First Crush

by Linda Seed

  “Not good.” TJ took a swig of his Coke and shook his head. “It’s not encouraging.”

  “Oh, honey.” Lily looked close to tears.

  “You could go see her, you know.”

  For a moment, she looked hopeful—as though she’d been wanting just that but hadn’t dared to imagine it might happen. Then her face hardened. “I don’t think so.”

  Beverly had supported Penny’s decision to leave the marriage, and that, to Lily, had been unforgivable. Lily sincerely hoped for Beverly’s recovery—TJ knew that—but the tension between the two women was thick and stifling.

  “You know, Mom … you don’t have to be mad at Beverly, or at Penny, for that matter. I’ve moved on. It would be nice if you could, too.”

  “Hmm.” The sound didn’t indicate that Lily was seriously considering what TJ had said—only that she was acknowledging that he’d said it. “Speaking of moving on … how is Bianca Russo?”

  TJ hadn’t told her that he’d gone out with Bianca. He certainly hadn’t told her they’d kissed. And he hadn’t told her that whenever he wasn’t thinking about Owen, he was thinking about Bianca.

  So how did she know?

  “She’s fine, I guess.” He tried to sound casual.

  “You guess?”

  “Well … yeah.”

  “So you didn’t go out to dinner with her?” Lily looked at TJ with scorn. “Carolyn Parker’s daughter is the hostess at The Sandpiper. She told me the two of you were there together. Are you going to tell me that was a meeting to discuss Owen’s care?”

  “Ah, jeez,” TJ muttered. “Remind me why I moved back to Cambria again?” In San Jose, he could have dated anyone he wanted and remained anonymous. Here, if he blew his nose on Main Street his mother would call to ask if he was sick.

  “TJ, honey, how do you expect to get back together with Penny if you’re going around with other women like … like Bianca Russo?” She said the name as though it had a bad taste.

  “I don’t expect to get back together with Penny, Mom. That’s what I’ve been telling you.”

  “Well. It could happen if you wanted it enough.”

  What he wanted, at the moment, was to stop talking about it. He changed the subject. “So, Mom, how are things with Friends of the Library?”

  17

  Bianca hadn’t planned to go to the biopsy. TJ hadn’t asked her to—in fact, they hadn’t discussed such a thing at all. But the procedure was scheduled for a Friday afternoon, which just happened to be a time when Bianca’s office was closed. And she was worried about Owen. And the more she thought about it, the more it seemed to her that TJ might need the support.

  Plus, her sisters had been right that she was controlling. She knew it was irrational—Peter was an excellent doctor—but she couldn’t help feeling that things would go more smoothly if she were there to keep an eye on the proceedings.

  When she walked into the surgical center, TJ and Owen were still sitting in the waiting room, both of them looking nervous. Owen was fidgeting with his cell phone, and TJ was staring at the wall, his left knee jiggling with nervous energy.

  As she always tried to do with her patients, she greeted Owen first.

  “Owen, hi. How are you feeling?” She sat down in a vacant chair next to him.

  “Okay, I guess.” But he didn’t look okay. He looked jaundiced, and he looked frightened.

  TJ looked at her with surprise. “Bianca. What are you doing here? I didn’t expect—”

  “If me being here is overstepping, I’ll go. But I wanted to make sure everything went well, and I thought … Well, I thought you might like to see a friendly face.”

  “Yeah.” TJ rubbed at the stubble on his chin. He looked like he hadn’t slept much the night before. “Yeah, it’s good to see you. You want some water? I could use some water.”

  TJ got up and went down a short hallway to a water cooler with a stack of paper cups on top of it. Bianca followed him.

  He filled a cup with water, drank, and then threw the cup into the trash. He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “I’m … jeez. I’m holding it together, but just barely.”

  She put a hand on his face, went up onto her toes, and kissed him. Just once, and just for a moment, to reassure him. To comfort him.

  When they turned to go back to the sitting area, TJ froze. Bianca looked up at him to see what was wrong, then she followed his gaze to the waiting room, where a woman she vaguely recognized was standing with her arms crossed, glaring at him.

  “Oh. Hi, Penny,” he said.

  Bianca hadn’t known that Penny was coming. Hell, she hadn’t known she was coming until she’d made the decision at the last minute. Now, her own presence seemed like a spectacularly bad idea.

  “TJ, I’d better go. I didn’t mean … I’ll just say goodbye to Owen. I’ll call you later, okay?”

  If she’d thought she could get past Penny without a conversation, she was mistaken.

  “Bianca Russo, isn’t it?” Penny put out a hand, limp-fish style, for Bianca to shake. “I’d say it’s good to see you again, but under the circumstances, awkward is more like it.”

  “Hi, Penny.” Bianca shook the boneless hand. “I just came to make sure Owen was in good hands. Which he is. So I’ll just …” She pointed to the front door to indicate her intention to get the hell out of there as fast as her low-heeled pumps would carry her.

  “TJ, can I talk to you?” Penny grabbed his arm and hauled him into the hallway where the water cooler was.

  Bianca looked at the two of them, at the angry set of Penny’s jaw and the defensive way TJ was standing with his arms crossed over his chest. Then she looked at Owen, who had been scared before but who now was both scared and apprehensive about whether his parents were about to have a fight.

  It didn’t seem right to just leave him there.

  She sat beside him and tried to engage him in small talk about school, movies—anything she could think of.

  “So, Owen, does Mr. Davies still teach at the middle school? Because when I was there—”

  “When your son needs a doctor, this is what you do? You take him to see your girlfriend?” Penny’s voice carried to where Bianca was sitting.

  Bianca couldn’t hear TJ’s entire response, as he said it under his breath, but she did hear the phrase, “not my girlfriend.” It was true, considering that they’d just started seeing each other. Still, it hurt to hear.

  Owen, gamely trying to hold up his end of the conversation, said something about how he didn’t know a Mr. Davies, but he had a Mr. Davis. They were not the same person.

  Penny was pointing a finger at TJ’s chest, and she poked him with it to emphasize key words she was saying to him. “You are not going to compromise our son’s care just because you’re sleeping with his doctor.” Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke.

  “I am not sleeping with her,” TJ hissed. Again, true enough. But the vehemence with which he said it suggested that he wasn’t even considering such a thing. Bianca sure as hell had been considering it.

  “Oh, boy.” Owen looked miserably at his parents and then at Bianca. “Are you? Sleeping with my dad, I mean?”

  “No. No, we’re just … we’re friends,” Bianca said. Part true, part lie. The scorecard was getting confusing.

  “I’m taking him home. I’m taking him home right now,” Penny said.

  “No, you’re not,” TJ countered. “He needs the biopsy. You’re not going to keep him from getting it just because you’re pissed, Pen. And there’s nothing going on—not really. You’re pissed about nothing.”

  The receptionist, who’d been watching it all with first concern and then alarm, slipped into a back room. Moments later, Peter emerged dressed in blue scrubs, looking bewildered.

  “Mr. Davenport, hello.” He turned to Penny and extended his hand. “I’m Dr. DeVries.”

  “I’m Penny Davenport. Well, DeLuca now. Owen’s mother
. I was just telling TJ that Owen and I are leaving.” She left Peter’s hand just hanging there, partnerless.

  “Is there a problem?” Peter said.

  “The problem is that my ex is thinking with his dick,” Penny announced.

  That was when Peter noticed Bianca in the waiting room. “Bianca? What are you doing here?”

  “I just … I thought …” Bianca stammered.

  “She’s here because she’s sleeping with Owen’s father,” Penny supplied.

  “I told you, she’s not,” TJ said.

  “What?” Peter looked stunned. “Bianca? Are you?”

  “What do you care what she does?” Penny wanted to know.

  Peter looked at Penny, his face now studiously blank. “I suppose I care because she just broke up with me.” He turned to Bianca. “Is he the reason? Were you already seeing him?”

  After that, everyone started talking at once. The receptionist herded them all into a conference room—except for Owen. She led him away, patting his shoulder and speaking softly to him.

  Peter told them that he didn’t have a lot of time to sort out everyone’s personal lives because he had patients lined up back-to-back. There was some yelling, some accusations, and some pleading, and amid it all, the two doctors agreed on one thing: Owen needed the biopsy, and it would be both reckless and stupid to delay it because of the various parties’ relationships to one another.

  Owen’s parents finally conceded the point—TJ gratefully, Penny grudgingly. Peter shot Bianca a glare, then went into professional mode with TJ and Penny, reassuring them that regardless of any feelings he might have about all that had happened, he would give Owen the best of care.

  Bianca left just as Owen was being prepped for the procedure.

  As she was heading to her car, stinging tears threatening to spill from her eyes, she heard TJ running up behind her.

  “Bianca? Bianca, wait.”

  She took a deep, steadying breath, and turned to face him. “TJ, I’m sorry about this. All of this. I shouldn’t have come. You and Penny need to focus on Owen.”

  “It was nice that you came. It was sweet that you wanted to see if we were okay. I appreciate it. It’s just …”

  It’s just that you and Penny and Owen are a family, Bianca mentally concluded for him.

  “I get it,” she said. “Just go back in there and take care of your son.”

  Bianca knew Peter would call, but she’d thought he would at least wait until the end of the work day. Instead, he barely waited until she’d gotten home.

  “What the hell was that, Bianca?” he asked as soon as she picked up the call.

  “How did Owen’s biopsy go?” Because that was all that was important, in her mind. That was the thing that mattered.

  “Are you going to answer my question?” he said.

  “Yes. After you answer mine.”

  He let out a tired sigh, and she could picture him doing that thing he did—pinching the bridge of his nose as though all of his troubles and anxieties lived there.

  “All right. The biopsy went fine. It was routine. It’ll take a couple of days for the pathology report, but …”

  “Okay. Thank you.” The results of the biopsy might not turn out to be what they wanted, but at least the procedure itself hadn’t caused any problems—which sometimes happened. That, at least, was a relief.

  “Now tell me what’s going on. Are you dating Owen Davenport’s father?”

  “I … we … sort of.” When she’d awakened this morning, that question would have seemed like a simple one. Yes, they were dating. But after she’d heard him downplay things between them to Penny, nothing seemed straightforward anymore.

  “Right. Okay. Is that why you broke up with me? Were you already seeing him?” The hurt and indignation in Peter’s voice made a guilt headache start at the back of her head, even though she hadn’t done what he was accusing her of.

  “No. I didn’t go out with him until later.”

  “Not much later, though,” he shot back. “I mean, you got right on it, Bianca. So I can only assume that he was around before then, even if you hadn’t actually started dating yet.”

  She couldn’t deny that, so she didn’t say anything.

  “That’s what I thought,” he said, in answer to her silence.

  “Look, Peter. Owen Davenport has nothing to do with this. None of this is his fault. If you can’t give him the best treatment … I mean, if you can’t keep him as a patient because of me …”

  Peter scoffed. “What kind of unprofessional, unethical, sorry excuse for a doctor do you take me for? Of course I can do my job. Of course I’m going to give that boy the best care I can. I’m offended that you’d suggest otherwise.”

  And he would do an excellent job with Owen, she knew that. She was ashamed that she’d even brought it up.

  “But while we’re on the subject of professional ethics,” Peter said, “should you really be his primary care physician? I mean, you obviously have a conflict of interest. If anybody’s acting out of line here from a professional standpoint, it’s you.”

  Bianca closed her eyes and tried to think serene thoughts. “Peter, I’m sorry I said what I did. I trust your medical judgment completely. I hope you’ll offer me the same courtesy.”

  “Yeah, well. Don’t bring your personal drama into my workplace again, Bianca. I mean it.” And he hung up on her.

  Now that he’d had his say, she thought he’d be all right. That was one angry, offended person she could check off her list. Now she just had Penny DeLuca to deal with.

  TJ and Penny managed to delay the rest of the fight until after Owen’s procedure. He had to stay at the surgical center for a while after the operation to make sure there were no problems. Then, TJ took him home to rest, and Penny followed—ostensibly to make sure that Owen was settled in and had everything he needed, but TJ suspected that she only came so she could yell at him.

  She got her chance once Owen was lying comfortably in bed with his hand-held game console, as TJ walked her out to her car.

  “You know,” she said, “if this is the way you’re going to handle things, it might be best if Owen comes back to live with me.”

  TJ had expected her to drop that particular bomb, but he hadn’t expected it so soon. She’d flung it out there first thing in a daring act of post-divorce aggression that left him angry and defensive.

  “If this is the … Jesus, Penny. I’m handling things just fine. He had the test, didn’t he? He’s seeing the specialist. There’s a problem, and I saw it, and I’m on it. What the hell else do you want?”

  TJ was only now realizing how exhausted Penny looked. She took off her glasses, rubbed her eyes, then put the glasses back on. “I want you to make decisions based on what’s best for Owen, not based on the fact that his doctor is a hot piece of ass.”

  “Don’t talk about her that way.” He was surprised at the vehemence in his own voice. He’d jabbed his finger toward her face for emphasis, and now he let his hand fall.

  “Really,” Penny said.

  “Really what?” It came out more angry than he’d intended.

  “The way you’re defending her—standing up for her honor. You’ve got feelings. I thought you were just screwing her, but …” She shrugged, looking defeated.

  “I’m not screwing her,” TJ said, not bothering to deny the other stuff. Why should he, when Penny was pretty much right about it?

  “Ah, bullshit.”

  “No, really. I’m not. It hasn’t gotten that far. It’s … new.”

  “But you like her.”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

  At some point, TJ and Penny had stopped fighting and had started talking, as though they were friends, or at least people who didn’t resent each other.

  “Well.” A tear slipped down Penny’s cheek, and she wiped it away. “I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt that you’re moving on.”

  “You will, too,” he said. “You’ve got a lot go
ing on with your mom, but when you’re ready, you’ll do it.”

  “I guess.” She let out a ragged breath. He wanted to hug her—just to comfort her—but he was afraid it would be misinterpreted, and he didn’t want that. Instead, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked down at the sidewalk between his feet. A breeze ruffled through the oak trees, causing a small flock of birds to rise into the air and fly away.

  “Did you mean what you said about Owen? About taking him to live with you? Because I can handle this, Penny, whatever this is. You can trust me.”

  Penny shrugged and shook her head. “I was angry. That’s all. What’s happening with Mom is awful. I don’t want him to see that, especially when he …” She didn’t say the rest of it: especially when he might be facing the same thing. “I miss him so damned much, TJ.” Her eyes were red, and she blinked hard.

  “If you need more time with him …”

  “Yeah.” She nodded. “Yeah, let’s talk.”

  The fact that they could talk—about this or anything else—was a small miracle. TJ had seen other people’s divorces and the toxic levels of anger and spite that came with them. At first, it had seemed like it might go that way between him and Penny. When the split was new, TJ had foreseen a future of fighting, court battles, and seething hostility.

  But then Beverly had gotten sick, and all of that had fallen away. Penny had stopped fighting with him—probably because she could only think about her mother—and TJ had been gentle with her, not wanting to add to the stress she was under.

  The result was something as prized and delicate as a rare butterfly: a mostly amicable divorce.

  He said goodbye to Penny and headed back into the house to check on his son.

  18

  Bianca didn’t see TJ much over the next couple of days. She tried not to obsess about it, knowing he was probably preoccupied with Owen. But after what had happened at the surgical center, she couldn’t help thinking maybe her relationship with TJ was over before it had really started.