Shattered

by Mari Mancusi

  “But Trin, listen to me. From here on out, we have to be more careful. We can’t take any more risks. No more leaving Emmy alone—even for a second. One of us needs to have an eye on her at all times. Our situation is even more precarious now than it’s ever been. And if she gets out and causes more trouble…hurts any more people…” He trailed off, leaving the unsaid words dangling in the air.

  “She won’t,” Trinity promised, excitement welling up inside of her. “I swear she won’t. I’ll keep an eye on her twenty-four/seven. She’ll never leave my sight. She won’t have the chance to even swat a fly.”

  Connor gave a small smile at that. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know how you do it,” he said quietly. “I mean, I trained for this. I chose this life. But you—” He pressed his lips together. “You shouldn’t have to be involved in any of this. You should be that carefree girl I saw in the football stands, laughing and eating a hot dog and cheering on her team. You should be worried about school and what you’re going to wear to the dance.” He lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “How did you get yourself mixed up in this mess, with two idiots from the future who have no idea how to help you?”

  She looked down on him with aching eyes. He looked so sad, so lost, like a little boy, not a fierce soldier. Her heart swelled. It was so strange to see him like this. And maybe a little scary. But it was also honest.

  She gave him a rueful smile. “I’m just lucky I guess.”

  He looked up at her. “No,” he said. “We’re the lucky ones.”

  They stared at one another. Their faces inches away. Trinity could feel Connor’s hot breath against her skin and knew he wanted to kiss her. The look on his face was undeniable. But he was also holding back. This was her decision to make, not his. He would not touch her unless she made it clear she wanted him to. The power and control that gave her made her head spin.

  Until she realized she had no power. Or control.

  She lowered her head and their lips met. Clumsily at first, noses knocking into one another, then coming together, Connor’s mouth brushing against hers with impossible, velvety warmth. Her breath hitched as he gently rolled her over, lowering her onto the bed and climbing on top of her as he continued to cover her face and neck with slow, drugging kisses.

  She closed her eyes, trying at first to catalog all the sensations his touch sent coursing through her, then gave up and surrendered to them all. His hands, his mouth, his hard planes, melting into her soft curves. She found herself reaching up under his shirt so she could run her fingers up and down his smooth, muscled chest. His buttons started to come undone.

  She knew she should feel guilty at what they were doing. This was not the time. This was definitely not the place. But at the same time, she found she couldn’t stop. Because, she realized, she needed this. Needed this one pure moment of selfishness to block out the grief and pain she’d bottled up inside. One moment of not being the girl who would save the world—but just the girl who would love a boy.

  It’ll only make things harder…and they’re so hard already.

  Ugh. She glanced involuntarily to the door, the spell broken, reality smacking her upside the head as guilt gnawed at her insides. “Connor,” she said weakly, as he trailed kisses down her neck, his mouth nibbling at her collarbone. God, he felt so good. “Connor, you have to stop.”

  He did. Of course he did. Connor always would. He would never even think of taking what she wasn’t ready to give. And while half of her wanted desperately for him to ignore her protests, to keep kissing her as if he couldn’t hear a word she said, the other half was grateful for his self-control.

  That didn’t mean it was easy for him. He rolled onto his back again, staring up at the ceiling, his face flushed and his breathing heavy. It took all of her willpower not to climb on top of him and resume where they left off. Kiss every inch of him until there was no place left unexplored. But she swallowed hard and somehow resisted the temptation.

  Connor groaned. He reached up to button his shirt. “Sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what I was…I shouldn’t have…” He sighed. “I just…”

  He trailed off. But that was okay. She knew exactly what he meant.

  She leaned over and indulged herself in one last kiss, this time to his forehead.

  “I think we both ‘just’ in this case,” she assured him.

  He chuckled softly, gazing into her eyes with unabashed adoration. And suddenly everything inside of her wanted it to start all over again. Thankfully, before she was able to give in to temptation, she caught movement at the adjoining room’s door. Mischievous eyes peeking in from the other room.

  She felt her face heat. I thought you were going to watch TV, she reminded Emmy.

  The dragon’s eyes danced. This is suddenly far more entertaining.

  But Connor was already pulling himself up off of the bed. “Go ahead, Emmy,” he told the dragon. “She’s all yours. I’ve got to get some sleep. Or at least take a cold shower.” And with that, he headed to the other room, pulling the connecting door closed behind them. Trinity watched him go, waves of longing crashing over her. Then she shook herself and turned back to the dragon. Emmy had hopped up onto the adjoining bed and was watching her curiously.

  “What?” she asked, her face still feeling hot.

  You were kissing him. Like Arthur kisses Guinevere on my show.

  “Yeah,” Trin said. She stared down at her lap. “I guess I was.”

  The dragon’s eyes lit up. Does that mean you love him? That you will marry him and become his queen and live happily ever after?

  Trinity groaned. “Did anyone ever tell you that you watch way too much TV?”

  The dragon just grinned.

  Okay, okay, maybe I like him a little, she admitted, going into silent talking mode to ensure Connor wouldn’t pick up anything from the next room. But it doesn’t matter. I have no time for happily-ever-afters in my life, thank you very much.

  She said it as a joke, but it came out sadder than she’d meant it to. She closed her eyes, thinking of her grandfather in the barn. His shaky hand grabbing her arm. His watery eyes locking onto hers.

  You must go on.

  You must face your destiny.

  If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for me.

  She opened her eyes. Emmy was gazing at her with a worried expression on her face. You’ve already given up so much for me, the dragon said sadly. I just hope that someday I can do the same for you. She paused then added, Perhaps I can start now.

  She hopped off the bed, exaggeratingly stretching her neck out and yawning loudly. Then she wandered into the next room. A moment later, Connor poked his head in.

  “Um, I have a dragon in my bed?” he said in an uncomfortable voice. “She just waltzed right in here and jumped up and refuses to leave.”

  Trinity laughed. Oh, Emmy. She smiled at Connor. “I think that’s her not-so-subtle hint that you and I should hang out and watch TV.” Okay, so the dragon probably hoped for more, but that was as far as it could go. And Trin was okay with that. “Will you order some Chinese food?”

  Connor grinned. “Extra duck sauce?”

  “You know it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Who would you chose? Who would you chose?

  Caleb raked a hand through his hair as he stormed down the street, cursing himself out as he went. What had possessed him to go and say something like that to her? Trinity had just lost her grandfather, her very last family. She was confused, frightened, out of her mind with grief. And what had he done? Tried to force her to make a choice between him and his brother. Then stormed off and left her alone with him. Probably making that choice really, really easy in the process.

  His hand reached for his nose, wondering if his brother had broken it. Wondering if he cared if he had. He should have never gone and baited Connor in the
first place. His brother had been right to hit him after what he’d implied. It was no one’s fault Trin’s grandfather was killed. Unless it was Caleb’s for not guarding Emmy better in the first place.

  But he’d been so frustrated. To have this glimmer of hope, sparkling just out of reach—the first hope they’d had in what felt like an eternity—only to have Connor shoot it down altogether.

  He should have taken a breath. Listened to his brother’s argument then presented his own, listing concrete reasons why going to find Virgil and Trin’s dad would be a good and logical idea. He could have told them about all the peace campaigns Virgil had held back in the day, the essays he’d penned on finding a better world. He could have told them about Virgil’s dragon, Solaris, slain during a battle over an outer territory the Council had abandoned. Virgil had loved Solaris with all his heart, as much as Caleb loved Fred. But he’d been willing to risk her life to go out there and help those who couldn’t help themselves.

  All those arguments could have brought Connor—or at least Trin—over to his side. Instead, he’d alienated them both even further, lashing out at the girl he loved and storming from the room like a bratty child. What was wrong with him these days? Sure, he’d always been a bit hotheaded, but this uncontrollable rage was on another level entirely, his fuse feeling shorter and shorter with each passing day.

  All that time spent in the Nether, a voice inside him taunted. It’s rotting you from the inside out.

  And suddenly he realized what he had to do. To prove to both of them that he wasn’t the weak link they believed him to be. That he was as strong as Connor was—that Trinity could rely on him as a full member of the team.

  He’d begged her not to ask him to leave Fred behind. And, to her credit, she hadn’t—not once. But in the end, that was exactly what he needed to do.

  He reached into his pocket, hands trembling, his breath coming in short gasps as he pulled out his final gem. His one and only connection to his beloved dragon.

  “You can do this,” he muttered to himself. “You can do this for her.”

  Mind made up, he switched paths, heading down a dark alleyway toward the dumpster that squatted near the back. He paused in front of it, his heart racing as he pinched the gem between his two fingers. Just one flick of his wrist and it would all be over. He would finally be free.

  “Come on,” he urged himself. “You can do this.”

  But his hand refused to move. And instead of walking confidently away, mission accomplished, he found himself sinking to his knees.

  “Fred,” he whispered. “Oh, Fred.”

  He closed his eyes, the tall dragon looming in his imagination now. Bounding around him, big and goofy and hungry. Batting her eyelashes at him. Begging for just one last treat. It made him smile and it made him weep. Once upon a time, Fred had been the only one he’d had in the entire world. The only one who cared if he lived or died.

  The vision twisted then. The happy, hungry Fred disappearing into thin air. And in her place a dragon who was hardly recognizable. Grotesquely thin, with scales that were dull and cracked and eyes that had lost their luster. Standing in the middle of nothingness, shivering, whimpering, and completely alone.

  She looked up at Caleb with big eyes filled with pain and confusion. I waited for you, she seemed to say. I waited for you, but you never came. Did I do something wrong? Did I beg too much? Did I snore too loud? Was I not worthy to be your dragon? Is that why you threw me away without even saying good-bye?

  Caleb’s eyes flew open and his stomach wrenched. It was all he could do not to throw up then and there. But he forced himself to swallow hard and concentrate on the gem, still in his hand.

  “I’ll just say good-bye,” he found himself stammering. “Just a quick good-bye. She deserves that at least. To know why I have to leave—that it’s nothing to do with her. That she’s amazing. The best dragon a guy could have.”

  Just one more time. What could it hurt, just one more time?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “Do you feel them? Are they close?”

  Scarlet closed her eyes, trying to pull up another image of Emmy in her mind as Rashida and the other Potentials had taught her. She’d led them this far, to some cute little touristy town in southeast Colorado, but she hadn’t been able to narrow it down to more than just this generalized area. So the rest of the Potentials had set up camp in an abandoned housing development on the outskirts of town earlier that day, and now she and Rashida were combing the streets for some sign of Emmy.

  “I don’t know,” she confessed, scrubbing her face with her hands. She was exhausted and a little sick from the long trip they’d taken in the fume-filled school bus stolen from a junkyard. Now, even the prospect of seeing Emmy again was starting to pale with the worry of how far away from home she really was. The only real place she’d ever traveled to before now was to see her grandmother on the reservation. And that didn’t really count.

  Why had she agreed to come along? What had possessed her to join up with this strange team of so-called Potentials and their quest for the missing dragon? To walk away from her mother, her friends, her school, and her job—without telling anyone where she was going?

  All her life, Scarlet had been the responsible one. The one who picked up the pieces when those she loved fell apart. She wasn’t the type of girl who just ran away. So why had she done it now?

  She tried to tell herself it was out of concern for Emmy. She’d already screwed up so badly—this was a chance to make good, to get her the vaccine she needed. But as the day wore on, even that noble idea had started to feel…itchy. Like it wasn’t quite right. More troubling: every time she tried to think back to the moment when she’d agreed to join the group, her head began to hurt and she couldn’t quite focus on the memory. As if it were dancing in the back of her brain, just out of reach.

  Had they messed with her mind somehow? Tricked her into thinking it was all her idea? That was impossible, of course. But try as she might, she couldn’t push the idea away, and as the sun began to set over the horizon, her troubling thoughts only multiplied.

  Suddenly her mind prickled, as if fairies were dancing across the neurons. She stopped in her tracks and cocked her head, trying to understand the strange sensation. Then, without warning, a windy trail of golden sparks seemed to roll out before her, glittering temptingly.

  “What the hell…?” she murmured.

  Rashida caught her expression. “Do you feel something?” she asked. Then she closed her own eyes, breathing in deep. A moment later she opened them. “I think it might be Caleb,” she exclaimed. “He’s giving off some crazy energy signals and he’s not that far away either.”

  Caleb. Scarlet’s heart involuntarily skipped a beat. She had to admit, she’d been hoping he would be the one they found first. He may have been the bad twin, but he’d also been the most understanding. And his good-bye hug had been warm.

  “Come on,” Rashida said excitedly. “If Caleb’s nearby, that means Emmy is too!”

  They picked up their pace, down the snowy streets, avoiding puddles best they could as they followed the sparkling trail. Soon the cute, touristy wine bars and sporting goods stores started to fade away, replaced by the seedier establishments Scarlet was more used to. Pawnshops, cash advance places, shooting ranges, and liquor stores with bulletproof glass. She could feel the suspicious stares of the men and women loitering outside, but she kept her head down and her eyes averted best she could.

  At last the path dead-ended in a dark alleyway, seemingly empty save for an overflowing dumpster propped up in the far corner. Scarlet frowned, scanning the scene. A dead end? What would Caleb be doing down here?

  She glanced over at Rashida. Before the girl could speak, there was a noise—a bottle skittering across the pavement. Had they been followed? On instinct, they dove into the shadows.

  A moment later, two twe
nty-something-year-old men wearing matching Carhartt jackets and jeans stalked into the alleyway and headed toward the dumpster. Even in the darkness, Scarlet could see their crooked grins and their eager eyes.

  Were they planning to go dumpster diving? Mac would do that sometimes back in the day, when they’d come home to find Mom passed out on the couch and nothing but beer in the fridge. You wouldn’t believe the food people throw away, he’d tell her. We’ll feast like kings and queens.

  Oh, Mac. If only you were here now…

  “Well, well, what do we have here?” one of the men suddenly exclaimed, jolting Scarlet back to present. She watched as he and his friend abandoned the dumpster and leaned over a large lump beside it. A human-shaped lump, Scarlet realized with growing unease. Some guy was lying there, motionless, his head slumped forward, his hands clasped together on his lap.

  Was that Caleb? What was he was doing out here all alone and passed out? Was he hurt? Was he…dead? A surge of panic shot through her.

  Rashida frowned, catching Scarlet’s eyes with her own. We can’t let them hurt him. He’s our only link to the dragon.

  They’ll probably just rob him, Scarlet sent back silently, as they’d taught her to do. Since she’d joined up with the group, they’d been trying to teach her how to use her newfound gifts—psychic powers she’d evidently inherited from Emmy’s little blood transfusion. We should just wait here till they leave.

  Rashida nodded. Yeah, she agreed. Then we can—

  “Hey! Isn’t this that guy?” the first man cried.

  His friend looked up from rummaging through Caleb’s pockets. “What guy?” he asked, sounding impatient.

  “Yeah, this is totally him. The AWOL soldier guy from a few months ago. I saw it on the news. The government’s been looking everywhere for him.”

  The second man snorted. “What the hell’s he doing here then?” He started to dig back into Caleb’s pockets. But his friend swatted him away.

  “Dude, there’s probably a reward out for him,” he said excitedly.