Smoking Hot: The Diary of a Fire Demon

by Amy Mah

  Day: 208

  We had Tag fighting today, another Moa Poisen course, and she’s a bitch when she thinks you are not going flat out. I used to think it would be fun just fighting for fun everyday instead of working for a living. I have now changed my mind, and my bruised body agrees with me.

  Day: 210

  I’m still down thinking about what could have happened to Ember. Pink told me off for asking, but I know she passed the 100-point mark, so where is she? We should have at least some classes together.

  Day: 225

  After checking with a Light MOA, I got told that Ember was no longer with us for this term, which Pink says is code for she’s dead but not culled, or they would have just said she failed the end-of-term exam.

  Pink suspects Snowflakes, saying my race was always at war with them, but if they ever make a move at me she will fry every single one of them even if she has to burn the place down.

  I feel very sad and so down. She was a nice girl, and I will miss her.

  Day: 226

  Pink has been saying Ember’s death is reminding me of how I miss my sisters, and if it helps I can cuddy with her. I think it is she who wants to cuddle, but I have to be careful not to hurt her feelings. I was never a girl-with-girl cuddler when I was human, and being a Demon is no different.

  Day: 250

  Stupid world! I said it before; just because the outside world is like walking on one large soft sand beach, that is no reason for not inventing the wheel. Not that I have seen much of this world: I travel to a different planet and what happens? I’m stuck in school! All I have seen so far has been from the window of a walking box, and that was just sand. As for wildlife, unless it is served up on a plate, I have no idea what is about the place. And when I do think about what creatures could be out and walking around, I normally just feel hungry.

  Day: 300

  I’m back to writing in this stupid diary, and this is my stupid frigging life. There are another 100 frigging sleeps till the end of the next term, and then another 200 more before the end of the year, like how come I am the only one to work this out! I look to be the only frigging Demon that can count!!! On this world a year is 600 sleeps long; like, what is the big secret? Anytime I talk about how the year works, people look like I have just told them I have decided to become a vegetarian.

  Day: 310

  Nothing new.

  Day: 325

  Nothing much to say.

  Day: 350

  Airs look to have mastered creating winds, and what do they do? Yes, all the time they play by blowing each other’s skirts up as if it were just as funny as it was the first time they did it.

  Day: 352

  Airs can almost create walls of air, whereas Lights can hide real ones! They are light benders here, but back on Earth they could make a fortune as a magic act.

  Day: 356

  I made the Lights giggle today when I suggested putting signs on invisible tables; they, of course, can see the darn things! The rest of us walk into them, so wish I had a marker pen with me!

  Day: 362

  More frigging new classes on magic stuff to learn: everything is telepathic! Okay, maybe not the rocks or the lizards, but it is so common it is not talked about. Older Minds can communicate by thought, which is another reason for staying clear of them, as Pink says they are real stuck up over how smart they are and also mega creepy at the best of times.

  After all the talking I do with Dyson, Pink now says that, like my Diary, he is telepathic; all I have to do is think at him. He is not that bright, so it is more like sending him feelings.

  Day: 380

  It’s so odd that everyone back on Earth thinks that Demons are sexy, but I don’t seem to be that sort of Demon. Thinking about guys is no longer of interest, and certainly not girls!!! I look in the mirror and see a fantastic body, and all my mind gets excited about is when we will next eat.

  Day: 392

  I discovered two things today. 1. Lights find it funny to bend light and like to hide things in plain view, such as stone tables so people walk into them, and 2. Moas do not have a sense of humor, and when they walk into an invisible table, they deduct 50 life points from every Light in the room.

  Day: 400

  End of half-year term culling today! We are okay. Pink’s at 1185, and I have 1065; the magic life number is 1000. So no Hell and no devil, but we are still a lot of unfeeling Demons killing off our own for failing to reach a stupid number. Follow the system, fight for your world, and do as you are told, as others know best. It is times like this that I can’t see any difference between humans and Demons; we are all monsters in different ways.

  Alyce felt down all day. Both she and Pink had more than the required points for this term’s end, but they did not talk about it: nor did their friends. Being different elements meant you did not make close friends, but you worked with other students, saw them in different classes, and ate with them in the refectory. When some no longer came in to eat, nothing was said, and what is not said by so many can be deafening.

  She had a mind that wanted to cry but eyes that did not know how; she felt sad but also had a feeling of things being right and normal. Alyce could feel the two things at the same time and wondered if she were the only one who felt that way. She also wondered how her family back on Earth was getting on with having a cuckoo in the nest, or if they had even noticed, as her brothers were not known for their IQs. If her other self did not mind getting an odd black eye, then they would not notice any difference. Even if she had told them that she was really a Demon, they would not have cared as long as she still paid for the takeout. But the Alyce in this world was feeling down.

  Even Pink did not eat with any real enjoyment. Alyce thought that all they did was eat, sleep, and work: always the same. Nothing ever changed. She wanted to get out of the place and just scream, but there was no way out, apart from the way those who no longer came to eat with them had found.

  When she returned to their room, she discovered that she could not control a nerve twitch in her tail, and her life felt worse as she watched it twitch. Then Pink did something strange. Without a word she collected both blankets, took hold of Alyce’s hand, and lead her out onto the balcony where she laid one of the blankets on the floor and pulled Alyce down onto it. She then lay down with her in the hot sun, wrapped tails then pulled the other blanket over them for extra heat and hugged her until she fell asleep. It was odd, but as she slept it felt like she was at home: warm and safe with lots of arms and tails interlocking to comfort her and let her know she was with family and they loved her.

  When they awoke, nothing was said about what happened, but Alyce felt a lot better and now knew that just because you were a Demon did not mean you had to be a monster. This world was hers now, and that meant she had the right to make changes and hopefully try and make it a better place.

  Day: 401

  There was the normal choosing of courses today, and we are being forced to take things on magic use and strategy plus a few that we cannot even work out what they are. Lights and Airs just walk about with their noses and tails in the air, as the new courses are magic based and therefore more to their liking.

  Day: 402

  Magic theory is like mega ick!!!! Pink had to wake me up twice in class. It’s like algebra but without numbers, letters, or even logic, and I just wish it were also without me!

  Day: 410

  Frigging magic lessons! It all sounds less likely than the Easter bunny. We tune into the invisible magic particles floating in the air. It is just a load of crap, but there has to be a real reason for it.

  Day: 422

  Today I found out that Colds were originally a Crepuscular race. Now all I have to do is find out what the heck Crepuscular means!

  Day: 430

  I must remember not to ask questions; all that ever happens is that I get strange looks. I just wanted to know what the temperature was outside, and the best I can get is that it is normal for the time of year.
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  Day: 431

  Another thing not to ask is why the sun does not set. Like, why is that such an odd question to ask?

  Smoking Hot: (16)

  Day 450

  A new course starts tomorrow: weapon training supplementary. It sounds good; I am hoping for sword fighting, but knowing my luck someone has gone and invented a gun here. I have shot one before and couldn’t hit a barn, let alone a barn door.

  Alyce noticed that the Moa teaching Weapon Training was an Earth Demon and therefore not someone to go hand-to-hand with after learning what the different magic abilities people had could do in Magic Workshop. She wondered if they had a room 101 on campus, and knowing her luck it would store fire extinguishers. Even a weak Earth did not feel heat or cold, and they could change body density, so it was not a good idea to hit one with a bare fist unless you wanted broken fingers.

  Moa Poisen must have told the other Moas of her fighting skills, as she was picked on from the start by being one of two given a blunt blade and expected to put on a show and fight in front of all the other students. After that she had to go back to her room and fetch her Vfang blade, which she had forgotten about and had just left on the shelf to gather dust.

  As the Moa explained just what a Vfang was and what it could do, the most surprised student was Alyce. What she said was exactly what Alyce had jokingly thought when she got it; it was a magic blade, and making whoomping noises was not its only ability. Having been won fairly in a fight, it could now only be used by her; anyone else who touched it would be cut.

  The Moa was far more impressed with it than Alyce had been and gave her a tie-on leg sheath in smelly leather, as the blade would for some reason need to be close so as to bond with her. Then the Moa gave a warning that she could only take it out when she was in her room. If she ever took it out of the sheath anywhere else without permission, she would lose life points, so it was not so much a weapon but more of a decorative leg weight.

  Alyce thought if she were going to have to wear it daily, she may as well take a proper look at it after meal time. And as for being magic, she so hoped that its magic ability was to make itself lighter; if not, she would either develop a limp or stronger calf muscles on one side.

  Day: 451

  I took a long look at the Vfang. Okay, so I am no expert, but it just looks like a normal blade to me: a handle on one end and a sharp point the other. As for bonding, that sounds more crazy than most of what I am told here. Sometimes I am sure they are winding me up, and if it is true, then I think it is more likely to be sulking after being ignored for so long.

  Day: 452

  If I have to explain to anyone else why I am walking about with a blade strapped to my leg, I am going to have flyers printed!

  Day: 455

  A lesson today not so much on races, as everyone should know who is what (apart from me), but other creatures that also share this world with us. We are, of course, the top species, but then we would think that, wouldn’t we?

  Day: 460

  So, so, so fed up with this blade bonding! Having it tied to one’s thigh everyday may look cool but just means getting a darn rash from the sweaty leather sheath rubbing the skin.

  Day: 461

  Frigging heck! I just found out that my blade is also telepathic as well as magical, and, like, what sort of convo can you have with an overgrown piece of cutlery? I was relieved when I found out I don’t have to talk to it! It needs to be close to me to get the feel of me… er? No, don’t ask how that works, but apparently I leak. And as I own a body that can’t pee, I expect that means it can pick up leaked thoughts. Seeing how interesting my life is, I will end up as the owner of a magic sword that has an intimate knowledge of my toilet habits along with knowing my one great fear is having my tail trodden on, and still being freaked out over the way my toes can bend upwards.

  Fighting classes are more interesting when you can actually stab your opponent, and if you don’t like her, you can even try and cut her head off. This, of course, can be a little disturbing for those watching, as they may want to start betting on the results.

  Alyce wondered if now being a Demon made her so like hitting things, but then she remembered she had liked hitting things when she was human, well, she mostly liked hitting her brothers, but that was just because they deserved it.

  To get around too many people getting killed in practice fights, Alyce found out that magic gets involved so that illusions are created for you to fight, and every time they hit you, a gong sounds. The Vfang now came into its own as she could not do any harm apart from lashing any member of the audience who came too close to an uncontrollable tail with a razor sharp bone tip. When Alyce was fighting, she sometimes forgot about her tail and let it do its own thing, which mostly meant striking out randomly in any direction, a fighting style that was considered both unique and also dangerous to anyone entering or leaving the room. Passing near to her was considered dangerous at any distance less than 50 feet.

  Alyce did discover the Vfang was very nicely balanced and nothing like the toy she once thought it to be. It still made the odd whoomp sound as it traveled through the air, but it made up for the sound effects by being almost weightless when held and at the same time glued to her hand. Being almost weightless when tied to her leg would have been a more helpful magic ability. Unlike other blades she had used in the past, this one would never be knocked out of her grasp. The fake fighters vanished upon being hit with a very lifelike scream.

  Day: 465

  I had fun today telling Pink that she sometimes sparks when she sleeps! The real look of embarrassment on her face!! If only I had my phone here I could take a video of it, as it is very pretty: perhaps a phone and a bag of popcorn, as it is fun to watch.

  Day: 466

  At last I sorted out my horns. Of all the fashion ideas on horn care, the best is the simplest: a careful soak in oil, and then I used Dyson to give me a nice long buff with some light powder. As long as I remember to keep my eyes closed and brush all the dust from my hair afterwards, then the look is fantastic, and I am sure they now sparkle.

  In this world, to look good you have to have a nice tail and bright, sparkling horns.

  Day: 467

  Okay, so it has only just come to mind, and when I asked Pink she just laughed. Yes, of course I know that Dyson is nothing but living, spinning air molecules, but I still wish he wouldn’t try and clean my teeth right after he has been cleaning between my legs!

  Day: 470

  Slowly it is sinking in about element differences; most families only breed a single element type Demon unless for some reason you are supreme black like Poisen. Her family’s type is super special as they breed different sorts. Poisen is a Venom, and her sister here is a Dream. Now why do I find that odd, but not the fact that some Minds can blast a hole in a wall just by thinking about it?

  Day: 472

  Nothing much happened today, so I will list types of Demons and what they are good at:

  Names can be confusing, and they depend upon whom one is talking to, but this is what I have so far:

  Name: Venom

  Ability: Poison and kill by touch

  Job: Spy, or perhaps catering?

  AKA: I don’t think people give them any.

  Moa Poisen is a Venom, and she teaches marshal arts so bang goes the who-should-do-what theory.

  Name: Cold

  Ability: To form groups called Clouds and do magic stuff that is cold or icy.

  Job: Military fighting units and generally getting up the noses of everyone they meet.

  AKA: Ice, Snowflakes, Ice Maidens, Ice Queens, Ice Clouds, Children Eaters, think of Narnia on a bad day

  Name: Dream

  Ability: No idea

  Job: Perhaps Human Resources

  AKA: Just like Poisen’s sister

  Name: Heat

  Ability: Anything to do with Fire and I expect a mobile central heating system.

  Job: On a world where the sun never sets and it is
hot and sunny every day so there is no need for open fires or making things hotter than they already are, I have no frigging idea.

  AKA: Fire, Flame, Firefly, Hot Stuff, and Me

  Name: Electric

  Ability: Fantastic cell phone charger if and when they invent phones. I just wish I had one as a friend when I owned a cell phone that always went flat when wanting to make a call. Electrocute people and throw bolts of lightning, which, in Pink’s case, are the size of a matchstick.

  AKA: Electricity, Static, Lightning, Sparks, and Pink

  Name: Light

  Ability: Create light, bend light, see invisible stuff, and make things not seen

  Job: Mostly Admin and perhaps a mobile lighting unit on legs

  AKA: Touchy but mostly only by me

  Name: Air

  Ability: Showing off by walking an inch off the ground

  Job: Admin? And perhaps handy if you want a change of air.

  AKA: I expect anything linked to air; that seems to be the common way to do things here, apart from not inventing the wheel. Their imagination with names is kind of limited. The only other Heat I knew here had the name Ember, so it’s no wonder people think Alyce is an odd name.

  Name: Mind

  Ability: The top thinkers and can melt your horns off just by thinking it! Also great card cheats.

  Job: Anything they want to

  AKA: Stay clear, and don’t upset unless you want to die or wake up with two heads and no tail.

  Name: Earth

  Ability: Very strong and with natural protection to magic

  Job: Anything that needs a strong pair of hands and a tail.

  AKA: Earths: if you try and give them any other name, they will hit you.

  There are others but noncombatants don’t care to talk about them, like Medics: a rare one said to be almost extinct as no clan is breeding them anymore, and they are called Battery.

  Name: Battery

  Ability: No ability on their own but can boost others

  Job: The old non-Cold Clouds, the Heat and Electric Clouds in the past, were powered by them