Academy of what?”
Prologue:
Well, let’s see. Now that you are me, I had better tell you who you are. You are mega clever with a fantastically developed body, and you just had your 4th birthday, so happy birthday to me, happy birthday to you, and happy birthday to us.
I am a fit and healthy 4-year-old birthday female, and, I am sorry to say, testers from the Academy discovered just how clever I am and made me the pride of the clutch. I don’t know why, as I crap at magic fire, but they say I’m rare as I’m some sort of super Battery. And they don’t like me because I bit one of them. Anyway, I’ve been chosen to represent the family at the Academy, which is normally a death sentence.
I have been picked, so congratulations! And if you are lucky, you could be one of the 10% that will survive to serve our glorious queen: death, or a lifetime of servitude to the queen… did I say 10%? Well, some years there is only a 1% survival rate, but don’t worry about that. Even if you do survive, I expect you will die in the next Demonic war. The testers were right; I am mega smart, but my magic is crap so I would get killed pretty quickly at the Academy. Therefore, I have thought my way out using my advantage to avoid my fate by becoming you. See? I said I was smart.
End
“You have said all that before! Just tell me new stuff. What am I to do at this Academy, and when can we swap back?”
Multi Question:
Academy: You are one of the chosen to serve the Queen, and the Academy trains you to do that. Only the very best make it, and they normally then die in one of the Queen’s wars. At the moment, the Queen likes Colds, so why they would want me is just crazy.
End
Swap Back: How should I know? Do you know what dimension number you are from, as I sure don’t!
“You found me! How did you do that?”
Magic Mirror:
I hit the dial codes at random until the image of your room appeared in the glass, like yonks ago. I just had to wait till you activated the one in your dimension, and you were so slow! I almost gave up. I watched you for so long and grew to love your crazy world. It helped the magic that you also wanted to swap.
End
“How did I get here?”
Potion:
Well, it lets you slip between dimensions, but you have to be so horrid and sticky, and the goo stains, so it should only be used with old clothing.
End
“Where is here?”
Home:
I, and now you, live in one of the nicest parts of the world: not too hot and not too cold, and no nasty Snowflakes.
End
“How come we speak the same language?”
Communication:
We can communicate in the same language, yes. How, I don’t know, but then I am only 4. I expect it is magic; it normally is.
End
“What about eating and drinking?”
Food:
The Academy should feed you; they have lots of other ways to kill you without using starvation. Just remember, fresh food is always best. Stay away from the non-meat meats, as they will give you gas or an upset tummy. And if you find they ever serve Ke’gar, kill for it as it is just divine. I can’t explain the taste, so in your mind just think of chocolate.
End
“Tell me of this world. What is its name? Who runs it? What do you call yourselves?”
Multi Question:
Home:
I, and now you, live in one of the nicest parts of the world.
Your Life’s Purpose:
To serve our glorious Queen
Our Race:
You humans would think of us as Demons: horns and tails and magic, but not like what I see on your magic box or your odd pictures on the walls that show Demons who play musical instruments. No, that is all wrong; you would not defeat us. Your species must have met
us in the past to have our image in your culture, and I expect you would have worshipped us as gods, which would have been correct as we Demons are, of course, superior creatures to you. I expect we went away, and your memory got it wrong. The Queen may look to your dimension again, and then we will be gods for you once more.
End
“Demons!!! Satan and Hell?”
Our Race:
You humans would think of us as Demons: horns and tails and magic, but not like what I see on your magic box or your odd pictures on the walls that show Demons who play musical instruments. No, that is all wrong; you would not defeat us. Your species must have met us in the past to have our image in your culture, and I expect you would have worshipped us as gods, which would have been correct as we Demons are, of course, superior creatures to you. I expect we went away, and your memory got it wrong. The Queen may look to your dimension again, and then we will be gods for you once more.
End
“You said that. Stop repeating! Only tell me new stuff, and delete the rest. Now, tell me; am I in Hell?”
Mythology:
Your world has many odd and strange ideas about us, like the Queen letting some male Demon rule her, which is so funny. As to our world being some kind of horrid punishment place for you to travel to, now that is even more ridiculous. Our world is one of the nicest you could wish for, apart from the darktime when most people sleep. The Sun always shines her blessings upon us with warmth and light. I expect we started the rumor to stop your kind wanting to come here; we have enough migrants as it is: mostly leftover remnants from some war we won or lost in the past.
End
All data deleted as requested.
START:
WELCOME to the Mark 12 notebook, diary, and the thinking female’s companion. You have in your hands/claws/tentacles a top-of-the-range recording device.
Just speak a heading or keywords for ease of data recall.
End
Smoking Hot: (5)
Alyce dropped the book back on the floor when it started talking about costs for requesting an extended warrantee and service agreements.
Her transport had reached a rest stop, which she worked out due to her observation that the creature who was pulling the box had relieved itself against a wall and then lay down and started snoring.
At least a pit stop gave her a welcome break to get out, stretch her legs, take a pee, and maybe not feel so travel sick. She also could take a closer look at what this world she was currently stuck on looked like.
She gave up on the idea of needing to take a pee as she really did not have to go, which was lucky as she could not find a washroom and had not seen one since she stepped through the mirror: nor had she drank anything, for that matter.
Alyce let her toes dig into the soft sand she was standing on. It felt like sand, and sand normally came with seagulls and ice cream, but this stuff was covering the floor of a desert that spread out for as far as she could see.
This was not how she had planned for today to be; adventure had been on her list, not walking around in a pair of shorts cut so low at the back that she mooned any passersby, let alone having a stupid tail, which, when she was not stepping on it, just followed behind her making snake patterns in the sand.
The sun was still high in the sky and very bright but not too hot, so at least sunburn was not in the cards. She collected the pack that the three girls had described as her lunch and set off for some shade provided by an outcropping of stone in case she was wrong about the sunburn. Alyce laid the food out on a rock.
Around the rest area, which was as flat as it could possibly be without being concrete, were small groups of people mostly in the distance, so she could not see if everyone was cursed with having a tail. Everything just reminded her of a boring highway service stop, and she half expected to see a McDonald’s. Instead, what she did see was some guy break away from a group of about eight others and walk towards her. He had on a long hooded, body-covering garment that could have gone well with carrying a burning cross and very strong views on African people if it had been white instead of black.
“Oh crap, not here as well!”
It must have been a male under the hood based upon the swagger he was trying to perfect more for show than any forward motion, and here she was dressed in what her mother would have described as a girl asking for it: a top that barely covered her boobs and was just missing an “I’m Easy” logo stenciled on the front, and painted-on shorts with so much butt cleavage she would have felt less naked in a string bikini. With any luck, all he wanted was her phone number and to show off how cool he was in talking to a girl. A girl did not survive in any world without being able to read the signs; this was not so much a bad boy as it was someone trying to look like one.
Alyce had seen some real bad boys in her time, and compared to them, this one was a joke. As for acting tough, she had five brothers who all treated her as if she were also a boy, and she still had the scars and mended broken bones to prove it. She had had to grow up strong or die; the only time they had noticed she was different was when at 14 she demanded a dress and underwear that did not fall under the heading of unisex and would not get so mixed up in the wash that her brothers would get more wear out of her undies than she ever would. She still shuddered at that thought.
What she was watching was a macho act as before her, this overgrown hoodie was weaving about and showing off by passing from hand to hand a long and probably very sharp blade that ran off batteries as it glowed and made a humming sound as it cut through the air, which gave the impression it wanted to be a light saber when it grew up. Alyce also blamed her brothers for her knowledge of what a light saber should sound like!
Instead of trying to impress or scare her, he was more likely to make her feel sick as he circled around. Perhaps she should have felt frightened, but of all the possible emotions this new body came with, that one must have been missing. Then it happened: pain, excruciating pain that ended with her staring down at the unconscious hoodie lying at her feet. She cuddled her poor throbbing tail close to her chest and felt a headache coming on. The idiot had stamped down on her tail! Hard! What moron treads on a girl’s tail on purpose!
She now realized the headache must be due to the act her brothers called “nutting,” which is what she had done to the hoodie as she slammed the top of her forehead into his face with as much force as a bent tail owner could deliver. She had, of course, done it to her brothers in the past, and it made up for being weaker than they were. She had never knocked any of them out, but then that was before she owned a pair of head horns, which also seamed to cushion the pain from the blow for her but had quite the opposite effect for the person on the receiving end.
Now one of the larger hoodies swaggered over and was probably staring with disbelief (she could not see his face) at the large and very prone body. He then looked back at her, trying to work out how she had flattened the other boy.
“What happened? What did YOU do to him?”
“He trod on my tail! It hurt a lot, so I hit him, I’m sorry. I only hit him the once. He did tread on my tail, and it was already very sore to start with. I hope he will be okay; I did not mean to hurt him. Sorry.”
Alyce wondered why he was staring at her so much and not showing more concern for his friend. She could feel his eyes burning into her from inside his hood. He must have made up his mind over something as he shrugged his shoulders, bent down, and picked up the long blade that had given up humming and must have needed recharging as the glowing had also stopped. He handed it to her.
“Here; take this, and don’t tell anyone how you got it. We have our reputation to think about.”
She agreed that she would not tell anyone, quickly packed up her lunch, and made her way back to her broomstick carriage where she discovered that Mr. Rhino had not been able to find a bathroom, either, and from the smell had made use of the area nearby instead. He was somehow all hooked up and ready to go again. She wondered if this sort
of strange event was normal in this world. If anyone should have been here, then it should have been one of her brothers, as it was more like the games they played. Perhaps she was scoring points, and someone somewhere was writing down, “Alyce, level-0 girl with sore tail encounters level-1 thug and collects musical glow-in-the-dark knife.”
As the sun continued to shine into the carriage, she tried to sleep again as boring hours turned into more boring hours. At one point she had stuck her head out of the window and shouted in a whiny voice, “Are we there yet?” but the rhino just ignored her.
Letting out a very bored sigh, she picked up the book, opened it, and said heading “boredom,” then said start text “Bored, Bored, Bored, Bored, Bored, Bored,” end text then she shut the book and sighed again.
Alyce decided to check out her new body, but without a mirror it did not take long: two legs and two arms, etc., so apart from the tail, nothing felt different. Okay, so she also had horns, but they were not that big, and she did not even remember she had them most of the time. What she did feel, if anything, was extremely bored, and if anything else, then it was a feeling of normality.
In the end she gave up thinking and gently started to doze in the warm sun with her still-throbbing tail hanging out of the window, but the cool air on it was nice, a somewhat odd sort of feeling but a nice feeling nonetheless.
Smoking Hot: (6)
Alyce awoke with the feeling that something was wrong, and it took a little while to work out that they had stopped. As she stepped out she stretched and tried to get some life back into her legs. So she was here, wherever here was. She was standing outside some very large gates made of what looked like black marble and that must weigh tons. Luckily they stood open; the walls to either side of them went up to some great unknown height that gave her the idea that a tower with a large eye could lay inside waiting for some Hobbit to bring it a ring.
As Alyce looked up at the gates of Doom, another rhino carriage arrived, and she watched the occupant push her luggage off the roof and start dragging it towards the gates. Alyce only realized she was staring when the girl with the standard horns and tail, which had a bow of what looked like pink ribbon tied at the end, gave her a cheerful wave and carried on through the gates, or, rather, she skipped her way through the gates. She gave her a half wave back and kept watching. Here she was thinking about Demons, devils and Hell’s gates when a girl skips in dressed all in pink with pink hair held in place with a large pink ribbon and pulling a large pink case.