Fix You

by Carrie Elks

  “Am I treating you like a child now?” Josh moaned into her mouth, causing her legs to tremble as she tried to grind herself even harder. Inappropriate wasn’t strong enough to describe the levels they had stooped to.

  Breathless, Hanna moved her head back, gasping for air as Josh stared down at her.

  “Shit.”

  “Fuck.”

  Her heart thumped harder. She wanted to reach out and rearrange his hair, move it out of his eyes so she could see their piercing blueness. His light-grey t-shirt was lopsided on his body, exposing the right hand side of his shoulder. She felt the sudden urge to touch it.

  “This is all a bit Woman of the Year isn’t it?” She tried to bring levity to their situation.

  “A bit what?” His brows dipped in confusion.

  “It’s a film starring Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn. They’re feuding journalists who eventually get marri—” Hanna stopped suddenly, embarrassment flooding her cheeks. She looked down at the floor avoiding his gaze and mumbled, “It doesn’t matter.”

  Josh let out a short laugh, his cheeks puffing up in amusement. “How can you annoy the shit out of me in one moment, then make me laugh like an idiot the next?”

  “Pure talent.” She managed to look up from her feet and give him a small smile. “It’s one of my many amazing attributes.”

  “It seems that way. For the record, I think you’re a hugely talented journalist, and I have no doubt you’ll go far. But you need to be able to listen to constructive criticism without being a bitch.”

  “I know.” It was her turn to rake her fingers through her own hair in aggravation. “When I looked at the magazine I saw red. I wanted to rip your balls off.”

  “I left you a note on your desk last week to tell you I’d edited it down. Didn’t you see it?”

  “It must have slipped off my desk. Maybe next time you could tell me face to face?”

  “If I promise, will you let me kiss you again?”

  “If I let you kiss me again, will you give me the front page?”

  “No.”

  “Ah, sod it. It was worth a try, though.” She grinned impishly at him. He leaned toward her, pressing his mouth against hers. She closed her eyes and felt their lips move together. He ran the tip of his tongue along her lips until she parted them, inviting him in.

  His hand moved to her neck, stroking down to her shoulders, then running his index finger down her spine making her body shiver at his touch. She let out a soft moan against his mouth, causing him to increase the pressure of his lips and his tongue until she couldn’t think straight any more.

  Six

  September 3rd 2001

  She could tell it was early from the quality of the light streaming through the thin curtains, covering the windows. She squeezed her eyes shut, her mind chasing sleep until Josh’s insistent fingers began to brush firmly against her breasts, causing her body to awaken, even if her brain was left behind.

  “Mmm.” Hanna refused to open her eyes fully. His lips wrapped around her nipple, his tongue bathing and teeth grazing as it hardened in response to his touch.

  “Did I wake you?”

  “Still asleep.” She smiled as she answered him, knowing she had given herself away.

  “Pretend this is just a dream then, a really nice dream.” His lips were moving downward, and she found herself fisting the bed sheets, her body responding to his touch.

  Nice as it was, this was definitely no dream.

  They had spent the whole summer together, travelling around England to attend different gigs and music festivals. In late August they returned to London where Josh had got a job working at The Guardian as a trainee journalist.

  “I have to get up, baby. I need to be in the office by eight.” Josh leaned down and kissed her neck. “I’m shadowing a guy who is travelling around some farms, trying to write an article on Foot and Mouth disease.”

  “Are you wearing Wellington boots? Can I call you Farmer Brown?” Hanna smiled at the thought of Josh having to wallow through mud and interview farmers about their Foot and Mouth experiences. The disease had ravaged farms all across the country, culminating in a mass cull of animals. Even Hanna had cried when she saw the images of carcasses stacked in huge piles and being burned. She’d found it hard to get out of her mind for a long time.

  “No and no. But you can get down and dirty with me when I get home tonight. What have you got planned today?”

  “It’s Ruby’s first day of school. I promised I’d walk her there with Richard.”

  As soon as she said the name, the corner of Josh’s lips turned down with a scowl. When she introduced the two of them last Saturday, they’d seemed to take an instant dislike to each other. It made everything feel very awkward.

  “What are you going to do for the rest of the day?”

  Hanna read his subtext. He was asking if she was going to spend the rest of the day with Richard. She swallowed hard, knowing just how much she wanted to spend time with her friend. Ever since he’d arrived in England he’d been so much fun. Smiling and laughing, and constantly winding her up purposely, hoping to provoke her snarky responses.

  “I’m not sure yet. I’ve been sent a reading list for next year, so I should go and pick up some books. And I said I’d pop to Mum’s for tea.”

  “What time will you be home?” His words were staccato, and his frown even more pronounced.

  Hanna loved that he was jealous, and she loved even more that he was describing his pokey little one-bedroomed flat as her home. Feeling amorous, she flung the sheet away from her and ran over to him, throwing her arms around him as she felt her naked body crush against his, the droplets from his skin moistening her flesh.

  “Whenever you want me.”

  He grabbed hold of her and crushed her against him. She could feel the telltale movement of his towel as he reacted to her touch. “I want you all the time, that’s the problem. But some of us have to work for a living, so I’ll be home by eight.”

  “Okay, darling, I’ll have your ironing done, your dinner in the oven, and the children will be in bed. Would you like your pipe and slippers, too?”

  “Fuck the pipe and slippers.”

  “I’d rather you fucked me.”

  “Don’t worry, I will.”

  WHEN HANNA ENTERED the Larsen house, she could hear Ruby squealing all the way up in her bedroom.

  “Hanna, you made it. Ruby will be so pleased.” Claire Larsen walked into the hall from the kitchen, her hands at her ear as she fastened a small pearl earring to her lobe. “As you can hear, there’s been no shortage of screaming going on this morning.”

  “Is she excited?” Hanna asked.

  “So very excited, especially since both her brothers are here to accompany her to school. And her favorite friend, of course.” Claire winked at Hanna.

  “Nathan is here?” Hanna had never met Nathan Larsen, Claire’s son, although she had heard tales of his giant stature, his laid back nature, and his ability to throw Ruby high up to the ceiling.

  “Yes, he arrived back last night. I’m afraid he hasn’t had a chance to shave yet, so he looks like the Wildman of the Andes.”

  “Hanna!” Ruby spotted her, and was running down the marble staircase.

  “Hey, Ruby.” Hanna caught her at the bottom and squeezed her tightly, evincing yet another squeal from the tiny girl. “Let me look at you.” Pushing Ruby back, Hanna took in the plaid skirt and white blouse, the tie perfectly knotted at her neck. “You look fabulous. You’re going to wow them all with that outfit.”

  Ruby laughed. “Everyone will be wearing the same uniform. I don’t think I’ll impress them much.”

  “So this is the famous Hanna.”

  She heard a loud voice behind her. She hadn’t noticed anybody walking down the stairs. Hanna turned around.

  Nathan was even bigger than she had expected. It wasn’t really his height—although he did tower over her—as much as the sheer size of him. He was bulky al
l over, and his hair and beard made him look older than his twenty-four years.

  “Hi.” She gave a closed-mouthed smile, feeling shy under his scrutiny.

  “Hey, you’re as cute as Richard said you were.” Nathan leaned forward and hugged her, his bristly beard chafing her skin. He quickly kissed the side of her mouth. “In fact, you’re cuter.”

  “I’ll tell your girlfriend,” Ruby sang. Hanna’s cheeks flushed in response to both his words, and Ruby’s threats to tell his girlfriend. She didn’t know where to look.

  Glancing up, she caught Richard standing on the stairs staring at her bare legs.

  “Hi.”

  Richard smiled, then grabbed at Ruby and swung her around. Ruby started to scream again, the noise bouncing off the walls. “Let me go!”

  “Shall I give you to Nathan?”

  “No, no, Hanna, save me.”

  Hanna ran over and tried to pull Ruby from his grasp. “Let her go, you bully.”

  The four of them took the tube train to Ruby’s school. They were a motley crew, with Nathan resembling some sort of vagrant, Ruby all brightly scrubbed and in her new uniform and Richard looking preppy and delicious in his jeans and t-shirt. Glancing down at herself, Hanna realized that her short-shorts and tight vest top did nothing but make their group look even odder. She noticed a few commuters glaring over at them as they stood talking and laughing.

  “When are you flying to San Francisco?” Hanna asked Richard. The train stopped suddenly in a tunnel. The flickering lights and the intermittent darkness made Ruby gasp.

  “Next Tuesday. I fly out of London this Friday. That gives me three days to pack.”

  “Are you excited?” The train juddered before pulling away and picking up speed. The force of the movement caused Hanna to lose her footing, and she went barreling into Richard’s chest. Almost immediately his arms went around her. Hanna found herself locked in an embrace with Richard.

  “Are you okay? You hit me pretty hard.”

  She took a deep breath, trying to gain control of her racing heart. “I’m fine.” She nodded, to emphasize the point.

  The train came to a stop at the platform. As always, it was an effort to get off, the four of them pushing their way through a large crowd of commuters who were trying to get on the train at the same time. There was no such thing as politeness during rush hour. It was every man for himself.

  Nathan was standing directly behind Ruby, shielding her with his body as they shuffled forward and stepped on to the platform. Richard was just in front of Hanna, and he kept glancing back at her to make sure she was okay. After a moment or two he reached back and took her hand, pulling her along with him in an attempt to keep them together.

  Even his hands were perfect. His palm was warm and soft, and his long, sculpted fingers curled around hers perfectly. His nails were cut short, with a small crescent of white at the tips. Her own nails were still ragged and bitten. She’d long since given up trying to keep any lacquer on them.

  When they reached the top of the escalator, they fed their tickets into the machine, walking through the metal barriers and out into the waiting world. Ruby had been silent ever since they left the platform, and Hanna started to worry. She was radiating nervousness; her face had turned pale, her lips pulled together into a thin line.

  “Are you okay?” Hanna leaned down to whisper in Ruby’s ear, trying not to let Richard or Nathan hear. “It’s fine to feel nervous, you know. We’ve all been there, and I can promise your brothers were every bit as worried as you are when they started high school.”

  “Not Nathan,” Ruby whispered back. “He beat a teacher up on his second day there. By the end of the week he was on suspension.”

  Hanna bit back a laugh. The Nathan she had seen so far today was like a gentle giant. She couldn’t imagine him beating anybody up, let alone a teacher.

  “Why did he do it?”

  “The teacher was shouting at a girl he liked. He told me he just saw red.”

  “I hope she was worth it.”

  “Nathan seems to think so. It was his girlfriend.”

  Hanna had never met Lucy, although Ruby had shown her some photos, and Hanna had found herself feeling dull and dowdy in comparison to the tall, blonde beauty.

  “We’re here, Squirt.”

  Ruby stopped suddenly, looking up at the large brick and white stucco school building bordered on all sides by walls and a thick green hedge. Her knees were shaking, and Hanna found herself reaching out to grab Ruby’s hand.

  Dropping down to a crouching position, Hanna’s face reached the same level as Ruby’s. Still holding her hand, she reached the other out to stroke Ruby’s cheek.

  “Ruby, it’s going to be okay. You can do this. When you come out tonight, I bet there’ll be a smile on your lips.”

  Ruby’s face crumpled, and tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t think I can.” Her voice was very small. Hanna wished for all she was worth that she could go in to the school in place of the tiny girl.

  “You’re stronger than you think. Remember how scared Harry Potter was on his first day at Hogwarts?”

  “And then he met Malfoy and Snape,” Ruby replied.

  “But he met Ron and Hermione, too. And Neville Longbottom, don’t forget him.”

  “How could I forget somebody with such a silly name?”

  Hanna watched as Ruby slowly walked through the main gate, never once turning back to look at them. When she looked over, Richard’s face was pulled down into a frown. Even Nathan looked glassy-eyed.

  “Do you fancy a coffee?” Hanna suggested, trying to find a way to cheer them all up.

  “I’m meeting a couple of friends this morning, but you go ahead.” Nathan leaned forward and gave Hanna a gentle squeeze. “It was a real pleasure to meet you, Hanna. The way you look after Ruby is awesome.”

  “She’s an easy kid to love.”

  “Somebody should tell her that.” Nathan agreed, and then gave Richard a slap on the back before walking up the street, back toward the tube station.

  Hanna turned her gaze back to Richard. “Coffee?” she asked again with a gentle voice.

  Richard turned to look at her. “That sounds good.” As he stared down at her, she could see the good humor returning to his face, his lips curling into a crooked smile.

  She reminded herself that it was just a coffee. They would sit opposite each other and discuss inanities while sipping lukewarm—rather mediocre—coffee, from a chipped, over-used mug. It meant nothing; it was just two friends sharing some time together. She wouldn’t be looking at him and wondering if he liked her. She wouldn’t be thinking about that snowy night in New York City, when for one electrifying moment she thought he might be about to kiss her.

  She wouldn’t be doing a lot of things.

  Telling Josh about this coffee date was one of them.

  THEY WERE RESTING near the statue of Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens, blanketed by the warm summer air. Richard lay back, his head propped on his rolled-up jacket. Hanna lay curled up beside him, her cheek resting on his chest. An empty bottle of expensive wine lay on its side next to them. They were both feeling a little drunk.

  “Ruby will be home soon,” he murmured, his hand tangling in her hair, playing with her loose tendrils.

  “Mmm.” Hanna’s eyes remained closed. He could feel a slight moistening of his t-shirt where her mouth was.

  “Are you dribbling on me?” He lifted his head to get a better look.

  “I don’t dribble.” She was suddenly awake, whipping her head around to catch his eye, surreptitiously wiping her lips with the back of her hand. Richard laughed at her telltale gesture.

  “Come on, admit it, I make you salivate.”

  “Your modesty is scaring me.” Staring up at him, she bit her lip to restrain a smile before poking her tongue out and licking his t-shirt. “But if you’re going to accuse me of something I haven’t done, then I’m going to do it, anyway.”

  Clocking the expressio
n on his face, she jumped up and grabbed her bag, running over the open grass. She passed the statue in the middle of the lawn, heading toward the wooded area surrounding them. Grabbing his coat, Richard ran after her, his long, fast strides allowing him to catch her before she even reached the first oak.

  “You’ve got no chance,” he laughed. Hooking his arms around her waist, he pulled her body back to his. He could feel the softness of her stomach rising and falling in line with her short, sharp breaths.

  Hanna tried to wriggle against him, tugging at his arms, trying to escape. He held firm, keeping her body contained within his embrace, fighting off her attempts to get free. Her breathing slowed. He could feel his own heartbeat starting to calm after the unexpected burst of activity.

  They went back to pick up their trash, disposing of it in a nearby bin, and began their long walk back through the park. It was nearly 3:00 p.m., and though Nathan was picking Ruby up from school, Richard had promised to be waiting for her at home as soon as they arrived.

  “So, how are things with Josh?” he asked. They reached the Long Pond, following the path around until it became the Serpentine.

  Watching as a smile crossed Hanna’s face, his stomach clenched in response to her happiness. He tried to work out why her obvious attachment to her boyfriend caused such a reaction in him. They were just friends. So why was he feeling jealous?

  “He’s good. We’re good. It’s going to be strange not having him with me at university this year.”

  The pain in his stomach lessened. “Why won’t he be there?”

  “He graduated in July. He has a trainee journalist position here at The Guardian. He’s moved into a little flat in Earl’s Court.”

  “Are you guys going to stay together?”

  “Yeah, of course. We’re only a couple of hundred miles apart. We can see each other at weekends and holidays.”

  The large oak trees shaded the wide, paved walkway that ran alongside the Serpentine. They found themselves stepping to one side to avoid a roller-blader who was hammering down the middle of the concrete, intent on picking up as much speed as possible. On the edge of the water, dappled-brown ducks and elegantly pale swans lay waiting for the legions of London children who came to feed them daily.