The Darwin Awards 6: Countdown to Extinction
Page 11
A few moments after the explosion, I regained my senses sufficiently to realize I was suffering from a deep gash in my thumb, a couple of possibly broken ribs, and one little finger swollen up like a Newmarket sausage. The microwave had a bloody great dent in the side and the kitchen looked like Beirut.
My wife trots to survey the damage, and she says, “If it was the friggin’ gas can that did it, where is the friggin’ gas can?” At this point I hadn’t realized that the can had left the scene of the crime. I looked left—not there. I looked right—not there either. I looked up.
“I think it went thataway!”
There was a neat 50mm hole punched straight through the suspended ceiling. I moved the ceiling panel and found a ragged 75mm hole in the plasterboard above. With the aid of a flashlight, I could see the scorched remains of the can jammed up in the joists, minus top and bottom but otherwise intact.
All the while, I had been bleeding copiously over the remains of the kitchen. I put a Band-Aid on my thumb and had a look at my ribs, which were not broken but sported a kettle-lid-shaped bruise. When I realized that I wasn’t seriously damaged and that the house was not in flames, I looked around and saw the funny side and p***ed myself laughing. My wife, however, was not amused.
No sense of humor, some people.
Reference: Barry K.
At-Risk Survivor: Boom Boom Bees
Unconfirmed Personal Account
Featuring explosions, alcohol, and bees!
1999 | Our hero had just moved into a rental home. The yard had not been mowed in more than a year, so he set about mowing down the overgrown weeds and soon ran right over a foot-wide hole. Out came flying a squadron of angry yellowjackets! As he ran in terror, our man knew he had to get rid of these vile pests somehow, and soon.
He sat on the porch pondering the problem over a few brews. As an interim solution, he poured a five-gallon jug of gasoline down the hole, then drank more beer and watched the sun set. What was the likelihood that the mission was accomplished? An hour later he decided to err on the side of caution and burn them out.
He lit a match and tossed it at the hole.
Boom, and I mean KABOOM! Hair on arms? Gone! Eyebrows? Gone! Walkway? Cracked, and a six-foot crater where the wasp nest had been. As he stood there, burned and smoking, beer in hand, wife shrieking in the background, he knew . . .
Confession, I knew that I had won the Dumbass Award.
Reference: Anonymous
SCIENCE INTERLUDE EVOLVING CANCER
By Chandra Shekhar
How do we get cancer? In one word, evolution.
Toxins, viruses, radiation, errors in DNA copying, and other nasty triggers cause cancerous cells to form in our bodies. Fortunately our immune system kills them off, nipping nascent tumors in the bud. Now and then, however, a few bad cells survive. Multiplying furiously and mutating nonstop, they develop and deploy a vast arsenal of weapons to stay one step ahead of the immune system.
They hide. They sabotage. They subvert. They evade. They attack.
For awhile, the immune system fends them off using its own formidable weaponry. A precarious equilibrium sets in—as fast as the immune system kills the tumor cells, more resistant cells emerge with just the right genetic mix to survive the immune onslaught. At some point, the immune system loses the arms race. Unchecked, the victorious cancer cells run riot, growing in number, invading nearby tissue and spreading to new parts of the body.
The result is a full-blown cancer made of cells that have eluded the immune system time and time again. By allowing only the wiliest tumor cells to survive and grow, the immune system—genetically speaking—sculpts the tumor. Such a tumor, in the words of Yale immunologist Richard Flavell, is essentially a Darwinian product.
To defeat cancer, scientists must understand how the immune system tries—and fails—to do so.
Imagine defending a strategic installation—vast, vital, vulnerable—under constant attack by a relentless enemy that grows stronger with every setback. That is precisely the challenge the immune system faces in defending the body from cancer. To have even a hope of success, it must be vigilant, strong, swift, and versatile.
The immune system’s first job is to detect the threat. Like a squatter stealing electricity and building materials, a growing tumor remodels the tissue around itself and creates its own blood
Cells display bits of protein called antigens on their surface. Normal cells display normal antigens that the immune system learns to ignore.
supply. It does so by exuding chemicals that provoke an inflammation. To the immune system, this chemical Molotov cocktail signals mischief. It sends sentries called natural killer cells to the scene to attack the troublemakers with antitumor compounds. The battle is on.
Another type of soldier now enters the fray. The dendritic (den DRIT ik) cell acts as a spy for the immune system. Damaged cells are normally good citizens; they mark themselves for destruction by displaying bits of defective proteins (“antigens”) on their surfaces. Dendritic cells gather these antigens from dead tumor cells and go off to alert the rest of the body’s defenses.
The alerted immune system then trains a troop of elite commandos—T-cells—for a single mission: Kill all cells sporting these specific tumor antigens. When these new troops arrive at the tumor site, armed and ready, the battle is in full swing.
The immune system is vigilant, strong, and versatile.
Killer T-cells attack tumors using a pair of toxins: one to pierce cells, and the other to kill from within. Besides this one-two punch, T-cells have another strategy: special compounds that send “death signals” to tumor cells, forcing them to commit suicide. Using these weapons, T-cells kill many enemies, replenishing their toxic arsenal as needed. To amplify the attack, these elite commandos multiply at the tumor site, spawning fresh troops. And using trophy antigens taken from their victims, they train the immune system to better attack future cancers of the same type.
Cancer cells don’t stand a chance, seemingly.
The reality is quite different. The immune system is indeed vigilant, strong, swift, and versatile. But in cancer, it meets its match. For every immune thrust, cancer has an effective parry, and an equally lethal counterthrust—often turning the immune system’s own weapons against it. Here is what it does:
Hide. The immune system expects defective cells to identify themselves using antigens. Not surprisingly, this mechanism is broken in most cancer cells. In some cases, they disguise themselves by displaying only normal cell antigens. In other cases, convenient genetic mutations knock out proteins needed to assemble, transport, or display any antigens. Such cancer cells display no antigens at all, neatly flying under the immune radar in stealth mode
Sabotage. Cancers secrete a substance that stops dendritic cells from gathering their antigens, thus hamstringing an effective immune response. They emit a range of other immune-suppressing agents such as vascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF), which not only suppresses the body’s defenses, but also helps create a pirate blood supply to feed the growing army of invader cells.
Subvert. Cancers create their own microenvironment that serves as a fortress against attack by the immune system. Using chemical signals, they attract immature immune cells from their birthplace in the bone marrow. These callow recruits have not been trained in the immune system’s boot camp, and lack antitumor capability—yet their presence repels mature immune cells. Tumors also take hostage a number of regulatory T-cells, suppressing the immune response. Designed to protect normal cells from the immune system, these pacifist regulatory T-cells end up protecting the tumor instead.
Cancer has an effective parry for every immune thrust.
Evade. When asked, well-behaved body cells go peacefully to their graves by triggering an internal self-destruct mechanism. Cancer cells act differently. They often avoid self-destruction by losing cell surface molecules designed to receive death signals from T-cells. Picture a willful child, fingers in ears, saying, �
��I don’t hear you!” As a backup, cancer cells manufacture special proteins that break key stages in the self-destruction process. “You can’t make me!” They also neutralize T-cell toxins with a compound that immune cells themselves use for self-protection.
Attack. Tumors release free radicals, reactive chemicals that weaken or kill immune cells. They secrete compounds that induce natural killer cells to commit suicide or even fratricide. They turn the T-cell’s death signal against it, and the T-cell obediently commits suicide—as it tried, and failed, to force the cancer cell to do!
As Professor Flavell puts it, “Cancer has a long, long shopping list of tricks.”
Fortunately for us, these tricks are not infallible. Don’t tell the tumors, but life may soon get much tougher for them.
Selective evolution notwithstanding, sick cells cannot help but look different from healthy cells. A close scrutiny usually reveals distinctive compounds, or markers, on their surfaces. Once we know the markers for a type of cancer, we can design drugs that precisely attack it. One such drug, trastuzumab (Herceptin ®), already treats a common type of breast cancer.
Even better, researchers are exploring ways to train the immune system to recognize bad cells by vaccinating with cancer antigens, promoting a stronger, quicker attack. Further, they are designing drugs that help the immune system fight cancer’s dirty tricks. These drugs destroy immune-suppressing tumor compounds, recruit immune cells to the tumor, revive weakened immune cells, or force tumor cells to heed death signals.
To the traditional cancer treatments—radiation, surgery, chemotherapy—add another: immunother apy. It is poised to hit the clinic in the near future. The survival skills of cancer are going to be tested like never before. Can they evolve fast enough to cope with evolving medicine? Stay tuned, and keep your fingers crossed!
REFERENCES:
D. Gabrilovich and V. Pisarev, “Tumor escape from immune response: Mechanisms and targets of activity,” Current Drug Targets 4(7) (2003), 525-536.
R. Kim, M. Emi, K. Tanabe, “Cancer immunoediting from immune surveillance to immune escape,” Immunology 121(1) (2007), 1-14.
CHAPTER 4
ELECTRICITY: COMMON GROUNDS
“I know we shouldn’t make fun of the misfortunes of others, but I couldn’t help myself!”
—Fan mail
Electricity is often the shortest path to a “vivid” demise. Spectacular failures result from the combination of wires, water, and human circuit breakers in a series of spectacular and galvanizing stories. Read onward for amusing and illuminating electrical emergencies.
One Foot in the Pool • An Illuminating Story • Tiny Elec Fence • Electric Bathtub Blues • Tennessee Pee • Shocking Rappel • Shockingly Conductive • Christmas Light Zinger
Darwin Award Winner: One Foot in the Pool
Confirmed by Darwin
Featuring electricity and water!
24 AUGUST 2008, JAKARTA, INDONESIA | Charles had just completed his International Baccalaureate at King William’s College in the Isle of Man. The principal of the college posthumously described him as “a very bright boy with a very bright future.” He planned to retire by the age of thirty.
Unfortunately for Charles, his elite education omitted an important lesson from the curriculum: the danger of electricity.
He had one foot in the backyard swimming pool when he noticed a cement box full of electrical wires near the edge of the pool. It was a junction box supplying power to the Jacuzzi. Curious, Charles started to fiddle with a fistful of colored wires and was immediately rooted to the spot by 240 volts of electrical energy surging through his body.
A bright future and early retirement were, indeed, in his cards.
Reference: iomtoday.co.im
Reader Comment
“Charles was a real live wire!”
Darwin Award Winner: An Illuminating Story
Confirmed by Darwin
Featuring electricity, weather, and a frugal old fart
26 FEBRUARY 2008, FRANCE | A seventy-one-year-old pensioner reached a shocking conclusion when his frugal attempt to illuminate his yard with power siphoned from the National Grid backfired spectacularly.
The gentleman in question illegally opened a major power junction box at the front of his house, intending to hard-wire a cable to his garden shed. Unfortunately he attempted to do this rewiring during a major downpour. The result was all too predictable. The poor chap was immediately rooted to the spot, and declared DART (Darwin Award Right There) at the scene.
Lessons:
1. Don’t wire your shed to a local power substation.
2. Don’t wire your shed in the rain.
3. And there is such a thing as being too frugal.
Reference: Ouest-France, rennes.maville.com
Darwin Award Winner: Zap Car10
Confirmed by Darwin
Featuring electricity and vehicles
10 JANUARY 2010, BRAZIL | An electrical discharge made toast of municipal guard Arthur C., forty-seven. According to police reports, he had installed a tiny electric fence around his car to protect against the frequent robberies that occur in his neighborhood in Belém in the state of Pará. Better safe than sorry. Then one evening he forgot that he had left the current on. Let’s just say his forgetfulness caused him quite a shock. Galvanic shock.
We are all dying, but some are more eager than others.
Reference: oglobo.globo.com
Historic Darwin Award Winner: Electric Bathtub Blues
Confirmed by Darwin
Featuring electricity, water, and a lightbulb
11 MARCH 1978, FRANCE | The singer Claude François, whose stellar career can be compared to that of legendary Elvis Presley, popularized rock’n’roll in France. One evening, he returned to his Paris apartment from a busy touring schedule and ran a quiet bath. While standing in the steaming water in the tub, he noticed some wires dangling from the ceiling light. These wires had been the subject of numerous complaints in his various correspondences! The naked singer reached out and grabbed hold of the naked wires . . . and was electrocuted then and there.
Au revoir, Claude.
Reference: Wikipedia and online French TV archives
Researched by the indomitable Ariane La Gauche
Reader Comment
“How do you pronounce that, Claude or Clod?”
Darwin Award Winner: Tennessee Pee
Unconfirmed
Featuring electricity, alcohol, gravity, and bees
1980s, TENNESSEE | A mile down the road from Middle Tennessee State University, a couple of young, very drunk MTSU frat boys climbed a barbed-wire fence that was intended to keep lesser mortals out of an electrical substation. One frat boy climbed right up to the top of a transformer tower. That alone was an obviously bad idea, but it got worse when he urinated on the transformer on which he stood. As if electrocution via genitalia wasn’t bad enough, consider his motivating target: a wasp nest attached to the transformer. Needless to say, with electricity and gravity competing for attention, the wasps were the lesser of his worries. He did not live long.
Reference: Anonymous resident of the community
WE CHALLENGE MYTHBUSTERS!
Readers skeptical of this story have cited the MythBusters episode debunking the so-called myth of peeing on the third rail. However, the large number of incident reports we have received over the years, as well as conversations with reporters and medics, incline us to believe that people do harm themselves by urinating on electrified things.
“Coffee Can of Water” from Jim:
“One fact I know: If you scoop up a coffee can of water from a stream next to an electric fence, then pour that water on the fence, you will feel a decent shock through the can. As kids, we dared each other. Now, the next logical dare was, who had the guts to pee on that fence? Nobody ever did, but I am very confident that urine would be as conductive as the water from that stream.”
“Herschel the Doberman” from Donna:
“We had been dog-sitting Herschel, an unruly Doberman. When Chris came to pick up Herschel, he hooked the metal chain collarto the metal chain leash and headed outside. Herschel realized it was going to be a longride home and cocked his leg to take a whiz—right on our electric fence! The electric charge ran up the urine stream, through the metal collar, across the metal leash, and into Chris. Herschel yelped, Chris swore, and both jumped back, breaking the contact. Without question, you can definitely get a charge out of peeing on an electric fence!”
“Sentry Duty” from Jamie:
“Duringofficer training, the pain of digging full-depth trenches in flinty soil was offset by the fun of sentry duty. During the night, the thick fog was regularly punctuated by small blue flashes as returning patrols blundered into the electric fence a farmer had laid along our main fence. Even betterwas watching people nip out for a pee against a fence post. At some point the spray would hit the live wire, with the same flash and yelp every time!”