Noah furrowed his brows. She didn’t elaborate.
I want to say something,” Noah whispered. “I’m glad I took the days to fast and pray. I prayed for your struggle with forgiveness.” He crooked his head. “Why is it so hard for you?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I think it’s because I give a hundred percent of my love and my loyalty. So, if I’m betrayed, it crushes me. My self-preservation kicks in and I just shut that person out.”
He squinted. “It’s life. You’ll love and you’ll get hurt. It’s inevitable and unavoidable. Jesus Himself felt both love and hurt. Do you really think you’d be any exception?”
“You have a point and I have no proper response for that,” she said. “I know I have a problem, but I promise to try.” She hugged him before she continued. “I need you to know my anger at Lance is not because I’m still in love with him or anything.”
“That thought never crossed my mind,” Noah said. “I’m sure of your love.” Noah let his words trail off. He was sure of her love, but not sure how she’d feel if she knew the full truth of his past. Noah felt the strong push that now was the time to talk. Sydney was open and ready. God had prepared her heart to forgive. But again, he let the moment pass. He knew it was because he was afraid of how she’d react.
Instead, Noah asked, “How do you feel about Belinda? I know she broke the best friend code, but do you think you can ever move on?”
“I called her.”
Noah’s eyes widened. Sydney’s actions proved God at work. “You called? Wow. I’m proud of you.”
Sydney blushed, “We’re supposed to meet next week. I’m ready to hear her out. I’ve forgiven her. I was prepared to ride the angry train forever, but God helped me with it.” She paused for a moment. “Now, I’d be lying if I said we’d be tight anytime soon. That’s going to take a lot of mending.”
“True, but you’ve taken the first step. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be best friends again. It means you’re ready to move on. Forgiveness frees you up and makes you open toward possibilities. You and Belinda might become stronger friends because of this experience. You never know.” He shrugged.
Her eyes bulged. “Are you saying my capability to forgive is like the Great Wall of China, or something?”
“It did take years to get that wall down.” Noah teased, returning to their previous conversation. He hoisted to his feet and held out a hand.
“Very funny.” She dusted off her feet and placed her hand in his. Noah pulled her to stand. “God’s got that beat, because it only took Him a finger snap to forgive me, and seconds to melt my hard heart.”
51
“Where’s Scurvy?”
“He’s grown on you, admit it.” Gramps grinned.
Noah shook his head. “It’s just quiet without him.”
“He got himself a girlfriend down the block. He’ll be back, soon,” Gramps said.
He and Noah ate celery sticks as they relaxed by the pool. Gramps had high blood pressure. Noah tried to make sure he ate right. “I see you and Sydney are like two peas in a pod again.”
Noah answered. “I love her, but we’re not rushing down the aisle yet.”
“Hmmm,” Gramps muttered.
Noah twisted his body to look at his grandfather. “What does ‘hmmm’ mean?”
“It’s time you sit her down and do some serious confessing.”
Noah shook his head. “I may have waited too long. Sydney had drama with her mother and best friend over half-truths and lies. I’ve seen what it did to her. My truth could be the catalyst to push her over the edge.”
“Kind of like the straw and the camel, you mean.” Gramps nodded. “I see your predicament, but your ministry is growing. It’s only a matter of time before people make that connection. Especially since you told me that you’re going live on television in February.”
Noah broke eye contact. He thought of Matthew. He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know why it’s so hard to talk to Sydney. I regret my past, but it shaped me into who I am today.”
Gramps nodded. “That’s true. It’s also a part of who you are, son. You can’t run from it.”
Noah rubbed his chin. “I’m counseling someone and I told him the same thing about running. It’s time for me to take my own advice.”
Gramps reached over to pat his arm. “If Sydney loves you, she will understand. It doesn’t involve her any way.”
“Well, she might feel differently once she knows all the facts.” Noah gave Gramps a knowing look.
Gramps chomped on a celery stick. He wrinkled his nose. “I’d rather be eating potato chips.” He dipped it in ranch dressing before continuing their topic of conversation. “I know what you’re saying and not saying, Noah. But now is the time. You’ve been praying for her round the clock. You’ve told me you’ve seen positive changes. I can’t be happy for you, and look forward to great-grandchildren and all of that good stuff, until you come clean.”
Noah was stuck on children. He pictured beautiful little versions of him and Sydney and smiled.
Gramps got up and walked off, mumbling to himself. “I’m going for a nap. I’m an old man. I’d like to see some grandbabies before I close my eyes.”
“I’ll come inside in a few minutes. I’m going to soak up some more rays.” Noah closed his eyes. A shadow passed over him. “What now, Gramps?”
“It would be nice if he lived to see the grandkids, the mulattos.”
Noah’s eyes popped open. Matthew. “You enjoy sneaking up on me.”
Matthew grinned. “You had a good workout.” He grabbed a celery stick, dipped it in peanut butter and bit into it. He frowned, turned his head and spit the food out of his mouth onto the patio floor. “I agree with Gramps. I prefer potato chips.”
“How long have you been spying on me?”
“I don’t call it spying. I see it as watching out for my sponsor.”
“I told you. I’m not giving you any money”
“How old is Gramps again?”
“I’m sick of this.” Noah stood. “I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be right here.”
Noah gritted his teeth. If this were the olden days, he’d settle things with his fist. He entered the house and headed to his office. He opened the desk drawer and pushed several papers out of the way. He tore through the contents until he found the sealed envelope.
Noah returned to the patio.
He shoved the envelope into Matthew’s scrawny hands and waited for him to open it.
Matthew pulled out a picture. “What is this?” He stood. “How did you get this?”
“You’re not the only one who has ways and means to get things done.”
“No one knows about her.”
Noah folded his arms. “That’s what you thought. I know all about your mother. She’s a schoolteacher in Arizona. I know she has a heart condition. I wonder what she’d do if she found out her precious Matthew was a lifetime criminal?”
Matthew paled. “Leave my mother out of this.”
“Leave me and my real family alone.”
The men faced off. Noah knew his face was menacing. He moved into Matthew’s space.
“Well? What will it be?”
Matthew shoulders sagged. His knees buckled. “I found Daniela Scott at eighteen years old. Her parents forced her to give me up for adoption. She loves me.”
“I’d hate to see something happen to your family.” Noah lifted a brow. He knew Matthew would understand that kind of a threat. Noah swallowed his guilt. He knew this was not God’s way.
Matthew looked at the oversized watch hanging off his slender wrist. “I believe I have somewhere I need to be.” He gave Noah a look of respect. “Now this is the old Noah I remember. You win this round.”
“I’m not playing games with you,” Noah said.
Matthew’s words stung. He didn’t want the old Noah back. But then again, this Noah seemed to be getting through to Matthew. He clea
red his throat and said, “I think we understand each other. Arizona’s nice this time of year.”
“Tell you what. For your smarts, I’ll make it eighty thousand.”
“Is this the part where I offer to get my checkbook?”
Matthew’s eyes narrowed. “This will be the last time you see me. You have ten days to make a generous donation to my Avengers foundation.”
“Or what?”
“You won’t like round two.”
Matthew strolled off with the confidence of a rooster who knew he was the only male in the hen house. For once, Ace’s words made sense. The leader of the Avengers had said the only way to deal with a bully was to be an even bigger bully.
And Noah was prepared to be one to save the woman he loved.
52
“Answer the question.”
Lance squirmed. He resisted the urge to look around. It felt like there were angels present. He was seated in the same chair he’d been in the last time he was in Noah’s office.
What had God shown Noah? Lance squared his shoulders. “What does my father have to do with anything?”
As if he were talking to a child, Noah repeated the directive, “Tell me about your father and your childhood.”
“I don’t get it.” Lance shook his head. “I didn’t come here to be,” he held his hands up in quotes, “shrinked.” I have my friend for that. Even then, I choose what I want to talk about. I came here to talk about salvation. I don’t want to talk about my father.”
“I understand. But your purpose might not be God’s purpose.” Noah’s eyes softened. “Salvation is a free gift, but to truly appreciate it, you have to repent. Before repentance comes confession. Admission precedes confession.” Noah clasped his fingers. “You have to tackle the demons of your past. Lay them bare before God. I’m here to help you do that. I’m not one of those pastors who don’t get down past the surface. I’m into soul winning. True soul winning requires a complete overhaul. A renewal. So, before we can move forward, we have to deal with the past.”
Noah’s words punctured the resistance built up in Lance’s heart. It was obvious God would lead these counseling sessions. It was his job to follow. He’d give the facts and remain cool and calm.
“On the surface, I had the home that every child would’ve wanted.” Lance began with a false bravado. He was not about to let Noah see how he hurt like some punk. “But in the four walls of my house, it was a nightmare. My father beat my mother almost every day. He called me every filthy name you could think of, told me I wasn’t any good and wouldn’t be no good. And that’s the gist of it.” Lance affected a tough exterior and attitude. He gave Noah, his “So, what?” face.
Noah appeared to be looking right through him. Lance wondered if that was possible. Did ministers have special powers?
Lance shifted. “So, do you plan on saying anything, or are you going to stare me down?”
Noah eased into his chair. “I was waiting. I’ve learned to be patient. I can wait for it.”
“Wait for what?” Lance stood. He walked over to the bookshelf. He scanned several titles as his mind raced. How could he shift the conversation without Noah knowing?
“Come back and face me.”
Lance froze. Noah’s command sounded fatherly. He stiffened and met Noah’s challenging stare. He was no child. He sized Noah up. He could take him.
“Don’t even think about it or I’ll give you the whipping you deserve.”
Lance’s eyes narrowed. Was the man a mind reader?
“No, I’m not a mind reader,” Noah said. “I just have to tear down the barrier you’ve constructed around your heart to get to you. The real you.”
Goose bumps rose to the surface on Lance’s arms. Noah was a mind reader. Lance looked at his watch. How much time did he have left?
“We have one hour. Unless your phone rings with an emergency, you’re not going anywhere.” Noah tapped his desk with a pencil. “I had my doubts, but now I know this was the best idea you’ve had in your life.”
Lance didn’t agree.
“It doesn’t seem that way now, but you will see.” Noah smiled at him.
Lance’s eyes widened. Noah had discerned his thoughts again. He returned to his seat.
“One day, I intervened to stop him from beating my mother. That man threw me so hard I hit my head. I think I had a concussion because I remember vomiting, but my memories are murky. I heard my mother wailing in the background. He punched her in the face like you would a man. She lost her front teeth. I was scared of the beatings, but I had to defend my mother. He whipped me each time for defying him. Once, I had to get stitches and be spoon-fed for days.
“How old were you?” Noah’s face was etched with empathy.
“Seven.”
“Seven years old?”
“Yes, but I remember it like it was yesterday.”
“Tell me the rest,” Noah urged.
“How do you know there’s more?” Lance blinked several times to stop the tears threatening to fall. Unbelievable. This was not going to happen. He was not going to cry. “Man to man. I can’t do this.”
“You can and you will. You will do this. It’s time. God says it’s time.” Noah stood.
Lance cringed. He hoped Noah was not coming to give him a hug because … Noah walked to the door, took his keys out of his pants pocket and locked them inside.
Lance undid the top button on his shirt. “Why’d you do that?”
“The devil is telling you to run. I wanted to make sure that wouldn’t happen.” Noah gave him a pointed look. “The door is sturdy. Breaking it down is not an option.”
“Get out of my head.” Lance glared. “What kind of ‘pastoring’ is this? I ain’t never heard of no preacher locking people in and keeping them against their will.” His hood talk was a sure sign of his emotional distress. Lance had left everything about his former life behind, including street talk.
“Well I’m taking a page out of the devil’s book today and beating him at his own game. God wants me to hold on to you. I won’t let you go, until you get your breakthrough.”
Lance stood and paced. The vast area felt like the size of a two-by-four cell. He looked upward. “Lord, I’m feeling claustrophobic. Please let this maniac open the door.”
Noah prayed. “Right now, Father, I’m following Your leading and guidance. Please calm Lance’s nerves. Give him the courage to speak. You have heard the cries from his heart calling out to You. Let him know You’re here to heal and deliver.”
Lance dropped into the chair. He watched the fervor, confidence, and determination on Noah’s face. Noah prayed on his behalf when he didn’t deserve it.
As soon as Noah said, amen, Lance asked, “How can you pray like that for me after what I did to Sydney? I ran off with one of her bridesmaids, and I slept with her best friend.” He shook his head. “Are you applying for sainthood?”
Noah chuckled. “I can do it, because God has already forgiven you.” He waved a hand. “But we’ll get to that. Right now, I want you to continue.”
Lance looked at the locked door and squirmed.
“Why does that bother you?” Noah asked.
“I hate locked doors.”
“Why do you hate locked doors?”
“I don’t like any kind of prison which is why I had to make sure I beat the statistics. I stayed out of trouble and on the right side of the bars.”
“Good, typical answer. Now, tell me the real reason.”
Lance frowned. “You just don’t let up, do you?”
“Nope.”
Lance released a long plume of air. “My father used to lock me in my room.” He glared. “Is that what you want to hear?” Lance’s voice escalated. “He pulled me out of school to homeschool me, then he’d lock me in my room for days on end. No matter how much I cried, banged on the door, and begged he wouldn’t open it. My mother snuck me food. I … couldn’t … use the bathroom.” A single tear rolled from his right eye. Lance reac
hed his finger up to catch the tear. He looked at the tiny, salty drop with wonderment.
“What’s the matter?”
“It’s a tear. An actual tear.” Lance continued to look at the small spot water on his finger.
Noah leaned forward. “Why are you so amazed? Or, are you ashamed? It’s okay to express your feelings. Grown men do cry.”
Lance shook his head. “Not me. I haven’t cried in over fifteen years. Not saying I haven’t been emotional but you know that ugly face you get when you cry? I haven’t had one.”
Noah’s brows shot up to his hairline. “Go ahead and cry. Cast all your cares on Christ. Cry for the little boy who was locked in the room.” Noah stood and came around to take the seat next to Lance. He placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Cry for the boy who was abused. Cry for the pain and hurt your father caused. Go ahead, and cry.”
He broke. Like a dam exploding, the tears poured from him. Lance cried and cried and cried. Then he cried some more.
Noah held him at times. He wiped Lance’s tears at times. He praised God. He prayed until Lance regained control.
When the purging was over, Lance said, “I never thought I’d ever be able to do that, again.”
“What exactly?”
“Cry.” Lance paused, reflecting on how much better he felt. “I thought I was incapable of feeling anything.”
Noah pulled out two handkerchiefs and handed one to Lance. They both wiped their faces. Noah picked up the keys and gave them to Lance.
Wordlessly, Lance strolled to unlock the door.
Noah prayed. “With the power You’ve given me, Lord, I command the enemy to release all Lance’s pain and hurt which has him bound. Lord, open the door to a new path and new life for Lance.”
“Amen.” If someone had been walking by, they’d have thought Noah was corny, but not Lance. He soaked in the significance of the moment and drew in a new breath.
“Did you ever tell Sydney about any of this?” Noah asked.
Lance took a seat, feeling at ease and at peace. “No. Sydney knew what I wanted her to know. I saw her as the epitome for all I had struggled to achieve. She was to be my trophy wife; the proof that I’d arrived. We kept our relationship chaste and pure. But as the date drew near, the last month or so, I started to feel …”
Tell Me Lies Page 23
