Smoking Hot: The Diary of a Fire Demon

by Amy Mah

  “Nice to meet you, Auntie. Mom is off at some meeting or other. Conrad is sitting us; he is what we call here a male. Sis has the hots for him, but he is like mega dumb. At the moment he is playing on his stupid games pod in the kitchen and eating all our leftover pizza.”

  “After what we did to him last time, he knows it is better to stay in the kitchen until Mom and Dad get back than to find out what we are doing around the house. And in case he gets any ideas that he is in charge, we have locked him in the kitchen!”

  At this she looked at her older sister, smirked, and then turned back towards Alyce. Before she could say anything more, another face came into view followed by a small body, which was lifted up off the floor and placed into the older girl’s lap.

  “Enya, say hello to your Auntie.” She then looked fully at Alyce. “I’m Blaize, and Ashley has already told you her name. Our other four sisters are about the house somewhere, and I can call them if you want to say hi. Is there any message you want us to give Mom?”

  Alyce was preoccupied with the problem of adding 3 + 4 without screaming, so she stuck to the facts.

  “Umm, well, just say her sister from the Academy called. I am fit and well and passed all the exams. There’s not much to say except that I burnt down the outside training area, blew up a large auditorium, and killed a Mind teacher in a duel. Now I am just going to hibernate.”

  Alyce saw two of the girls’ mouths become perfect circles, while the third girl just drooled down the oldest sister’s neck. The oldest was first to break the silence.

  “Wow, that is so thermo-mega! I wish we could do exciting stuff like that, but Mom complains every time we try and set fire to Conrad. She is odd like that. We even have to sleep in the same room! We have 12 bedrooms, but Mom says we have to sleep together. Like, is that odd, or what?”

  Before the conversation became any more surreal, a wailing sound filled the room along with a blinking blue light. Ashley and Blaize looked at each other and said “Pyralis!” at the same time before starting to get up.

  “Sorry, we better go! The house is fireproof, but Pyralis is always able to find something that is burnable. We better put it out, and if we don’t unlock the kitchen, Conrad will only piss himself again!”

  With that all three girls ran out of the room, and Alyce was the one left with a round mouth. In her case, it just showed off double rows of interlocking fangs.

  Alyce stepped back out of the room into the corridor where Pink and the Air stood waiting for her.

  Smoking Hot: (35)

  Pink was not happy; she never liked this time of year. It was not normal to be so dull, and the cold made her body ache. She sometimes wished she could have lost her memory like Alyce had.

  This time of year just meant death to Pink. Her favorite sister had died in her arms during the last dark sleep. It was the reason she had the name Pink; it had been her sister’s name. It had caused problems in her family when she took it as hers, but they could not stop her. She wanted to make sure her sister still lived on, if only in her name. Pink would always try her hardest to be the best for her sister’s name.

  Alyce sometimes reminded her of her lost sister. It was not that she acted more Electric than she ever did Fire; it was just that she did not act like a Fire at all. Heats were normally rude and bad-tempered, whereas Alyce generally just acted calm or confused most of the time.

  Her talk to her sisters had not gone well. They had told her of the family shame and the fact that she would be the last of her family attending the Academy due to the Queen canceling her family’s permission to breed as she did not think they served her well. Her family was to die out! No, she would have to prove the Queen wrong and have the family reinstated again.

  Pink had been looking forward to going home, but that was no longer possible. Even if it were, how could she take Alyce with her? She certainly did not want to go visit any Heat family, either. The Cloud link would stop each of them going anywhere on their own, so they were stuck together. Strangely, she did not mind: quite the opposite. That in itself was odd, and she could not understand why she would be happy over the unnatural arrangement.

  Smoking Hot: (36)

  Day 593

  Okay, what the heck is going on? After the video com, Pink is acting all odd. If anyone should now be acting odd, it should be me!

  How the heck have 14+ years passed on Earth when I am still only 4 years old here? I know the time could be a little different between worlds, as no way have I spent 14 years learning how not to burn my bedding!

  I am the mother of seven daughters!! And I have not even met the father! I have been knocked up by some guy, and I do not even know his name! Okay, so it’s not me, but MY BODY has had seven childbirths without me being around to say the best oral way not to get pregnant is to say no! Like, what would that have done to my boobs, let alone my butt? And frigging heck! I must now be over 40!

  Well, if she thinks I am ever going to swap back, she can frigging forget it! My life here may be crap, but at least I have a body to die for. And I will kill anyone who tries to get me out of it!

  The Academy was now going into recess, but Alyce expected they were in for a lot of questioning after the long sleep. Alyce still could not figure out how it worked. Pink was no help, as she just looked at her and tut-tutted when she tried to ask for more details.

  “Look, you can’t have forgotten that! It’s the dark time sleep. It happens every year! Like me, you would have been a carefree 3 year old last time, all snugly curled up and warm with your sisters, which is what we should be doing now instead of being stuck in this cold monstrosity of a building!”

  It had not taken long to pack, as they did not have anything that couldn’t fit into the cases they had brought with them, and Pink was right; the place did feel cold, as did the new room they had been given. It was a deep central room, so there was no balcony and not much light as the crystal strata was transferring less light now due to the temperature. Soon it would turn black until the sun returned to warm it again.

  Pink unpacked both cases without asking if her friend wanted her to; she even re-hung the precious mirror she had won. Alyce did not ask why anyone would hang a mirror when they were heading into the dark time, so instead she tried heating the walls before going to look at the “snack cages,” as Pink called them.

  “But how long do we sleep for?”

  This time Pink sighed loudly.

  “Until we wake up, of course! Just what is it with you and wanting to divide life up into regular slices? Stop worrying about it; it is biology stuff, I expect. Now, what is going on with those two?”

  The two personal cleaning sprits Puff and Dyson were causing a small Storm between them at the corner of the room, and Alyce followed Pink to investigate. They saw what looked like a very large cockroach that was covered in spikes being rounded up and held in place by a pair of whirlwind sheepdogs. Pink let out an “Uck” and blasted it with a small lighting bolt.

  “Eat up, boys; you deserve it. Careful with the bits of spine, as they are poisonous, not that you would notice.”

  Pink started to examine the walls for cracks and holes.

  “Nasty little thing; lucky our boys were on the job. I don’t like these holes, as if there are more of them, they could kill our food supply while we sleep, and they are too large for the boys to eat.”

  “What about us?”

  Alyce did not like the idea of sleeping in a room full of alien-type cockroaches, let alone these things that even Pink would not eat, and they had poison spines that could kill.

  “Ummm, yes, I see your point. The boys should keep an eye on us while we sleep, but we should do something about these holes, as there could be a large nest in the wall.”

  Pink looked at Alyce with her it’s-your-turn-to-talk look, which was similar to a number of her other looks that started or ended with a sigh and came with a look of impatience that gave a heavy hint in pointing out action was needed and it was her turn to take
it.

  “Go take a look at your butt in the mirror, my dear roomie, and read the runes written in Fire, as it will give you a hint. Then, if it is not too much trouble, go burn them out! Okay?”

  A cold Electric Demon was not a happy bunny, unless you had some very strange ideas on bunnies, for as she got colder, she literally sparked. Alyce suspected her own idea of heating up the walls earlier had been the reason for the bug invasion, if you could call one bug an invasion. Bugs would also be getting cold and seeking somewhere nice and warm. Pink was most certainly cold; either that or she was going to practice being a superhero, as she had wrapped two blankets around her and tied them at the neck as capes or cloaks.

  What they needed was an Earth; they could seal the holes with a click of their fingers, but the best Alyce could do was try and fry anything inside without attracting more with the heat it would cause. She knelt down and linked her thumbs, trying to work out a way of getting a narrow but long flame without making a back blast that would cover her face in soot and dead, quick-fried body parts of insects.

  While crawling about the floor looking for holes to blast, Alyce also watched Pink begin to construct a sleeping area. Her friend had now taken over all decision making, even to the point of the placement of the food pens, which consisted of two interconnecting cages linked to a large container of something that could have been a grain. The best Alyce could guess was that they were rodents; there were several very pregnant females and an obviously horny male. Pink had also made it very clear that when she woke up and needed a snack, she was not to eat any with tags, as they were the breeding male and females. Based on the amount of grain, there would be a large supply of young ones all ready to be eaten, and if she wanted there were also the packs of non-meats and meats on the table.

  Pink had made sure that they would have plenty to eat when they awoke, not that Alyce thought she would need much, as she had put on a spare tire of fat and was still chewing as she worked now. Alyce herself worried that she would never want to look in a mirror again after discovering that she could no longer wear any of her low cut shorts without looking several months pregnant, and she thought that Pink kind of waddled a bit as she walked. She knew better than to mention that in Pink’s current mood, however.

  The spirits had no need to sleep or care about the temperature, and they would spend their time playing and eating any little pests the rodents got in their fur. One of the females already looked like she had a new blow-dried hairstyle, as Puff had decided to give her a spring clean whether she wanted one or not.

  Alyce had never seen Pink act so domineering before. She had laid out PJs and other things to wrap up in for the sleep, only to watch her friend let out a sigh of disgust and throw them across the room. After that, Alyce just tried to keep out of her way.

  Alyce noticed that she was now getting a brooding silent treatment from Pink, but it was silent only in words, as the static in the room was very loud. Alyce could feel her hair start to stand on end, and if it lasted much longer, she would have been walking around looking like a toilet brush.

  “Okay, what have I done wrong? And if you say nothing, so help me I will fry you where you stand for making me look like I have seen a ghost with all this static charge!”

  As far as Alyce knew, she thought in English and spoke in Demon, apart from a few non-translating thoughts or ideas that were too alien to translate, such as the idea of someone inventing soft toilet tissue. Alyce now watched her friend try and work out what a ghost was.

  “What is a someone who was living and now is not living but still walking about but without a body and is not even visible so can’t be seen?”

  “Look, forget the ghost idea; it’s just my word for all your static making my hair try and run off one strand at the time. And don’t change the subject; why are you treating me like I’m a non-edible barbed tail?”

  Pink gave an exaggerated sigh.

  “If you had not addled your brain with all your head banging, you would know. I did not say anything, as your ignorance of pre-Academy life has stopped you worrying. I did not want you to worry, as I have enough worry of the long sleep for both of us. It is not talked about, but everyone here will be edgy as they, unlike you, will remember the loss of sisters during the previous sleeps. I cannot remember much of when I turned 1, but the following two sleeps I do, and that is because I lost some of my closest sisters at those times.”

  “The last one was the worst; something went wrong with the sleeping chamber, and three of my sisters cuddling around me had died of cold in their sleep. One of them was my closest sibling. They say it was only my high-static discharges that kept me alive: the same type of charge that the testers found and that got me picked to come here.”

  “So it is nothing you have done so far but what you may do, and that is upsetting me. It is selfish, I know, but if I wake up and you don’t, well, it is just the thought of waking up next to another cold, dead sister that is making me want to have this chamber as ready as it can be. Sorry I am selfish, so just don’t die on me, okay?”

  Alyce did not know how safe her hibernating would be. Her human mind could not do it, but she hoped that her Demon body knew what to do. To try and earth her friend, she decided upon making it up as they got ready.

  “Neither of us will die; we are now a Cloud, so super powerful. And I will keep us both warm, hopefully without burning the Academy down. Now, as you have the memory for this, I will let you take the lead, and I will do as you say.”

  Day: 594

  Well, this is it; it is frigging cold, and I am about to try and go to sleep for what could be months with the chance I will be dead long before I wake up.

  The cold has made all the crystal in the stone walls and ceiling turn black; there is still plenty of light outside, but it will no longer penetrate this deep into the building. Pink says as it gets colder, the crystals will need a full sun to reactivate them. We will not wake until a new sun is in the sky, which just means the double eclipse will be over.

  Pink will not let me heat the room. She says it will confuse her body, as she has to cool down to get the body ready, which means that for the first time since coming here, I am getting cold and sluggish.

  Okay, this could be my very last entry, so there is not much to say. It has been, if not fun, a wonderful experience and, well, it is strange to say, but I would not have missed this for the world! So good night; I am signing off.

  Smoking Hot: (36)

  Pink assured her that the blankets in a heap on the floor were fireproof, and knowing her problem with hot dreams, she hoped that as well as being fireproof they would be melt-proof, too, as she could get very hot at times.

  They had three oil lamps, but only one was currently burning, as the smell it gave off was not that pleasant. Alyce watched her Cloud sister noisily drag her luggage across the room and put it behind the door, and then she got the other bristle-legged trunk and placed it on top of the first.

  “What are you doing, Pink? Is that safe? Like, what if we need to get out in a hurry?”

  There was not much in the way of furnishings in their current room, but what they did have was slowly turning into a small mountain in front of the only door in or out.

  “You mean like a fire? Yes, that would be so dangerous for us, what with you being almost made of Fire and me being able to survive creating a lighting bolt by heating the air around the bolt to the same temperature as the Sun. I’m so glad you warned me of that!”

  Alyce thought, no, you may want to get out fast when I try to kill you in the next couple of seconds, but she had enough sense to say something else instead.

  “I was not thinking of fire being a danger, stupid, but more of me getting so fed up with your moods that I would need to get out and look for somewhere else to sleep, or not bother sleeping at all. I think I would rather stay awake heating rocks for all the dark time than spend it sleeping anywhere near you, unless you stop being so moody and tell me what the heck you are frigg
ing doing!”

  Pink used her bottom to push the pile closer to the door, then she made her way across to where the lamp was burning.

  “Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, but it was a stupid question. Look, we have a lot more enemies than friends, and I, for one don’t wish to die in my sleep like Ember. Anyone forcing their way in here now should make enough noise to wake us, and even half asleep, I can send a lighting bolt at any sound I hear in here that wakes me.”

  Alyce thought it may be a good idea to use the toilet now so she did not have to get up and make any noise, and perhaps she should warn the food not to play on the hamster-type exercise wheel in their cage too loudly or they would end up as target practice. As to the play wheel in the cage, it was the first wheel she had seen on the whole planet. Alyce thought it was a kind of sick idea to be able to watch the food play, like having a farmyard petting corner at McDonald’s, but in Pink’s current mood, it was not something she thought she should mention.

  On looking again at the fresh food supply, she thought that it would not matter if she just tried one before sleeping to check on the taste. She looked harder at what she thought was a wheel and noticed it was not fully round and did not even turn. Instead, a marker at the bottom moved when one got on it, so it was more of a way for the creatures to tell the viewer which was the heaviest and fattest to eat, which was even more twisted of an idea than a play wheel.

  So as not to feel so useless and to take her mind off eating, Alyce got the bed warming stones ready and started to heat them one by one before placing them in the blankets.

  Alyce now watched as Pink discharged herself against a wall, which was the fifth time she had done so since they began getting ready for bed and which made Alyce think she was going to sleep in a tank full of live eels.

  Seeing the frown on Pink’s face, she thought that perhaps eels would be better company. She was quickly going off the crazy idea of hibernating like some stupid squirrel with a pile of nuts to nibble on, and if the door had not been set to hold off hordes of Ice giants or dragons or whatever else that would get stuck in the narrow corridor outside, she would have just left. Pink was now giving her a look.