What’s seven feet tall, green, and sits in the corner?
The Incredible Sulk.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
Only an ugly, smelly toad would find that funny.
What does the Spanish farmer say to his chickens?
“Oh lay!”
What did the martian say to the gas pump?
Take your finger out of your ear when I’m talking to you.
When is a tractor not a tractor?
When it turns into a field.
When I’m king, anyone who tells any of Peter’s stupid jokes will get trampled on by elephants. I mean it!
How do you know flowers are lazy?
You always find them in beds.
What happens when you drop a green rock in the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
Aaarrrgghhh.
Which pet makes the most noise?
A trum-pet.
They’re finished. Phew. That was horrible. I’m going to glue those pages together so no one will ever have to suffer again.
Yes! Now some real jokes.
What did the constipated mathematician do?
He got a pencil and worked it out.
What jumps out from behind a snowdrift and shows you his bottom?
The A-bum-inable snowman.
A little girl wet herself in class and the teacher asked her why she didn’t put up her hand.
“I did, Miss, but it ran through my fingers.”
If you’re American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re in the toilet?
European.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Done up.
Done up who?
You did a poo?!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his cousin in the woods?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“You can’t pick up—”
“Henry! That’s enough! Go to your room!”
About the Author
Francesca Simon spent her childhood on the beach in California and then went to Yale and Oxford Universities to study medieval history and literature. She now lives in London with her family. She has written over forty-five books and won the Children’s Book of the Year in 2008 at the Galaxy British Book Awards for Horrid Henry and the Abominable Snowman.
About the Illustrator
Tony Ross is one of Britain’s best known illustrators, with many picture books to his name as well as line drawings for many fiction titles. He lives in Cheshire.
Horrid Henry's Joke Book Page 3
