If You Desire

by Mara

  Hugh’s head was pounding as if a vise were tightening at his temples. “Goddamn it, did you ever think that I might no’ wish to wed? When I made my first hit, I knew I would never take a bride—”

  “There are several members in the organization who have spouses.”

  “And they put their families’ lives in jeopardy because of it.”

  “Jane’s life is already in jeopardy.”

  Hugh made a sound of frustration. “Then did you ever think I might no’ want to marry her specifically?”

  “No, I did not.” Weyland gave him a sympathetic smile. “That thought never entered my mind.”

  Hugh hid his astonishment. Or maybe he didn’t. Apparently he hadn’t been able to hide his feelings for Jane before.

  Weyland continued, “If there’s a choice, you always opt for the jobs farthest afield, and you never come to my home unless Jane’s out of town. It’s telling how determined you are to stay away from her.”

  Hugh could deny nothing.

  “I’d believed you would be more receptive, but if you’re truly averse to the idea, then you can get an annulment after these difficulties have been resolved.”

  “No,” he snapped. “It will no’ happen.”

  “It must. I won’t trust her with anyone but you.” When Hugh still refused, Weyland clasped his forehead. “Son, I’m tired, bloody tired, and I’m about to have the fight of my life. I can’t win against the deadliest, most skilled adversaries on earth when I have one blatant vulnerability that would be like a red flag to them.”

  An unmarried, heartbreakingly beautiful, trouble-seeking daughter. No wonder Weyland looked like hell. “Weyland, you doona understand.” Was Weyland forgetting that Hugh was uncomfortable around groups of people, unsociable and forbidding? Jane would slowly die around him. “I canna make her happy.”

  “Hugh, you can bugger happy !” He slammed his fist on the desk. “I want her alive .”

  Hugh was undaunted by his tone. “Let’s talk scenarios. The most likely is that you apprehend Grey, and Ethan goes on the offensive and strikes out against a few of the worst threats so severely that he warns the rest away. Everything returns to nearly normal, except that we overreacted with this marriage when I should simply have taken her to lie low for a couple of months. And then Jane and I are stuck with each other for the rest of our lives.”

  “In that case, you can get an annulment after things die down. If the two of you are so dead-set against it, then don’t have a marriage in truth.” Hugh shook his head, but Weyland spoke over him. “Here’s a scenario, Hugh. You know I might not make it through this alive.” He put his hand up when Hugh opened his mouth to interrupt. “Before I die, I know that my daughter is married and could not have a more fearsome protector. I don’t die wondering what will become of her. Can you comprehend what a boon it would be to me to know she’s safe with you? Finally to have her settled? Would you not do this for me?”

  “You doona know what you ask. She’d be safer without me.”

  “I hadn’t wanted to bring this up, but Grey isn’t targeting Jane only because of me. I know you beat him bloody years ago. And I know it was over her.” When Hugh could only grind his teeth, Weyland said, “He wants revenge against you as well. I am letting her go—you too need to do what you must to keep her safe. We both owe it to her. She’ll be the one to pay for our actions if we don’t make sacrifices.”

  Hugh shoved his fingers through his hair. “This idea of yours has a serious flaw. Jane will never agree to it.” Hugh had been only a summer diversion for a young lass of just seventeen years. Upstairs just now, she hadn’t even wanted to give him five minutes of her time.

  “Then I’ll make you a deal. If she agrees, you wed her and take her into hiding until this dies down. If she refuses, you take her away temporarily with no bond between you, risking scandal at best and increased danger at worst.”

  Hugh scowled at that, but stubbornly insisted, “She will no’ agree.” Right now she was with her long-term beau, the one who’d lasted longer than the others.

  Was Jane in love with this Bidworth? The possibility clawed at him.

  “Then do we have a deal? Hugh?” Weyland added, when Hugh remained lost in thought.

  Confident of Jane’s refusal, Hugh faced Weyland and gave him one tight nod.

  “Good. Now, I believe this must be done as soon as possible. This morning, even.”

  “You canna get a license that…” He trailed off at Weyland’s mildly offended expression.

  “If only everything was that easy,” Weyland said. “So, if you’ll just go fetch her from the park—she usually goes to the folly by the fountain. Tell her I need to speak with her at once.”

  Hell, Hugh wanted to go just to get her away from this Bidworth.

  “And, son, if I may make a suggestion before she returns? A wedding ring for Jane might help smooth any ruffled feathers over the suddenness of all this.”

  Hugh glowered. “I would no’ know the first thing about how or where to buy a ring.”

  “You’ve never bought jewelry for a woman?”

  “Christ, no.”

  “You pass Ridergate’s on Piccadilly on your way to your family’s town house. They have her ring size on file.”

  Hugh raised his brows—even he had heard the name of that exclusive jeweler. “You must know more about my finances than I do.”

  “Don’t poormouth me, Hugh. I do know you’re truly wealthy now.”

  Hugh shrugged.

  “And I think a part of you has always been saving up for a wife and family.”

  “If so, I dinna know about it,” he muttered, turning to stride from the room.

  Once outside, he realized his heart was thundering. Because within hours, he could be wed to Jane .

  No. If Hugh wed her, if he said the vows and signed his name, he would be exposing Jane to his own doomed fate.

  He could take her away without marriage. As soon as Jane had, as expected, scoffed at the idea of wedding him, Hugh would prevail upon Weyland to allow them to go into hiding without that bond. The man couldn’t know that there was a risk to Jane in marrying Hugh—one that might even outweigh the danger inherent in Grey. Not to marry…

  What was he thinking? Jane would never agree.

  But what if she does?

  In the park, Hugh spied Quin lounging on a bench on one side of a whitewashed folly, admiring young women strolling in the sun. “MacCarrick, good morning,” Quin said when he caught sight of him. Strangely, he stood to block the path around the folly.

  “Anything happen last night at the warehouse?” Hugh asked.

  “We lost Claudia’s friend, Maddy.”

  Damn it, Ethan.

  “I forced my sisters to return home while I searched for her. When I finally decided to check back at home to see if she’d come in, she had just arrived, pale and shaken but unharmed. I think the chit was so frightened, she might have learned a lesson,” he said, then gave a long-suffering sigh. “My sisters, of course, remain undaunted.”

  Hugh was glad to hear that at least nothing permanent had resulted from Ethan’s pursuit. His brother must have taken the girl home.

  “The lot of my cousins should be married off to unsuspecting Yanks,” Quin added in a grumble. “So, what are you doing here this early?”

  “Come to fetch Jane for Weyland.”

  “I’ll bring her back in a trice,” Quin said quickly.

  “No, I’ll do it.”

  A flash of something like pity flickered in Quin’s eyes. “She’s meeting with someone.”

  Hugh immediately determined two things: Quin knew he’d wanted Jane. And she was even now being kissed—or worse—in her meeting with Freddie.

  He shoved Quin out of the way, but the man followed.

  “And how did you know, Quin?” Hugh asked in a seething tone.

  Quin didn’t bother pretending he didn’t understand what Hugh spoke of. “Grey told me. Said you were…in love with
her.”

  Who else had Grey told? Who else pitied the big, lumbering Scot his obsession with the exquisite Jane?

  He stormed around the folly.

  Nine

  “Here, Jane?” Freddie asked, his voice breaking as he glanced around. “You want me to kiss you here?”

  Nodding, Jane leaned forward. “There’s no one to see us.” She cupped his neck and tugged, and finally, he met her, brushing his lips against hers.

  No, kissing was not new for them. What was new was Jane’s recognition that his kiss felt as good as someone reassuringly patting her cheek. Last night, the feel of MacCarrick’s big, hot hand surrounding her own hand had aroused her more than this.

  Dismayed, she kissed Freddie more deeply, clutching his shoulders to provoke more from him, desperate to convince herself she could live with only this for the rest of her life. Even as she went through the motions, she remembered the books she’d read—the lascivious ones that were suppressed —and she knew there was more than what he was giving her. There was passion and aching and longing. Just not with him —

  Freddie’s body flew away from her.

  Jane stared up in shock. “Hugh?” His wild eyes raked over her, his black hair whipping across his cheek. His jaw and fists were clenched. He shot her a disgusted look, then turned toward Freddie, looking for all the world like he would kill him.

  Jane could do nothing but gape as she rose unsteadily. Freddie was stunned as well, struggling to get to his feet.

  “No, MacCarrick!” Quin snapped, barring his way. In a lower voice, he said, “You could easily kill him.”

  “That’s the goddamned idea,” Hugh grated.

  The next moments seemed to go so slowly. She watched, as if from a distance, Hugh shoving Quin far to the side. Freddie made it to his feet—just in time to catch Hugh’s fist. Blood spurted from his nose as he went hurtling back.

  Quin caught Hugh’s arm behind him; Jane screamed and ran to Freddie. She grabbed him under his arms and tried to lug him to his feet, darting nervous glances over her shoulder. Freddie was big, yet Hugh’s one blow had sent him flying.

  “You’d best get out of here, before the constable shows up,” Quin warned. “Don’t know if you’re aware, but you just broke the nose of a well-respected earl.”

  Hugh’s look of hatred only seemed to deepen.

  “You have to get Jane out of here,” Quin insisted. “You hurt her more than you know with this insanity.”

  Hugh flung Quin off so readily that Jane realized he could have done so at any time, then he lunged forward, seizing her elbow to drag her away from Freddie.

  This morning, Hugh’s touch against her neck had been so gentle that she had scarcely felt it. Now his massive hand clutched hard, squeezing.

  “Obviously, Quin’s been spying on me,” she said, her tone strident. “But what in the hell are you doing here?”

  When he didn’t answer at once, she pried at his fingers, trying to get back to Freddie. She gave Hugh’s hand a withering glare when her efforts failed to loosen his grip. “I want to make sure you didn’t kill him!”

  Quin said, “He’s fine, Jane. I’ll stay with him, but you need to go.”

  “I won’t do it—” She broke off with a gasp as Hugh dragged her along the walk toward her home, uncaring of the morning pedestrians staring or scrambling out of the way.

  “Hugh, unhand me this instant!” she hissed. “What in the devil has gotten into you?”

  “I ask you the same.” Out of sight of the folly, Hugh stopped to grasp her shoulders, his hands shaking. In the minutes before, he had seen nothing but a red haze over his vision, felt nothing but the need to rip the man limb from limb. He knew what he must look like, but Jane stood her ground, chin up.

  “Who is he?” Hugh bit out, trying not to notice that her lips were swollen. “Why’re you kissing some man there for all to see?”

  Formeto see.

  “His name is Frederick Bidworth, Lord Whiting.”

  Naturally, she’d be kissing a peer. One who’d never seen Hugh coming because he’d been too drugged by her kiss.

  “And he’s not just some man to me,” Jane continued. “How can you react like this, when I was just at a courtesans’ ball? This is mild! You told me I was a grown woman just last night!”

  That was before he was expected to marry her. Before there was the possibility that he was to take her under his protection. Now everything felt different.

  “Why are you behaving this way, Hugh? I demand an answer. Now!”

  Because I wanted to kill him for touching you. The first man he’d ever wanted to kill. “Because the daughter of a close family friend was being compromised.” Not a lie, an understatement. When she began to deny it, he said, “You ken he should no’ have been risking your reputation by kissing you in the park.”

  “It’s not as though any of this concerns you!” Her face tightened into a glare. “I do not have to explain my actions to you! This is none of your business.”

  “No? Perhaps no’ yet ,” he said, making her frown at his words.

  He knew that he was wrong to behave this way, but the idea of marriage to her, no matter how far-fetched, was like an opening wedge freeing every possessive instinct inside him. When he’d seen that bastard kissing her, a thought was seared into his mind: Mine. He’s taking what’s mine.

  On the walk to the park, Hugh had been trying to determine what his move should be, wanting to make a cold, shrewd decision and ignore the fact that everything within him burned to possess her. Is the sacrifice to marry her or not to marry her? he’d asked himself with damned near each step.

  Now he was so furious that there was no reasoning. All he knew was that he never wanted Bidworth to touch or kiss Jane again.

  Hugh knew a fine way to ensure he couldn’t.

  Back inside the town house, Hugh yanked her into Weyland’s office, ignoring her gasp and furious glare. “See it done, Weyland,” he bellowed to the unperturbed man. Had Weyland known Hugh would find Jane in a compromising position? Of course. Weyland knew everything. And Hugh was responding just as predicted, being manipulated. “Just see it done.”

  “Consider it so.” Weyland nodded solemnly. “Why don’t you go round and pack a case, son, make any purchases you’ll need? I’d like to speak with Jane privately.”

  Hugh strode out and shut the door, but listened for a brief moment.

  “Papa,” she began, “how can you stand by and let him treat me like this, manhandling me and ordering me? If you knew what he just did to—”

  “I can and I must,” Weyland interrupted, “because Hugh’s about to be your husband.”

  “Have you gone mad? Married to Hugh MacCarrick?” Her sharp laughter grated. “Never! Never, on your life.”

  Ten

  “What is wrong with you?” Jane cried as soon as she heard Hugh slamming out of the house. “Have you sustained a blow to your head in the half-hour since I’ve been gone? Perhaps Hugh did it in his present state of violence?” She snapped her fingers. “Of course! Rapid senility!”

  “If you will calm yourself.” Her father’s lined visage looked so serious. His kind blue eyes were now grim.

  “How am I to be calm? Hugh just attacked Freddie.” Hugh’s face had been set so cruelly, she’d thought he would kill him. “Like some crazed man—”

  “I trust there was no permanent damage?”

  “—and you just told me I’m to marry him! You should know—I was accepting Freddie’s proposal this morning!”

  “Indeed?”

  She gawked at his tone, at his utter lack of reaction. This man before her was somehow harder than the easygoing father she’d seen earlier this morning.

  “I know this is difficult to accept,” he said. “But I finally must put my foot down.”

  “Put your foot down? I’m twenty-seven! You can’t force me to marry him.”

  He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “I have turned a blind eye to all your doings wi
th your cousins.”

  When she peered at the ceiling, all but whistling to it with guilt, he went on, “I know that Samantha has accounts with the printers’ shops on Holywell. I know Claudia is having an affair with her groom. I know of Nancy’s penchant for dressing in men’s clothing. And your cousin Charlotte is most likely even now waiting in line to get into the divorce court to hear every scandal firsthand.”