The Longing

by Wendy Lindstrom

  “At this pace you’re going to row all day,” he said, but she knew he was picking on her.

  “All right, who is the smartest person you know?”

  “Boyd.”

  A laugh burst from Amelia and she propped the oar handles on her knees. “You’re joking of course.”

  The boat swung sideways and Kyle grinned. “You don’t know my little brother. Since he was four years old, Boyd has been able to manipulate, swindle, or charm his way in or out of anything. That includes work and paying the bar tab when he’s the only one drinking. You stopped rowing. It’s my turn.”

  “What?” Amelia glanced down at the oars as Kyle dragged them into his hands, his face inches from hers.

  “What is the most daring thing you’ve ever done?”

  She could have said lifting her skirt for Richard, but that qualified as the stupidest. “Marrying you,” she said, warning her heart to quit pounding. His eyes locked on hers and the paddles floated to the surface. “You’re about to lose the oars, Kyle.” She nodded to the paddles slipping from his lax hands.

  She took back the oars with a sense of pride for besting him so quickly. “What is the most frightening thing you’ve ever seen?” Tiny dots of perspiration sprinkled his forehead and reflected the sunlight as he stared at her. “You have to answer, Kyle, or you lose the challenge.”

  He blinked and straightened his shoulders, but surprise still lingered in his eyes. “Watching Radford lose control and think he was back in the middle of the war.”

  Amelia reminded herself to pull on the oars. Radford was the only one of the boys who had gone to war. Evelyn had never said anything about his trauma, though, and Radford always seemed so happy and calm when Amelia saw him, it was hard to believe he was afflicted with something so awful. “Does he still suffer like that?” she asked.

  “He seems better, but he might still have nightmares about the war. They don’t say and I don’t ask.”

  “I’m sure it’s kinder not to,” Amelia said, scouring her mind for something to make Kyle laugh. She wanted to lighten the moment and break through his rigid control, but nothing crossing her mind seemed outrageous enough to work. “If you could visit any place in the world, where would you go?”

  “California, to see the redwood trees.”

  Amelia snorted. “Of course you’d take a vacation where you could look at more trees.”

  “Well, where would you go?” he asked.

  “It’s not your turn, but I’ll answer anyhow. I would visit the ocean. I love the water. I spent my summers paddling down this creek in my boat, and when that got too lonely, I’d trail after Papa at the mill until it was time to go home for supper. What’s your favorite time of the year?”

  “That’s a boring question.”

  “You’re right,” she said with a nod. “I meant to ask, what’s my deadline for consummating our marriage?”

  His eyes shot open and he gaped at her.

  “I don’t expect you to wait forever, Kyle. I just felt we needed time to get comfortable with each other. I want to laugh with you before I make love with you.”

  He braced his fists beside him on the plank seat. “Are you saying you’re comfortable with me?”

  “No,” she said softly, “but I’m hoping to be soon.”

  “How soon?” He leaned forward, his eyes growing dark.

  She met his intense stare, the oars forgotten in her hands. “How soon does it have to be?” she asked, praying he would give her a few more days.

  His mouth hovered inches from her own. “Now would be a good answer.”

  Amelia gripped the oars. “Then answer one more question for me. Do you think you can ever learn to care for me?”

  “Yes.” He slipped the oars from her hands. “Now answer my question. Are you afraid of me?”

  She opened her mouth to say no, but she’d promised him the truth. She was afraid. With nothing more than a kiss or a touch, he had the ability to make her lose control. Her feelings were involved now and she was afraid of getting hurt again. Amelia met his eyes. “Yes. I’m afraid. A little.”

  “Why?” He leaned forward and brushed her temple with his lips. “When are you afraid?”

  “When you make me feel like this.”

  He lowered his mouth to her neck and Amelia’s eyes fluttered closed. “What are you feeling now?” he asked, his breath warm against her ear.

  “Tense.” Her chest shuddered as she drew a breath. “Shaky.”

  “I feel that way, too.” He kissed the corner of her mouth. “My heart is pounding just as hard as yours, Amy.”

  She drew back, wondering if Kyle had just called her by another woman’s name.

  He clutched the oars in one hand and brushed the back of his knuckles across her cheek. “I think of a softer name when I look at you. Amy suits you.” He lowered his head, his lips a breath away from hers. “Am I entitled to a birthday kiss?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, and he kissed her.

  The seductive swirl of his tongue made Amelia forget they were in a rotted little boat in the middle of Canadaway Creek where any passerby could see them.

  Kyle’s shoulders tensed as he dragged the oars into the boat, but he didn’t stop kissing her. He took it deeper, slower, until Amelia felt her bones melt and raw, needy desire burn through her body.

  He circled her waist and tugged her toward him. She half stood to shift herself onto his lap—and the bottom dropped out of her world.

  Literally.

  Her foot burst through the rotted bottom of the boat and she fell backward as water gushed in around her shin like a small geyser.

  Kyle gripped her waist and glanced down to see what had happened.

  Amelia struggled for a few frantic seconds before she was able to wiggle her foot out of the huge, gaping hole. She glanced at the shore and knew there was no way they were going to be able to row her boat ashore before it filled with water. “Please tell me you can swim,” she said, glancing at Kyle, but he sat there staring at the burbling water like a boy who’d just had his favorite toy ripped out of his hands.

  “I don’t believe this!” he said, and Amelia couldn’t hold back her laugh. He swung a disbelieving look at her. “What the hell’s so funny? We’re going to sink!”

  She was soaked to her calves and the water outside the boat was within inches of sweeping over the sides, but she crouched there and laughed because Kyle’s expression was so boyish and vulnerable it was precious. “Come on, Captain. It’s out of fashion to go down with the ship.”

  “I told you this damned thing wouldn’t float.”

  “Don’t complain.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet, trying to be careful not to break through the bottom of the boat again. “You got a birthday kiss out of it, didn’t you?”

  He snorted and jumped from the boat with her.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “Holy Christ!” Kyle gasped and swept his hair out of his eyes. “There’s still ice in this water!”

  Amelia laughed. The ice had melted over a month ago, but the lakes and creeks in New York were still frigid in June. Despite being cold, the water felt exhilarating to Amelia. “Take off your shoes,” she said, bobbing in the water, fumbling with the laces on Evelyn’s hand-me-down work boots. As the first boot sank, she yanked off her stocking and tugged at her other boot. “Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to do something like this?”

  Kyle swirled his arms at his sides to keep his head above water. “Our muscles will freeze up before we can make it to shore.”

  “We’ll make it.” She dropped the other boot into the cold depths and swam toward Kyle with her jaw quivering. “Every day of the last four years I’ve wanted to do something outrageous, to feel alive. Teachers aren’t allowed to have fun.” She stopped in front of him. “Lie back and lift your foot.” When he hesitated, she shoved his shoulder. “Come on, I can’t tread water all day. Your boots will only slow us down.”

  Kyle floated
on his back, fanning his arms while Amelia jerked his laces open and tugged off his boots and stockings. He stared at her, unable to believe he’d let her get him into that damned boat.

  “Let’s go,” she said, her eyes sparkling and face radiant with the thrill of their unexpected adventure. “I’ll race you.”

  He snorted and stroked hard to catch her, willing his cold arms and legs to function, praying with each hard stroke that Amelia would be able to make it on her own because he wasn’t sure he could last long enough to help her.

  “Last one to shore fills the bathtub,” she said, her breath coming in hard pants as she kept her body one stroke ahead of Kyle.

  “Do you have to talk about a hot bath when I’m freezing my ba—my important parts off?”

  Her laughter mixed with the sound of splashing water and Kyle snorted. If they made it to shore he would gladly fill the tub.

  “I like my bathwater really deep and hot, Kyle.”

  The thought of anything hot and deep cramped Kyle’s stomach and he was glad his privates were too numb to react. He stroked hard until he was beside Amelia. “Are you doing all right?” he asked, fearing the weakness spreading through his own body might be affecting her, as well.

  “Get that look off your face,” she said, panting and moving her arms in jerky arcs through the water. “I intend to get that bath and I’m not going to carry those buckets myself.”

  He laughed and got a face full of water that he blinked and coughed away. “Only a few more yards, Amy.”

  “I like it when you call me that.” She sank down in the water, her face disappearing for a couple of tense seconds.

  Kyle grabbed her elbow and lifted her, burning his precious reserve of energy. “If you do that again, I’m going to hog the bathtub all night while you shiver on the sofa.”

  She looked pathetic grinning through blue lips, but her eyes still sparked with determination as she slapped her arms through the water. “That was just a trick to tire you out before the last stretch.”

  He laughed, enjoying her teasing, but his chest filled with admiration when she clenched her jaw and put her head down, flailing her way toward shore with admirable tenacity. Kyle kept pace, but made sure he climbed onto the rocky bank behind her, glad he was alive to worry about hauling buckets of water for his amazing wife.

  “Please tell me we aren’t far from home,” she said, sitting on the shore in the sunshine with her head hanging, her rib cage heaving.

  He sat beside her. “Probably thirty minutes, but I know a shortcut that will get us back faster.”

  “Thank God.” She lifted her face and brushed her dripping hair back. “The sun feels wonderful,” she said, her eyes closed, her mouth parted and shivering.

  In all his fantasies he’d never seen a more beautiful woman, never imagined that a prim little teacher would turn out to be his seductive, sassy wife. Droplets of water covered her face and body, sparkling in the sun, tempting him to kiss them off her skin.

  “That was the most fun I’ve ever had in that boat,” she said, then laughed and met his eyes. “You should have seen your face, Kyle. That was worth every minute of the swim to shore.”

  He started to frown, but caught himself, and realized he had truly enjoyed the adventure with Amelia. Though he would have never guessed it, he liked her sassiness and her challenges and the crazy things she said to make him laugh. The uninhibited side of her personality intrigued him.

  His gaze roved over her wet clothing. The skin on her neck was speckled with goose bumps, her nipples erect and visible through his old shirt that she’d started wearing to the mill. A disk-like bump marked her rib cage and Kyle touched his finger to the hard spot. “What’s this?”

  Curious, she looked down and considered the lump a moment, then sat up and dug something out of her deep pocket. “I meant to ask you about these,” she said, dumping three coin-like objects into his palm.

  When Kyle saw what they were, he glanced at her in shock. “Where did you get these?”

  “From Papa’s desk. Why? What are they?”

  His gut clenched and he felt sick as he turned the pieces in his fingers, finally understanding where Tom’s money had been going. “These are gaming counters,” he said, unable to lie to her, but wishing he didn’t have to tell her. “They use them at gambling houses in place of money.”

  Her brows furrowed. “Why would Papa have them?” she asked, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth, understanding filled her eyes and her shoulders sagged. “Oh, my God.” She pressed her fingertips to her mouth and stared at Kyle. “You were right, weren’t you?”

  “Maybe there’s another explanation.”

  She shook her head. “There isn’t. I checked his books for you.” She shivered and hooked her arms around her drawn-up knees. “Jeb said Papa went to Philadelphia every few weeks to see James Hale about the deck beam contract we have with him, but he never said anything about Papa gambling.”

  “If your father was spending his time in a gaming hall he wouldn’t have told a soul. Not even Jeb.”

  “Probably not,” she said, staring at the water where she’d just lost her little rowboat. “Papa kept his troubles to himself.” Her body trembled and she lowered her head to her knees, looking so lost and hurt that Kyle couldn’t stop himself from drawing her into his arms. She put her head on his shoulder and hooked her arms around his waist, and for the first time in his life, Kyle felt completely connected with another human being.

  o0o

  When they entered their woodshed twenty minutes later, their clothes were still dripping wet and Amelia was shivering. Kyle peeled off his shirt and tossed it over a stack of firewood. He unbuttoned his pants and Amelia’s eyes widened.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Keeping our floors dry.” Too cold to worry about modesty, either his or Amelia’s, Kyle slid his pants and undershorts down to his ankles, then stepped out of the wet clothes. Amelia gasped and turned her back. Kyle grinned. “You can undress while I get us some towels.”

  Her gaze shot back to his before her eyes registered his nakedness and she spun away again. “You’re enjoying this, you skunk.”

  He was. Absolutely. “Do you need help undressing?” he asked, fighting back a laugh as she blindly swatted at him.

  “Get me a towel before I freeze to death.”

  Kyle laughed all the way to the linen closet in the bathroom. He pulled out a towel, opened it up and wrapped it around his hips. The next towel he opened was much smaller and he’d nearly shoved it back into the cupboard before a wicked little voice told him not to do it. He shook open the towel again and held it up, estimating how much of his wife’s lovely body it would cover. Not much by his guess.

  Perfect. He tucked it under his arm and headed back to the woodshed.

  “Where are you?” he asked, scanning the deserted room.

  “Behind the woodpile and I’ll k-kill you if you come over here.”

  Kyle fought back a laugh. Typical woman. She was freezing to death and was more worried about modesty than survival.

  “Here’s your towel.” He tossed it across the woodpile.

  “Thank you.” He heard movement, then a gasp. “Kyle Grayson, this isn’t a towel, it’s a washcloth!”

  Kyle bit his lip and counted to three before he could speak through his laughter. “It’s the biggest towel I have,” he said. “My towel is small, too.”

  Her head inched above the woodpile and she peeked at his hips. “We are ordering new towels from Agatha’s store tomorrow.”

  “Order whatever you like, Amy.” She was going to kill him when she found out they had towels as large as a horse blanket. “I’ll go put water on the stove for our bath.”

  “Use the water I have heating for laundry. I’ll do the washing tomorrow.”

  “All right, but you won the first bath.”

  “Well, I’m not coming out until the tub is filled. That’s your job.”

  Kyle shook his hea
d and went to the kitchen. He dragged the tub out of the pantry, filled it with hot water, added enough cold water to make it comfortable, then headed back to the woodshed.

  “Are you still out here?”

  “Y-yes. Please tell me the b-bath is ready.”

  What a goose she was! Before she froze to death, Kyle marched around the woodpile, intending to drag her out if necessary. Amelia shrieked and scrambled to close the towel around her torso. Sweet God! Her slender legs looked a mile long and Kyle’s gaze traveled from her ankles up every beautiful inch of skin until the small scrap of towel hid what he wanted to see most. His gaze drifted upward to the creamy swell of her breasts partially concealed by blue fabric and the sash of her dark, wet hair.

  She huddled against the woodpile. “Turn your back so I can go inside.”

  Despite her discomfort, Kyle grinned. “Not on your life.” He moved forward and Amelia shrieked again. His ears rang, but the view, and Amelia’s expression when he swept her up into his arms, was worth the pain.

  “Stop! My towel is coming off!”

  He glanced down. She wasn’t lying. Suddenly, his own towel started shifting. He raced through the parlor and into the kitchen, then plopped her into the tub, towel and all.

  Amelia gasped and blinked water from her eyes, still scrabbling to hang on to that damned towel. Kyle turned away and checked the end of the towel he’d tucked at his waist, but it was fastened securely. The movement of fabric had had nothing to do with the towel coming loose.

  He raked his hair back with shaking hands, wondering what the hell he was going to do. He honestly couldn’t stand the abstinence any longer. Especially after seeing Amelia’s full breasts and those long, sleek legs and oh, God, just thinking about her made his knees weak. Kyle cursed and looked down. His goddamn towel was moving again.

  In that instant it was yanked completely off his hips and he stood with his bare ass facing his wife.

  “I would suggest you return my towel,” he said, knowing if he turned around in his current state of arousal he’d ruin his chances of ever consummating his marriage.