Dwarg in the Seventh Dimension : The Aggie Kellor Experience

by Tony Lourensen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – CLAIRE

  Dan said “Claire, that was the best breakfast I’ve ever had. Flapjacks, maple syrup with a fried egg on top – this should be listed as the official breakfast of the great State of West Virginia. Tell you what, takeouts were giving me the runs; you don’t know how good it is to get back home.”

  “Honey, I’m so proud of you – you must have gone through hell with all that organising and arranging things. I know Edna and Aggie are grateful for everything - she said she’d never have been able to do what you did. By the way, she said that she’ll send money to you as soon as the bank account is transferred over – that should cover our costs for the last few weeks at least. Hope you don’t mind, but I spoke with Edna about how much we were out of pocket because of all of this – well, you did miss out on a few gigs and a few music lessons as well.”

  “Not to mention missing out on a number of conjugal get-togethers – that would be about seventy-five to a hundred per pop?”

  “What’s a conjiggle Dad?” asked Jade.

  Dan looked at Claire with a smile, “Um, um, it’s something a criminal does when the power to his electric chair is turned on.”

  “Don’t listen to him Jade – Dan that was terrible. Honey, conjugal means that when a man and a woman love each other, you know, like daddy and me, and we hug and kiss and.....Jade, where are you going? Jade?”

  “So when do you think the undertakers will let us know Dan? - we’ll have to book flights up there and Jade has to organise his pals for guinea-pig duties.”

  “Any time now, it’s just a matter of getting everything together on the one day. Don’t forget that someone from ye olde tribe over the border has to come down and do some drum beating and a little foxtrot at the funeral.”

  “Speaking of dancing - it’s still early Dan, Jade won’t be back for a while, feel like a little...tango?”

  “You mean a conjiggle? – You’re in luck toots; how much should I claim on Edna for this one? – fifty bucks?”

  “You’d better be worth it, asshole.”

  -oOo-

  The following day, Dan received the call from the undertaker. “Mr Kellor, your brother’s body has been sent to our representatives in Brattleboro. They will call you directly for further arrangements – everything is in order. May I again express my sympathies and regret for the horrible delay.”

  “Peter, I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I couldn’t have wished for better service. Your dedication and the way you’ve kept all of this confidential is a credit to you and your staff. Thank you on behalf of my family – we are all deeply grateful.” Dan meant every word.

  That afternoon the Brattleboro agents rang to say that Robert had arrived.

  Dan flicked through his notebook, picked up the telephone and made a call to the Wolinak Indian Reserve in Canada. He then phoned Edna. Rather than fly, and much to the consternation of Jade, they decided to drive to Putney. Dan liked his new car and this was a good opportunity to take it for a spin. Jade had found volunteers for guinea pig sitting. Everything was progressing smoothly – he now had a definite date for Robert’s funeral.

  “I still find it hard to believe that Robert wanted a tribal funeral. You could have bowled me over with a feather when I read his Will. Not only that, Edna loves the idea, and get this..Aggie wants to do a traditional dance in costume! We could have given him the biggest funeral in the country, in the biggest church in the country with hundreds of VIPs, bands and fanfare and the Feds would happily pay for it all. Still, I guess it was his call.”

  “Aggie is going to dance? Tell me all about it, what does it all mean Dan?”

  “Well I don’t know much about it Claire. Edna just said that Aggie’s been reading up on Abenaki traditions and wanted to dance at the funeral – its part of the ceremony. We’ll be having a drummer and an old tribal person there. I can remember back to Mom’s funeral and Edna did some sort of dance then. You know, Claire, he never told me that he still had any interest in our family past. I thought he was all over that – much like I am.”

  “So would you have preferred your brother to have a Christian ceremony?”

  “Why not – it was a Christian funeral for Kay – he didn’t seem to have any objections about that. Don’t know why he was so specific about his own funeral – I would’ve thought he’d want to have his ashes scattered with hers.”

  Claire said, “I remember all the angst at her funeral. Her horrible parents should have been kicked up the ass for blaming poor Robert for her death – in full view of the congregation too. Those stupid upper class snobs gave him such a hard time.”

  “To be honest, I’m still wondering why those snobs haven’t taken out court orders and stuff, to grab custody of Aggie. I know they tried it before, saying Robert was not a fit parent. It’s no wonder his Will was so specific about who should have custody. Kay’s folks - the Very Reverend la-de-dah and his misses would just die if they knew what Aggie was planning to do. I can just imagine the conversation: “Oh mercy dahling, our little grandchild is being forced to participate in ritualistic and barbaric practices with those awful uncivilized savages.”

  Claire gave a little pat on Dan’s head. “Now there’s a thought – maybe we should invite them to Robert’s funeral. Anyway Mister Daniel Kellor, you smug heathen, it wouldn’t do any harm for you to do some soul searching.”

  “Me? – I’m an angel – you told me so last night.”

  Other things were also progressing. The paperwork for the sale of Robert’s house had been finalised and filed. Dan was now the registered owner of a spotless and fully restored 1951 Pastel Blue Hudson sedan - compliments of Robert’s Will. The van containing the furniture and effects arrived from Miami and luckily, Edna had enough space in her giant lawn-locker to stow most of it away. She and Aggie agreed that one day; they would have the largest lawn sale this side of Keene – anything left over would happily be scooped up by Deslie at the Goodwill store.

  Aggie now had considerable funds in a trust account, fully accessible at age 18 and was to receive a generous allowance in the interim. Edna was also to be paid a healthy allowance whilst Aggie was under her care. Robert left a huge portfolio of stock and shares with a current value exceeding a million dollars. The attorney, Tony Lee had ensured that everything was in order, apportions made, registration transfers and notifications made, taxes paid and that other terms and conditions in Robert’s Will were followed to the letter. Other hefty sums of monies followed, insurance claims were processed, NASA co-operative benevolence payments, plus retirement benefit funds, and union and past associations’ payments and donations. All these increased the level of Aggie’s substantial trust account. Added to all this was the fact that Aggie was the next of kin and sole heir to her grandparent’s fortune.

  By now the Media had been made aware of Robert’s passing. The once famous astronaut had died quietly in hospital, from a heart attack. He was a widower, leaving a daughter who was under the care of his family. His family has requested a small and private funeral in his home town in Vermont. NASA had issued a statement outlining Robert Kellor’s achievements, and letters of condolences from the President of the USA and other VIPs, were also received. Everyone involved with the tragedy had been tactful and diplomatic, so much so, that the press reported it in a matter of fact way, without a hint of anything out of the ordinary. Had they been aware of the circumstances, the event would have become an international sensation.