by Jane Peart
“Yes, sir, I think I do.”
“You and this young man, Ross Davison, have very different backgrounds, as you must know. You have been reared in a comfortable home, provided with all the necessities—and what’s more, some of the luxuries. You have been sheltered, privileged. From what I understand, he was raised in poverty, hardship, but through his own efforts and those of some who believed in him, he has managed to get an education and is now a skilled physician.”
Mr. Shelby turned, picked up one of the fire tools from beside the hearth, poked at the logs. The sizzling hiss of a breaking log filled the temporarily silent room. It was a full minute before he began to speak again.
Johanna pressed her palms together in suspense. Where was all this leading?
Slowly her father turned back, and in a voice thick with emotion, he said, “We have met with our trusted friend Dr. Murrison, who told us that Dr. Davison is a man of unquestioned integrity and honor as well as being a fine doctor. The young man you have chosen and wish to marry is one of remarkable intelligence, character. Still, I feel I must tell you, Johanna, that if you marry this man, you will be going into a kind of life for which you have no preparation. It will be a hard life, a life of work, privation—” He halted, as though he felt it difficult to go on.
“Yes, Papa?” Johanna prodded breathlessly.
He looked at her and she saw on his face infinite resignation, sadness. Then he said, “We have agreed nothing is worth the stress and discord that have been constant in this household of late.” He cleared his throat. “So we want you to know that if you truly believe that a marriage to Ross Davison will bring you fulfillment and happiness—then we consent to it.”
Stunned, Johanna glanced at her mother, then back to her father.
“Oh, Papa, do you really mean it?”
“Yes, my dear. I would not say so if I did not. We give our consent.” He shook his head. “That is not to say that we approve of it or have reconsidered the obstacles we see in such a marriage. What we are saying is that we give our permission for you and Dr. Davison to see one another and”—Mr. Shelby shrugged—“the rest is up to you.”
Johanna jumped up and rushed over to him. “Oh Papa, thank you, thank you!” She spun around toward her mother. Rebecca held up a hand as if to ward off a hug.
“No, Johanna, don’t thank me! You have had your way in this matter. Over my disapproval, my objections. I hope it won’t bring you unhappiness.”
Johanna was too relieved to let even her mother’s coldness dampen her joy. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, Mama, but I know it’s the right thing.” She paused. “May I have permission to let Ross know your decision?”
She glanced at her mother, whose mouth tightened as a flush of anger rose into her face. Johanna turned to her father for the answer.
“Dr. Davison has already been told. Through Dr. Murrison. It was Alec Murrison who came to see me at my office to plead the young man’s cause. His arguments were valid, convincing. I told him he should have become a defense lawyer instead of a doctor.” Mr. Shelby smiled but it was a tight, rather grim smile. “I’m sure Dr. Davison now knows he can pursue his…courtship.”
Johanna moved to the parlor door. Tears of happiness sprang into her eyes. Her hand on the knob, she turned back into the room. “Thank you,” she said again, then went out and started up the stairs. She saw her two sisters leaning over the balcony at the top of the stairway. She recognized by their guilty faces that they had been doing their best to eavesdrop on the conversation in the parlor. But too happy to be cross, she laughed. Running the rest of the way to the top, she grabbed each girl by one hand and spun them around, pulled them with her down the upstairs hall in a merry, exultant dance.
The next morning, in the cold light of day, her euphoria wore off.
She had dashed off a note to Ross informing him of her parents’ decision, hoping he would call upon her that evening. That done, Johanna’s soaring spirits had suddenly departed. The impact of what had taken place began to filter through her elation of the night before. Reality flooded Johanna.
The full impact of what her parents had done hit her. They were not forbidding her to see Ross. They were giving her the freedom to make up her own mind. It was to be her choice, her decision. It was overwhelming and a little frightening.
It was rather like, she remembered, how she had struggled with the doctrine of free will when she had attended confirmation classes. “But why did God give us free will when he knows we will sin and might lose heaven? I’d much rather God made us be good and be sure I was going,” she had argued with the baffled young assistant minister who had taught the young applicants.
She had rushed headlong into this exciting experience of falling in love. Perhaps she had not thought long or far enough ahead. All she had been aware of was that she loved Ross, wanted to be with him, was thrilled he loved her.
Her parents had given her permission to exercise her free will and marry him. Now she could make her own choice. As she fully realized this, she felt some trepidation at being told she was responsible for her own life.
She had won her fight to have her own way. But what had she lost? Somehow Johanna had always known that she was her father’s favorite, his chosen companion for walks in the woods, where he had pointed out to her the flora and fauna. Botany was one of his many interests. And he had a love of words, of Shakespeare’s plays and poetry, which he shared with Johanna. However, in the past few months their old easy camaraderie had disappeared.
Johanna desperately wanted it back, wanted to be reconciled with her father. Yet truthfully she felt it was too late to regain what was lost. Ever since Ross had become an issue, Johanna’s father had kept his distance from her. Certainly he’d been influenced by her mother’s disapproval. But the look on his face the night before, even as he gave Johanna her “heart’s desire,” had been a mixture of sorrow, regret.
She hadn’t meant to hurt anyone. Especially not her beloved father. Was there always a shadow side to happiness?
Within the week, Ross arrived at Holly Grove in the evening to begin what was to be his formal courtship of Johanna.
Johanna waited upstairs in her bedroom, its door half open, listening for the brass knocker on the front door to announce Ross’s arrival. When it came, her heart echoed its clanging. Next she heard footsteps on the polished floor of the downstairs hall, the murmur of male voices, and knew Ross was being greeted by her father. Breathlessly she prayed, Oh, dear Lord, let it go well.
Then, at the rustle of taffeta skirts on the stairway, Johanna shut her bedroom door quietly, holding her breath until there came a tap and her mother appeared in the doorway. Her expression was bland. Whatever she was feeling, she concealed it well.
“Johanna, Dr. Davison is speaking with your father now. In ten minutes you may go down and join them.”
Johanna nodded, smiling at her mother, a smile that was not returned. Rebecca left and Johanna stood, hands clasped against her breast, feeling the pounding of her heart. She went out into the hall and remained at the top of the steps, counting silently to herself until the clock struck ten minutes past the hour. Then she slowly walked down the stairway.
Her father held open the door to the parlor for her. Beyond him she saw Ross standing, his back to the fireplace.
“I’ll leave you two now—I am sure you have much to say to each other,” her father murmured and went across the hall to his study, leaving the door slightly ajar, as was only proper.
Johanna started toward Ross just as he took a few steps forward, holding out both his hands to her. “Johanna, Johanna—”
Tears of joy sprang into her eyes. Her tongue tried to form his name, but her throat was too tight to speak. They stood inches apart, simply looking at each other. Then Ross took one of her hands and kissed her fingertips. “At last, Johanna, at last,” he whispered. “Your father has given us his permission.” He did not say “his blessing,” and Johanna wondered if Ross realized t
he difference. However, at the moment she was too consumed with happiness to pursue the thought. She had won—they had won—and that was all that was important for now.
She moved closer and lifted her face.
“I love you, Johanna,” he said, almost in a sigh, then leaned down and kissed her softly.
With a small indrawn breath she returned his kiss. A sensation of pure joy swept over her. This was it, the answer to all her prayers, hopes, and dreams.
Each evening thereafter, unless some medical emergency prevented him, Ross appeared at the Shelby home to spend some time with Johanna. Johanna lived for those moments alone with him, albeit the parlor door was always discreetly left ajar.
One evening, Ross was delayed and Johanna waited impatiently for him to come. A family had come down with some kind of fever and he’d had to attend them, he explained when she rushed to welcome him. In the parlor, his arm around her waist, Ross led her over to the sofa. “I have something to show you, Johanna. Something I’ve had for a long time. Something I had made while you were in Winston, with only my faith that this time would come, that this would happen.”
Ross held out his hand, and in its palm lay something round, shiny, a circlet of gold, her wedding ring!
“Look inside,” he urged her. Johanna held the small band up to the light shining out from the glowing fire.
“Love, Fidelity, Forever. JS-RD,” she read aloud.
She looked up at Ross with eyes glistening with tears. For a minute emotion made her unable to speak. She remembered Ross once saying, “What do I have to offer you, Johanna?”
Here lay the answer in the palm of her hand. A circle of love, embracing, enveloping, protecting love, that’s what he was offering her now and forever, as long as they both should live and on afterward into eternity.
Chapter Ten
Once the aunties and other family members were told and her engagement was formally announced, Johanna—her heart’s desire granted—became the daughter Rebecca had always dreamed of. She could not have been more docile, more open to suggestions, directives, plans. Johanna was ready to compromise on any detail. Rebecca found this new side of her oldest daughter remarkable. Though easier to deal with than the one that had balked at so much Rebecca had wanted in the past, it was a little difficult to get used to and somewhat unnerving.
The plans for Johanna’s marriage to Ross went forward smoothly, at least on the surface. Rebecca was still given to moments of deep doubt. She would think that if she and Tennant had simply held out longer, not given in to Alec Murrison’s championship for his young assistant nor to Johanna’s alarming melancholy, perhaps—perhaps—it all might have eventually resolved itself. But Rebecca was too pragmatic to spend much time in vain self-reproach. There were too many details to be attended to, too much to be accomplished and completed to waste any time in useless regret.
The wedding was to be a quiet one, not in church but in the Shelby’s parlor, with only the immediate family attending, which in their case made up quite a crowd. To Rebecca’s secret relief, Ross informed her—without seeming embarrassment—that none of his family would be able to come. His mother never traveled, he told her, and his sisters were too young. Spring planting would keep his younger brother Merriman and his family from coming as well. Although Rebecca accepted his explanation and assured him she understood, privately she had not been sure if the Davisons would be comfortable among the Hillsboro people. Of course, they would have been welcomed graciously. Still, it was one less problem to worry about, she told herself complacently.
Johanna could hardly wait to tell her best friend, and a few days following the Shelbys’ acceptance of the inevitable, Liddy was invited over so that Johanna could share her news.
“Oh Johanna, are you sure?” Liddy’s eyes were wide, marvels of ambiguity. She was both excited and sad. A romantic, she was thrilled at the happy ending of this star-crossed love story, and yet she felt uneasy about her friend’s future.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life!” declared Johanna. The two girls were sitting on Johanna’s quilt-covered bed a few days after the Shelbys had given their consent to Ross’s marriage request. “Ross is everything I ever dreamed of, Liddy, and so much more. I am beside myself with happiness.” Johanna’s smile and eyes radiated joy. Her whole expression glowed.
“But to go live up in the mountains, Johanna, miles away from everyone you know, from everything you’re used to.” Liddy’s voice held doubt.
“I’ve been away from Hillsboro before, for goodness’ sake, Liddy! Almost three years at Miss Pomoroy’s. And if that wasn’t different from what I’m used to, nothing is! I love Ross and we’re going to have a wonderful life together. And it will all work out. Don’t worry about me.” Johanna reached over and squeezed Liddy’s arm.
“I don’t know, Johanna. I heard Mama talking to one of your aunts, and—”
“I hope you didn’t pay any attention to any of that? Who was it, Aunt Hannah? She always takes the gloomy side of everything.”
“Well, Mama agreed with it, Johanna. She said when love is blind, there’s a rude awakening.”
“Oh, fiddle! That’s one of those typical old wives’ tales ladies say to each other when they don’t agree about something. I just hope I never get old and narrow and view anything that is different as bad. Of course, Ross is different from most of the insipid men we know here, Liddy.”
“Not all of them. Take Burton, for instance—”
“You take him, Liddy!” Johanna said indignantly, then giggled.
“I would if I could!” Liddy retorted snappishly. “The problem is, he’s brokenhearted over you, miss!”
“I’m sorry, Liddy. I was teasing. Burton is a dear, lovable fellow. I just don’t love him. Not all his persuading would ever change that. You can’t just decide to love someone. It just happens. Like it did with Ross and me. Neither of us was expecting it or even looking for it. But we knew when it did happen, and that’s what makes me so sure.”
“Johanna, be serious for a minute, please. I just have to talk to you!” Liddy suddenly burst out. She began to sniff and her eyes filled. “It’s all wrong. You must give it some more thought before you go and do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life! I just hope you won’t be sorry. As Mama agreed with your auntie, ‘Marry in haste, repent in leisure.’”
Johanna looked at her, startled.
“Oh Johanna, he’s just not right for you!”
“What do you mean, not right?” Johanna echoed, bewildered.
“I mean—well, it’s not that he isn’t fine, honorable, and a good doctor, but to marry him, Johanna, and go so far away to live, on the edge of nowhere, in the hills, with people you don’t even know, will have nothing in common with…Oh Johanna, you just can’t!” Liddy’s eyes filled with tears that began to stream down her face.
“I don’t see what you mean, Liddy.”
“That’s because you’re not willing to look, Johanna.”
“Pish tush!” Johanna said scornfully. “You’re a regular old lady, Liddy. Where’s your sense of romance?” She teasingly tossed a small embroidered pillow at her friend.
Liddy tossed it back, pretending to pout. “Well, don’t say you weren’t warned.”
“Not warned? No, I’d never say that. If you only knew how many times I’ve had to listen to the same sort of thing you’ve been saying. I think every one of the aunties, one way or another, have delivered such warnings.” Johanna smiled. “And I’m going to prove them all wrong! So there!” She stuck out a small, pink tongue.
Her friend ignored Johanna’s attempt at comedy. “Mama says Millscreek Gap is real backwoods, Johanna. You’re not just going to move everything from your home up there like it was a paper cutout and fit it in there and everything will be the same. Don’t you understand how primitive mountain people’s lives are? You’ve never even met his folks, never been to his home, seen how they live—my goodness, some of those mountain people
that come down to town to sell their baskets and chairs…why, they’re just not like us, Johanna. I mean, some of them don’t even know how to read or write, Johanna, do you realize that?”
Indignantly Johanna stared at her. “I can’t believe you’re saying this, Liddy. You sound like Emily Archer! Place Ross beside any other man in all of Hillsboro, and he’d stand head and shoulders above them all. Ross is a doctor, an educated man. You should hear him discuss things—all sorts of things. Not just about medicine and all. Even Papa had to admit that he is very intelligent.”
“Maybe. But that’s a man’s world, Johanna. You’re going to miss things you don’t even realize now.”
“Like what?” Johanna demanded.
“Well, like things you take for granted. Things we all take for granted, everyday things as well as special things. Up in the hills, there are no shops or stores or theater or—”
“None of that matters.” Johanna’s eyes grew dreamy. “Don’t you understand that, Liddy? Not when you’re in love the way Ross and I are. The question isn’t, Is he good enough for me? but, Am I good enough for him?”
“Johanna, will you just listen?” begged Liddy.
“No, I don’t think I will,” retorted Johanna, getting up from the bed on which the two had been seated. “I thought you were different, Liddy. I thought you would understand, be glad for me. Not come here talking to me as though I’m some half-wit that doesn’t know what she’s doing. Telling me that I’m making a mistake. What kind of a friend are you?” Johanna was getting choked up as the words rushed up on her. “I’m so lucky that Ross loves me. I have to pinch myself at times to make sure I’m not dreaming.” Johanna turned her back on Liddy and went over and stood at the window, her shoulders stiff with anger.
At length the sound of sobbing caused her to turn back into the room. Liddy was bent over, her head in her hands, crying brokenheartedly. Johanna’s soft heart melted. She went over to her weeping friend, put her arms around her.
