One Hundred Christmas Proposals

by Holly Martin

  I nodded.

  ‘They were with the wrong people for seven years, and they both knew it. Life is short and filled with missed opportunities – and when life tosses us something wonderful we should grab it and hold onto it with both hands.’

  ‘I know,’ I said, sadly.

  ‘It doesn’t mean that we’ll forget Jack, it doesn’t mean that Jules or Badger will either.’

  I nodded and leaned my forehead against his chest, staring down at his big feet as he kept me grounded. ‘I am happy for them.’ And I was… in a weird way.

  ‘And it’s ok to be sad about it at the same time.’

  I looked up at him. I loved how much he understood me.

  ‘We should help him create a perfect proposal.’

  His face split into a big grin. ‘That would be a fantastic thing to do.’ He pulled me into a big hug, squeezing me tight. ‘I love how selfless you are, and kind and sweet and generous…’

  ‘Ok, ok.’ I pushed him away so I could breathe. ‘Go make your pregnant fiancée breakfast.’

  ‘And what will madam be wanting? Ice cream on cornflakes?’

  ‘Cornflakes will be fine.’ Harry turned away when suddenly another thought struck me. ‘Oh god Harry.’

  He turned back as I took on a pose similar to The Scream by Edvard Munch. ‘What am I going to tell my parents?’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘About Jules and Badger.’

  He cocked his head. ‘They don’t know about them?’

  ‘I haven’t told them and I doubt Jules has, she never got on with my mum. Mum never thought she was good enough for Jack. They had a big row after Jack died about the funeral and what Mum wanted and what Jules wanted. They barely speak now. Mum and Dad send Bella Christmas and birthday presents but that’s about it.’

  ‘Well that’s ok then, they probably won’t even visit Jules whilst they’re here.’

  ‘Are you kidding? Mum will want to see her only grandchild – plus she won’t give up the opportunity to have a dig at the way that Jules is raising Bella. She was full of that when they came over before Jack died – how Jules was holding Bella wrong, putting her down to sleep at the wrong time. Jack was furious.’

  ‘Ok but they’re only here for a few days, they fly out New Year’s Day. I’m sure your mum will probably only pop round once or twice during her stay, we can just keep Badger out of the way during that time.’

  ‘You mean not tell her at all about them?’

  ‘No. I take it the reaction will not be a good one?’

  ‘She will hit the roof.’

  ‘So we don’t tell her, she’ll come and see Bella once or twice, we’ll make sure Badger is out the house and your mum will fly back to New Zealand and be none the wiser.’

  I stared at him. ‘That’s a terrible idea. They’re getting married.’

  ‘Yes, but it’s not like your mum and dad would be invited.’

  ‘Are you suggesting that we never tell them, even when Jules is married and they’re on their honeymoon, when they have another child? We just… don’t tell them?’

  ‘She’ll never find out, so what harm will it do? And when the alternative is world war three, I’m preferring the keep-her-in-the-dark method.’

  I thought about it. ‘Holy shit, you’re sneaky. What time will my parents get here today?’

  ‘Their plane arrives at five, they’re booked into the Hilton.’

  ‘Of course they are. Well Mum will retire to bed for the next day at least after her strenuous journey. So that leaves three days of damage limitation. We can do that.’

  Harry nodded encouragingly.

  ‘We’ll pop round tomorrow and warn Badger to clear out for a few days.’

  ‘And are we going to tell your parents about our new arrival?’ Harry gestured towards my belly.

  ‘Urgh, no I’d rather not. She will have a million things to say on the subject about my choice of job, where we live, good schools, having a baby out of wedlock. I’d rather tell her through email once she’s gone and I won’t actually have to listen to her whine.’

  ‘Ok.’ He rubbed his hand through his hair nervously.

  ‘I blame you entirely for all of this.’

  ‘Yeah I was waiting for that.’

  *

  I stared at the snow falling past the window thick and fast, sort of hoping that the bad weather would mean that my parents’ plane couldn’t land and they’d have to turn around and go back home instead. But I wasn’t that lucky and to prove me right there was a loud knock on the door about seven o’clock that evening. I climbed off Harry’s chest and went to answer it, hoping that it was a Jehovah’s Witness or a man selling Ultra Clean Dusters rather than the inevitable meeting with my parents. But the familiar shadow of my dad filled the other side of the door.

  I opened the door and saw my dad’s big smiling face and a surge of emotion ripped through me as I leapt into his arms.

  ‘Oh god, Dad, I missed you.’

  ‘I missed you too princess.’

  ‘Is Mum with you?’

  ‘Of course not, she’s at the hotel with a wet flannel over her face and apparently the worst migraine she’s ever had.’

  I laughed and hugged him tighter, relieved that I was to be spared the meeting with my mum for another day.

  I pulled my dad in and Harry greeted him with a big hug, clearly also relieved at the absence of my mum.

  My dad pulled me in for another hug and I smiled as his familiar smell washed over me. He stepped away to look at me.

  ‘How are you Suze, you look good. Obviously life with Harry is treating you well.’

  ‘I’ve never been happier,’ I said, linking hands with Harry.

  Dad surveyed me and I wondered if he could tell I was pregnant. Was I fatter, were my boobs bigger, was I glowing? I felt my grin grow at my little secret.

  ‘I’m pregnant,’ I blurted out.

  Harry paled, his eyes bulging. ‘Jeez Suzie.’

  ‘You’re pregnant!’ my dad’s face almost split in half with the enormous smile that suddenly appeared. He grabbed me up into another bear hug. ‘I’m going to be a granddad again.’ He laughed, clearly ecstatic, then he pulled away. ‘You have to have a little boy, I have to pass on my love for Chelsea to someone since I failed miserably with you and Jack.’

  ‘High five George,’ Harry said and Dad slapped his hand. ‘Trust me though, even if it’s a little girl, she’s still going to love Chelsea. I’m buying a Chelsea baby grow and a tiny Chelsea hat. They’ll go to a home game before their first birthday, make sure it’s in their blood.’

  ‘Good lad,’ Dad said, looking at Harry with a newfound respect. He turned back to me. ‘When is it due? Have you been to the doctors? Is everything ok?’

  ‘We only found out Christmas Eve and we’re going on holiday next week so we’ll go to the doctors when we come back, but I presume everything is ok. But Dad, you can’t tell Mum.’

  ‘Oh no, of course not. Not while we’re here, that will be another thing she’ll moan about. When do you plan to announce it?’

  ‘I think once the doctor has confirmed everything is ok, I’ll send her an email or something.’

  ‘Very wise, now do you have a beer for me and a bacon sandwich if you can manage it.’

  Harry walked off to the kitchen.

  ‘And that’ll be our little secret. If your mum asks, I drank water all night and didn’t eat a thing.’

  ‘She got you on one of those diets again?’

  ‘Always.’

  *

  We chatted for hours about our proposal business and our round the world trip. Dad told us all about their cruise round Australia, Hong Kong, Japan and China and how he had created an illegal allotment near his home in New Zealand on a plot of land at the back of the cricket club. He’d been there several months and no one had noticed.

  Harry and Dad were getting increasingly drunk. I’m not sure how he planned to hide that fact from Mum but if she was st
ill in ‘migraine mode’ she probably wouldn’t notice anyway. The discussion turned to baby names and as the alcohol flowed the suggestions started getting more ridiculous. Herbert, Horace, Boris and Doris were some of the suggestions from Dad, while Harry was suggesting names like Phoenix, Star and Tranquillity because he knew it would wind me up. As names like Banana, Cheese and Sausage were being bandied about I fell asleep with my head in Harry’s lap.

  I woke when Harry curled himself around me on the sofa, squashing me into the back of the cushions. The room was in darkness.

  ‘Where’s Dad?’

  ‘I put him in a taxi back to Harrods.’

  I frowned. ‘He’s at the Hilton.’

  Harry giggled. ‘Oh well, I’m sure he’ll find his way back eventually.’

  I stretched sleepily and Harry shifted into the tiny gap I’d left behind, moving me on top of him. ‘Are we going to bed?’

  ‘Let’s stay here.’

  ‘Is that because you can’t manage the stairs?’

  ‘Baby I could barely manage the front door.’ He pulled the blanket off the back of the sofa and wrapped it round us, making sure it was completely covering me.

  ‘You’re a drunken disgrace,’ I muttered, nuzzling into his neck.

  ‘I know, but I promise when the baby comes, I’m going to be teetotal for the rest of my life. I’m not going to be one of those drunk dads.’ He placed his hand over my belly, protectively, as he’d done the last few nights when we’d fallen asleep.

  ‘Hey.’ I pulled his chin down to look at me. ‘You absolutely don’t need to worry about that. So you get drunk occasionally, it’s hardly a habit. When was the last time, four months ago, five? You won’t take after your parents because you already love our little sausage so much. You will be an amazing dad, I promise you that.’

  ‘You have a lot of faith in me baby.’

  ‘You are the most wonderful man I have ever met. I don’t need faith to know what kind of dad you’re going to be.’

  He nodded. ‘I’m not going to let you down.’

  ‘I know you won’t. Now go to sleep my pregnant fiancé and if you’re good I’ll make you a full English tomorrow.’

  He smiled and kissed my nose. Only a few seconds later he was fast asleep. I watched him sleep for a while and smiled, safe in the knowledge that the best dad in the world was lying next to me.

  *

  We knocked on Badger and Jules’s door the next morning, once Harry had got over his hangover with a big breakfast.

  Badger answered and looked scared as soon as he saw me. I stepped forward to hug him. ‘I’m happy for you,’ I whispered, ‘and we’re going to help you create a wonderful proposal.’

  Badger looked so relieved when I pulled away.

  ‘But we wanted to talk to you about something else.’

  ‘Oh that doesn’t sound good. You better come in.’

  We followed him into the kitchen where Jules was trying to feed Bella, she looked up and smiled when she saw me.

  ‘Look who it is, your favourite aunt.’ Jules scooped Bella up from the high chair and passed her to my greedy hands. I peppered her soft head with kisses. ‘I’ve made cake, three cakes in fact.’

  ‘Are you still worried about my Christmas present?

  ‘You know about your present? Oh god I’m so relieved. And you’re ok with it. I mean I think I would kill Badger if…’

  ‘She doesn’t know what the present is,’ Harry interrupted. ‘Just that I’ve been arranging something. She knows that all the secret calls and meetings are to do with the present, but that’s it.’

  ‘Oh.’ Her face fell. ‘So I still have to keep it secret for another few days?’

  ‘I’m afraid so,’ Harry said.

  Jules groaned. ‘Then you all better help me eat the cake. Your parents arriving hasn’t helped. I ate half a chocolate cake yesterday, half!’

  ‘And you still look beautiful, whilst I’ve put on a stone in the last month,’ Badger grumbled.

  I sat down with Bella on my lap. ‘I take it you haven’t told them about Badger.’

  ‘I haven’t spoken to them since the funeral. Well your mum. Your dad rings whenever your mum is out.’

  I smiled with love for my dad. ‘Have you told him?’

  ‘No, I erm didn’t want to upset him.’

  I took her hand and squeezed it.

  ‘My mum isn’t going to take it well.’

  ‘I really don’t care.’ She shovelled a big mouthful of carrot cake into her mouth proving otherwise.

  ‘Me and Harry, we thought maybe we wouldn’t tell her.’

  ‘While she’s here?’

  ‘Ever.’

  Jules stared at me and looked at Badger. ‘I’m not ashamed of him. I love him. If she doesn’t like it she can take a running jump.’

  ‘It’s just easier not to tell her. She’ll be here for a few hours tomorrow, maybe a few hours the next few days, after that she’ll be gone. I can’t see her coming over again for the next five years at least, she hates England.’

  Badger sat down next to Jules, holding her hand. ‘Honey, Suzie’s right. I love you and I want to shout about that love from the rooftops but she is already going to come in here all guns blazing and attack you for every little thing. I’d rather she didn’t shout at you over me as well. We don’t need to give her any more ammunition. I know my aunt and she terrifies me. Sorry Suzie.’

  ‘No need to apologise, she terrifies me too.’

  ‘Well what are we going to do with you when she comes round, hide you in the cupboard?’ Jules said.

  ‘That sounds quite appealing,’ Badger muttered.

  ‘He could just be out,’ Harry said. ‘I’m sure she’ll ring before she comes round, Badger can just come round to ours for a few hours. You guys have a key so he can just let himself in whenever she turns up.’

  ‘That could work.’

  ‘He can’t be here. Your cousin has no real reason to be here.’

  ‘No, it would take some explaining.’

  Just then there was a loud knock at the door. We all stared at each other in shock. Surely not.

  ‘I’ll go,’ Harry said.

  We sat in silence as we heard Harry’s footsteps thud down the hall. We didn’t dare breathe. Even Bella sensed that she had to be quiet. We heard the front door open.

  ‘George, Beryl! How lovely to see you both and what a lovely surprise.’

  Chapter Five

  We stared at each other, Badger and Jules both went pale. What could we do? We couldn’t hide him upstairs as he would have to walk past the front door to get to the stairs.

  We listened to Harry still talking.

  ‘We weren’t expecting you here today at all. We were just on our way out actually, me and Suzie were going to take Jules and Bella out for the day so…’

  ‘Suzie gets to see Bella any time she wants,’ came the waspish tones of my mum. ‘I haven’t seen my granddaughter for eighteen months You two can take Bella out some other time.’

  ‘Well of course we can but Bella was so looking forward to going to the aquarium, she loves the fishes.’

  ‘She’s two Harry, she barely knows her own name let alone has any concept of whether she’s going to the aquarium or not, now are you going to let us in or do we have to stand out here on the doorstep all day.’

  ‘No of course, come in.’

  ‘In the pantry, quick,’ Jules hissed.

  ‘With the spiders? No way.’

  ‘It’s either that or you stand outside in the yard for the next two hours.’

  ‘How was your flight?’ Harry was saying, his voice getting louder as he warned us of their imminent arrival.

  ‘If you go in the yard you could escape out the back gate.’ I whispered.

  ‘There is no back gate. It’s a yard. That’s it.’

  ‘Climb over the fence?’

  ‘Into the neighbours’ yard, that’s not helpful.’

  ‘Badger!’

/>   The kitchen door was slowly pushed open and Badger darted for the tiny pantry just as my dad and my mum’s annoyed face appeared in the doorway.

  ‘Mum, how lovely to see you here,’ I said as I heard the pantry door slam behind me. I turned to see Jules leaning on it casually. I turned back to embrace Mum in a very awkward hug. ‘We were just going to the aquarium actually, did you want to come with us?’

  ‘No thank you, there’s nothing particularly interesting about a bunch of fish swimming around. I can find far better things to waste my money on. Perhaps you should spend your money on a new haircut dear and perhaps some new clothes too.’

  I looked down at my bright blue leggings and silver jumper dress. I was fairly tasteful today. Well the cherry red boots probably clashed a bit with the giant holly leaf on my jumper but still.

  ‘You’ve put on weight since the last time I saw you as well,’ Mum pursed her lips.

  ‘The last time you saw me I was grieving the loss of your son so I wasn’t really in the mood for eating.’ I glanced across at Dad who gave me a sympathetic smile.

  Mum looked at me like I’d slapped her. ‘Do you not think I was grieving too? There is nothing more painful than having to bury your son. No parent should have to go through that. It’s something I shall never get over. I don’t expect you to understand my grief, what I went through.’ Her eyes filled with tears. Of course Mum’s grief was infinitely worse than anyone else’s.

  ‘There’s my beautiful granddaughter,’ Dad said, moving past Mum to scoop Bella off my lap and throw her in the air. Bella giggled and squealed and Mum rubbed her head, obviously offended by the noise. Dad gave me a kiss on the cheek and then returned his attention to Bella. ‘Why don’t we all go in the front room, and Jules you can show us all the photos of Bella you’ve taken in the last eighteen months.’

  Jules paled, obviously knowing that most of the photos of Bella would have Badger in them.

  ‘Well they’re all on the camera. I’m not sure where the camera is.’ Jules looked around for the camera, as if it would suddenly materialise.

  ‘You lent it to me and Harry the other week, I don’t think we brought it back.’