When I got tired of leaving her messages, I finally fell asleep. I expected her to be home when I woke up around seven, but when she wasn’t, I started to panic.
Chapter Eleven
“And you’re sure she didn’t stay at someone’s house last night?” the police officer asked for the third time.
“I don’t know,” I repeated for the third time. “I don’t even know who she went out with last night, or where she went.”
“Does she do this a lot? Stay out all night?”
“No. I mean she has a few times, but not without letting me know.”
“Give me some names and we’ll go from there.”
It was nine in the morning, and after I still couldn’t get a hold of my sister, I had called the police. I felt like something was wrong, but at the same time, I wondered if Rachel was just doing this to spite me. I didn’t think she’d do something like that to Maggie, but I was actually hoping she’d just made some stupid irresponsible mistake instead of there being something seriously wrong. She had the tendency to do stupid things when she was angry.
Zack came over as soon as he knew she still wasn’t home. I’d called all of her friends, her co-workers, and her boss… No one had seen her. I even went through her papers and her calendar to see if I could find a name or a number or just…anything.
As soon as the police arrived Zack took Maggie into the family room to watch a movie, and then when Lexi came over, she sat with Maggie while Zack kept me calm.
My parents were on call for anything new. By noon there was still nothing and they headed to the airport to book the first available flight. I was glad they were coming, but at the same time, I really didn’t want to deal with any of their differences with my sister. Rachel didn’t get along with them, and even though I knew they all loved one another, it was always hard no matter what was going on.
Two detectives had remained at the house, going through it with the hopes of finding something that I couldn’t. Detective Bronson came out of the den as she put her phone away, and by the look on her face, I knew I had lost my sister forever.
“They’ve found Rachel’s body,” is what she said. No pause, no beating around the bush. It was just the plain and simple, upfront and to the point truth.
“Oh my God,” I mumbled, covering my mouth with my hands, and Zack had to hold me up. Maggie came out of the family room at that point and I remember saying, “Get her out of here, get her out of here…”
I barely made it to a seat while he went to Maggie and took her to the other room. I dropped onto the couch and didn’t say anything for a minute, trying to understand how my life could change so fast. And Maggie… What about Maggie?
When I was as ready as I could be to hear more, Detective Bronson sat across from me and said, “I’m sorry.”
“Are you sure it’s her?” I asked, even though I felt there was no longer hope.
“Yes, we’re sure. Her fingerprints are a match. Um, a family member will need to confirm it once, um, it’s a better time…”
“What happened?” I barely whispered. I was imagining a horrible car accident and hoped that Rachel hadn’t been driving upset and reckless.
“It’s unclear at this point, but it appears that she was strangled to death.”
I almost choked, and it was because all of the air had been sucked out of me. Finally I managed to get out, “She was murdered?” just as Zack sat down next to me.
“We believe so.”
“Oh God,” I whispered shakily, not sure if I was even processing anything at all. I laid my head against Zack and let the tears pour out. My sister had been strangled to death? I didn’t even…I couldn’t even…
“What’s going on right now?” Zack asked the detective.
“We’re canvassing the scene—”
“What scene? Where was she at?”
“In the parking lot by Marine Park.”
“At the marina?”
“Yes, but I don’t have any more than that. I’m sorry.”
She offered her condolences once again, promised to keep us posted, and then she left us alone.
The rest of the day was a blur. I only remember two things for sure: breaking the news to Maggie that her mom wasn’t coming back, and my parents’ arrival to hear the news all over again. Maggie cried, even though I didn’t tell her exactly what happened to her mom. I myself couldn’t even believe that it was real and I really didn’t have the answers that I wanted.
My parents reacted much like I did. It didn’t matter that they had a strained relationship with their daughter; it was just as devastating. They spent a lot of time with Maggie that evening—after a trip to the morgue to identify Rachel’s body—and then they stayed the night on the sofa bed.
Zack stayed the night, too. We were alone for some of the time, but Maggie went from grandma and grandpa to us several times, and finally she just fell asleep with us on my bed. I was a ball of emotions. I was angry and sad, but I was also remorseful beyond belief. The last time I saw my sister we’d been arguing… I could never take that back and I didn’t think I would ever get over it.
My thirteen-year-old brother arrived in Everett with my grandparents the next day. Braden was never close to Rachel, but I know he felt the heaviness in the air and he had no choice but to absorb the emotions from the rest of us. It was unfortunate that Zack had to meet my family for the first time under such awful circumstances, but he was an incredible to support to me. I was thankful he knew I needed him.
My Grandpa Jim took care of funeral arrangements. The service was held that Saturday morning, and I have no idea how well I did explaining to a five-year-old why her mom was being buried in the ground. “Sleeping forever in the box” just sounded so… I don’t know.
The investigation was still open, but all that we knew was that a worker at the marina found Rachel the night she didn’t come home. There were no signs of her purse or her car, and it was unclear if she’d actually died at the marina, or somewhere else.
According to the police, she’d been found at midnight that night, about the time a boat was unloading nearby. So far it was suspected that the men’s presence scared off the offender, leaving no chance for the body to be dumped entirely. I knew what that meant. A few minutes could have meant Rachel’s body might have been disposed of, and we’d never know what happened to her. When you think about the tragedy itself, it’s hard to look for any sort of bright side, but I suppose knowing what happened was better than a lifetime of never knowing.
Now what we didn’t know was why it happened.
I was home alone that Saturday afternoon following the funeral. My parents had taken Maggie out for dinner with the rest of the family, but I wasn’t feeling up to it. I sent Zack home to take care of his own affairs, including some work since he’d missed the entire four days to be with me. I was about to lie down for a little bit when my phone rang, and the only reason I answered it was because it was Jared.
He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but I could hear him sigh. Finally he said, “I’m so sorry, Taryn… I didn’t want to impose so… You got the flowers I sent, right?”
“Yes, I did. They were beautiful. Thank you.”
“And I did call… I left a message…”
“I know; I got it. I’m sorry I didn’t call back, I just…”
“Oh, I didn’t expect you to. I just wanted to make sure you knew I called.”
“Thank you for thinking of me.”
He paused and then said, “I’m always thinking of you. I didn’t want to go to Germany without… Well, it was hard being there after the way we parted.”
I considered that to be close to an apology. “I thought your message said you were in London,” I decided to say.
“I was for the second show. I didn’t hear what happened until Friday—that’s when I called you—and I tried to get a flight home as soon as I could. I tried to make the funeral, Taryn. I’m sorry.”
“You left your tour t
o come home?”
“It was a small European tour. Just cut it short two shows.”
“Jared, I wish you hadn’t done that—”
“It’s already been rescheduled. It’s not a big deal.”
I sighed. “Still, enough lives have already been altered this week…”
“How’s Maggie?” he asked.
I paused, trying to figure out an answer to his question myself. “She’s… I don’t know. If there’s a good part to any of this, it’s that she’s young. I think with time she’ll shed the sadness, but there’s still the fact that her mom was… Well, I just hope it isn’t something that haunts her. This hasn’t been resolved; I have no idea where it’s going to lead and…”
I was trying not to cry again but it was hard. I was tired and worn out and emotionally drained. I almost wished that I could go into a deep sleep and forget everything.
“Taryn, I’m not far away… Can I come see you? I don’t want to intrude on your family time, but I really need to see you.”
“I, uh… Yeah, you can come over. My family’s not here right now; everyone’s out for an early dinner, trying to forget the day. I was just a little tired for that.”
“Is there anything you need while I’m out?”
“Um, no I don’t think so. I’m okay.”
“All right, I’ll be there in about five minutes.”
I wasn’t sure if the idea of his presence made me feel better or worse at that moment. I really did want to see him, but I didn’t know for what reason. I was still a little upset with him over the last time I saw him, but what I didn’t want to admit was that his lack of communication with me since then hurt even more. I knew that was silly though, being that it was my own fault for that, so I really didn’t know what I expected.
It was odd seeing him again. His mood was somber, my mood was somber, and the fact that we had a bunch of personal crap going on between us at the same time made it uncomfortable.
As he entered, he glanced around the house at all the flowers and said, “Wow, makes it look different in here.”
I shut the door and replied, “Yeah, I wish it actually had the power to turn the house into something happier.”
He slightly nodded as he looked at me for a few seconds. It was hard to face him so I walked past him and motioned to sit on the couch. He followed my lead and shared the same couch, but a space apart.
“I’m sorry, Taryn. I really am. And I don’t even know what to say, to be honest with you.”
“It’s okay. I don’t know what to say either. And I understand it’s uncomfortable for people to be here.”
“Well…has Zack been, you know, around?”
“Yeah, he has. Unfortunately for him,” I frowned.
“But he’s been there for you, right?”
“Yes, he has. He’s a good guy, Jared.”
“I’m not implying he isn’t. I just want to make sure you’re taken care of.”
I barely nodded, unsure if I should reply or not. I liked that he cared about me, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated.
I wanted to talk about something different so I said, “How’s the song catching on? It popular yet?”
He slowly smiled but took a while to answer. Finally he said, “It’s not a song for the public. I wrote that for you; it’s not meant to be shared.”
I raised my eyebrows with surprise. “Oh yeah? I get threatened with full disclosure for nothing?”
“Was there something in it that offended you?”
I scoffed. “I was born to make you suffer?”
He slowly smiled again.
“Uh, I bury you with my refusals?”
That made him chuckle.
“I stab you with heartache?”
“Is that offensive?”
“Just a poetic statement?”
“It’s the only thing I’m good at.”
“I agree; it was a beautiful song.”
“But you didn’t like it because it made you feel guilty? Like maybe the song was about you?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “So after joking over a potential song you were going to write about me, there was nothing coincidental about handing me one titled ‘Wicked Woman’? ”
He chuckled again but didn’t answer right away. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t think I had the right to feel bothered. Finally he said, “Perhaps it’s been misinterpreted.”
I studied him for a moment, not just because I was trying to understand, but more to enjoy what was in front of me. I either loved or hated the way he looked at me, I wasn’t sure which, but his eyes were beautiful, as were the rest of his features, and I could see why so many women ogled over him. I wasn’t exactly included in that following, but I knew to appreciate beautiful things.
“The wicked woman in the song is not an actual person,” he continued. “Towards the end do you recall it saying: Can’t give in, can’t go on; can’t find a way, can’t push along; can’t survive this mess, this agony…my wicked woman.”
I did know the line he was talking about; I had listened to the song dozens of times. I really did think it was an amazing song, but it had pricked a sore spot with me. I guess maybe I had interpreted it a different way than he intended.
“So agony is your wicked woman?”
With a smile he said, “Yes.” And then he added, “But you’re the reason for it.”
He laughed when I rolled my eyes, but I said, “So the song is about me.”
“Sure, if you want to back track with cause and effect,” he shrugged. “But you’re not a wicked woman.”
“I’m only the creator of the wicked woman, which makes me worse.”
He laughed but seemed to agree. “Yes, and a lot more powerful because you can also create a lot of other emotional heralds. Uh, like ‘happy woman’, or ‘peaceful woman’… Uh, ‘soft-for-Jared woman’…”
I laughed at that, and even though I really didn’t want to get into that particular conversation again, it was much better than worrying about the other demons in my life.
“Yes, I am soft for Jared,” I admitted. “But what if it’s just because I’m soft for your music?”
He chose not to respond to that. Maybe it was a good thing to hear, maybe it wasn’t, but instead he asked, “What about Maggie? Has anything been finalized about her, uh, custody?”
With a sigh I answered, “I’ve got guardianship of her right now. It’s listed as temporary until the courts make it official, but there shouldn’t be any problems. My sister actually had it listed that way in her will.”
I sighed, just because it was still so surreal. I was now a fulltime parent.
“It’s the one thing that will make the difference in her life, Taryn. You. You’ve become a consistent part of her world.”
“I could never replace her mother.”
“You won’t. You’ll give her you. That’s what she needs. You’ve got this. You can do this.”
His encouragement was timed to head off the panic that was about to pour out of me; he could tell it was the heaviest burden that weighed on me. But I could feel the tears come anyways, and as I leaned onto my knees to take a deep breath, he moved next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.
“Taryn, you’ve already got this covered. It’s like you’ve been preparing for it. I don’t mean to sponsor fate if it’s not something you believe in, but I believe there’s a reason for everything. Maggie loves you, and your presence in her life was timed perfectly. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence. You’re going to do a great job. And you don’t have to feel guilty about it,” he seemed to emphasize.
I looked at him with surprise.
“Yeah, you heard me. Don’t feel guilty. This isn’t your doing, Taryn. You can’t change what happened; you can only go forward the best you can.”
“I still just… I can’t believe this happened…”
“I know. It’s a lot to take. And I know it’s hard to see right now, but with time it won’t feel like su
ch a fresh wound.”
Closing my eyes, I sighed and laid my head against the couch. I looked forward to that day, but it was the days in between that scared me. And I hoped that Maggie would always love me for my efforts, but I worried about what could change that. I was her aunt, and she’d accepted me from day one, but I wasn’t naïve. I knew her mother had gone from a sweet child to a teenager that blamed our parents for everything. At some point Rachel started to believe that standard rules took the fun out of life, and that the world was trying to hold her back. She did whatever she could to outsmart the age-old existence of social hierarchy.
In Rachel’s mind, why couldn’t she tell the grownups what to do?
Some time later I woke up to the sounds of my family entering the house; I was curled up on the couch with a blanket, and Jared was gone.
Chapter Twelve
Once my family left the next Monday, it was like I was suddenly hit with reality. I had feared it thus far, but I could literally feel the impact of the altered life around me.
Maggie became quiet. She’d never really been a loud or vocal child, but she became more reserved than she usually was—even with me. Maybe she’d been that way all week and I just hadn’t noticed it with everyone around to coddle her. I tried to keep our days the same as they were before, but it was hard to avoid stuff that had to do with the investigation, or Maggie’s custody, or even some of Rachel’s affairs that I had to attend to because she was deceased. There were a lot of business matters to take care with Rachel’s death, especially because it involved a child.
My parents insisted that I move back to Kensington with them. I agreed that it was probably the best thing for Maggie eventually, but for the time being, I remained in Everett to make sure everything that could be done for the investigation was being done. There were dozens of inquiries that were taken care of over the phone, but occasionally detectives would stop by to discuss something further.
Love Today Page 8
