Object of My Affection

by Tracey H. Kitts

  I put away the remaining cherries and made my way upstairs. The boots got kicked off as soon as I was in the door and I peeled off the tight leather pants on my way to the bed.

  Before going into the bathroom, I flung the balcony doors open wide to let in the breeze. The rain we had enjoyed recently had left the evenings cooler and the breeze that night was fairly strong. I turned my back on the balcony and snatched off my right sock. After taking a few more steps, I removed my left sock and let it stay where it fell. I left the bathroom door open while I hung the black hat on the end of the hook where my robe was and took a look in the full length mirror.

  I laughed when I realized every article of clothing I’d worn that night had matched, right down to my panties. As I stood there barefoot, in my black lacy panties and matching shirt I struck a dramatic pose and pointed my finger at the mirror.

  “This is a stick up.” I laughed.

  “You have no idea,” a rough and recognizable voice drifted in through the open window.

  I turned sharply, but didn’t see anyone. Quickly I walked out onto the balcony and looked over, but he wasn’t there either.

  “Look up,” the voice called again.

  There in the trees directly in front of my balcony sat Marco, perched on a limb. He was slightly higher up than I was, so I had to look up a bit to speak to him. There was very little distance separating that particular group of trees from the side of the house where my balcony was located. A werewolf would have no problem jumping that distance.

  “Hello, Red,” he purred.

  “What are you doing here?” I tried to sound stern, but I was glad to see him.

  “I heard you had a little rumble this evening at The Oasis.”

  At that point, it had been several hours since we’d left the club, so it was entirely possible he could have heard about it, but I still asked, “How could you possibly know that already?”

  “When someone has the balls to threaten a six foot ten werewolf, people tend to take notice.” He smiled. “The minute I heard about it, I knew it had to be you.”

  “So, Mark didn’t tell you personally then?”

  “No, the drummer from the band.”

  “If he told you the story then you knew I wasn’t hurt, so why did you come?”

  “You’re voice says you’re tired ... but your eyes say you’re glad to see me,” he said softly.

  The wind caressed my skin as it carried Marco’s deep sultry voice to my ears. I shivered as I recalled what he’d said about being able to hear my heartbeat. He stretched out over the branch on his belly, facing me. Marco moved with the grace of a big cat. It was both fascinating and unnerving to watch him.

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “And you didn’t deny you’re glad to see me.”

  The smile that I gave him was lazy and involuntary as I replied, “We have to stop meeting like this.”

  “Would you prefer to be meeting the cop?” He either couldn’t hide the bitterness in his voice, or didn’t bother to try.

  “I’m not dating him.”

  “Really? Well, according to the band, you were kissing him tonight.”

  My temper finally flared. “I am sick to death of people spying on me. Did they tell you I groped the bouncer, too?

  Yeah, that was fun.”

  I turned on my heel and walked back through the doors as he called, “Red, wait!”

  I slammed the balcony doors and locked them behind me.

  To hell with Marco, and to hell with everybody else. Couldn’t I just have a life anymore without everyone having to poke their nose in things?

  I was already naked and about to step in the shower when I heard a loud thump and a tap at the glass on the balcony doors. How dare Marco jump onto my balcony! As I stomped angrily back toward the door, I wrapped myself in a large black towel.

  I flipped the latch and threw the doors open as I growled, “Exactly what part of piss off did you not comprehend?” He looked really good. It was painful for me to be deliberately cruel to him. Talking to Marco like that brought me to tears.

  The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, but that’s exactly what I had to do if I wanted him to leave. The problem was it hurt my feelings to say things like that to him. I ached to reach out to him, but knew that I had to turn him away. I was shaking. Hot tears slid down my cheeks as I continued, “How dare you spy on me?” my voice was a whisper.

  “I’m sorry, Red,” he reached for me and I backed away.

  “Not this time. You can’t show up here and apologize for this anymore. I’m not going to tolerate it. If I catch one more of your people spying on me, I’ll kill them. Do you understand me? I’ll kill them, Marco and it won’t be pretty.”

  “I had no idea it upset you so much....”

  “And it wouldn’t upset you?”

  When he didn’t have anything to say I took a step toward him.

  “Let me show you just how personally I take things, Marco.”

  My reflexes were as fast as his and I grabbed both his hands before he could stop me. Immediately, I plunged into the surge of my memories, like diving into an ocean. I found every hurtful rumor and threw them into Marco. I wanted him to know exactly how it felt to have been talked about and spied on like I had been, especially lately. I had always been a hot topic of conversation around town, but lately I couldn’t blow it off anymore. It had always hurt my feelings, but the more I found I was being watched, the more I took it personally. I stopped just short of revealing what had been happening with Richard. That was his private business, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want me sharing it with anyone else.

  But there was more I wanted Marco to know. I didn’t want him to think my cruelty had no price. Through my touch I let him feel how much it hurt me to speak to him the way I just did. I wanted him to know how much I wanted him to stay, but all of the reasons that were running through my mind that he should go. I relived everything I felt when I was with him and I let it flow into him. I recalled how it felt when I was with Elijah. I wanted Marco to know I was not in love with Elijah, but being near him had helped me to remember a part of myself I’d thought was dead.

  He broke the contact suddenly and it rocked me on my heels.

  “Don’t do that again without asking me,” he panted. “That wasn’t fair.”

  “No, what’s not fair is you showing up and expecting me to just....”

  He moved faster than I could see. His lips were on mine, hot, warm, and insistent. At first I struggled, but my heart wasn’t in it. Marco deepened the kiss and my knees felt weak.

  I melted against him. The heat of his body burned me through the towel and my nipples hardened in response. The full moon wasn’t far away. It was unwise of me to be near him so close to the change, but when it came to Marco my restraint was limited. He pulled back slightly, but his arms remained tight around me.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t come here to argue, Red. Please, don’t make me angry. Don’t punish me for trying to protect you.”

  “Is that what you called yourself doing?”

  “Yes. That’s why I’ve asked people to watch over you, not spy on you.”

  “Same thing,” I said.

  Somehow I managed to pull away from him. I walked to the railing on the balcony and Marco followed me. He placed his hand in the small of my back. The warmth of his touch soothed me.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” I said softly.

  “I never said you hurt my feelings.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  He moved closer and my hip brushed against his thigh.

  Maybe it was because I was barefoot and he was wearing shoes, but I could have sworn Marco was taller than I remembered.

  “How tall are you?” I asked.

  “Six foot two. Why?”

  I was confused. “I thought you were six feet tall. Well, that explains why you always looked taller to me.”

  “Oh, Red,”
he said teasingly, “Did you read my bio back when I was with the Hunters?”

  “I might have.” I smiled.

  “I know you did, because they got my height wrong.” He winked.

  I laughed. “All these years I just thought you looked taller in person.”

  “Want to see what other measurements they got wrong?”

  He smiled his wolfish smile and I nearly said yes.

  “I’d like for you to explain to me why exactly it is that you’re having me followed.”

  Marco placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him.

  “I’m just trying to protect you. I never meant to invade your privacy. And I’m not having you followed, but if a pack member sees you somewhere, I like to know about it.”

  I opened my mouth to object, but he stopped me with a finger to my lips.

  “Please don’t tell me all of the reasons that it isn’t any of my business. I don’t need any more reminders that you’re not mine to protect,” his said softly.

  The pain in his eyes tugged at my heart, but there was nothing I could do about it. I placed my hand over his where it rested along the railing. Looking into his eyes was too painful, so I focused instead on his hand. Marco had nice hands. That was one of the first things I’d noticed about him.

  You can tell a lot about a man by looking at his hands.

  Marco’s hands were big and strong, and capable of as much violence as they were tenderness.

  “I’m sorry for what I said earlier about the cop. It was none of my business,” he said. “But it hurt.”

  The last wasn’t spoken out loud, but through my touch I’d read his thoughts.

  “I’ve never asked anyone to report the private details of your life to me, but when he mentioned that you were with someone ... I pushed the issue. Because I was jealous.”

  Again, the last was heard only in my mind.

  “It was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”

  He removed his hand from mine and caressed the side of my face as he whispered, “Don’t be mad at me, Red. It hurts too much.”

  “Stop,” I whispered.

  “Stop what?”

  “Touching me, I can hear your thoughts,” I wiped at the involuntary tears that were spilling over my eyelashes.

  But he didn’t stop touching me. Instead, he wrapped me in his arms and whispered, “I have nothing to hide.”

  I pulled my arm between our bodies and reached up to run my fingers through his hair. “You should go.”

  “I should never have come.” He sighed.

  “So why did you?”

  “I can’t stay away,” he said softly.

  “I know.”

  “I don’t want to let you go.”

  “I can’t make you,” I said.

  He smiled, but his expression looked pained. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? You can make me do anything you want, Red.”

  “You should go,” I repeated.

  “I know.”

  But he didn’t let go. I rested my head against Marco’s chest and listened to his heartbeat as I said softly, “You can’t stay, Marco.”

  “I know.”

  I rubbed my face against the soft fabric of his shirt and breathed deeply of his wonderful scent. I was going to have to make him leave, and that was something I wasn’t sure I could do.

  “Go home, Marco,” I said gently.

  “I am home.”

  I could still hear his thoughts and it was killing me.

  “Alright.” He sighed.

  “Let me go,” I whispered.

  He stepped back slowly, trailing his fingertips down my arms.

  “Goodnight, Red,” he said softly.

  Before I could answer Marco swung over the balcony. He made no sound as he hit the ground and was gone before I could look over.

  —

  I was glad he took off so quickly, because I could not have watched Marco leave. His slow walk down my driveway over a month ago had nearly killed me. I didn’t have it within me to watch him walk away again.

  After a few minutes I went back inside while I could still resist the urge to follow him. The shower that had seemed like such a good idea before was more like a punishment then. No matter how hot I turned the water it seemed cold in comparison to the warm flesh I could have been touching.

  A morose funk settled over me and I decided a sleeping pill was in order. I dried off, threw down my towel, and walked back downstairs nude. I didn’t really want to take anything, but if I didn’t, I might not sleep at all. Turning Marco away that night had nearly killed me ... again.

  As I entered the kitchen, I noticed my communicator sitting beside the answering machine. I’d been talking to my father earlier and must have left it there. He called ever so often, just to check on me. No sooner had I noticed it, than the communicator began to blink. At this point, I was tired and still pouting over having to make Marco leave. I also completely forgot that I was naked and pressed the button.

  Alfred appeared and the look on his face said how glad he was to see me.

  “Hold on,” I said.

  I walked into the sitting room and grabbed the gold velvet throw that was draped over the back of the sofa. By the time I walked back into the kitchen a minute or so later, it was wrapped around me like a big bath towel.

  “What did you do that for?”

  He looked genuinely disappointed and I couldn’t help but smile.

  “I didn’t mean to answer the call naked. Sorry.”

  “Well, it is the middle of the night there, isn’t it?”

  “Close enough.”

  It was good to see Alfred, even if it was only a hologram. I needed to hear his voice. I felt a weight lift from my heart and wondered if things would be better once he got back, just because I’d be near him again.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

  “Nothing, I’m just tired,” I sighed.

  “That line might work on someone else, but I know you too well. You look absolutely depressed. What’s wrong?”

  I crossed my arms in an effort to hold in some of what I was feeling. There was no reason to unload everything that was going through my head on Alfred. Besides, I couldn’t even begin to tell him what was really bothering me. I hadn’t even shared with Kat what the full extent of my feelings were toward Marco, because the truth was, I didn’t really know. I had to put him out of my mind or I’d go crazy. Whatever the future might hold for me with regards to Marco could not be changed with worry and indecision. For the moment, I had no choice but to move on. I loved Alfred, there was no doubt of that in my mind. And he deserved to be loved completely, not a half-assed promise that I’d be true.

  Whatever I felt for Marco, it was not love. I liked him. I really liked him. But love was something that took time, at least for me. And time with Marco was a luxury I had not been afforded. Until recently he had been my sworn enemy, and though I thought better of him the more I knew, I was having difficulty reconciling the difference.

  There was no way to sum all of that up in a way Alfred would understand. At least not until he said softly, “I miss you.”

  That was it. Those were the words I’d been searching for.

  “I miss you, too.”

  “It’s alright, whatever it is,” he almost whispered.

  If he had suggested that I brush it off, or just get over whatever was bothering me, I’d have been fine. I was always prepared for anything but compassion. It was the one thing that could break me. Be angry all you want, yell, scream, fight, it doesn’t matter. Just don’t be kind to me, because my heart can’t take it.

  Tears began to well up and I tried my best to hide it from him. I busied myself with pouring a glass of water, but Alfred wasn’t stupid.

  “I was planning to be back next Sunday.”

  I nodded and faced the sink, keeping my back to Alfred’s hologram.

  “Do I need to come sooner?” he asked gently.

  “No,” I sniffed. “I�
��m fine. It’s just ... I really am tired and....”

  “Are you sure?” he interrupted.

  I turned back to face him and forced myself to smile. “I’m fine.”

  Alfred’s concern showed through his smile as he replied, “I don’t believe you, but I’ll see you next Sunday ... unless you tell me otherwise.” The smile faded with his last few words and his hologram leaned toward me as if that would bring him closer.

  “Cara mia, do not hide from me,” he whispered softly.

  I wanted to cry. I wanted to fall on my knees and cry. So much had happened in the past three months ... so many things that I had no choice but to hide.

  “I’m not hiding.”

  “Perhaps not, but what I see before me tonight is only a shadow of the woman I left behind.”

  Then it occurred to me there were some things I could share with Alfred. I could tell him about Mathias Alexander being my great, great, grandfather! But as soon as the thought had crossed my mind I remembered who it was that had told me about Mathias, and knew I would have to keep that to myself, as well. I could have told him how worried I was about Richard, but he didn’t like Richard. I could have told him about Mathias, but couldn’t explain the situation without mentioning Marco, and that would never do. Of course, I couldn’t tell him about Elijah either. Oh hell, I’d just keep my mouth shut.

  Finally, I decided I’d tell him half the truth. It was never my intention to hide anything from Alfred, but there were things that had transpired within the past few months that would have to remain secret.

  “These past few months have been difficult,” I sighed. “I guess I’m just lonely.”

  “That will shortly be remedied,” he said.

  Alfred seemed to study me for a moment. As long as we’d known each other, I knew what he was trying to do. He was looking for a sign that I was lying to him. He was waiting for me to flinch or turn away from his scrutiny, but I did no such thing. I looked him right in the eye with my most blank and weary stare. I was very glad that Alfred could not read my mind.