“You’re leaving us?” I couldn’t help but say. “And really, what changes am I supposed to make, Zack? What changes are you talking about? That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want anything to change. And what about Maggie? Are you just—?”
I couldn’t finish the sentence. I was going to ask if he was just going to forget about being a part of her life. Was that what being a single mom was all about? Fearing that a man could just walk in and out of your child’s life like that? I mean really, Zack had known us for less than three months and I was expecting him to be Maggie’s permanent father figure? I guess I jumped the gun on that one and it made me feel like I’d made a really big mistake.
“Am I just going to what?” he challenged. “Forget about her? Really? You think I could do that?”
“I don’t know! What am I supposed to think?”
“Just don’t over think.”
“Oh, ‘just’ don’t? Like I’m not supposed to be hurt that you’re taking off halfway across the world without a second thought?”
“What do you mean without a second thought? I’ve thought long and hard about this. I put it off because of everything that happened with Rachel, but now seems like the right time. I have to do this, Taryn; it’s just business. But when I get back, we can pick up where we left off. If that’s what you want.”
“And why can’t we just stay together while you’re gone?”
He didn’t answer right away as we looked at one another. Finally he said, “Because I want you to be sure, okay? Go ahead and see other people. I want you to know for sure that you didn’t miss out on anything. We can still talk, and I’ll still call Maggie, but I’ll be gone for a month, so I think that—”
“A month?”
“At the very least.”
“Why so long?”
He looked at the wall for a few seconds before he answered. “Because I’m going International. We’re getting things started across seas. Manufacturing, too.”
I stared at him for several seconds before I finally said, “Wow. Really?”
“Yes, and since I’m going to be pretty busy, and we’ll be in different time zones, I just want less pressure right now.”
Well I couldn’t dispute that. Less pressure is what we both agreed to at the beginning.
“And this is what you want?” I asked. “Time apart so you can focus on your business?”
He paused briefly. “Yes, it’s what I want. Like I said, I put it off because I needed to at the time. And no, I don’t regret that. Not for a second. But now I have another chance to make it happen and…I think I should do it. I care about you, Taryn, I really do, but for now I need to take care of some business decisions before I can manage anything else in my life.”
I barely nodded, trying to keep my emotions to myself. If that’s what it came down to, then how could I object? I felt that I owed him that much since he’d been so gracious to us, and especially with everything going on.
“Okay,” I said, standing up from the couch. I joined him where he was standing near the kitchen and wrapped my arms around him. Laying my head against him I said, “I’m really going to miss you, though.”
“I’ll miss you too,” he said quietly.
I moved so we were facing each other, and I kissed him like I had the power to change his mind from leaving.
Chapter Twenty
It’s strange how information can be so vast. You have one little piece of it, and really, it could lead a million directions.
The police had been trying to track down Spencer. They hadn’t had any luck so far until someone said something to someone, and that person remembered something about someone else…
He was my sister’s boyfriend in high school. Spencer Evans. Now I remembered him, even though I was barely thirteen when I’d first met him. He and Rachel were only together for a couple of months.
The police tracked down Spencer, who now lived in Modesto. He was pretty surprised to see the letters again, even wondering why Rachel still had them. He explained that it was just a stupid argument that they’d had. He dumped Rachel to go out with another girl, and when that didn’t work out and he wanted Rachel back, she wouldn’t have anything to do with him.
The thing she “took away” from him was his football scholarship. Spencer said he was so wrapped up in drama with Rachel that he ended up not performing well for scouts. He told Detective Bronson that he didn’t hold that against her now, but at the time he did. And it all ended up working out okay because he got a baseball scholarship instead.
The “you should have told me” part had to do with Rachel seeing his best friend behind his back. It was just a silly dramatic reaction to him finding out that Rachel and Danny had been seeing each other before she got together with Spencer. He was mad that they’d kept it from him.
He had no idea what the pictures meant. He’d never seen them before. He thought that one of the guys could be someone named Marty, but that turned out to be a no.
The bottom line was that Spencer hadn’t seen Rachel since graduation, and Detective Bronson believed that to be true. She’d spoken to several other high school friends that Rachel had, and nothing about Spencer’s story sounded off, so that lead pretty much fizzled out.
Other than the case pulling me down, I was miserable living alone in Washington. Zack had called a few times in the two weeks he’d been gone, but Maggie missed him, too. She also kept asking when he was coming back, or when we were going to see my family again. I didn’t have any answers for her, and that bothered me.
We had Abigail over several times as a play date. Ashlyn, Zack’s sister, had even been over twice. I also met up with his parents and Ashlyn at Chuck E. Cheese one Saturday.
Maggie and Ashlyn kind of got along okay. They were all right together if there was a grown up monitoring Ashlyn’s bossiness and Maggie’s independence, but they really didn’t enjoy being around each other on their own for very long. Abby was more Maggie’s pace because she was quieter and let Maggie play with whatever she wanted, but Ashlyn was a little more outgoing, had her own ideas, and didn’t understand why Maggie didn’t want to go along with everything she said. There was nothing wrong with either kid; they just didn’t mesh well.
By December I had decided to sell Rachel’s house and move. I couldn’t stand living there anymore; it gave me an eerie feeling. So far I’d kept my sister’s room exactly how she left it, but once a realtor came through it and things were pretty much in motion, I decided to get rid of most of her clothes, and pack up anything that seemed important for Maggie one day. I began loading up the garage with boxes, and once people started coming to see the house, moving felt like a reality.
However, it didn’t make me entirely happy. I missed Zack more than ever, and occasionally I’d even drive by his house just to make myself miserable. I didn’t understand what was missing in our relationship for him to change everything so suddenly. I mean he never even said one peep about his company going international. It was like all of a sudden he decided to create this big excuse as to why he needed to get away.
I realized that he was worried about Jared, but I was pretty peeved that Zack just seemed to pass us along like we didn’t mean much to him. We’d been at a point in our relationship where I was pretty sure he was going to tell me he loved me. I truly felt like he did. We’d established something real between us, and that especially included trust. He was amazing. He was safe and comfortable. I didn’t want to lose him.
And then Switzerland… Jeez, I didn’t even see it coming. I thought I almost had my future secured with him and he tells me to take some time off.
I hated relationships.
Yeah, and speaking of Jared… He’d kind of just disappeared as well. I knew he’d been in Arizona and Las Vegas for shows, so I was aware that he was working. I also knew that his mom lived in Vegas and I was sure he was spending time with her, too. To me it was like my punishment to fit the crime. I had a great relationship with Zack, and J
ared had to mess it all up by being great too. Now I didn’t have either of them, and although I hated to rely on a man to make me happy, I was sad to be without them.
There was one day in December—it was the 9th, a Thursday—that was pretty sunny. It was cold out, but I decided that Maggie and I were going to head down to Seattle to do some fun things and maybe go Christmas shopping. We were eating lunch when my phone rang, and since I was hoping it might be Zack, I was eager to answer it. But it was Jared, and although I was still excited to receive a call from him, I was also cautious.
“Your house is up for sale,” was the first thing he said. “Really? Taryn, where are you moving? You’re not leaving Washington, right? You’re moving in with Zack?”
“Uh, no we’re not moving in with him. I’m selling the house because I don’t like living there and…I plan on going back to California.”
There was a lengthy pause. Finally he said, “Taryn, what’s going on? I’ve only been gone for two weeks. What’s changed?”
“You mean besides my relationship status?”
He was silent again, but I was quick to realize I’d thrown that piece of information out there pretty damn fast.
“Jared, things are just—”
“Jared!” Maggie exclaimed when she realized to whom I was speaking with. “I wanna talk, I wanna talk!”
I could hear Jared chuckle on the other end as I held up a finger to hush Maggie.
“Man, I miss that little voice,” he said. “I came by your house because I have a few things for her. From Vegas. Oh, and from Phoenix, too.”
“Oh. That was nice of you.”
“So where are you at?”
I explained what we were doing for the day and where we were taking a lunch break. I was surprised when he asked if he could join us, but since Maggie was already chanting, “Come shopping with us! Come shopping with us!” I guess our shopping threesome was already formed.
I had never been in public with Jared, so I suppose I was a little naïve as to what our experience would be like. I was afraid of being alone with him, but that worry was kind of pointless because he had two bodyguards with him. They kept their distance when Jared first greeted us at Pike Place Market, and Maggie had no clue they were present when she ran to Jared and gave him a hug.
“What are you lovely ladies up to?” he asked, picking Maggie up.
I’ll admit that it was really good to see him, and because there was something about his voice and his smile that was so comfortable to me, my heart automatically became happy.
“Why are you wearing that?” Maggie giggled, touching the bill of his baseball hat.
“I always wear a hat when I’m outside. Well, except when I’m wearing a tuxedo, escorting a beautiful princess while she goes trick-or-treating.”
Maggie wrinkled her nose. “It’s old,” she observed.
“Kind of. I’ve had it for about eight years or so. It just gets a lot of use.”
It was a faded baseball hat, and when Jared leaned over to whisper, “Guess which game this souvenir came from?” I had to laugh.
“Really? You had to get a memento?”
“Well, I got the hat and then…”
I laughed again. “And then it was the only accessory that remained.”
“Exactly.”
Maggie had Jared’s attention as the three of us walked up Pike Street just past the Showbox. I couldn’t help but glance behind me a couple of times, just to see if the slick duo were still within twenty feet of us.
“Don’t mind them,” Jared said. “They’ll just go with the flow, but at some point they’ll come in handy.”
I looked at him and said, “You’re not going to be mobbed by women ripping your clothes off, are you?”
“Wouldn’t you like to see that,” he smiled. “But no, it’s just different out here in the city. They’ve gotta be closer this time for that reason.”
I gave him a peculiar look. “What do you mean ‘this time’? They’ve been around us before?”
He gave me a funny smile. “Well yeah, they’re with me everywhere I go.”
My mouth stalled in the ‘open’ position. “Everywhere?”
“Well everywhere I’m out in public. At home I try and send them away sometimes—I did when you were over—but other than that…”
“Trick or treating?”
“They were close by,” he smiled.
“What about when you’ve been at my house?”
“They were there. On the same street, at least. I mean sometimes I’m literally babysat by them, driving me around and crap. But I’d rather drive my car when I can.”
I took that in, and for some reason, I felt like a total naïve idiot. I’d thought it was so cool that Jared was this gigantic rock star but could still maintain some sort of privacy. Granted I wasn’t around him a lot, but I’d been surprised so far.
“You look kind of pissed,” he observed. He looked a little worried about that, concerned, and it softened me a little.
“I’m not pissed. Just surprised. I feel kind of dumb, actually. I’ve been thinking how awesome it is that you can be up here in the Northwest and kind of have some normalcy. I mean on TV or online I’ve seen some of the crazy reporter/photographer moments, and fans mobbing you and your band. Are you able to be a little more anonymous up here?”
“Oh no,” he chuckled. “And don’t feel dumb, Taryn. It’s a crazy, sometimes pointless amount of attention with all the media and stuff. I mean I love interactions with fans, but I just feel so overexposed sometimes it seems ridiculous.”
With a smile I said, “Okay Adam.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“Adam Levine,” I clarified. “He said the same thing, hence their album titled ‘Overexposed.’ ”
“Ah yeah,” he nodded. “Brilliant, too. And I can relate.”
Maggie was asking about the Hard Rock Café at that point, and Jared hinted that maybe we could eat dinner there later on. It was fine with me, and I really didn’t have anything specific planned for the day. Maggie and I had been preparing for Christmas, and even though it was kind of sad that we hadn’t done much decorating for the holidays since we’d be going out of town, I did want to have some nice gifts for my family when we arrived on the 23rd.
The day with Jared gave me mixed feelings. We did have fun, and there really were a few interesting “fan moments” that Maggie and I watched with curiosity. After about the fourth or fifth interruption, I saw Jared silently motion “no more” to his bodyguards. A minute later a sedan pulled up and Jared asked Maggie, “Hey, you wanna go to the Space Needle?”
“Nah,” she said. “We did that with Zack.”
“Uh, okay,” he said, glancing around. “Is there something else that you want to do?”
“Maggie, would you like to go get hot chocolate?” I suggested. “My legs are getting tired and I’d like to sit down.”
“Okay!” she agreed.
I barely caught Jared’s silent thank you before the storm of teenagers hit that had been brewing from across the street. He got Maggie and I into the car, but I suppose it was standard for him to appease his fans by allowing pictures and autographs for the next fifteen minutes.
“What is everyone doing?” Maggie finally asked. I thought it was funny that she hadn’t said anything until that point.
“Well, you know how Jared is a musician? He makes music for a lot of people to enjoy, and those are some of his fans. Uh, people that really, really like him. They just like to talk to him and take pictures and have him sign his name on things so they have a memory.”
I think Maggie understood the photo aspect of it—it was kind of an essential part of our lives—but I knew she had no idea what an autograph meant to someone.
Finally Jared seemed to say apologetic words to the crowd—which had tripled in size—and security made it possible for him to slip into the car with us.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I was trying to get out of
there before I had to turn anyone away and it just…”
“I know; you had extra baggage to slow you down,” I joked.
He smiled as the car pulled away from the curb. “No, I’m just not…”
“Used to the extra baggage,” I chuckled. “It’s not a problem; I understand. Hey Maggie, next time Jared says we need to go, we’re going to do it as fast as we can so he doesn’t get attacked by people, okay?”
“Okay,” she shrugged.
“See?” I said to Jared. “You just gotta adjust a little.”
“Well, thanks for understanding. It’s usually not that bad unless the entire band is together. Dang teenaged music lovers,” he murmured playfully. “A bus full of ‘em, too.”
I laughed and said, “Yeah, and those hoards of teens keep you in business.”
“Yes, they do,” he smiled. “And I love my fans.”
We did get hot chocolate after that. We pulled up to a Starbucks and the driver got out to fetch it for us. Our adventure changed a little since we had a driver to haul us anywhere we wanted—which was nice because Maggie decided she was tired of walking. We went to a few more stores, got a few more gifts, and didn’t have to tote them around with us. I felt a little spoiled, but I liked having Jared with us, so it needed to be done that way.
Around five we did eat at the Hard Rock Café, complete with VIP treatment. Jared’s bodyguards joined us—Ben and Curtis—and I was pleasantly surprised that they were not the grave hard asses they appeared to be. I mean they appeared that way, but once they started conversing with us, I could tell that they were a pretty consistent part of Jared’s life. I guess they’d have to be if they took care of Jared’s safety on a regular basis. And they were more like good friends of his when they were in a personal setting.
I thought Jared would spoil Maggie rotten whenever she asked for things, but thankfully I was wrong. He did indulge her on occasion—like the giant sundae we all shared after dinner—but I was so glad to hear things like, “Nah, not this time, sweetie,” or “No, you already have a nice bike like that.” It wasn’t that Maggie was begging him for anything, but once in a while when she did comment in that five-year-old “aw, I want one” kind of voice, Jared was usually the one to tell her that “things” just made life more difficult.
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