The Longing

by Wendy Lindstrom

  Kyle’s stomach knotted. He’d been a fool to think things couldn’t get worse. He’d managed to elude Richard’s dinner invitation, but there was no way he could refuse to invite Catherine to the wedding without causing suspicion.

  It took every ounce of will Kyle had to force the words from his mouth. “Of course, Richard. I’m sure Lucinda will be there, too.” If Kyle remembered right, Catherine’s youngest sister was one of Amelia’s close friends. At least she had appeared to be during their school years. Christ. Kyle didn’t even know what company Amelia kept. He snorted at his own idiocy. Their marriage was going to be a disaster.

  o0o

  “Mama, do you remember asking if I ever wanted to marry?” Amelia noticed the look of expectancy and fear etching her mother’s delicate features as she glanced between Amelia and Kyle, who were standing in the foyer.

  “Yes, why?”

  “Well, at the time, I didn’t think I ever would.” She tried to smile, but her lips were too stiff. “I’ve changed my mind.”

  For the first time in her life, Amelia saw her mother's bottom hit a chair without an excess of hoisting skirts and fluttering hands. “You what?”

  “I asked Amelia to marry me last night,” Kyle interjected, his statement straightforward but quiet and respectful.

  Her mother’s expression brimmed with disbelief. “You’re getting married?”

  Amelia nodded and glanced at Kyle who stood beside her doing a terrible job of acting pleased about their engagement. He’d worn the same expression an hour ago when they’d told his mother about their wedding plans. Amelia had expected Nancy to be upset or suspicious of the circumstances, but she’d seemed sincerely pleased and had said it was high time Kyle shared his life with a good, loving woman.

  “But Kyle has already paid for the mill.”

  Hurt sliced through Amelia. “He’s not marrying me for the mill, Mama.”

  “He’s not?” Amelia shook her head and her mother’s brows furrowed. “Well, this is...crazy then. You barely know each other.”

  Amelia gazed up at Kyle with what she hoped to be a convincing display of adoration, but her insides were trembling. Unable to bear his stoic expression, she turned back to her mother. “Since Papa’s collapse, Kyle’s compassion and kindness have eased my heartache and given me someone to depend on. You were right about me needing a man in my life, Mama, so I’ve accepted Kyle’s offer of marriage.”

  Her mother sagged against the back of the brocade chair and stared up at Kyle. “What is she talking about?”

  “She’s telling you that we’re two adults who are old enough to understand the commitment we’re making.”

  Amelia’s heart ached that because Kyle wasn’t standing beside her professing his love. But Kyle was a man who wouldn’t lie to anyone for any purpose.

  Her mother laughed with a touch of hysteria, then shook her head. “You two are serious?”

  “Yes, Mama.”

  “Very serious,” Kyle added.

  Silence descended then slowly mushroomed through the room until the standing clock in the foyer sounded like an iron hand maul striking a stone. Victoria’s assessing gaze shifted from Kyle to Amelia, then back to Kyle, then again to Amelia. “Are you doing this for me?” she asked quietly.

  Amelia would never admit that her mother’s security and peace of mind was a major part of her motivation for marrying Kyle, but a straight denial wouldn’t convince an astute woman like her mother, nor would it be the complete truth. Knowing only one way to convince her mother, Amelia cupped Kyle’s chin, and planted a kiss on his mouth. “Does that answer your question, Mama?” The astonished expression on her mother’s face matched Kyle’s and made Amelia laugh, but she prayed she didn’t sound as hysterically insane as she felt.

  “Well, I...my goodness.” Her mother pressed a hand to her chest and her eyes misted. “I’d always hoped for the day when you’d make this announcement, but I thought your father would be beside me and that we’d...that he would...oh, honey, he would have wanted to give you away,” she whispered, tears pearling up on her lower lids.

  Amelia pulled her mother into her arms. She glanced at Kyle and saw compassion pooling in his dark eyes and was relieved that his heart wasn’t immune to someone else’s suffering.

  “I’m sorry.” Her mother patted her face with her handkerchief and straightened her shoulders. “So much has happened lately that I’m just overcome with everything.”

  Amelia bit her lip. She was overcome, too. With loss. With sorrow. With regret.

  “When are you planning to wed?” her mother asked, stepping out of the circle of Amelia’s embrace.

  “A week from this Saturday unless it puts too much of a burden on you.”

  After a moment of surprise, her mother squinted at them. “There is something you’re trying to keep from me, isn’t there?”

  “Yes,” Kyle said.

  Amelia’s stomach flipped. They’d agreed not to concern her mother with any of the circumstances surrounding their engagement. If he broke his word she would kick him right in his sore shin again.

  “We want to make sure there’s no slight to Amelia’s reputation because of my visit to the school yesterday.”

  Her mother’s expression filled with horror and she looked at Amelia. “What did you two do?”

  “Nothing, Mama. Kyle came to propose to me and the board members found him in my apartment. That’s why we want to marry right away.”

  “Then you’re marrying Amelia to protect her reputation?”

  “Yes.” Kyle glanced at Amelia, but she couldn’t read the emotion in his eyes. He turned back to her mother. “I should have waited for a more appropriate time to talk to your daughter, but my impatience has jeopardized her reputation. Amelia accepted my proposal last night. With your permission, we would like to move forward with our wedding plans.”

  “Well, I...I’m shocked by your announcement, but if you’re sincere, Kyle, then I’ll welcome you as my son-in-law. Tom would have been...pleased by this.” Her nostrils flared, but Amelia gave her mother credit for not crying. “We’ll have the wedding here unless you object.”

  “Whatever makes Amelia happy,” he said, but Amelia couldn’t tell if he was being sincere or sarcastic.

  Chapter Ten

  On Saturday evening Amelia met Jeb in the upstairs hall of her mother’s house and reminded herself that because of her fabricated story, everyone waiting below would expect her to be happy about marrying Kyle. She wasn’t happy. She was heartbroken.

  “I’m sorry your pa’s not here to do this,” Jeb said, his face drawn and eyes tired as he slipped her fingers into his palm and held her hand. “He would tell you how beautiful you look and how proud you’ve made him. I would tell you the same thing.”

  “Thank you, Jeb. It means so much that you’re doing this.”

  He angled his head to see her eyes. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked. “It’s awfully sudden.”

  Amelia tensed, afraid that her apprehension was apparent in her expression, that Jeb could sense her reservations about marrying Kyle. Dear God, Jeb and her mother had enough to worry about. “I’m just sad about Papa. That’s all.”

  Jeb studied her with sharp interest and Amelia forced a smile. “Really.”

  “All right then. Let’s get down there before I embarrass myself.” He hooked her hand in the crook of his elbow and guided Amelia to the top of the stairs.

  Amelia gazed down at her guests. Their faces were lifted to watch her descend the stairs. Amelia’s mother stood with Agatha Brown and Nancy Grayson at the front of the crowd. Evelyn glowed like an emerald in her deep green dress, and Lucinda stood beside Duke, looking angelic in her gown of sky-blue satin, her pleasure at being Amelia’s maid of honor obvious in her smile. Radford held Rebecca and stood at the back of the crowd with Boyd—and Richard Cameron.

  Catherine Cameron stood beside Richard looking shy and uncomfortable, but it was the sight of Richard standing
in her parlor on her wedding day a mere week after propositioning her that sent a brutal jolt through Amelia’s system. Her heart thundered and cold sweat swept across her body as she battled back her panic.

  She had forgotten that Richard was Kyle’s friend, that Kyle didn’t know about the brief romance she’d shared with Richard during his first summer home from college. Kyle’s father had just died and Kyle had been too busy running their mill to spend time with Richard. So Richard had found another diversion that summer. Catherine had been married to Richard’s father at the time, but neither she nor her husband had been privy to the true nature of Amelia and Richard’s relationship.

  Amelia gripped the railing and reminded herself to breathe, to keep her legs beneath her. Whatever happened she would keep her chin in the air. She had to convince her guests and her mother that she was happy, that she wanted to marry Kyle, and she would die before letting Richard know otherwise.

  With that thought in mind Amelia kept her eyes on Kyle. She told herself it didn’t matter that he was angry with her, that he was too arrogant and ambitious, that she’d had to marry him. It could have been worse. It could have been Richard waiting for her in some clandestine place, shredding her self-esteem each time he walked away without offering to marry her.

  In that moment, Amelia knew she’d made the right decision and she was able to appreciate how handsome Kyle looked in his dark brown suit and starched tan shirt that closed at his throat with a matching bow tie. He stood tall and proud with his face lifted toward her as she descended the last steps. But his dark eyes revealed a hard, guarded businessman who was simply assuming a burden he felt was his responsibility. And Amelia had suddenly become an actress in a tragic play.

  For her mother’s benefit, Amelia dredged up a ghost of a smile. She would find a way to be gracious to Richard, a man she wanted to forget, and to ignore Kyle’s coldness so she could speak her vows with him. But God help her, she had no idea how deep she would have to dig to be able to consummate those vows, or to bridge Kyle’s resentment and make their marriage into more than a mistake.

  Her legs trembled as she and Jeb stepped onto the parquet floor then moved to stand next to Kyle and Duke. Pastor Ainslie climbed onto the first stair tread and turned to their guests. “Who gives this woman’s hand in marriage?”

  “Her mother,” Jeb said. “And me.” He placed Amelia’s hand in Kyle’s waiting palm then stepped back to stand beside her mother.

  Kyle squeezed Amelia’s hand and she jerked her attention to him. Though she was expected to be sad because of her father’s recent passing, Amelia knew she had to look at Kyle with love in her eyes, not dread.

  She managed a tremulous smile and he returned it with an encouraging nod. They turned toward the pastor who asked her to love, honor, and obey her husband, and Amelia promised she would and prayed she could. Kyle vowed to love, honor, and protect his wife, and Amelia silently asked him to add the word forgive to his vows.

  “Is there anyone present who has a reason to protest this marriage?” the pastor asked, and Amelia knew she was going to faint. She couldn’t even breathe as she imagined Richard lifting his blond head to announce that Amelia was a fraud, that only a few days ago, she’d been considering the proposition of becoming his mistress. The silence in the room deepened, lasting an eternity before the pastor smiled and closed his Bible. “You may kiss your wife, Mr. Grayson.”

  Kyle sealed their vows with a brief kiss. Amelia pulled back, but summoned a believable smile for her husband. Her husband. Oh, God. Her stomach wrenched so hard it nearly doubled her over.

  Kyle tightened his grip on her arms and pulled her close, making it look as if he were kissing her cheek. “Are you all right?” he whispered.

  She nodded, but she was definitely not all right. How on earth would she convince her mind and body in the next few hours that she must become this man’s wife?

  “We’ll leave early,” Kyle said, and her stomach took another wild turn.

  “Quit mauling the bride,” Duke said. He and Lucinda offered their best wishes as everyone surged forward to do the same.

  “Be good to each other, honey.” Her mother gave Amelia a fierce hug, then she turned to remind Kyle of his duty.

  Amelia found Evelyn and they embraced, rocking in warm silence. “I’m so happy for you,” Evelyn said, sincerity and joy flowing from her voice. “Kyle needs you in his life. He might seem hard-edged at times, but that’s only a cover for when he can’t express what’s in his heart.”

  Amelia drew back and stared at Evelyn, but before she could encourage her friend to reveal more about Kyle, Boyd hooked his arm around Amelia’s shoulders. “Don’t believe a word Evelyn says. I’ve known Kyle as long as she has and he’s as stubborn as a mule. You’d have done better to marry me,” he declared with a flirtatious wink.

  For the fist time in over three weeks Amelia found an honest smile. “I suppose you feel safe proposing to me now that I’m married to your brother?”

  Boyd grinned and Amelia almost felt sorry for the woman who would try to tame him. If he had ever turned that look on her with sincere interest, he would have owned her body and soul. His eyes twinkled and he gave her shoulders a light squeeze. “Welcome to the family, sis. Now, I’m dying to know what on earth attracted you to my brother.”

  Amelia couldn’t deny being attracted to her own husband, but she found herself unable to expound on Kyle’s virtues when he was staring straight at her.

  Kyle joined the group with Duke and Radford in tow and Boyd lowered his arm, stepping back to stand beside Lucinda Clark and her sister Catherine.

  Lucinda smiled at him, but it was a friendly exchange rather than flirtatious. “Actually, that’s a very good question, Boyd.” Her green eyes revealed a hint of mischief that Amelia had never seen before. “But I’d rather know what men find most attractive in a woman.”

  Instead of answering, Boyd grabbed Richard by the coat sleeve and pulled him into their circle. “We need your opinion on something.”

  Hearing the commotion, everyone else in the parlor turned their attention to the small cluster surrounding Kyle and Amelia, and the two of them exchanged a glance that suggested they’d both prefer to be anywhere else in the world.

  “Lucinda wants to know what men find most attractive in a woman. I say it’s her figure.”

  “That’s not true,” Radford interrupted. “A woman’s hair is the first thing a man looks at.”

  He winked at Evelyn and she laughed, a bright smile lighting her beautiful face. “Let’s take a census. Duke, what attracts you to a woman?”

  “Her cooking abilities.” His answer made all of them laugh and the heat that had branded Amelia’s face began to lessen. Perhaps she was taking this all too seriously. Perhaps they were all just having a bit of fun to celebrate the evening.

  Boyd nudged Richard in the ribs. “Well?” he prompted. “What do you think?”

  Richard looked at Amelia and her breath jammed in her lungs. She pressed a fist beneath her rib cage, silently cursing Kyle for inviting him. How could Richard stand there looking so innocent while knowing he’d taken the gift Amelia was supposed to give her husband?

  With a glance at Catherine that seemed rich with unspoken meaning, Richard slowly shifted his gaze to Lucinda, the adoration in his expression enough to make Amelia’s stomach burn. The wretch! The traitor! He hadn’t wanted her at all! Sweat prickled Amelia’s neck and she clenched her fists. Richard had looked at her like that once, as if she had the power to take him to his knees, but Amelia had learned that Richard ultimately held the power.

  Feeling protective of her friend, Amelia had to bite her lip when Richard kissed Lucinda’s hand. “The most attractive thing about a woman is her smile,” Richard said, but he didn’t laugh, nor did he spare Amelia another glance. His eyes and his attention were for Lucinda whose soft laugh stayed in the circle of their group instead of ringing through the room like a desperate attempt to draw attention to herself. Lu
cinda didn’t need to beg for attention. Men’s eyes were automatically drawn to the petite, slender blonde with slanted green eyes and an angelic smile.

  Boyd nudged Richard in the ribs. “If you’re not going to propose, get out of my way so I can.”

  With a laugh, Richard released Lucinda’s hand. “Spare your pride, Boyd. I think Lucinda would decline both of us. But perhaps Catherine would be kind enough to suffer our attention for a while this evening.”

  Catherine’s smile faltered, but Evelyn saved her from having to comment, by asking Jeb, “What’s your opinion on attraction?”

  Jeb glanced at Amelia’s mother, who had been quiet all evening, her heartache apparent despite her efforts to smile. “Their eyes,” he said. “The way they show everything a woman is feeling.”

  Jeb’s words touched Amelia, but it was the shadow of sadness in Boyd’s eyes that intrigued Amelia.

  Evelyn tapped Kyle on the arm. “Your turn, and don’t try to get out of answering.”

  He released an exasperated sigh. “All right. It’s a woman’s intelligence.”

  Boyd and Richard burst out laughing and the ladies pretended to swoon. Radford and Duke grinned like idiots, but Amelia looked at Kyle in surprise. He valued intelligence?

  He folded his arms across his chest and glared at his male companions. “What?” he asked through gritted teeth.

  “Matt Carson claims he married Charlotte Ladamere because he loved her mind.” Boyd hooted. “Every man in this town has loved more than Charlotte’s mind, Kyle.”

  “I haven’t.”

  “Well, there’s one,” Boyd said, not in the least chagrined at his crude statement in front of the ladies.

  “Two,” Radford said, slipping his arm around Evelyn’s shoulders.

  Duke arched a censuring brow at Boyd. “Three.”

  Boyd held up a hand. “Don’t even say it, Jeb and Richard.” He looked at Kyle. “You can’t tell me a woman’s intelligence is so attractive that her reputation doesn’t matter.”