Dead Man's Isle (Harlequin Crew #2)

by Caroline Peckham

  My heart beat painfully in my chest and I had the feeling I’d just royally fucked up, but I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I swallowed down the discomfort in me, knowing I just had to concentrate on what I was planning. Rogue was my weakness and if I let myself get lost in her, I wouldn’t finish what I’d started. The Harlequin empire needed to burn, and I had to be ready to strike the match.

  I was pissed. No. In fact pissed didn't cover it. I was fucking fuming and my lady bits were hurting (in all the right ways but that wasn't the point) and now my buzz was waning and I was ready to call the night quits.

  Di had gotten lucky and ditched an hour ago and as I looked across the room, wondering if I should go and try to talk to Rick again, I saw him heading for his special little Damned Men exit. With fucking Mia in tow. Mia the clam vag. Ergh. She looked kinda angry at him, but it was hard to tell from this distance and the way his hand was firmly stamped to her back made me fear they were heading straight off for a make-up fuck.

  I was angry dancing now. There were elbows and fists and maybe I was actually more moshing than dancing and some guy yelled at me because I slammed into him, but I didn't fucking care. I was basically head banging to Acapella by Karmin as it was blasted through the speakers, the band long since retired for the night.

  I pushed my fingers into my hair and closed my eyes and just gave into this anger in me. It wasn't even all for Maverick. It was for so much shit in my life and I kept it locked up tight inside way too often.

  Lyla and Bella told me they had a ride waiting for us at some point, but I insisted they go without me. Because I couldn't head back to my trailer now. It wouldn't be empty. It wouldn't be a sanctuary. No. When I left here, I had to go back to the Harlequins because they wouldn't give me a choice in that anyway.

  I just kept dancing and dancing and telling anyone who got too close to fuck off as I lost my shit and screamed to the ceiling. And when I was finally done and my limbs were shaking with fatigue and even the booze was fading so that the room didn't spin anymore I just stood there and breathed.

  I was finished.

  Fucked up and fucking insane, but that was okay. I'd never really given a shit about that.

  There was a wide space around me on the dance floor and in all honesty that was exactly how I wanted it to be. I always felt like that. Like there was a void of space around me which people either couldn't cross or which they didn't want to.

  I headed into the dwindling crowd, lifted a cell phone from some dude's back pocket and strode towards the exit as I dialled Fox's number. I knew all of their numbers by heart now. One of the many boring as fuck things I’d done during my incarceration at their stupid house.

  I strode up the stairs, ignoring the bouncers as they watched me go. I gave no shits. I was walking straight and my heels still held me even if they hurt like a bitch right about now. I’d stopped bothering with the booze hours ago, so I was only like a quarter past drunk.

  The call only rang once before he answered. "Is it you?"

  "Can you come get me?" I asked, taking a deep breath of cool, night air and looking up at the stars.

  "Always. Where are you?"

  "The Dungeon."

  Silence. Then, "You crossed the fucking Divide? Do you know what could happen if I'm seen driving out there while this war is raging between-"

  "Forget it. I'll make my own way back." I went to cut the call, but he spoke before I could.

  "I'm already in my truck. Look for me. I can't hang around when I get there."

  "Okay."

  "Hummingbird?" his tone softened and I released a breath. "Are you okay?"

  "No," I breathed. "But I haven't been for a long time, Fox."

  I cut the call and started walking down the street in the direction I knew he'd come from.

  Some guys cat called me and I paused, bummed a smoke then told them Fox Harlequin was my boyfriend to scare them off before continuing on my way.

  After a couple of blocks, I stopped to tug my shoes off and toss the half smoked cigarette, my feet burning as I spiralled.

  Headlights lit me up and the familiar rumble of Fox's truck told me it was him before he even pulled up.

  I got in, tossed my shoes in the footwell and stared at my lap as he started driving again right away, checking his mirrors like he expected an attack any second.

  The time on the dash said it was almost five in the morning. Wow, I really had lost my shit in there. I must have been dancing alone for hours.

  "Are you hurt?" he asked. "Did something happen?"

  Like That by Bea Miller came on through the speakers and I sighed as I leaned back in my seat and turned to look at him.

  "I know it's not all on you," I said to him, ignoring his questions and letting the word vomit out. It was long overdue anyway. "I know that I'm...difficult."

  He snorted a humourless laugh. "Understatement."

  I looked out of the windows again as I went on, not wanting to see the look on his face as I gave him this truth.

  "I'm broken, Fox. And I might want to blame that on you and the others for sending me away, but I know that's not the real reason. I was born to walk this path. I had a junkie mom who I can't remember, and I wasn't even cute enough for anyone to wanna adopt me, so I just bounced around in foster homes. I never had anyone apart from the four of you and I never had anything even when I had you. I was just a nothing kid from nowhere with no prospects and even less hope. Fact is, I was always destined to be the way I am. This girl who blows in on the wind and hangs around for a while before I twist away again. No one has ever wanted to keep me long term - not even me."

  "Rogue," he said roughly, but I shook my head, needing to say this, to get it out there and let the universe have it.

  "It's okay. Some people just aren't...enough. And that's me. But I can't just blame everyone else for that. I don't have a lot to give so I don't offer it up. There are walls around my heart which even I don't know how to peek beyond. And I'm holding onto the pain of the past because it's the only thing I've been able to cling to for a seriously long time. It's one of the truest things I own. The way I know I felt about all of you once. The love I took a taste of but didn't understand. You were my boys and I thought I was your girl, but we were really just dumb kids, and I was never your responsibility. So, I'm sorry I'm an asshole all the fucking time. I'm sorry I'm not the girl you wanted when you found me and I'm sorry that I made some shitty life choices which have put you in shitty positions now. But all I can say is that every choice I’ve made in my life has purely been to ensure my own survival. And if I hurt anyone along the way…hurt you along the way, I didn’t mean to."

  "You are the girl I wanted," Fox growled. "You're the girl I want."

  "I'm not," I denied because I knew that was true more deeply than I knew most other things. "There isn't enough of me to be that. I'm empty. I'm not even broken really because there are pieces of me which are just missing entirely. There's no putting them back and I'm not certain they were ever there in the first place."

  Fox undid his seatbelt and I only realised we were parked up in his garage because he leaned over to cup my cheek in his large hand and we didn't veer off of the road.

  "You think if you tell me this or you show me the parts of you which are hurting then somehow that'll change my opinion of you, but it's bullshit. I want the broken pieces just as much as the ones that are whole. And if there's parts missing then I want to help you fill them up again. I want you to smile and mean it. I want you to laugh and feel joy. But most of all, Rogue, I just want you. No matter which version of you I get. Because your heart races for me the way it did when we were kids. That’s why I call you hummingbird, remember? Because your heart feels like the wings of that little creature whenever we’re together. Your pupils dilate and your lips part and I know that I own you already, even if you aren't ready to admit that yet. But I'm not afraid to tell you that you own me. You have from the first moment I laid eyes on you in freaking elementary s
chool. You were just this little thing all lost and unsure and I told the boys right then that you needed us. I saw you and I just fucking knew it."

  I blinked up at him as I remembered that day. I'd been placed in a new foster home and bundled off to a new school so fucking fast that I'd barely had a second to figure out what way was up before I was being dumped in the middle of the school yard.

  I'd been unsure and a little scared and then these four boys were suddenly there, smiling and asking me if I'd like to play ball with them. Fox had offered me a piece of candy and my stomach had rumbled because there hadn't been time for me to eat breakfast in the rush to get there that morning.

  JJ had called me the prettiest girl he'd ever seen to Chase even though I hadn't been meant to hear that and he hadn't stopped calling me pretty girl since that day. Even Rick had smiled, challenging me to wrestle with them and I'd grinned as I promised to grind them into the dirt. And just like that it had been us. Inseparable. Me and my boys. Until it wasn’t anymore.

  I leaned forward and closed the distance between us and Fox stiffened as I took him off guard, my lips meeting his and his grip on me tightening as his fingers slipped into my hair.

  There was so much in that kiss, so much want and need and endless possibilities but there was truth too. Because I wasn't the girl he thought I was and I couldn't give him what he wanted from me. He wanted me to love him and only him but that was impossible. I didn't even think I could love now. But I had once, with all my heart and it had been divided equally between all four of them. In fact, no it hadn’t. There hadn’t been any division. Each of them had owned it entirely and that was just the way it was. All in. All of us.

  I pulled back and he groaned, knowing I was drawing a line again. But with him I had to. With him it was all or nothing and I didn't have an all to offer.

  "Ceasefire?" I breathed, cupping the back of his neck with my hand and keeping him close.

  "Deal," he agreed softly.

  He took my hand and led me out of the truck and I stayed quiet as I let him.

  The house was dark as we made it inside, but Fox told me the others knew I was alright. He’d called them on his way to get me and texted again once I was in the car. I hadn’t noticed that, but I was sure it was true.

  He paused to pour me a large glass of water then led me on through the house and up to his room. I didn't protest as he drew me inside, but my gaze slid across the corridor to JJ's room where I noticed the door crack open.

  Johnny James gave me a small smile which made my heart twist and relief filled his eyes before he closed his door again and I was tugged into Fox's room.

  Fox didn't switch the lights on as we entered and I let him tug my dress off of me before he offered me his shirt which was still warm from him wearing it.

  I pulled it on and he lifted me from my feet, carrying me to his bed and wrapping me in his arms as he buried his face in my hair.

  "You're back where you belong now, hummingbird," he murmured as my eyes drifted closed. "The rest of it is just us figuring out the details."

  ***

  I woke up wrapped in safety with this heavy sense of peace laying over me alongside the body wrapped around mine.

  "You sleep like the fucking dead," Fox murmured, nuzzling his face into my hair and squeezing me as I yawned.

  "And you wake up way too perky," I muttered, scrubbing sleep from my eyes.

  "I could perk you up too if you wanna just give in to us already?"

  "And giving in to 'us' would mean what exactly?" I asked.

  Fox rolled me onto my back and propped himself up on his elbow as he looked down at me. My gaze fell to his bare chest and the Ferris wheel tattoo over his left pec, the whole of Sinners’ playground inked around it in a circle. Then I looked at the Harlequin symbol of a skull wearing a jester’s hat which covered his left bicep and my gut twisted uncomfortably. I hated that fucking thing no matter how unreasonable it might have seemed. But to me, the addition of that tattoo to his flesh - and to JJ and Chase’s too - was a literal representation of the divide between me and them. They were Harlequins and I wasn’t. They were on the in and I was on the out. Story of my life.

  "Well first off it would mean me spending the rest of today, tonight and likely the entire week buried between your thighs."

  "What, no pee breaks?" I teased, even though I could feel the blush rising in my cheeks at his words.

  "Pee breaks would be acceptable as well as snack breaks because you're a fucking heathen when you're hangry," he agreed.

  "So aside from all the fucking, what else would it mean?" I asked, trying to ignore how fucking edible he looked right then, blonde hair tussled from sleep and those inky muscles all poised for action on his huge torso.

  "Well aside from that you'd be mine for real. Which means I'd be keeping you all to myself."

  "So you want me exclusively?" I arched a brow, wondering when he'd gotten so caught on the idea of monogamy. Was it an us thing or his usual go to? Because guys like him were usually pretty hard to tie down, so I was struggling to understand how he could be so certain about someone he only thought he knew through memories.

  "Yes," he demanded, his eyes running over me. "Mine."

  "Well, what if I'm not done with other D? I'm still pretty thirsty you know, and I don't think I'm ready to embark on a cockdown."

  "A what?"

  "A lockdown with one cock, duh."

  Fox rolled his eyes and pushed himself up and out of the bed in a fluid motion. "Well when you are you know where I am. I trust it won't take you too long to realise that that's what you need. We're destined, hummingbird. If I have to wait for you to realise that too then I will. For now."

  “What about after now?” I asked curiously and he looked back over his shoulder at me.

  “Then I’ll have to force your hand.”

  Wow, that sent a shot of own me, Daddy right to my vagina, but I had to slap that bitch down. She couldn’t just go making life choices for me based on an insatiable thirst for bad decisions. This was all gonna hurt bad enough in the end anyway. I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for the idea of a happily ever after for me. That wasn’t how the story of a dead girl would play out.

  I decided not to venture down that minefield and slipped out of his bed before heading down the corridor to my room to grab a shower and get changed.

  I emerged downstairs half an hour later with wet hair, wearing my ‘I hate everyone’ tank and a pair of booty shorts which did not contain my booty at all. But it was hot as fuck and I was good with that.

  I made it downstairs and found a plate of sandwiches waiting for me beneath a post-it with a stick drawing of two people fucking on it and grinned at the little gift from JJ.

  I guessed that meant he wasn't pissed about my sleepover with Fox at least, but I really needed to speak to him properly about this whole hook up thing we had going on because between his cock and Maverick's and Fox's cockdown request, things were getting sticky and I didn't want any kind of awkward shit between us. I liked him. No, fuck that, I needed him and I cared about him way more than I ever wanted to let myself when I came back here. But I was starting to think the Harlequin boys were like dicksand for me and I was only gonna keep sinking deeper inch by delicious inch until I was trapped for good. But that was tomorrow's problem. Right now, I needed to demolish my food.

  "Must you prance about the place half naked all the fucking time?" Chase's voice came from behind me as I leaned over the counter and moaned around a mouthful of sandwich. No doubt he was getting an eyeful of my peachy round ass and he was salty because his had a bullet wound in it now.

  "Can you see a hole anywhere on my body?" I asked him without swallowing. "Or a nipple? Because I fail to see which half of my body is naked if you can't."

  He rolled his eyes and took a step to walk away from me, but I snatched his arm to stop him before he could head out to the pool where I could hear Fox and JJ laughing together.

  "Where are my keys, Ace
?" I asked him, giving him a narrow-eyed look that let him know I was done fucking around.

  "I dunno what you want me to say, ghost," he sniped. "How am I supposed to figure out where they hid them?"

  "Not my problem," I tossed back. "But if you don't hurry up, my lips might get all loose in my boredom."

  He jerked a nod in understanding then snatched his own lunch and strode away while muttering insults at me beneath his breath.

  I stayed where I was to eat my food, too hungry to want to waste the time it would take walking outside before filling my face.

  I decided my sandwich needed chips to go with it and started on a hunt, finding some OJ in the fridge too and pouring a tall glass to help with my hangover.

  “We have to go out, pretty girl,” JJ said behind me and I turned to find all three of them there, watching me shake my ass as I rummaged in the fridge to add to my feast.

  “Where are we going?” I perked up even though I already knew by the set of Badger’s jaw that I was taking a trip to nowheresville.

  “Some of my guys will be protecting you all day, but you have to stay-”

  “Got it,” I cut him off. “Same shit, different day, right?” I turned my back on them and went back to my food hunt. I couldn’t even be bothered to be any snarkier than that. I just wanted all the food then I’d probably crash in front of the tv until they came back.

  Fox knocked his knuckles against the worktop in some kind of awkward goodbye which I guessed acknowledged both that I was pissed and that he wasn’t gonna change his mind and Chase strode out beside him without a word.

  JJ lingered and I turned to him as he moved up close to me.

  I glanced towards the garage door, making sure the others were gone before whispering to him.

  “JJ, about me and Fox last night-”

  “We don’t have time for all that now, pretty girl,” he said, brushing his knuckles across my cheek. “Just tell me one thing. Are you sure nothing with him or…any of them change stuff between you and me? Are you sure you’re not gearing up to choose one of us?”