The Falls

by Cathryn Hein

  The thought made her think of Merlin and what was happening with Callum. Both Bunny and Dom had promised her she’d be fine, but she couldn’t help worrying. Now Lucas had been inadvertently dragged into it, responsible for hiding Merlin. The gorgeous man hadn’t complained, but she could see he wasn’t comfortable.

  She was finishing off the last of her coffee when Dom’s Mercedes purred through the gate. Vanessa’s stomach tightened at the sight of his tired movements. This was all her doing.

  He kissed her cheek. ‘How is she?’

  ‘Sleeping. Poor darling’s terribly upset about causing trouble.’

  ‘Tell her not to be.’

  Vanessa studied his haggard face. ‘Is there a problem I should know about?’

  ‘Nothing we can’t handle.’

  She raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Someone at the hospital went to the media, citing Penny’s stay at the centre. We’ll be fine. PR’s onto it. What about you? How are you holding up?’

  ‘Oh, you know me. Keep calm and carry on smiling.’ Except the smiles were hard to produce at the moment and she was bottling up concern. ‘Everyone else has far bigger worries than me.’

  ‘Maybe, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect yourself.’

  ‘Are you telling me I’m not looking my best, Domenic?’

  He chuckled, suddenly back to his usual self. ‘You could never look anything less than amazing.’ The chuckle faded. ‘Don’t worry about Albright. I’ll take care of him.’

  Although it went against everything Vanessa believed in, the idea of ceding control to Dom was a relief, even if it left her feeling uneasy. ‘You don’t have to do this.’

  ‘I do.’

  She splayed her hands. ‘I have nothing to offer you in return. I need you to understand that.’

  ‘I’m not doing this because I expect anything in return. I’m helping because I want to.’ He was quiet for a moment. ‘I’m not like your exes, Nessie. You matter.’

  But he was. He was so very like them, that’s why she was beginning to love him so strongly. The way he was standing by her was twisting her heart.

  She didn’t want this conversation. Not now. Penny was inside, Teagan would be home soon. And the way Vanessa was feeling, the longing in his regard, she’d be too weak to resist any move he might make. Once that happened her carefully built walls would crumble. A disaster she couldn’t allow.

  She traced a finger over the saucer of her coffee cup. ‘Have you heard any more about the assault?’

  ‘No.’ Dom rubbed his forehead, his tension returning. ‘It’s not looking good though.’

  ‘It was him?’ She twitched an apologetic smile. ‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.’

  ‘I meant from an overall PR perspective. I had some opposition before, but it’s strengthening.’

  ‘I’d better warn you that you’re not likely to get a warm reception from Teagan either.’ The scars Graham’s betrayal had left were deep and her niece, she’d learned, wasn’t one to let something like this drop. Even with a distraction like Lucas around. ‘She’s very distressed about what happened to her mother. She blames herself. But she also believes that the centre is equally at fault.’

  Dom stiffened, immediately transforming into corporate speak. ‘While I’m as upset about Penny becoming ill as everyone else, the Wellness Centre took every precaution with regards to her treatment and health, fully disclosing the benefits and risks of the cleansing program. She was also advised both verbally and in writing as to the proper administration of said program. That she apparently failed to follow those instructions is most unfortunate, but not the fault of the centre.’

  ‘Dom.’

  He blinked and frowned.

  ‘This is me you’re talking to. Not a reporter.’

  He slumped back in his chair and rubbed his hand over his mouth and chin. ‘Sorry. It’s been a tough morning.’

  ‘I’m the one who should be sorry for dragging you into this. You and poor Lucas with Merlin.’

  ‘Don’t fret about Lucas. I’ll make sure he’s kept out of trouble.’

  Vanessa studied him. ‘I didn’t think you liked him.’

  ‘Let’s just say we’re warming to one another.’ Dom nodded towards the drive. ‘Speak of the devil.’

  Teagan alighted first, throwing Dom’s Mercedes and then the verandah a filthy look, before marching purposefully for the steps.

  ‘Teagan, wait,’ Lucas called from behind, but she didn’t falter.

  Alarm at her niece’s expression had Vanessa turning hurriedly to Dom. ‘Please be kind. She’s just feeling scared and guilty.’

  He nodded and sat up.

  Teagan stomped up the steps, homing in on Dom. ‘What do you think you’re doing here?’

  ‘Teagan, please. Dom is my guest and a very welcome one.’

  But her niece was only getting started. ‘Come to check the results of your centre’s handiwork?’

  Dom stood, his hands spread. ‘I’m sorry Penny became ill, I really am.’

  ‘You’re sorry? Like that means anything. She ended up in hospital!’

  Catching the argument, Lucas took the steps two at a time. Nodding at Dom and throwing an apologetic look at Vanessa, he wrapped an arm around Teagan’s shoulders. ‘Come on.’ He kissed her temple as he attempted to steer her inside. ‘Go say hello to your mum.’

  Teagan wasn’t to be budged. ‘Places like yours just sucker in the vulnerable. Profiting from people’s weaknesses.’

  ‘That’s quite enough,’ said Vanessa.

  Dom remained calm. ‘The Wellness Centre genuinely helps people. We wouldn’t still be in business if we didn’t.’

  Lucas tried again. ‘Come on. I’m sure your mum’s waiting.’

  She shrugged him off. ‘Helps? You call making people sick helping?’

  ‘That was unfortunate.’

  Teagan gave a bark of humourless laughter. ‘Unfortunate? What a pathetic description. But I guess that should be expected from someone like you, someone who values money over people.’

  With that final accusation Dom’s expression turned to granite, his blue eyes direct and cold. ‘I’d be careful who you criticise, Teagan. Perhaps if you’d been more proactive with your father your mother wouldn’t need any of the centre’s services.’

  ‘You bastard!’ She lunged towards Dom but Lucas locked her arms. She fought and twisted against him, her eyes blazing.

  Vanessa shot Dom a disgusted look. She’d warned him and all he’d done was make things worse.

  He briefly closed his eyes, breathing hard, before addressing a still spitting Teagan. ‘I apologise. That was uncalled for.’

  ‘Stop this.’

  They all turned to the door. No one had noticed Penny’s approach. She pushed the door open a little further and took a careful step outside.

  Vanessa leapt up to steady her arm. ‘You should be in bed.’

  Penny wasn’t listening. Her focus was on her daughter. ‘You’re wrong to blame Dom. It was my fault. No one else’s.’

  Teagan was crying now, sagging against Lucas’s hold. ‘You should never have gone to that place. All those idiot treatments.’

  ‘I should have. I felt wonderful.’

  ‘Then you ended up in hospital! Can’t you see? All those therapies are a con. They get away with it because the people they’re dealing with are too gullible and weak to be rational.’

  Penny gaped at her daughter. ‘Is that how you see me? As weak?’

  Vanessa held her breath, praying for Teagan not to answer. But Teagan was in too much of a fury to hold back.

  ‘Christ, Mum. Dad didn’t get away with all he did because you were strong.’

  Penny’s voice was barely above a whisper. ‘I thought you’d forgiven me for that.’

  Sudden realisation crossed Teagan’s face. ‘Oh, God. Mum, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.’

  But Penny was already slowly creaking her way back into the house.

  V
anessa stopped at the door, attention on her niece. Teagan’s tears and apologies were too late. She had no sympathy. For any of them. Almost all the compassion Vanessa was renowned for had been burned by the fire of this confrontation. Enough remained for her sister. But no more.

  Shame hung thick on the verandah. No one could hold her gaze. Vanessa’s jaw ached from holding in her anger. Anger at all of them, and at herself for permitting this to escalate.

  Teagan caught the worst of her withering glare, head dropping as Vanessa fired her words. ‘I hope you’re ashamed of yourself. Deeply ashamed. Because there is no reproof adequate enough for what you just did.’ Next she addressed Lucas. ‘I think it’d be best if you took Teagan away from here before she does any more damage.’ She switched focus to Dom. ‘You’ll have to excuse me, Domenic. My sister needs me.’

  With a final shot of displeasure at them all, she strode inside.

  Since stumbling to the edge of her bed several minutes ago, Teagan hadn’t moved. She didn’t feel capable. She didn’t even feel human.

  Her body was rigid, but inside everything thrummed as if in the aftermath of a shock, loud in her ears. Mouth partly open, she stared at the wall, her senses focused inwards, listening for the dark slick, that first sweep of drowning, endless night. It didn’t arrive. Instead her mind continued empty, as if it had detached itself and floated away.

  Lucas stood at the bedroom door, saying nothing. Teagan supposed there wasn’t much to say. Apart from censure. And Ness had done a good job of that already.

  ‘Teagan?’

  The concern in Lucas’s voice snapped her back to reality. She buried her face in her palms, the heat in her cheeks like a fire. She’d hated herself plenty of times before but nothing quite like this. Cruelty to one’s self was one thing, but cruelty to others, especially someone as defenceless and ill as her mother, was quite another.

  He stepped into the room.

  ‘I’m okay.’ She glanced around, working out what to pack. All of it, she supposed. Ness hadn’t said she wanted her out in so many words but it seemed clear. She wasn’t welcome at Falls Farm.

  She had little to pack anyway. She’d left Pinehaven with only half the ute tray loaded. Other than the white bikini and a few other treats from Ness, her clothing and other possessions remained the same. ‘I’ll just grab a few things. You go . . .’ She swallowed at the words. They had a prophetic feel. After what she’d done she wouldn’t blame Lucas for not wanting anything to do with her. ‘Check on Ness and Mum,’ she finally mumbled.

  For a heartbeat she held a faint hope that Lucas might come to her and comfort her in his steady hold. The steps remained unwalked, the embrace ungiven. With his hands fisted in his pockets, he turned away. She was left staring at the doorway, her heart hollow of everything but shame.

  She didn’t even feel love anymore.

  It took her less than fifteen minutes to pack her bags. She kept her mouth closed hard against the ache in her throat. The onslaught of tears was only a sob away. She had to keep them at bay or they’d never stop.

  Lucas frowned as his eyes swept the emptied bedroom and Teagan’s heart plummeted further.

  ‘It won’t be . . .’ Permanent is what she wanted to say.

  ‘It’s all right,’ he said, bending for the bags. ‘I’ll take these to the car. Vanessa’s in the kitchen.’

  She didn’t know if it was a suggestion she talk to her aunt or if Ness had requested to see her. It didn’t matter. Teagan needed to apologise anyway. Again. There could never be enough sorries.

  Ness was chopping onions with aggressive, hacking strokes, her eyes watery and red from the fumes. Or tears of fury. Teagan couldn’t tell. She suspected both.

  She stood on the other side of the bench. Ness didn’t look up. Her grip on the knife was fierce, the skin over her knuckles stretched and white. She was clearly trying to hold her temper.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Teagan. ‘I don’t know what came over me.’

  Ness put the knife down, placed her hands on either side of the chopping board and bowed over it with her head down. She regarded the board for a long moment. ‘You may not but I do. And it’s beyond time you saw a doctor about it.’

  The tears Teagan was holding in threatened to burst. So many times over the last year Em had said those same words, but Teagan had resisted. She had a solid idea what the doctor would say, and it terrified her.

  ‘I’m getting better.’ And that was the truth. The Falls, Ness, Lucas, were all helping. She’d had entire days where she felt normal.

  ‘So you acknowledge there’s something wrong?’

  Teagan looked away. She didn’t want to talk about this. She could barely talk about it with her best friend. She wasn’t going to share this with her aunt. And she was getting better. So much better. It was just that sometimes the pain inside became too huge to control.

  Vanessa’s face softened. ‘Teagan, being depressed is nothing to be ashamed of.’

  ‘I’m not depressed.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘I’m not.’

  Ness came from around the bench, wiping her hands on a tea towel. She stopped in front of Teagan and placed her hands on her shoulders. ‘I want you to listen to me. Just for a minute.’

  Teagan licked her lips and nodded warily.

  ‘The Wellness Centre has counsellors you can talk to.’ She held up a finger. ‘No, don’t. Hear me out.’ Despite Teagan’s set jaw and mutinous expression she kept going. ‘I’m serious. A counsellor, Teagan. Not a naturopath or any of the other therapists you think so poorly of. A trained clinical psychologist with experience in dealing with people with your issues.’

  ‘I don’t have issues.’

  Ness cocked an eyebrow.

  ‘I’m getting better.’ If she said it enough it would happen. ‘Lucas makes me laugh.’

  ‘I’ve no doubt about that but it’s not enough.’

  ‘It is.’ It would have to be because Teagan sure as hell wasn’t going to the Wellness Centre.

  Ness sighed and let her go. ‘I can’t help you if you refuse to help yourself.’

  ‘I’m doing okay.’

  ‘Really? Then why is your mother in her room with her heart breaking because her own daughter not only thinks she’s weak and gullible, but blames her for losing a farm that was never hers in the first place?’

  ‘I put my soul into Pinehaven. And money.’

  But Ness had lost all sympathy. ‘Then who’s the weak one, Teagan?’

  She needed to leave. This was hurting too much. She looked towards the door. Lucas was hovering with the last of her bags, his expression crumpled with worry.

  Vanessa saw the bags and pursed her lips. ‘You’re moving out?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I didn’t mean for you to do that.’ She sighed wearily. ‘Although perhaps it’s for the best. Goodness knows my efforts haven’t worked. Maybe Lucas will have more luck with you.’ Ness’s tone made it sound as if Teagan was a hopeless cause. Maybe she was.

  She swallowed and glanced towards the back of the house. ‘I’ll say goodbye to Mum.’

  ‘No. You’ve done enough damage for one day. Your mother needs rest. Save your apology for another day, when you’ve come to mean it.’

  Teagan’s legs felt like concrete blocks as she walked to the door. She turned back, hoping to wave to Ness, but her aunt had returned to her onions. Teagan stood staring in defeat until a strong arm circled her shoulders and guided her outside.

  ‘Are you right to drive?’

  She sniffed and nodded. ‘Fine.’

  Lucas peered at her. ‘You sure?’

  ‘Yes.’ Using the bottom of her shirt, she wiped her cheeks and sniffed again. ‘I’ll be fine.’

  The keys were dangling in the old ute’s ignition. She stared at them. A turn. A release of brake. A press on the accelerator. Normal things she did every day. Only today she didn’t want to. It felt too final.

  She glanced through the ute’s sid
e window. Lucas was already in his car. He was staring at her, a frown creasing his brow, waiting for her to reverse away from the fence.

  He lifted a hand off the steering wheel as if to say, well?

  With a last regretful look at the house, Teagan started the car.

  Lucas spent the journey to Astonville fretting over Teagan. The way she’d sat on her bed, facing the wall with a thousand-mile stare, her fingers making scary jerky movements like a suddenly severed robot’s hand. Her face was so vacant and elsewhere, even the memory frightened the fuck out of him.

  He’d caught snippets of her conversation with Vanessa, the mention of the centre setting his ears on alert. That Teagan had serious problems wasn’t a surprise. He’d begun to figure that out himself. But what had got Lucas in the guts was the way she’d said his name. The hope in her voice when she said he made her laugh. That he was enough.

  He had to keep making sure he was.

  She was silent as they carried her things to the house. When she hesitated in the hall, he stepped past and placed the first of her bags in the spare room. She stood staring, unable to look at him, her mouth jammed closed and her eyelids spread unnaturally wide as though her life depended on keeping them open.

  He hadn’t meant it to mean anything. The house was old, the rooms small. There was simply no room in his bedroom for all her stuff.

  He touched her cheek. ‘It’s okay. This is just until I can clean out some cupboard space for you.’

  She nodded but the stare remained.

  On his return from fetching the rest of her belongings he found Teagan sitting on the edge of the bed looking at her hands.

  ‘Can I get you anything?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Why don’t you have a lie-down in my room. I have things I want to do in the shed anyway.’

  ‘Okay.’ She didn’t look up.

  He followed her slow tread to the master bedroom, wishing he knew what to do, what to say. Right now leaving her to rest seemed the best option. With dull movements she removed her shoes and sat, not once meeting his gaze. ‘Help yourself to anything you need.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  Lucas hesitated, unsure. Finally, when Teagan curled onto her side and tucked her hands under her cheek, he left.