Desired Affliction

by C. A. Harms

“You want me to bite that lip for you sugar?” I hadn’t realized I was biting my lower lip. My attention had wondered off thinking about Kole and when the man next to me spoke it gave me chills. I wrinkled up my nose at him, “Actually I’m sorry I have a boyfriend…I’m not interested and I can buy my own drinks.” I turned back to the guy behind the bar and gave him the twenty.

  I was hoping that this guy would get the hint and leave but he just sat there looking at me with a grin on his face. I could feel his eyes on me, “Well a sexy girl like you shouldn’t be alone in a bar. Your boyfriend should be here with you. What kind a man lets a pretty thing like you walked around alone at night?” This idea was such a big mistake. I was getting nervous and I couldn’t even bring myself to drink what I had the in front of me. I could feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

  I got up quickly from the bar and walked to the door holding my keys tightly in my hand. I basically ran to my car. Once I was safely inside with the doors locked I answered on the last ring.

  ‘Hello’ I tried to appear calm. I had a feeling I was failing miserably.

  ‘Lex are you okay you sound out of breath?’ I had rushed out of the bar so quickly I hadn’t even looked at my phone to see who was calling. Megan’s voice was a welcomed sound. I couldn’t hold back the sobs. I knew Megan would allow me to let it all out and I did.

  I told her about the texts from Matt and how it made me feel. I told her about the bar and the creepy guy. After I was able to stop crying she told me how stupid that was and yeah I had to agree. I knew I would have tell Kole and I was pretty sure he would be pissed but I didn’t want to hide it and then him find out from someone else. I felt like such an idiot. I never cared before but now…it just felt wrong to be in that bar around that guy.

  Who was I kidding I was nasty.

  I needed a shower and I just needed to crawl into bed and forced myself to sleep.

  Twenty Six

  (Kole)

  It had been a long day and I was so ready to call Lexi. I just wanted to hear her voice and make sure she was okay before I fell asleep. Something was off earlier and I hated not knowing. Maybe hanging out all day with Megan helped her mood. After I took a quick shower I crawled into bed and dialed her number…

  ‘Hi’

  Either I woke her up or she was crying.

  ‘Hey baby what’s wrong? Your moods been off today…your starting to freak me out?’ I heard her take in a deep breath.

  ‘I just had a bad day…I’m fine Kole. Don’t worry…please.’ A bad day? She wasn’t telling me everything. I hated when she closed herself off. I was slowly learning her and what made up her moods.

  ‘Lexi it’s kind of impossible for me not to worry about you. I am over four hours away and I know something is bothering you. What did you and Megan do today?’ The long pause before she answered had my mind racing.

  ‘Um…Megan’s not here…she went home with Radley.’

  What the fuck…she left Lexi by herself on Thanksgiving. If I knew Megan wasn’t going to be with her than I would have forced her to come with me.

  ‘I thought she was staying home with you’ I was trying to hold in the fact that I was pissed and frustrated. I just wanted to get into my car and drive back to school to drag her home with me…kicking and screaming I didn’t give a shit. I felt like a total dick that my girlfriend was stuck in a dorm by herself all weekend. ‘No wonder you had a bad day baby. I hate that you are there by yourself. I should just come home.’

  ‘No…don’t. I am fine I promise. Kole your mother was looking forward to spending time with you. Don’t ruin that for her because of me. I’m okay I am just going to hide out in my pajama’s for the next three days and eat junk food and watch movies.’

  Nothing that she just said made me feel any better about her being there and me being here.

  ‘So what did you do today since you were all alone? You just sound so depressed Lex…I fucking hate it.’ I imagined her in her sweats bundled up in her blankets watching some romantic comedy.

  ‘Nothing really’ Well I expected more of a conversation from that but…nothing.

  Lexi and I spent the next hour talking I nearly had to force her to say more than one word answers. I knew she was holding back because she sounded so distant and quiet.

  I made it a point to call her every morning and night for the next three days and it appeared she was beginning to sound a little less depressed. Sunday morning came and I was so ready to see her. After I said goodbye to my parents and made a quick stop at that gas station and started my trip back to my girl.

  Pulling into town I went straight for the dorm. I wanted to see her so badly. I knocked lightly and I could hear her moving around in the room. I knew she was looking out the peep hole. The second the door came open I rushed for her. I placed my hands on either side of her face and pulled her lips to mine. The feeling of her pressed tightly against me and our lips moving together just confirmed what I had already figured out…Lexi had all of me completely and she didn’t even know it. I felt her run her tongue along mine and my pants grew tighter. I wanted her so badly…I had missed the feel of her and I just needed this closeness. “Baby I missed you so much…I need you, god I want you Lexi,” she whimpered against my lips as I flipped my tongue against hers.

  She had told me once before that she loved the feel of my tongue on her. Damn when she told me that…it was so fucking sexy. I loved when she told me what she wanted. “Do you want me Lex?” I could tell she did I just want to hear her say it. I slowly ran my tongue down her neck and kissed along her shoulder. “Yes I want you…I want you Kole,” that was all I needed. Our clothes began to hit the floor while we stumbled around feeling each other like it was the first time. It had only been four days since we had sex but it felt like a lifetime. Her body was so amazing and she fit within my hands perfectly…like she may just for me. I knew her weak spots the ones that drove her wild. I knew what she liked and what she loved…I wanted to taste her and feel her. Every inch of her body was soft and sweet.

  Hearing my name come from her sweet lips right before she came had to be the hottest thing ever and almost finished me off every time. I had to fight it to make it last. The minute I slid into her she moaned out in pleasure. Damn my girl was fucking sexy. I loved the feel of her and the way I felt with her. I wanted to make this last but I knew that I couldn’t hold out long. She felt too damn good wrapped around me to hold back much longer. Her tongue danced with mine and when she sucked lightly on my lower lip I thought I was going lose it right then, “Fuck baby…you feel so good Lex.”

  I knew she was close because I could feel her legs shake. I couldn’t hold back when I felt her come…she was milking me and I had no control left. I exploded deep inside of her. It took a few deep breaths to slow my heart down. I let my body rest onto hers and brushed her hair from her face. I watched her eyes flutter and I felt her hand slowly trailing across my shoulder. Looking at her I knew at that moment that I was falling for her. I wanted to tell her how I felt but I held back as I watched her. She still seemed distant and I hated the unsure feeling it was causing within me.

  Twenty Seven

  (Lexi)

  I was fighting the tears. I was afraid to look into Kole’s eyes because I knew they would fall. I felt horrible about going to that bar and I knew I needed to tell him but I was scared of his reaction. I missed him so much. I always told myself that I would never allow myself to rely on a man or to trust one after Matt but I had caved…Kole was amazing and I knew that what I felt for him was real. I was so scared to tell him I was weak while he was gone no I didn’t cheat but I put myself in that situation and I felt sick just thinking about it.

  Lying here with him as he held me made me feel even worse. I knew if he had been here I would never had gone to the bar. It wasn’t his fault I shouldn’t need a babysitter, “Lexi I can hear you thinking…what’s going on. Did I do something wrong?” When I looked at him with surprise the tears fell. How could he f
eel like he did anything wrong he has been more than perfect. He traced away a fallen tear from my cheek and continued to watch me with concern etched on his face. God he was beautiful…such a bad boy on the outside but sweet beyond belief on the inside.

  Here it goes because he deserves to know from me and no one else. “Kole I need to talk to you,” His face fell slightly and I wanted to kiss him and tell him I loved him right then. I was so scared I was about to push him away. “Why do I get this feeling that I am not going to like what you need to tell me?” He sat up and started pulling on his clothes and I felt my chest tighten. NO! I wanted to grab his clothes and hide them so he couldn’t leave…I wanted him to be forced to listen.

  “I never said you had to get dressed Kole,” he pulled his shirt over his head and looked at me. “I can already tell that I’m not going to like what you have to say so I just thought I better be prepared.” He was acting so closed off. The cocky arrogant side of Kole was back. My stomach was in knots and I felt sick. I reached over and grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt from the chair next to the bed. He watched as I got dressed. Once I was done I wasn’t sure how to start. “So let’s have…what’s going on?” I turned to look at him and he seemed so cold standing with his arms crossed and his leg bouncing.

  “Will you listen before you freak out…let me explain,” He never spoke he just nodded his head in response. I looked down at my hands in my lap as I nervously began pulling on a loose string. “When you left Wednesday I started feeling depressed and lonely. I came back to my room and tried everything I could think of to stop my mind from running like crazy. Matt text me again,” I stole a quick glance at him and he was tensed and his jaw was twitching at the mention of Matt. “He said a lot of cruel things that I basically already feel about me and I let it get to me. I just wanted to numb it and make it stop so…I got dressed and I went to a bar.” I nervously bit at my lip, “I bought some shots and a beer…this guy sat down next to me and started flirting. I started,” Kole didn’t let me finish he got so angry. I jumped at the sound of his voice, “You fucking cheated on me didn’t you. You fucked some guy you met in a bar and then you let me show up here tonight and we had sex after you fucking spread your legs for some stranger. WHAT THE FUCK LEXI! Do you fucking realize how fuck up this is?”

  He reached for his keys and I knew I needed to say something. I needed to tell him I didn’t cheat that I ran out of the bar without even drinking. I was in shock by the way he was yelling at me and what he saying. My lip trembled as he reached for the door handle, “Kole it’s not what you think let me explain.” He turned glaring at me, “Fuck you Lexi…there is nothing to explain because this right here you and me…it’s done. It’s fucking over now you can go back to being a fucking slut.” He slammed the door behind him and the picture on the wall next to it vibrated and then fell to the floor.

  He just walked out. Kole called me a slut and broke up with me. I just wanted to be honest with him…I wanted him to know that I never wanted to go back to a bar again. This last time terrified me and I knew I wouldn’t go there again. Kole didn’t even let me explain…he assumed the worst and now I know what he really thinks of me. I felt like my heart shattered…I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  Twenty Eight

  (Kole)

  I couldn’t see straight I was so fucking pissed. I wanted to fucking punch something or someone. Lexi broke my heart how the hell could she just go to a bar and get drunk then let some strange man put his hands all over her. I thought we had more than that. I couldn’t look at her…right now if I did I wasn’t sure what would fly out of my mouth. I felt bad that I flipped out on her she looked scared and that alone was hard to swallow. I hated that I scared her it was taking everything I had not to turn around and go back to her. To hold her and tell her I was so sorry for scaring her. How could I do that though after what she did to us?

  I kept playing it all back in my head, everything she said. This was exactly why I didn’t do the girlfriend thing. Not commitments…no worries. Why the fuck did I think Lexi would be worth it…she’s damaged. Well she succeeded in fucking me over and I knew damn well that sure as hell would not happen again. Fuck her…

  I hit the bottles hard once I got home. I lined up the shots until I was seeing double. The guys were having a little after holiday get together and I had every intention of getting fucking lit and getting laid…

  The front door came open and when I saw Hope I knew it was a done deal, “Hope get your fucking hot ass over here and sit down.” Her face lit up when I patted my hands on my lap indicating that I wanted her to sit there. I had to force myself to push Lexi’s face out of my mind. She fucked someone else I had to remember that. I ran my hand up Hopes thigh and gripped her hip. I looked up at her and she seemed a little surprised. “Where’s your girlfriend Kole?” I ran my hand up into her hair and pulled her face closer to mine, “I don’t have a fucking girlfriend Hope but if you want me too…I can call you my girlfriend while I’m fucking you,” I didn’t wait for her to answer I pulled her mouth to mine.

  Twenty Nine

  (Lexi)

  “Oh my god Lexi…what happened? What’s wrong,” Megan rushed to me when she got home. Radley was right behind her. I had been crying for over two hours and I even tried to call Kole four times but he wouldn’t answer. I turned my head to the side so I would not be muffled by my pillow. “Kole broke up with me,” Saying it out loud made it so much more real and the tears fell once again.

  Megan turned to look at Radley and then back to me, “Did he say why?” She brushed my hair away from my face, “Yeah he thinks that night that I went to the bar…the one I told you about.” She nodded in response, “He thinks I went home with some guy…I tried telling him how I freaked and ran out but he automatically assumed that I had sex with someone. He called me a slut and screamed at me cussing and then left. He won’t answer my calls and I don’t know what to do. I tried telling him but he wouldn’t listen…he wouldn’t listen.”

  Radley whispered something to Megan then he left. I turned back to face her, “Where did he go?” Megan sat next to me on my bed as she continued to brush my hair out of my face. “He’s going to talk to Kole…right now he is hurting. I know he didn’t mean the things he said Lex. Kole cares about you a lot. Just give him some time to calm down.”

  I sat next to Megan as I remembered everything Kole said to me. I can still feel my body flinching each time he raised his voice and my heart shattering into a million pieces when he called me a slut. The disgust on his face was unforgettable. I felt so broken and I never even cheated. I told the creep at the bar that I had a boyfriend. I never even took a drink…why didn’t he just let me finish.

  I knew what I needed to do, “Meg…can you come with me? I have to go talk to him. Even if we are over I still want him to know that I never cheated on him. He won’t answer my calls and I can’t just sit here…please come with me.” Megan smiled at me the best she could, “Okay let’s go…I’ll drive.”

  Thirty

  (Kole)

  It was forced but I continued to kiss Hope. I didn’t kiss her with any feeling it was mechanical. I kept envisioning Lexi smiling at me. It was a complete cock block. I was so pissed at her and at this moment all I wanted was to show her that two can play at this game. I planned on fucking Hope and any other girl that wanted it. I planned on partying and getting laid by a different girl every night. I would have to drown out the image of Lexi from my mind. I had to move on because I refused to forgive her for cheating on me. That chapter was now closed…lessoned learned. Don’t trust relationships.

  I stood up and pulled Hope along with me toward my room. I pinned her against the wall just outside my room and pushed tightly against her. I let her reached into the front of my pants and she fisted my hardness. “I have missed sex with you Kole,” I wanted to tell her to shut up because the sound of her voice was killing the mood fast. I fumbled for the door handle and pushed it opened as I walked her into the
room backwards. “What the fuck Kole!” I turned to find Radley standing in my doorway, “We need to talk now.” I laughed as I lightly pushed Hope back onto the bed and crawled over the top of her, “Hey Rad you better shut the door unless you want to watch me fuck her.”

  “She didn’t cheat on you asshole…your about to fuck up everything with Lexi over nothing,” I tried to block him out. He slammed the door shut. I grabbed Hope’s shirt and yanked it over her head followed by mine. I quickly worked her skirt down her legs and threw it to the floor. I kissed her hard just to attempt to keep her quiet. I reached into her panties and found her ready and wet as I slid my finger into her. It felt wrong this whole thing did but I forced myself to continue.

  Hope reached for my dick which I was fighting to keep hard. She started stroking me. I kept myself suspended above her and watched her stroke me trying so hard to concentrate. I hated to see her long ass red nails curled around me…I tried to imagine Lexi’s tiny little fingers and I felt myself getting hard, “Oh yes here he comes.” Hope whispered in response to my growing erection. I heard someone talking outside my door. It sounded like ‘don’t go in there’ but before I could figure out what was happening my door flew open and Hope covered herself with her hands.

  My heart sank and my chest tightened. Lexi stood in the doorway staring at me as I still held myself over Hope who was only wearing panties. It was like time froze for an instant. I could swear that I heard Lexi swallow hard. She stared into my eyes with such pain and I slowly adjusted myself back into my pants. Hope scrambled for a blanket and covered herself. Over Lexi’s shoulder I could see Megan with her hand held tightly over her mouth and next to her a very pissed off Radley.

  I brought my attention back to Lexi who was still staring at me with glossy eyes. She blinked and the tears ran down her cheeks, “You sure didn’t wait long did you?” I watched her closely, “At least I waited until after we broke up.” She walked over to my dresser where I had a framed picture of her and me from the night we went out with Megan and Radley. She was snuggled closely in front of me and I had my nose buried into her hair with my eyes closed. She was giggling…I loved that picture. It was the first night she never flinched when I touched her. Lexi picked it up and looked at it before turning back to face me.