“Talk to me. I’ve never seen you like this. Sydney is a great girl, but I’m worried. I’m wondering if you shouldn’t maybe, rethink some things.”
“I love her,” Noah said. “Love bears all things, endures all things, and hopes all things. I can’t give up at the first sign of trouble. What does that say about me? My character?”
“Believe me, I applaud you, but you’ve worked hard to be where you are now. You waited this long for God to give you a spouse. Why rush things now? If Sydney is the woman God prepared for you, you can wait. That’s the true sign of your character. If you’re willing to let God finish what He started. Pull back because He’s still working on her.” Gramps stood. “I’d better see what Scurvy’s up to. He’s been too quiet.”
Noah looked up toward the ceiling though he knew there were no answers there. The answers he sought were on His knees. He had to get quiet and wait for God.
“Did I rush ahead of you, Lord?”
He was surprised to feel his cheeks wet.
Noah let his tears flow. His heart had been suffering. He knew Sydney was for him. Of that there was no doubt, but she expected people to be perfect. She placed them on a pedestal that they were bound to topple off of. It was only a matter of time for him and with his past…
His cell phone vibrated, interrupting his thoughts. Noah dug into his pockets to retrieve it. He saw a reminder of his appointment with Lance, but no more text messages from Sydney. He’d answered her text to say he missed her too, but hadn’t called.
“Lord, I’m following Your lead because Lance is the last person I want to counsel. What were You thinking?”
God was silent. Gramps was right. He had to step back. It was time to fast. When he wanted to reach God’s ears, Noah fasted and prayed. He went into his room to retrieve his iPad.
He pulled up his calendar. The next two days were open. He mentally programmed in two days of praying and fasting.
Noah then placed a call to Sydney. “Hi. Are you at work yet?”
She breathed a wispy, “Hi. Yes, I got here about ten minutes ago. I’m glad to hear your voice.” Her tone sounded like she was open to conversation.
“I called to let you know that I’m seeing Lance. It’s the right thing to do.”
“I understand. You have to do what you feel is right.”
Noah’s shoulders relaxed. He hadn’t realized how tense he’d been, awaiting her answer. “Thank you. It’s means so much to hear you say that. My future wife can’t make me doubt and question the Holy Spirit’s direction,” Noah said.
He heard her breath catch. “Noah, I wasn’t trying to do that. Believe me.”
“I know, but I just went through a sleepless night and a rough day.”
“I’m sorry. I—I don’t know what to say,” Sydney said, “But of all the pastors in the world, Lance chose you. That caught me off guard. Plus, it’s hard to look past the fact he’s sleeping with Belinda.”
Noah looked at his watch. He held the phone in his left hand and used his right hand to unzip his jeans. He hopped out of his clothes, and then left them on the floor to walk to his closet.
“Speaking of Belinda, you really need to call your friend.”
“I’m not calling her. She’s a traitor and a tramp.”
Noah’s heart sunk. “I know she hurt you, but you don’t have to get nasty. I can’t help but wonder what you would do to me if you knew everything about me.”
“Are you sleeping with my best friend?” she shot back.
“No, but I have—”
“But nothing.” She cut him off. “You and Lance are two different people. You wouldn’t do me like that. I get why you’re ministering to Lance, but I don’t have to deal with that … that skank.”
Noah could see she wasn’t going to budge. He needed intervention from a Higher Power. “I have to get in the shower. But I’m really disappointed at the words you used to describe your friend.”
“She’s no longer my friend.”
“Okay, then another child of God.” He paused. Sydney was quiet too. He took the temper out of his voice. “Baby, I work with the tortured and pained. I work with people who have a past. Heck, I have a past. My job is to lead these souls to God so they have a better future.”
“Why are you telling me this? I know what you do.”
His stomach constricted. “I need a few days. I’m going on a two-day fast, so don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me.”
“I hope I’m not reading more into your words, because that sounds final.” Her voice sounded as shaky as he felt.
“It’s not final. I’m doing some soul searching and I suggest you do the same.”
“But what did I say? I only told the truth.”
She really didn’t get it. “If you don’t get how ugly you sound…” Noah stopped. “When you were in conflict with your mother, I thought that was a special incident. But now I see you’re hard on everyone who makes a mistake. What if God held you to that standard?”
Sydney was silent.
“Look, I’ve got to go.”
“I understand,” she croaked out the words and he knew she didn’t understand. “I guess we’ll talk when you call me.”
She was breaking his heart, tearing it in two. “Yeah,” he managed.
The woman he loved cried a faint goodbye and the phone went dead.
45
“What did I do?”
Sydney’s heart was beating so fast she felt like it was in a panic attack. She rushed to the bathroom. She chose the stall for disabled persons because it had its own mirror and sink.
She touched her chest. Was Noah breaking up with her? She bit her lip to keep from crying out. She couldn’t keep a future husband to save her life.
Sydney looked at the rock sparkling on her left ring finger. It belonged there. She had a moment of doubt where she wondered about Lance. But that was fleeting. What she had with Noah would last a lifetime.
“I scared him off.”
The outer door opened. Sydney turned on the water and washed her hands and face. She refused to cry or have a breakdown on the job.
The entrant went into a stall. She was glad. She didn’t want to run into anyone right now.
Sydney walked out the restroom and returned to her office. Thank God, Portia was not at her desk. She was not in the mood for conversation.
Sydney interpreted Noah’s whole fasting and praying thing as a roundabout way of saying he wanted to get away from her. She shook her head. Men asked for honesty but when you were honest with them, they held it against you.
“Lord, maybe I shouldn’t have called Belinda out of her name. That was wrong. But Noah didn’t have to get so bothered about it.”
Restless, Sydney opened the small top-left drawer. She took out the compact Bible she kept there for quick devotions or when she needed a pick-me-up.
Her fiancé potentially leaving counted. She flipped through the pages, hoping a verse would grab her. She scanned through some of the verses she’d highlighted.
Her eyes landed on I John 1: 20. She read, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar…”
Her calling Belinda a traitor and tramp was cruel. She rolled her eyes. Belinda deserved it.
She read the verse again.
“Tsk, give me a break.” Sydney closed the Bible with her finger still in place without finishing the verse. “I don’t want to read this.” But was God trying to say something?
Sydney tossed the Bible back into the drawer in her haste to get away from the truth. Isaiah 29 verse 13 ran through her mind. Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me …
“No—No.” Sydney shook her head. She was not one of those people. She pushed away from her desk. “I’ve got to get out of here or I’m going to go insane.”
She rose too quickly. Somehow her shoe got caught. As she toppled to the ground, S
ydney heard the unmistakable crack. Another heel. She thought about the color. Mustard. Mustard, which matched her blouse. She clenched her fists. “God, do You know how hard it was to find the exact shade shoe to match this shirt?”
Furious, Sydney jumped to her feet, straightened her skirt, and grabbed her sweater. Removing her shoes and tossed them into her bag, she stomped out of her office in her bare feet. She kept walking past the other attorneys. She didn’t stop until she was in her car and on the highway. It was time to get out of town. She merged onto I-75 with skillful speed, put the windows down, and turned the radio up to the highest decibels to drown out His voice.
Another scripture, Psalm 138 verse 7 came into her mind. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
Sydney knew the answer was nowhere. However, she lifted her chin. “But I sure can try.”
46
Noah checked his phone again. He prayed and washed up then checked again. It was six-thirty p.m. and Sydney hadn’t called. Immediately, his heart yearned to hear her voice. But he wouldn’t call.
Noah slowly returned the phone to the nightstand, and then rummaged for clean underwear and socks. He retrieved a black suit, pressed white shirt and skimmed his silk ties. He chose a yellow, silk tie with burgundy polka dots.
A mental image of Sydney flashed before his face. He wanted to see her face, her smile, maybe steal a not-so-chaste kiss. He shook his head. He was in wait-mode. “Think about something else,” he whispered to himself.
Noah grabbed a towel out of the linen closet. He whistled a Michael Smith song off-key and stepped into the shower. Maybe, Sydney would come to the church service later that night. He secretly hoped so.
His hopes were realized when he saw her in a red suit with a stark white blouse and matching red shoes. From his position on the podium, Noah arched forward in his seat. She looked delicious. Good enough to … He blinked. Seeing her was worse than not seeing her. He shuttered his gaze and watched her sway to the music in her seat.
Noah looked over at Deacon Shaw who sat next to him. Deacon Shaw lifted his brow. He must have seen Noah’s expression.
The deacon pointed to his Bible.
Noah gritted his teeth. He didn’t need the deacon to remind him to stay focused on God. He knew what he had to do. Noah turned his head away and bit back his smart response.
Instead, he closed his eyes and retreated to his quiet zone. “Lord, help me deliver Your words without care or fear.” He tuned out the music and centered his mind and heart on God. Noah remained in silent prayer and meditation until it was time for him to speak.
Deacon Shaw introduced him and Noah addressed the congregation, which had now doubled in size. “Glory! Give God a shout!”
While the congregation rejoiced, Noah considered changing his message to a more light-hearted topic. Maybe he should give the people a chance to laugh and shout. But then, experience spoke to him. He’d learned never to deviate from what God had planned. He had traveled that route before and it never led to anywhere good.
Noah prayed, gave God some praise, and beckoned to everyone to be seated. “Let’s turn our Bibles to First John, chapter two, and verse nine.” He waited for the shuffling of Bible leaves to temper down. Two large screens displayed the Bible verses for those who either didn’t have a Bible, or who used a different version.
“Let’s read this together,” Noah said. Then he began. “He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.”
Noah heard a few hallelujahs, and amen’s. He avoided looking in Sydney’s direction. She may think he was preaching on her. But Noah hadn’t known she’d be here today. He continued. “If we are in the light, we are seen. We’re examples to the world and those around us. Christ has to be reflected through our lives. How can we say that we have Christ, who is love, if we hate our brother?”
“Tell it!” someone yelled.
“I’m about to,” Noah responded, getting a few laughs. He cleared his throat. “Hate is a strong word. Our natural response is to say we don’t hate anyone. But if you have malice or anger against anyone, you’re feeding hatred because that’s how it starts.” He walked around the podium and moved closer to the edge of the stage. “How do you know if you’re susceptible to hate? I’ll tell you. Imagine you’re at a party sitting and laughing and feeling all right, then a person you can’t stand enters the room. How would you react?”
A few people elbowed each other. Some grunted.
“If that person changes your mood or actions then there’s something wrong. You’re not in the light, but you’re enveloped in darkness…”
He continued until God closed his mouth. He ended with the customary altar call. Approximately three-fourths of the congregation came down for prayer. Noah called for the deacons and prayer warriors. They prayed and anointed people with oil, before closing with the final prayer and benediction.
Noah saw a shadow slip through the door and squinted. It looked like Matthew.
Noah didn’t get a chance to pursue the person he’d seen because of the crowd. He sent Hunter a quick text to follow Sydney. Many who had been touched by God’s word bombarded him.
Noah realized the enemy had so many bound by hurt. It humbled him that God had used him to help free them from the bondage of hatred. Many vowed to call loved ones to either ask for forgiveness or grant it to others.
Noah felt relieved to know this year’s Thanksgiving celebration for so many would be filled with peace. He scanned the crowd for Sydney. She was already gone. His heart dropped. Noah lowered his head. Is this what it would be like without her?
47
“Why did you go up to the altar?” Belinda asked Lance for the third time. She wanted an answer and she was going to get one.
She and Lance had decided to attend services at Beulah. Not wanting Sydney to see them, they’d sat in the back. Belinda thought Sydney looked gorgeous in her red suit. Her heart constricted. Sydney was doing fine without their friendship. Belinda, on the other hand, had lost weight and couldn’t sleep. Working on the charity ball was the only thing keeping her going. That and the energy it took to deal with Lance. She folded her arms. “Answer me.”
Lance joined the throng of cars waiting to exit to the main road. “Give it a rest. I don’t have to explain everything I do to you.”
“Did you see Sydney up there? Is that why you went up?”
Lance hit the wheel with a fist. “We just got out of church and you’re starting up.”
Belinda rolled her eyes. “You were staring at her the whole time like I wasn’t there.”
“That’s in your head. Okay, you want me to say I saw her. Then, yes, I saw Sydney. She’s not the only reason I went up there. Now, can you drop it?” He shook his head. “You’re like a hound dog.”
Belinda’s eyes widened. “Did you call me a dog?”
He sighed. “Must everything be an argument with you? I went up there because I have things on my mind and my heart. That’s what the altar is for isn’t it?”
“Was she a part of the reason you went up there?”
Lance released a long, exasperated breath. “Lord, deliver me from this exasperating, infuriating woman.”
“You need deliverance from yourself and your overgrown ego.” She shot back. “Why can’t you get it through your head? Sydney doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.”
“Or you either.”
Belinda’s eyes narrowed.
Lance shook his head. “Is it too hard to imagine I might want forgiveness?”
Belinda snorted. “Don’t try me with that. It’s more than forgiveness you want. You want redemption. A second chance.”
“Yes, I do want a second chance. But not in the way you think.”
She jabbed him on his arm with her finger. “You know something? I’ve had enough. Let me out of the car.” Belinda grabbed the handle to open the door.
Lance hit the brakes and pulled over t
o the curb. “Woman, are you out of your mind? I’m driving. Are you trying to end up in the emergency room?”
“I want to get away from you.”
He put his head on the steering wheel. “Get away from me? You’re going to be the end of me. I’m on the side of the road in the middle of the night. You belong in the crazy house.”
“First, I’m a dog and now I’m crazy.” Belinda jumped out of the car and raced across the street. She strutted down U.S. 41 in the opposite direction. She heard the tires peal as he swerved to make a U-turn.
Belinda lifted her chin. At least he had the good sense to come after her. She was already cold. It’d been a balmy eighty-five degrees earlier in the day, but the temperature had dropped. She was feeling it.
Lance drove alongside her. He rolled down the windows. “Get in the car.”
Belinda hesitated to make him sweat.
Lance revved the engine in warning. Though she doubted he’d leave her stranded, Belinda had pushed her luck enough. She reached for the handle. Once she entered the vehicle, Lance pulled off, but soon turned into an empty lot.
“What’s going on with you? I’m confused.”
Belinda pursed her lips. She couldn’t tell him she was in love with him and jealous because of Sydney.
Lance gripped her arm. “Please answer me.”
She shivered. Somehow she’d been lulled into forgetting Lance’s underlying viciousness. “You’re hurting me.”
His eyes widened with awareness of what he’d just done and he loosened his hold. “I’m sorry.”
She rubbed her arm. Through clenched teeth, she said, “Don’t you ever put your hands on me, again. Or you’ll lose every single finger on both your hands.”
He paused for a moment as if trying to decide what to say. His eyes were gentle, but intense. “I’d never hurt you.”
He put the car in drive and exited the lot.
Belinda’s heart was pounding now even more than it had been when she was angry. The look in his eyes was sad, but then she glimpsed affection and passion. She wanted to believe that was a good thing, but she couldn’t move Sydney out the way. Sydney, the better woman…smarter, more successful, and possibly even more beautiful and definitely someone who’d held his heart in her hands. How was she to compete with that? How was she not to feel guilty about wanting to compete with it?
Tell Me Lies Page 21
