The Book of the Shadow

by Carrie Asai

  I explained to Hiro what I had learned. He sat there listening with a disturbed look on his face.

  “So it’s definitely the Yukemuras who are out there looking for me,” I said. “At least Teddy. I don’t know if they want to kill me. Find me, yes. Use me as part of their scheme, whatever it is, yes. For Teddy, it’s for the money. For his father—who knows? But I would guess they’d need me alive if they want to marry me to get control of Kogo Industries or something. I mean, that’s what it would have to be, right? Marriage to get control of my father’s company?”

  “Maybe,” Hiro said. “But I wouldn’t trust Teddy completely. He’s still a member of the yakuza.”

  “But if that’s all you know and you grew up with it, how can you be anything else? Does that mean you don’t have, like, the honesty gene or something?” I said. I couldn’t believe I was defending Teddy. But then I thought of Ohiko. He’d grown up around the yakuza all his life and probably knew a lot more about what was going on than I did. And he’d wanted to go his own way. He would have, too.

  Really, I hadn’t learned that much at all. Maybe even nothing. What if Teddy had told me lies the whole time? Even with a tanto pressed to his back? Was it any worse than a tattoo gun? Probably not. I was glad there was no way that Teddy could have followed me home.

  I sat down on the couch and sighed. Hiro sat down with me.

  “Are you all right otherwise?” Hiro asked. He put the pillows back in their normal places on the couch. He and Karen must have knocked them off while they were making out. Lovely. “You’ve been a little strange lately. Distant. Like something’s bothering you.”

  An A-plus to Hiro for figuring that out. “No, it’s nothing,” I said. “Just the shock of being here. And moving. And everything. That’s all.”

  I swooned inside. Hiro sat so close to me. Close enough so that I could feel his breath. My heart literally hurt. I tried to shove the image of him and Karen kissing out of my head, but I couldn’t. I felt like crying again.

  “Heaven, if you ever need any help with something, you know you can come and talk to me,” he said.

  I nodded. But I knew that having me around was inconvenient to Hiro—and even, we now knew, truly dangerous.

  “Are you still doing some invisibility exercises at home?” Hiro asked.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I’ve been trying to meditate, too.”

  “Good,” Hiro said. “Meditation and focus are the keys to this. If you can master that, the skill will come to you faster. You will become a vapor.”

  I smiled weakly. My thoughts were anything but clear. They were probably more unclear, unfocused, undirectional than they’d ever been. Definitely since I landed in L.A. But it was nice to know that Hiro was still concerned about me, at least in some sense. I noticed he was staring at the couch sort of longingly, probably wishing Karen was back in that spot, lying there with him. I tried not to feel disappointed. Dangerous, sexy Yoshitomo had been interested in me. He’d found me sexy. I’d noticed guys checking me out on the street sometimes. But in Hiro’s eyes, I was completely invisible.

  Hiro came in covered in blood today. He said he’d fallen off his bike, but I knew. You don’t fall off your bike and get a black eye. Someone has to hit you. I’m not stupid, Hiro. I work at the dojo, too. And then when he said something to Heaven about Teddy. Who is Teddy? But I played it cool.

  After he came in all bloody, he said, “I need to talk to Heaven.” So I got Heaven on the phone. Which made it even more painfully obvious that something was going on. Something that was getting Hiro hurt. And then he asked me to leave.

  The more I think about it, the more upset I am. I hate not knowing. I hate not having some element of control.

  Aikido is about control. Martial art is about control. Yoga is about control. Controlling your body. Feeling your body. Understanding. I thought that this relationship would be based on understanding, not secrets. But Hiro tells me nothing. And I’m afraid something’s going to happen to him.

  But I can’t help being curious. I feel so close to Hiro.

  I came over tonight and brought up the Teddy thing and he said that it was just private and left it at that. “I can’t tell you, Karen,” he said. “But don’t worry. I’m okay. I’m safe.”

  We even got into a little argument about it. I said I felt insecure. How could I be left in the dark? Hiro apologized. He said that soon, very soon, he would tell me more. I shouldn’t worry.

  And then Heaven came back in. And I had to be happy and carefree and doo dee doo dee do, Karen is oblivious, even though it’s not that way at all. And I said, Heaven, let’s hang out, and she didn’t even pay attention to me because she was so focused on Hiro and whatever big, important secret they’re sharing.

  I know it’s wrong to resent Heaven. Clearly she’s in some kind of bind. I just wish Hiro could tell me what it is. Here’s this beautiful girl, closer to him than I even feel yet, and I can’t ask why. Even though my feelings for him are so strong. Even though a tiny part of me is terrified—terrified—that there’s more going on there than they let on.

  I just need to sleep. I haven’t been sleeping well at Hiro’s—we stay up half the night talking, kissing. We can’t help it. I snuggle into Hiro’s coat. It smells a little bit like him. Delicious.

  I hear a voice behind me. It’s Hiro, calling out that I forgot something. I turn. There’s just darkness.

  Then I see a form, but I can’t tell who it is. But before I can see, a hand falls over my eyes. “Wha?” I shout. “Don’t say anything,” a voice hisses. And then a hand clamps over my mouth, so I can’t make any noise, can’t even scream.

  Karen

  12

  I was at a party. There were streamers everywhere, gigantic paper cranes, light-filled globes, tables full of mounds and mounds of sushi. I had never seen a mountain so tall with fish. Opulent curtains floated down in jades and scarlets. Women wore similar colors; I didn’t see anyone I knew. There was a crowd of girls in the corner wearing L.A. clothes: tight jeans, floaty wrap shirts, funky sandals, toe rings.

  I didn’t know what the party was for. My father sat at a large table, a bunch of men around him. I recognized Yoji Yukemura instantly, even though I’d seen his face so few times. He sat at the opposite side of the room. Beautiful women surrounded him. Suddenly I realized he was naked from the waist up.

  Teddy appeared from behind a screen, also naked from the waist up. He held a long hypodermic needle attached to a cord. A girl in a flowy veil followed him. Her face was powdered a ghostly white; she had on dark eye makeup that made her look dead. She carried a tray of what looked like watercolor paints.

  “Hello, Heaven,” Teddy said. I stood in the middle of the crowd of people. Everyone fell silent. The music came to an abrupt halt. My arms shivered. I opened my mouth to speak to Teddy, but nothing came out.

  “I’m going to give you your tattoo now,” Teddy said. “And then you will be part of the family. Your father can’t help you anymore. You are one of us now.”

  “No!” I said. I looked frantically to my father but realized that he had gone. In his place was my old stuffed bunny, Bo. “Where has he gone?” I whispered. I swung my head back to Teddy. He loaded color into the tattoo gun. He looked at me and smiled. “I’m so glad you’ve agreed,” he said. “Now, this might hurt a little.”

  He moved closer and closer. I stared at him and backed away. “I don’t want it,” I said. “Get away from me.” I had to get away. But my feet were stuck to the ground. I couldn’t move anywhere. I couldn’t move to strike him; I couldn’t move to kick or block or anything. He advanced toward me, tattoo gun in hand, the crowd behind me laughing, happy.

  “No!” I said.

  I woke up. The clock was ticking loudly. How could I sleep with such a loud clock? I was sweating. I checked the time: seven-thirty.

  It wasn’t even safe for me to sleep anymore.

  I realized that I should get up anyway; Hiro had advised me to wake up early
today to practice some of my shinobi-iri meditation before we met for training. He had to work this morning. I’d told him I thought he was nuts for wanting to go back to work when he got the crap kicked out of him the day before, but he’d insisted that it would be all right. Something about honor and duty. Blah, blah, blah. I put on my pajama pants and slippers and slid down the bed onto my mat. I was in no mood to meditate. Or go back to sleep. I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

  The phone rang. And rang. I guessed Cheryl wasn’t getting it, so I picked up my extension. “Hello?”

  “Heaven. Are you awake?”

  It was Hiro.

  “Yes,” I said. “Barely. I was going to meditate.”

  “Well, you can’t this morning,” Hiro said. “I’m afraid there’s terrible news. Karen’s been kidnapped.”

  “What?” I cried. I wondered if I was still dreaming. This seemed like a logical extension of the Teddy tattoo dream. I pinched myself. I was awake. My heart pounded.

  “She’s been kidnapped,” Hiro repeated. “I received a phone call about a half hour ago. I didn’t recognize the voice. But they said they had the wrong person. They wanted you.”

  “What are you talking about?” I said, still mystified.

  “Look, last night? You came over? You came in wearing my jacket? Someone must have been outside casing the place. They saw you, remembered the jacket, and figured they’d grab you when you came back out. Then Karen came out in that jacket. She has dark hair, she’s about the same height. They must have thought, That’s her. And they took Karen.”

  Hiro relayed this information very solemnly. I could tell he was frightened. Last night. That jacket. If only I’d left them alone—left as soon as I came in instead of shoving my way into Hiro’s house so I could tell him my news about Teddy—none of this would have happened. Or I would be the one kidnapped, not Karen. Would Hiro be this upset if it had been me?

  “So what do we do now?” I asked.

  Hiro took a deep breath. “Well, they said that I must trade you for Karen and she won’t get hurt. I must come with only you, and they didn’t tell me where. They wanted to make the exchange later tonight.”

  “Later tonight?” My heart pounded. And then what would happen to me?

  “But I told them that you had gone away for the weekend and I didn’t know where. I said you’d be back Sunday. I bought us three days so we can plan something. We need to start thinking. You’ve got to come over to the dojo right away.”

  “All right,” I said, already putting some of my things in a bag. “Do you think Karen will be okay for three days? I mean, who do you think these people are?”

  “I don’t know.” Hiro sounded like he was almost ready to cry—a startling emotion in his usually calm, controlled presence. “I don’t know who they are. Who do you think they are?”

  “Let’s talk about it when I get over there,” I said.

  On my way over I was freaking out. My fears of making everyone’s lives complicated had come true. Karen was now being held by…psychos, maybe, who wanted me instead. But who were they? Was it the Yukemuras, looking to kidnap me so they could get the marriage over and done with? Or was it someone else, some darker force that was even bigger than the Yukemuras? Even more dangerous?

  It must be the Yukemuras. They have the motive. I had kidnapped Teddy yesterday; if he had anything to do with it, he’d probably shared the idea as if he’d come up with it himself. Although the mistaken identity was a strange twist. If Teddy had been the kidnapper, he would have taken one look at Karen and realized we were two totally different people. Karen and I don’t look anything alike. Was Teddy sending someone out to do the work for him?

  I got to the dojo safely. I hadn’t been there in ages—since before my father was attacked. It looked the same, basically. I found Hiro in his office, staring at the wall.

  “Hey,” I said softly.

  “Hey,” he said. He looked terrible, like he was still in shock. “I think she was mad at me, a little,” he said.

  “Karen?”

  “Yeah. We’d had a small argument. We made up by the time you got over, but there were things that were unspoken that I think needed to be discussed.” He stood up and paced the room. “I guess that’s why she left. She didn’t want to deal with it at that moment. If we hadn’t fought…”

  “We’ll get her back,” I said, somewhat unsteadily. Two things about what he’d just said bothered me: First, if Karen hadn’t been a little angry with Hiro, deep down, she wouldn’t have been so eager to leave. Meaning I would have left instead, meaning I would be the one kidnapped right now. Of course, that had been running through my head the whole way over here. But also, I realized Hiro and I had never discussed Karen: their budding relationship, his feelings toward her, what they talked about, anything. It was strange seeing this outpouring of emotion from him. It was obvious that he really cared for her.

  “When I spoke with the kidnappers on the phone, they said they would call with the location an hour before we’re supposed to meet.” Hiro looked at me. “I told you they want me to exchange you for Karen.”

  He paused. “Heaven, how can I do that? I can’t morally do something like that. I don’t know who these people are. I don’t want Karen hurt, but I don’t want you hurt either.”

  I should have known I could trust Hiro, but it still really relieved me when he said that. “What are our options?” I asked. “Is there any way we could get both of us back? Like, plan an attack somehow?” They’d certainly attacked us enough, if it was indeed the same people.

  “I don’t know,” Hiro said. “I think they would immediately get suspicious if you and I both came with big weapons and jumped out of the car to fight, or brought other people to help, or called the police. We don’t know who we’re dealing with, and we don’t want Karen hurt.”

  I blurted, “Do you think Teddy is behind this?”

  Hiro stared at me. “I don’t know,” he said.

  “It makes sense,” I went on. “He needs me for marriage. For money. For whatever. His father’s in on it, too. Besides, I kidnapped him yesterday. He could have been angry or confused or vengeful and realized that there was no way I was going to go willingly, so he decided he needed to take matters in his own hands.”

  Hiro shrugged. “Maybe,” he said. I could tell he was still thinking about Karen. “But even if it is Teddy, what does it matter? He’s not going to own up to it. It’s not like you could call him up and talk him out of it. ‘Hi, Teddy, we’ve figured it out, now give Karen back.’ Besides, if it was Teddy, wouldn’t he know the difference between you and Karen?”

  “Yeah, I thought of that,” I said. “Maybe it’s not Teddy. Maybe it’s the Yukemuras and Teddy knows nothing. Or maybe it’s someone else entirely.”

  “Maybe,” Hiro said. “But Teddy does seem like a likely candidate.”

  “I could talk to him,” I said. “He might give us the details of the exchange or something.”

  “No,” Hiro said, waving his hands. “Don’t do that. Don’t do anything to endanger Karen’s life. We’ve got to figure out another way.” He wrung his hands together hopelessly.

  Suddenly I thought of something. “Wait!” I said. “What if we drive to the exchange as planned in three days? You swap me and Karen. They start to take me wherever they’re going to take me. And then when I’m alone with them, I take them down.”

  “Take them down?” Hiro said slowly. He shook his head. “No way, Heaven. You haven’t been training long enough yet. You’re not ready. What if ten men are there? Not a smart idea.”

  “But then after a while you could come back and back me up. It could be like a fake-out tactic. You pretend to drive away, I pretend to walk off with them. But once I walk off with them, I start my attack. And you don’t really drive away. You only drive around the corner. And then you come back for me once they’re not paying any attention. You surprise them from behind!”

  Hiro shook his head again. “You watch to
o many movies,” he said. “It’ll never work. It’s too dangerous for you. What if they have guns? What if they shoot you, and…that’s it?”

  “They won’t shoot me,” I said. “They need me alive.”

  “What if it’s not the Yukemuras?” Hiro asked. “I mean, it seems likely, but are you willing to gamble your life on that bet? One of the essential codes of the samurai is to know your enemy. Shout into your enemy’s mind, zen-kiai–jutsu. But you don’t even know who your enemy is,” Hiro argued.

  I frowned. I just knew my way was our only chance. “But aren’t all enemies the same? Aren’t there principles to use against all of them? Didn’t you teach me that?” I said. “Hiro, you have to trust me. I can do this. I’m confident.” And I did feel confident. I felt full of purpose. I felt strong.

  Hiro looked at me desperately. “I don’t know…,” he said. “Something doesn’t feel right. If I drove around the corner, I’d have to leave Karen alone again. Who knows where the exchange will be, or what she’ll have gone through at that point.” He sighed and stared at the ceiling. “Something feels weird.”

  “No, we have to do it,” I said. “It feels right to me. And it’s the only way we can both be saved.” I felt calm and focused. I was ready to work. “They won’t be looking for Karen after they have me. Besides, Karen is capable of driving her own car. Worst-case scenario, she drives away. We take the bus or a cab home or something. But that won’t happen.”

  “How can you be so sure?” Hiro asked. He paced the room. I sat cross-legged, going over everything in my head. This felt like a good plan to me. After all, we’d pretty much run out of other options.

  “All right,” Hiro said finally, coming to the same realization I had. “But it will take every moment of the next three days if we want to be ready. We need to learn scenarios with multiple attackers.”