The Prince of Neither Here Nor There

by Sean Cullen

Brendan flushed angrily. “Shouldn’t I be? You’ve said yourself that people want to kill me or capture me. Why, I have no idea! And now we’re going to blunder around in the dark? That’s your plan?”

  Their argument was interrupted by a bloodcurdling, shrieking howl. The cry echoed through the stone and into Brendan’s head like the scratch of fingernails on a chalkboard. His skin crawled as the wailing howl sounded again, closer this time. He felt panic climbing up his throat.

  “Kobolds!”63 Kim’s head whipped around and her pale skin became paler still. “They’ve got the scent,” she cried. “They’re coming fast. We have to go.”

  “They whon’t dare come through here,” Borje growled. “They can’t break my Whards.”

  “Given time, Orcadia could do anything,” Kim said. She turned and glared at Brendan. “She’ll risk anything to get hold of Brendan. We have to go now.”

  Brendan decided he’d rather brave the tunnels than face whatever was making that howling. He looked up into Borje’s yellow eyes and tried to smile. The Troll smiled back, a slightly terrifying proposition, considering the state of his teeth. Brendan reached up and grasped one giant finger and shook it. “Thanks, Borje. I don’t really understand everything yet, but I think you’re a friend.”

  “That’s enough for me,” Borje rumbled. “It’s a pleasure and an honour to have helped, Your Highness.” The Troll dipped his head in an awkward bow.

  Kim glared at Borje, who snapped his mouth shut.

  “Highness? You called me prince back at the school. What is that all about?” Brendan demanded. A gut-wrenching howl cut off any reply. Kim grabbed Brendan by the arm and hauled him down the steps.

  “Go, Leafs, go!” Borje cried as they plunged into darkness, and with that incongruous exhortation ringing in his ears, Brendan entered Toronto’s Undertown.

  62 In the Faerie culture, one’s secret name is very important. Those who know it have power over an individual.

  63 Kobolds are another magical race of Germanic origin. They are shape-shifters and expert trackers. Kobolds are akin to Dwarfs but smaller in stature, preferring dark subterranean tunnels to the open air. They are incredibly mischievous and devious, with a loathing for most Humans.

  THE TUNNELS

  The steps were uneven. More than once Brendan had to thrust out a hand to brace himself against the stone wall. His hands were soon frigid and slimy with whatever microbes clustered in such miserable underground places.

  Brendan had lost count after sixty-seven steps. He was becoming disoriented as he stumbled after taking another step downward where there was no step to be had. He almost turned his ankle when his questing foot encountered the floor.

  “Which way?” Kim said in the darkness. Her voice was surprisingly loud, echoing off the stone walls.

  “I have no idea,” Brendan said. “I can’t see a thing.”

  “It’s funny,” Kim said, her voice now closer. “You are able to do some things naturally but others, like your Faerie Sight, they haven’t kicked in yet.”

  “Faerie Sight?” Brendan asked.

  “It’s impossible to describe. Let’s just say, to keep it simple, Faeries can see really well in the dark. Obviously, you haven’t got the knack yet, so …”

  A soft yellow glow flared to life in the darkness. Kim held her field hockey stick aloft. The curved head of the stick was wreathed in a golden nimbus of flame. When his eyes finished smarting at the sudden glare, Brendan marvelled to see that the wood of the stick was not burning. “How are you doing that?”

  Kim snorted with laughter. “You’re so new, it’s hilarious.” Looking at Brendan’s face, she sensed he didn’t see the humour. “Seriously, you’ve got a lot to learn. But we’ve got to get moving. We’ll talk as we go. First, we have to decide which way.”

  She raised the club and their surroundings came into focus.

  Brendan saw they were in a rough-hewn, circular chamber where three passages joined. Scrawled on the walls was the ubiquitous graffiti. “Dwarfs!” Kim shook her head in disgust. “There are three possible routes and they aren’t marked in any way. Ridiculous Troll! I’ll have to go back up and ask him.” Kim started back toward the stairs.

  A howl from above and an angry Troll shout dissuaded her against that course of action. “They’ve arrived at Borje’s. We’ll just have to pick one and go.”

  At the sound of the piercing howling, Brendan’s heart raced anew. He looked around at their options. Three darker patches of blackness stood in front of them, three different possible directions.

  “Go left,” Brendan said.

  “Why?”

  “In a labyrinth, always choose the left passage and you’ll come out eventually.”

  “Did you read that in a kid’s book?” Kim snorted. “This ain’t no labyrinth. I’ve been in the real deal. Kitsune Kai in Kyoto tried to trap me in one a while back.64 That was a labyrinth. This is just a few tunnels.” She thought for a moment and shrugged. “But I suppose left is as good as any other choice. They all smell rank. Mould and Dwarf farts, a pungent combo. All right. Let’s go.”

  She started forward with Brendan close on her heels. He didn’t want to lose her down here.

  At first, their choice seemed a good one. The passage headed straight on with a gentle downward tendency. Brendan could actually see quite far ahead down the tunnel. On the walls, here and there, were spray-painted inscriptions in angular letters in a language he couldn’t read.

  “What do they say?” he asked Kim.

  “You don’t want to know,” Kim said, shaking her head. “Dwarfs love graffiti. And they love swearing. They’re not so keen on spelling.”

  As they made progress, Brendan started to relax a bit. They were moving at a steady clip, and he had to concentrate on breathing regularly to keep up the pace. Kim didn’t seem to tire at all.

  The terrifying cries of their pursuers became less frequent and more distant. Brendan began to feel that the danger was less immediate. Kim slowed their pace slightly, allowing Brendan to better study the tunnels.

  He could see details in the rock walls, striations, and cut marks. Borje had employed the tools only when necessary to widen the path or connect existing caverns and natural tunnels. Brendan had never even imagined that such places existed. The oppressive weight of the city poised above him made him feel as though he was going to suffocate. To take his mind off his fear, he decided to talk.

  “This is amazing,” Brendan marvelled. “How could this exist below the city without anyone knowing?”

  “Humans see what they want to see. They don’t venture down here much,” Kim said. “They don’t need to. We’re way farther down than the deepest subway tunnel or basement. But this is nothing compared to, say, New York, Tokyo, Cairo, or London. They are so honeycombed with catacombs it’s ridiculous. Toronto is a young city. Give it a few hundred years and it will be Swiss cheese down here.”

  “There are people … Faeries like you in other cities?” Brendan asked, incredulous.

  “Like you, too,” Kim said pointedly. “Oh, yeah. Everywhere in the world. We live right under the noses of the People of Metal, in their cities, sometimes right in the open and the Humans don’t even know it.”

  “People of Metal?”

  “That’s what we call the Humans.”

  Brendan tripped over a pile of plastic objects and almost fell. Looking down, he saw a litter of empty cans, discarded CD cases, and refuse.

  “Dwarfs again,” Kim explained. “They steal anything shiny and toss what they don’t like. The original litterbugs.”

  Brendan caught up to Kim and asked, “How is it that nobody finds out?”

  “About the Dwarfs?”

  “About them and you and all of this!”

  “We’re experts at deception. We disguise ourselves with charms and glamours. We keep out of sight and don’t draw attention to ourselves. Many Faeries live right alongside Humans, work in their businesses and live in their neighbourhoods but we
keep it quiet. Otherwise, Humans would totally freak out. Ever heard of the witch hunts? In the Middle Ages?”

  Brendan seemed to recall something about people being condemned as witches and burned at the stake in olden times. “They were Faeries?”

  “Yeah. Faeries who weren’t careful enough to keep themselves secret,” Kim said. Her expression darkened. “Or assumed wrongly that they could use their gifts to help their neighbours and not pay the price. The only protection is in secrecy for us. And there’s the Sacred Truce.”

  “The Truce?”

  “That’s it,” Kim said curtly. “That’s all I’m going to say.”

  Brendan was frustrated. “I need to know more. You expect me to follow you and not ask questions?”

  “That would be ideal, yes.”

  “Well, tough beans! Why do you call Humans People of Metal?”

  “It’s like this. Our people, your people, Fair Folk, we like to go with the flow. We bend nature rather than break it. We manipulate the natural forces that exist within the Earth. Does that make sense?”

  Brendan thought about it. “I think so.”

  “Humans, the People of Metal, they break things. They force things. They cut things up to make them fit their plan.”

  “You make the Humans sound … I don’t know … cruel.”

  “It’s their nature. They can’t change it. It’s programmed into them,” Kim said.

  “Still, why ‘People of Metal’?”

  “Ah, okay! The thing is, things went along just fine for thousands and thousands of years,” Kim explained as they hiked along. “Humans and Fair Folk co-existed. They had respect for our ways and we could stay out of theirs. It was a big world. Sadly, things changed when the Humans found a way of taking the bones of the Earth and turning them to their will. They learned to dig the metal from the Earth. They made more and more effective tools to carve her flesh and each other’s. Their mastery of metal made them masters of the Earth, and they drove us into hiding. Iron and steel are hurtful to us. When they realized this, there could be no more cooperation between our people. They became the People of Metal, and we faded into legend.”

  Brendan felt a powerful stab of sadness. Her description of Humans made him ashamed. “Hey, not all of them are bad. My mum and dad recycle. They go to the Earth Day celebrations. They really worry about the environment.”

  “Maybe they do and maybe they don’t.” Kim looked somewhat skeptical. “I’m not saying that some Humans aren’t good. There are good and bad in the world of the Fair Folk, too: hence Orcadia. And we’ve learned to adapt. We live alongside Humans and slip through the cracks. Though they can be destructive, Humans are fascinating, vibrant, and imaginative. And now, some seem to understand that they can’t continue to destroy the Earth and expect Her to provide for them. We just hope it’s not too late. There are those who think that one day we may be able to reach a compromise and share the world like we used to do. Some think that you might be a big part of that.” She stopped talking for a moment and sniffed the air. Satisfied, she said, “Anyway, we have more important things to take care of right now.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like I think we went the wrong way.”

  They turned a corner and found themselves facing a blank wall.

  “Oh no.” Brendan could suddenly feel the ominous weight of the city, the tons of rock suspended precariously above them. His chest constricted and his breath came in gasps. “I don’t want to die here. I can’t breathe!”

  Kim slapped him on the back. “Come on, Brendan. You have to pull it together. We just have to retrace our steps. We passed a few tunnels on either side. We’ll try each one.”

  “Go back? Toward those Kobold things? Are you nuts?”

  “Well, we can’t sit here while you bawl like a little girl. We have to keep moving.”

  “I’m not bawling like a little girl,” Brendan snapped. “If we keep moving we’re just going to get more lost.” He stood up and tried to control his breathing. He couldn’t panic. He had to keep calm or he was lost. “I wish someone would show us the way,” he said aloud.

  “Careful!” Kim grabbed his arm. As if in answer to his call, a fluttering filled the small chamber where they stood. Kim groaned. “Too late.”

  Out of the tunnel they’d come from, a small splotch of blackness stuttered into their midst. Brendan’s eyes went wide in horror.

  “Oh great,” he moaned. “It’s a bat! I hate bats. Cover your hair.”

  “Well, that’s a fine how-do-you-do!” said a tiny voice. “I’m not a bat and I have no interest in your hair.”

  Brendan stared at Kim. “Did you say that?”

  The creature swooped at Brendan’s head and lashed out with a tiny foot, catching him on the tip of the nose. “No, you giant fool. I said it. And I meant it. I’m liking you less and less by the minute.”

  Brendan uncovered his eyes and stared at the tiny winged creature hovering in front of his face. It was the size of a bat, no bigger than his hand. It had the wings of a bat, leathery and translucent. It had ears like a bat, long and wide, thin as parchment, and they swivelled in the thatch of black hair covering its head. It had the body and face of a man. Its big black eyes bulged out, their gaze focused on Brendan. The long, pointy nose sniffed the air. “Listen, Skreet didn’t come here to be insulted, you know. Skreet was summoned. Who summoned Skreet?” He sneered and brushed his hands against his little leather jacket. He wore small motorcycle boots complete with rows of silver buckles.

  “Summoned? I didn’t summon anyone,” Brendan said, trying to keep a safe distance between himself and the creature.

  “He doesn’t know … he isn’t initiated yet. He’s been living outside among the Humans,” Kim said.

  Skreet’s face became devious. “He doesn’t know the rules? He’s a total green? Oh, this is excellent. Delightful!”

  Kim groaned. “Be careful, Brendan. You have to be very careful when you make this bargain. Skreet will hold you to the exact letter.”

  Brendan’s nose stung from the blow he’d received a moment earlier. “What bargain? What are you talking about?”

  Skreet flitted close to Brendan’s ear, rubbing his tiny hands together. “you summoned me. You said, ‘I wish someone would show us the way.’ When a Fair Folk speaks such words with sincere intent, a Summoning occurs. So”—he flitted once around Brendan’s head and stopped, hovering before the confused boy’s face, hands spread in invitation—“you summoned me! Now we bargain.”

  Brendan looked to Kim for guidance. She sighed. “You can summon a Lesser Faerie …”65

  “Lesser Faerie? Lesser Faerie! How insulting!” Skreet squeaked indignantly.

  “What would you prefer? Midget Sprite?” Kim said caustically.

  “We prefer to call ourselves Diminutives, for your information,” Skreet said with a tiny sniff of disdain.

  Kim rolled her eyes and continued, “Lesser Faeries can be summoned to perform tasks, but you must strike a bargain with them.”

  “What kind of bargain?” Brendan asked, warily eyeing the tiny flapping person.

  “You have to give something in exchange for their service,” Kim explained. “But you have to be careful! If you leave any loophole, they will try to trick you.”

  Skreet’s face took on a wounded cast. “Don’t malign me, you giant spoilsport!” He puffed out his chest. “I’m honest as the day is long. I’ve never once cheated on a deal. Never once.” He flitted over and lighted on Brendan’s shoulder. “So, my fine young lad, what is your desire? Tell me! Tell me! I am eager to serve.”

  “Show us the way out of here,” Brendan blurted. Kim frowned so he added, “To the lake! The way out to the lake!”

  Kim shook her head ruefully. Skreet was delighted, however. “Fine! Perfect! Excellent! Grand! A noble task easily executed for a person of my vast capacity.” He grinned slyly. “I know the Undertown like the back of my wing. Hee-hee. Now, what is the payment?”

  B
rendan grimaced. He dug his hands into the pockets of his soiled blazer. In his right pocket, his hand closed around something metallic. He pulled his hand out and opened his palm to reveal his braces.

  Skreet flitted in and sniffed the metal bands. “Bah! No thanks. Silver they are not.”

  Brendan dug in his left pocket and felt a thin flat packet that crinkled in his hand. He pulled the packet out of his pocket and held it up. Gum. Sugarless spearmint gum. “I have this?”

  Skreet’s eyes bugged out even farther. “Is that what I think it is?” He licked his lips.

  “If you think it’s gum, then yes.”

  Skreet’s face lit up. He spun and corkscrewed through the air in a circuit around Brendan’s head like a tiny comet. “Oh! Bliss! Joy and bliss again. Gum! Sweet gum! Lovely, chewy gum! This suits Skreet to the tips of his wings! The bargain is struck!”

  Brendan heaved a sigh of relief. “Great,” he said. His grin vanished when he saw Kim’s sour face. “What? He’s going to lead us out of here.”

  “We’ll see,” Kim said. “All right, you little pipsqueak. Get us out of here.”

  A howl ululated down the corridor followed closely by a shrieking, mirthless laugh. It sounded much closer than before. Brendan’s blood froze. Skreet raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm. The plot thickens. Hounds upon thy tail. Speed is of the essence, I assume?”

  “Now!” Kim demanded.

  Skreet sneered at her and then waved to Brendan with a little bow in mid-air that turned into a somersault. “This way, Boon Companion. 66This way.”

  He set off up the corridor down which they had come. Brendan jogged after him with Kim bringing up the rear.

  Brendan tried to keep Skreet in sight but the little Faerie was very quick. Brendan began to panic when his guide turned the corner and disappeared from view. Rushing around the bend, he breathed a sigh of relief to find Skreet holding station in front of a side corridor.

  “Come along, Boon Companion. Don’t dilly-dally.” Skreet darted into the opening. Another howl raised the hair on Brendan’s arms. The sound was very close and seemed to be coming from the corridor directly ahead, the one they’d come down in the first place.