Roses & Thorns: Men

by Bry Ann

  Me: Boss, when you get back, we have things to discuss.

  Boss: Regarding? Me: Miguel Castello.

  I have to wait a second for his response. I can almost see him searing with anger, trying to hide it from a chilled out Lacey.

  Boss: Fuck. And we can’t discuss this over the phone. Should I head back early?

  Me: No, Boss. It wouldn’t change anything.

  Boss: Alright? Sven, don’t let anything happen while I’m away.

  No pressure.

  Me: Wouldn’t dream of it. Go enjoy your wife.

  I slam my phone shut, but it rings before I can throw it back in my bag. I flip it back open and smirk when I read the message.

  Boss: Getting confident with the distance, are we?Me: Always confident, Boss.

  When we finally pull up to the house, I stroll out of the car. The therapist is already here. I hurry to the foyer to meet her. Her posture is strong, but the way her hands are twisting by her sides betrays her. She’s nervous. I know Boss usually takes her straight to the therapy room. She’s not used to hanging around here, especially out front. She has clearance, so I know the guys let her in the front door. The second she sees me, she relaxes.“Good to see you, Sven.” I smirk. “Scared, doctor?” She gives me a stern look, then smiles. “Little bit.”

  “Oh now, now, don’t hold in your feelings.”

  “Focus on you, Sven. Why am I here?”

  Those words spin in my head like a tornado.

  “Focus. On. You.”

  “For me or for you, little Rose?”

  I shake my head. A cold sweat breaks out all along my skin.

  “Sven? Sven? Come. Let’s talk.” She tugs my sleeve. I pull away and walk to the room, distracted. We both take a seat when we get there. I can barely remember why I asked her to come in the first place. My mind is still spinning from that stark memory of Rose. I grit my teeth.

  “Sven, why did you call me over here? What’s going on? I’m worried for you.”

  My gaze snaps over to her.

  “I don’t need your worry.” “Right. Because you don’t need anyone, correct?”

  “What I definitely don’t need is your shit today.”

  “Let me remind you who called whom over.” She raises her eyebrows and scrutinizes me. I let out a deep sigh.

  “Fine. You’re right.”

  She nods.

  “Shit’s gonna go down, and I’m….” I look up at her. “What I’m about to tell you can’t leave this room.”

  “You have my word.”

  “Cause I hate to speak the unspoken here, but what I’m about to tell you could cost me my life.”

  She stiffens. “I’d never want that. I… I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  She’s freaking out.

  “Alright, fuck it. Shit’s about to go down, and I don’t think I’m ready for it.”

  Her eyebrows furrow.

  “That doesn’t sound like you.” “I know. I’m just, fuck, I’m not sure this life is what I want forever. I’m starting to give a shit about people.” I scrunch my face. “I have no clue who the hell I am. I’m still me, sure, confident, some say cocky, but… there’s more there. Things I’ve never explored, and can’t while I’m living this life. That was so amply demonstrated by Rose.”“But Lacey’s with your Boss.”

  I snort. “That’s the example you want to pull? That relationship is a goddamn miracle, and Boss did have to sell his soul at one point for that. If Lacey is at all open in therapy, I know you know this.”

  To her credit, she doesn’t show one sign of knowledge. She simply stares at me.

  “What would you be referring to?”

  Okay, she’s good. I know Lacey’s told her. If she hasn’t, she’s totally dicking around in therapy, and I highly doubt that.

  “I’m not getting into it. You know, but I respect that you won’t say so.”

  “So you aren’t happy in this life?”

  “No, I am, I just… I wanted power going in. I think I was so focused on that because I had nothing else. Then Rose fucked everything up. Since then, her life, her death, I haven’t been the same. She made me want real things. Now Lacey’s being all buddy-buddy with me, and fuck her, now she has me protective over her, too.”

  Her face softens in a way that pisses me off. “From what you’ve told me of Rose, she’d be happy to have this influence on you.”

  “Oh, she’d be goddamn thrilled about it. It’d be her legacy.” I feel my shoulders fall. “I miss her,” I say quietly, like it’s wrong that I still do.

  “The heart doesn’t understand timeframe or circumstance, Sven. You loved this girl. A lot, and it sounded like she cared, maybe loved you,too. Have you had that before?”

  My eyes feel tense. “Not really.”

  “Savannah?”

  “Yeah, I guess she’d be the other one. She cared for me in her own way. As much as she could for a boy she didn’t sign up to take care of. In the end, she tried to help me.”

  “You deserve love, Sven. I’m proud of how far you’ve come.” “Yeah, thanks.” “Sven, you’re a confident man. Go with the flow of things, but when the time’s right, fight for your chance to do what’s right for you. If anyone can pull that off in this life, it’s you.”

  She’s risking her neck giving me this advice, and I’m grateful for that.

  “I’ve learned the hard way that Boss is not someone to fuck with. And even if I could pull it off, how will I know when the time’s right?”

  “You will find that maturity does a lot in the way of being able to accomplish your goals. As for timing, you’ll know. Trust me.”

  I take a second to let that soak in. “Thank you for meeting with me on such sudden notice.” “Of course. I figured you must be dying, trying to give me your last wishes or something.”Okay, funny. I smirk at her. “See ya around, doc.”

  I stand and open the door for her. She rolls her eyes.

  “For the last time, Sven. I’m not a doctor.”

  “I get no drugs from you, so I guess I’ll buy it.”She glances over her shoulder and shakes her head.

  “Bye, Sven.”

  Boss

  Honeymoon’s over. Way over. This is one of those times where I really hate what I do. The second I got off the plane, Sven was waiting for me, leaning back against the wall, legs and arms crossed over each other casually.

  It was an illusion. I knew that. The casual stance. That’s just Sven. Anything involving Miguel Castello is not good news. There is no inbetween in this life.

  My feet charge toward Sven, my dress shoes pattering on the asphalt. I stop when I hear a quiet cough behind me. I’m such an ass. I spin around, softening. I walk back and grab both sides of Lacey’s face. She already knows. Her eyes reflect the steel that I love so much. It’s not bitterness or anger aimed at me. It’s a determined look. One that makes me equally fear and respect her. She’s the one person on this earth who I truly believe could take me down.

  She jerks her chin toward Sven.

  “Go.”

  “I’m so sorry, Lacey.”

  Lacey smiles softly. “We had a great week, Ruston. Go be important.”

  Somehow, she always finds a way to make me love her more. I run my hand over her face playfully and run off. The last thing I see before leaving to talk to Sven is her scrunched up face as she wipes the places my hand just was. As I run off, I turn back and wink at her. She sticks her tongue out. The action makes her cheeks burn bright red. She giggles, shoving both hands over her face and running away from me. I shake my head with a fading smile and face Sven. Any trace of humor from a minute ago is gone.

  “Main room, now.”

  He nods and follows behind me. The man who held Lacey as she slept and playfully messed with her face seconds ago is gone.

  When we get to the main room, I round on Sven.

  “I need you to start talking. I don’t like being out of the loop,” I say, vibrating with tension. To Sven’s cred
it, he doesn’t hesitate.

  “I don’t know details yet, but I’m working on it. I got somebody on the inside, but it’s going to cost us a pretty penny.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about money!” I say, slamming my fist against the wall and glaring at him. I’m losing my battle with my temper. The Castellos were supposed to be fucking eliminated. Miguel’s a kid! I won’t have my life uprooted by some teenager!

  “Boss...” Sven winces. “Lacey... this is gonna be bad.”

  “What about Lacey?” I ask, voice like ice. He stiffens when he sees me fiddling with my gun. He’d better tell me now. I’m not feeling generous. I feel like I want to kill somebody. I grab my phone and text Cut to be here. I need to hit. I need not to kill Sven right now.

  “Boss, you’re not gonna be able to hide this from her. You should probably prepare yourself for that.”

  Static fills my ears as violence fills my veins. I slowly look up at Sven.“What the fuck do you mean by that?”

  “He’s recruiting people, Boss. I have a bad feeling. My contact didn’t know much yet. Some, but not enough to really fill you in. He’ll know soon enough. Not only am I paying him, but he owes me.”

  The way Sven says he owes him lets me know it’s personal.

  “I don’t like this. I’m in the dark, Sven. I take issue with that. There’s too much at stake.”

  I run my hand through my hair.

  “I know.”

  The only thing keeping Sven alive right now is the fact that he does seem to know, and he seems just as stressed as I am.

  “Get some men on the shipment, and others on the order. I’m gonna go talk with Lacey,” I mumble.

  “Security?” Sven says a little tentatively.

  “Yes. Until I know what’s going on, and what Miguel’s plan is, I’m not taking risks with her or Rose. I’m not telling her it’s the Castellos yet. I’m leaving that part out for now. Sentencing her to a nervous breakdown is my last resort.”

  I feel like hatred personified right now. There are no words on earth to express the depth of my anger.

  I leave the room before I kill Sven. I rush off to the boxing room where I told Cut to meet me. He doesn’t live far, so I know he’ll be here soon. I don’t care that I’m in a suit. I have to get this anger out before I tell Lacey that I’m upping her security, or she’ll see right through me. She’s too smart for her own good.

  My shirt’s already half-unbuttoned when I throw the doors open. I expect to see Cut, even though I know there’s no way he’s here quite yet. Cut is definitely not who I see. In fact, the girl in front of me is the very person I’m trying to avoid. I’m ready to sneak out before Lacey sees me, but I pause when notice the intensity in her punches. Something’s wrong.Her headphones are in, so she didn’t hear me enter. She’s in her usual sweatshirt and sweatpants. What makes me pause is how she’s hitting the bags. There’s no form to it. They’re wild, angry punches. She knows better. My head tilts to the side. She grunts with each hit as her body tires, but her mind rages on. After a while, I know I have to either leave or announce myself. I should leave, but curiosity has me walking up to her. When her arm rears back, I grab her wrist. I’d tell her that I was here, but she has her headphones on. She wouldn’t hear me anyway.

  “Ahh!”

  Lacey leaps out of her skin the second my fingers curl around her soft skin. Her scream is a sound of pure terror. I quickly reach around and pull her headphones out.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just me. It’s okay.”

  I rub her arm. She’s still shaking. She lets out a heavy breath. “Geez, Adam. You really scared me.”

  She steps away and rubs both sides of her arms like she’s cold. I furrow my eyebrows and step forward to comfort her again, but she steps away. That’s when it hits me. She’s mad at me. She was attacking the bag because she’s mad at me. I should leave. I’m too worked up to start this with her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Lacey…” Her eyes harden. “Where are you with Rose? Does that mean anything to you? Her body is still missing! She still has no justice. You promised. You promised me! Now here we are, married with a child, back from our honeymoon, and still nothing!” Fuck.

  She throws her arms down and crosses them over her chest.

  “You promised, but I forgot my friends don’t mean anything to you. I’m taking this over, because I actually care about her!”I really don’t need this right now. I have been working on it. The thing is, this is so much more complicated than Lacey realizes. There’s a puzzle here and I have a gut feeling about something. I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with anyone until I’m sure, until I have it all sorted. But Lacey won’t believe me and I don’t know how to calm her. I need to buy more time. Lacey looking into this again would only be a waste of her time, and I need her as strong as possible right now. For me. For Rose. For herself, especially.

  “Lacey,” I say, using a tone one may use on a wild animal, “I swear…”“Don’t even. Months, Adam! Be flattered. I know you can do better than this.”

  She doesn’t understand!

  “Lacey…”

  “Months!” She shrieks, losing all control of her temper. Cut walks in right then. He looks between the both of us, and cocks an eyebrow before dropping his bag to the floor.

  “Which one of you am I here for?”

  “Her,” I grumble. She glares at me so furiously, I’m a little shocked, even though I shouldn’t be. She’s always been dynamite when it comes to her friends. Even when I was holding her captive. Ugh, that thought makes me sick now.

  “What are you doing here, Cut?” She snaps at him.

  Both of us spin and look at her with raised eyebrows. She doesn’t even look sorry. Shit, she’s pissed. I really don’t know how much to tell her, and it’s bothering me how many secrets I’m keeping from her right now.

  Cut points a thumb at me. “He texted me to come over.”

  She spins around. “You? What the hell are you mad about?” Realizing her mistake, she takes a deep breath.

  “I’d better go before I say anything else. This is your session, I guess, so go for it.”

  She tries to stroll past me, but I grab her arm. She looks back at me, keeping her face impassive.

  “What.” It’s not even a question. It’s a statement. Leave me alone.

  “Take the session, Lacey.”

  “You obviously need it, since you called him.” “Take it,” I say as softly as I can, given my mood.

  “Fine. Whatever.”

  She looks away. I let her arm go. Before leaving, I walk up behind her, in her space.

  “Lacey, there’re things you don’t understand. I swear, I’m working on it.”

  Without giving her a chance to question me, I walk out. As I pass Cut, he raises an eyebrow and looks at me. I snarl at him. I’m not in the mood for his shit. And I needed that session!

  The next several days are a nightmare, to say the least. Things are tense between Lacey and I, which is just a wonderful thing fresh out of a honeymoon. Sven hasn’t heard back from his contact. It’s too soon, and I’m rapidly losing patience. I’m gonna lose my temper. Losing my temper didn’t bother me too much before, but Lacey would literally take Rose and leave if I hurt, or worse, killed someone she sees every day. I’m gonna blow a gasket.

  I kiss Rose on the head.

  “Daddy’s gotta go.”

  I pass her off to Mirial.

  “Mama… mama….”

  Rose reaches out her hands, opening and closing her little fingers as she reaches desperately for me. Mama is the only word she can say right now. Of course. So I’m Mom. We’re all Mom. Until Lacey enters the room. Then the only mom is her, and Rose talks to no one else. It’s alright. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know Rose loves me, and Lacey sacrificed so much to have her.

  Her little cries break my heart. She has me wrapped around her little finger.

  “Alright, o
ne more minute.”

  I scoop her back up and rock her. The second she’s back in my arms, I hear triumphant, evil little giggles in my ear. She’s got her mom’s laugh and my competitive, winning spirit. Every man in the world is screwed.

  “Sir, that’s terrible. She’ll never learn.” I shrug. Mirial shakes her head but I see her smile.“She’s got you—”

  “Oh, I know,” I say, cutting her off. “I fully admit that I’m incapable of saying no to her.”

  I pass Rose back to Mirial. This time, Rose is quiet. Little brat already got what she wanted. I look at at Mirial and smile coyly.

  “Lacey can fix my damage.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Someone’s gotta be the tough one.” I glance over my shoulder. “It’s Lacey.”

  That breaks her. She laughs. “Go to work. Quit causing trouble, sir.”

  “That is my work,” I mumble on the way out.

  I button my shirt as I walk down the hall. When I exit the house, my driver is waiting for me.

  “I’ll take this one.”

  I’m faintly reminded of a time when Ricardo was my driver. I may have ended him for laying his hands on my wife and threatening my child, but I’m not a complete monster. I sent enough money to his wife to cover their child’s treatment, along with an offer to help out with anything else they need.

  I grab the keys from his outstretched hand and jump in the bulletproof black Porsche. My phone dings as I stick my keys in the ignition.

  Sven: I have the information. My contact came through. It’s not good news, but it gives us a clear direction.

  That’s all I need. A direction. It’s the sitting on my hands that’s killing me. I know how to battle. I don’t text Sven back. When I’m done with this, I’ll talk to him in person. I’m thinking we’ll have a lot to discuss by the time I get back anyway.

  I drive the three hour long trip through farm towns. No radio. I use this time to think things through. I may not know exactly what his contact said, but I know how these things go. It’s rare for me to have time alone to just think. I take full advantage of the opportunity, all the way up until I arrive at a dingy coffee shop in the middle of nowhere. There are no traces of civilization to be had around here.