Heart in the Field

by Dagg, Jillian

  “I understand that. Nick’s strong.”

  Barbara made a face. “But he’s still human. One day someone, and it’ll be a woman, will come along and hit him in the gut and he’ll learn what being strong is.”

  “You really do think he’s hiding something, don’t you?”

  “Not exactly hiding, but I think he has unresolved differences with himself.” They heard some people walk into the house. “I think you’d better go find that bathroom before that lot find it.”

  “I suppose I should.” Serena rose to her feet. “Nice talking to you, Barb.”

  “A pleasure. Have fun on the show.”

  Serena locked herself in the bathroom and glanced at her flushed features in the mirror. She looked disheveled so she set about fixing her hair and makeup. Fun. That was something she hadn’t had much of in her life. Mainly because she tried so hard to keep herself intact. Nick had been right about that tonight. And was that the image she gave the other employees, which had brought about her ice maiden reputation? If she let loose with Nick, as he suggested, would all that change? Or would she find herself involved with a man who also had a lot of pain in his life? Could she cope with someone else’s baggage as well as her own? She stuffed her comb and makeup back into her purse and snapped the clasp. Wasn’t this confusion the reason she didn’t get involved with men? Exactly, she told herself in the mirror. So don’t.

  •

  Nick was trying to disentangle himself from Juliette so he could search for Serena. For a long while he’d kept her in his vision, now she had completely disappeared.

  Juliette lifted two bottles from the beer cooler, popped the tops and handed him one. She dripped the condensation down her breasts and Nick wished she wouldn’t do it. She’d done it once. He’d responded. Now he wouldn’t give a damn if she stripped and jumped naked into the pool. Well, he might give a damn. He was a man, after all. But he’d rather be with Serena. He looked at his watch. It was almost one and he was tired. He could feel the pressure around his eyes that told him his jet lag had definitely caught up with him.

  Juliette patted his wrist and covered his watch. “The night is young.”

  “Maybe. But I’m still working on a five-hour jet lag.”

  “Then why don’t we go find a bed and lie down?” She wriggled her hips. “You’ll soon have more to think about than being tired.”

  “I’m not planning on staying here the night. But if you are, go ahead.”

  “I wasn’t planning on staying the night if you’re not.”

  “Well, then, that settles that. I’m not. You’re not.” He drank from his bottle then looked around. Reeva and Gerry were still soaring from one group to another. He had the impression they might be saying their farewells. In that case they’d be leaving soon.

  Juliette moved impatiently. “Nick. What are we going to do?”

  Serena could be in the house.

  Juliette tapped his shoulder. “Nick?”

  “We’re not doing anything.”

  “Great. Then I’ll say goodnight. It’s been fun. See you around.”

  Nick watched Juliette stumble away from him. She’d had too much to drink. There was something about the woman that bothered him. She was far too brittle.

  Pleased to be alone, Nick dumped his beer bottle down on a table and walked toward the house, where he hoped to find Serena.

  He expected an elegant interior, instead he’d never seen such clutter in his life. There was so much furniture and so many TV sets that it was difficult to actually get a picture of the house layout. Nick was sure it was a great place. But for someone like him who liked simplicity of design, Don’s house was like walking into chaos.

  He found the downstairs powder room, and as he washed his hands he thought he looked tired and even haggard. He had a serious mission to accomplish on his time home. Well, two serious missions, one, his parents’ welfare, two, his job, which he needed to help pay for his parents’ welfare. He shouldn’t be torturing himself with a woman he might be wasting all his energy on. Did he really want to get hooked up with a woman who was hung up over her dead father? Who thought he reminded her of her dead father? Even though it flattered him to be compared to Stuart Redding Brown, there was also something creepy about Serena’s thinking he was like her father.

  Confused by all that had happened since last Wednesday, he ambled around the house, looking at some of the paintings and sculpture. He was particularly interested in the original paintings that had become some of Don’s trademark shirt designs. He was surprised to run into Barbara Steel in one of the rooms. Despite Reeva’s reaction to Barbara, he actually rather liked her. She had an acute mind with a deep intelligence. He’d noticed her summing him up, and he was under the impression she’d liked what she saw.

  Although he did wonder what she’d seen.

  “Hi, Nick.” She smiled.

  He returned her smile. “Are you getting away from it all?”

  “You’d better believe it. Although I’m gathering a crowd. Serena’s just passed this way. Now you.”

  He tried to say casually, “Is she still around?”

  “She hasn’t come back from the bathroom yet.”

  Relief that Serena was nearby breezed into his body and cheered him up no end.

  “Have many people left?” Barbara asked.

  “The crowd did seem to have thinned a little.”

  “Good. It’s probably down to the hard core now. The ones without children and babysitters.” Barbara rose from her seat. “I suppose I’d better go and check on what’s happening. See you again, Nick.”

  Nick nodded. “If I don’t get to see you before I leave, thanks for a great party, Barbara.”

  “You’ll always be welcome.” She disappeared from the room.

  Nick took it from her words that she liked him. And he liked her. Barbara was the type of person he could actually sit down and talk to without anything else getting between them. Like a mother would be. That was his problem. He’d never had a mother who cared. Therefore, he had gone through his life treating all women as potential sex partners. Even the women he had intellectually connected with he had screwed, for lack of a better word.

  Serena entered the room and looked around.

  He said, from his position in the dark, “Barbara went back out to the party.”

  Hand to her slim throat, Serena twirled around, making the diamond earrings flash. “Nick. Don’t scare me like that.”

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” He pushed his hands into his trouser pockets so he wouldn’t be tempted to touch her. He knew he needed some distance from Serena. But he also knew he wanted to be with her on an intellectual and physical plane. Except there wasn’t time. A few short months. He couldn’t promise anything. He had nothing to promise but distance between them. He was just like her father. All Stuart Redding Brown had offered her was a life without him.

  “Where’s Juliette?” she asked.

  So she’d noticed he’d spent some time with the other woman. But he decided to go for honesty instead of trying to make her jealous. “We got tired of one another. I was looking for you to see about calling it a night. Reeva and Gerry seemed to be saying goodbyes.”

  She tucked her slim gold purse-strap over her shoulder. “Great. Do you want to go and find them with me? I’d love to leave now. I’m tired.”

  Keeping his hands deep in his pockets he gazed at her tidy upswept hair and glossed lips. “You don’t look tired. You look as fresh as you did at the beginning of the evening.”

  She gave him a critical look. “I can’t say that about you. You do look a little weary.”

  “I am. So let’s go find your mom.”

  He didn’t take her hand, but he wanted to. As they walked across the now damp lawn to where Reeva and Gerald stood alone, he could feel eyes upon them. They were, he believed, Steel’s new star couple. The position should be capitalized on. But he wasn’t going to be able to capitalize upon it by antagonizing Serena. He w
as going to have to be very gentle in the way he treated her, mentally gentle. Unlike most of the women he’d been with. They’d been hard cases to begin with, field journalists, war correspondents. They’d succeeded in a predominantly male career and they weren’t about to give up anything of themselves. They’d made life easy for him. He could keep intact. Those that seemed different, like Lise Kryker, who might have become a drag on him, he’d soon dismissed. Then why couldn’t he dismiss Serena?

  Reeva smiled when she saw them. “Gerry and I were just talking about calling this a night.”

  Serena said, “Nick and I were just saying the same thing.”

  Nick and I. He rather liked that.

  Gerry said, “I’ll go get the car started and meet you all out the front.” He loped off.

  Reeva tucked her arm through Nick’s on one side and her daughter’s on the other. “Let’s not keep him waiting.”

  The Lincoln was purring in the front driveway. Nick helped Reeva into the front seat, then opened the back door and ushered Serena inside. He didn’t squeeze against her on the plush velvety upholstery, but he didn’t leave any room between them. This action wasn’t because he’d made up his mind about anything he’d thought about.

  He just couldn’t handle not being close to her. His imagination kept returning to her kitchen, and the way she’d responded to him. He wanted her in his arms again, giving him that hip-grinding response. He wanted her opening her mouth to his. He wanted to be inside her. He’d wanted it since the moment he’d seen her in the elevator, before he’d known who she was. He couldn’t stop wanting it.

  Yet he knew he might never have what he wanted. And that would equal the pain level when he actually discovered that his parents couldn’t care less about him. So why was he torturing himself? Answer: because, whatever his sane mind told him, he couldn’t stop himself.

  Serena lifted her hips and shifted imperceptibly away from him. She was staring straight ahead, and he noticed a few stray hairs she had missed pinning up whispering against her neck. He wanted to place his lips there and sip the nectar of her. The way he had on the picnic table bench. Remembering that interlude was anguish, because he knew how she could respond. He had never felt this way about a woman before, and he restlessly slid across the seat and lounged into a corner. He’d thought it once, he must think it again: a moment of lust with this woman could sabotage him and his career.

  Chapter Nine

  Serena was relieved when the Lincoln slid into her driveway. She had stayed up too late. Her last drink, the brandy, tasted stale in her mouth. Her stomach didn’t feel particularly stable. And her feelings toward Nick were entwined inside her like a ball of wool that had been tangled by a kitten.

  Also, there was everything else that had happened this evening. Had she really almost seduced Nick in the kitchen then later told him that he reminded her of her father? And had she actually heard Pat tell her that the employees of Steel referred to her as the Ice Maiden? Had she really promised Pat that she would give Nick a chase and thus veer him away from Juliette? She now didn’t think this action would be necessary, judging by Nick’s earlier non-enthusiasm for Juliette.

  Gerry turned off the engine and Reeva said, “Now we’ve trapped Nick’s car into the driveway. Serena, maybe it would be wiser if he stayed the night anyway. We’d never forgive ourselves if anything happened to him.”

  “That’s up to Nick.” Serena was sick of all the ups and downs her emotions had been through since she had first heard Nick Fraser’s name the other afternoon. The thought of him sleeping in her other spare bedroom put the seal on the most desperation she would ever feel. She felt like clawing her way through the roof of the car and running away.

  “Nick is pretty tired and he wouldn’t mind staying,” Nick said.

  She glanced at him through the haze made by her outside light. For most of the evening his expression had been pretty open, as if he’d pulled aside a curtain to expose a part of himself for the party. Now he looked more enigmatic. She began to suspect that Barbara was right, and there was more to Nick than a handsome face.

  She actually felt a pang of sympathy for him and conceded to her mother’s suggestion. “I have another spare room. You’re welcome.”

  “Thanks.” His smile was perfunctory. “I did kind of belt back the beer at the beginning of the party.”

  “Then stay. We wouldn’t want you to get pulled over. Especially when you’ve been out with a city politician for the evening.”

  “Also it would be bad publicity for your new show,” Reeva added.

  With that settled, everyone went inside the house to congregate in the kitchen. Serena held Pascal in her arms, feeling a letdown restless sensation throughout her entire body. She hadn’t wanted to stay at the party, but she didn’t feel ready for bed either. She was almost relieved when Reeva discovered the bottle of wine that Nick had brought her this evening.

  “It’s not very cold,” Reeva said. “But let’s add ice. Serena do you have any glasses?”

  Serena let Pascal go and retrieved the glasses from the cupboard. Nick opened the bottle. Gerry found the ice cubes in the freezer. Nick poured four glasses.

  Reeva perched on a kitchen chair, holding the glass. “Ah, this is nice. So cheers, everyone. To Serena and Nick’s new show. We hope it goes splendidly. Don’t we, Gerry?”

  “We sure do.” Gerry smiled. “You make such a great couple. Cheers and good luck.”

  They polished off the bottle of wine, dissected the party, and Barbara and Don’s home, and then Reeva and Gerald retired to their room.

  Her head reeling from the late hour and the wine, Serena watched herself rinse the glasses. They were expensive crystal with a gold rim, and too good for the dishwasher, so she would wash them properly in the morning. She stood them carefully in a row and the gold shimmered before her eyes. She touched her forehead to stop the dizziness.

  “All right?” Nick asked.

  When she turned from the sink he was right in front of her. “I feel dizzy.”

  He smiled. “You’re looped. That’s why.”

  She shook her head. “Am I? How about you?

  “I’m feeling fine. And I want to feel yours.”

  She laughed, and he placed his hands on the edge of the counter until she was trapped by him. Her fingers caressed his waist and his head dipped to claim her mouth. This is what she had wanted. Serena closed her eyes as his kiss lulled her into a mist of desire. The only sounds she could hear was their breathing. All she wanted was him.

  She ran her fingers down his thighs to discover he felt as muscular as he looked. His tongue, hot and seeking, was inside her mouth now. She battled him with her own tongue. The part of her that wasn’t involved in his embrace wondered what she was doing.

  His hand slid upward, between her top and her skin, and she sank lower into him. He began to move his hips in a thrusting movement, into her. She felt his fingers explore her nipples and she was going to explode with feelings. She wanted to wrap her legs around him, but he removed his mouth and his body, leaving her sagging against the counter.

  “I want you sober the first time.” Nick had a definite shake to his voice as he adjusted his belt and raked his fingers through his hair. He rubbed the side of his jaw, as if feeling for the stubble collecting there. “I want to be sober as well.”

  “I didn’t think there was going to be a first time.”

  “There has to be if we continue like this.”

  She reached up to her hair and found that it had loosened and was straggling down her neck. Her veins were beating beneath her skin. She felt open and vulnerable. “Didn’t we talk about this earlier?”

  “Talking isn’t helping what we feel for one another.”

  He sounded so desperate. She must affect him the same way as he affected her. What was between them was like a physical explosion. She shuddered. “I want you as well.”

  He seemed more calm now. “Thank you for admitting that.”

&
nbsp; She ran her finger along the curved edge of the counter. “I have a reputation at Steel? Have you heard?”

  He shook his head.

  “Apparently I’m an ice maiden.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Well, it’s true.” Serena smoothed the silk down her hips. She felt more composed now. “I’m not ready yet, Nick.”

  “Me neither. If I’m honest.”

  “Good Because it’s better if we don’t. Working together. Like I said before.”

  “Yeah.” He glanced at the microwave clock. “It’s pretty late. We should get some sleep.”

  “I have to lock up.”

  “I’ll help you.”

  Serena went to locate Pascal who, with the living room out of bounds, and the kitchen too noisy and occupied by strangers, had been sleeping on the cushions on the wicker sofa in the sunroom. He managed a yawning stretch to greet her, and rolled up into a ball once more. All the time Nick followed her, pattering behind her like a puppy she knew he wasn’t. He was a tiger, dangerous and raw. She felt his presence in every one of her bones and all through her veins. When he was around her she experienced a sensation like being connected to him physically. She didn’t like it. She had always been a loner, like her father.

  That sudden realization hit her like a vehicle ramming against a brick wall. If she was like her father then she was like Nick. Was that why she was so attracted to him on one hand and skittish on the other? Did she see herself in him? Did she see a person who actually preferred to be alone because it was safer for the psyche, a person who had a low threshold for pain? And yet she wanted passion. At least her body wanted passion.

  Serena tapped open the door to her other spare room and flipped the ceiling-light switch. “This is your room. You can use the bathroom across the hall.”

  As Nick passed by her into the room she caught in a breath while he was close, and barely let it out again as he looked around.

  “It’s great.” He gave her a serious look. “You must think you’re running a B&B tonight.”