Skulduggery Pleasant: Mortal Cole

by Derek Landy

  Then China came to her senses. All that leather may prove useful once in a while, but class was a gift that gave eternally.

  She approached the back wall of the library without encountering anyone, friend or foe. A secret door there led to a platform, just big enough for one. The platform lowered the passenger to the basement. All very secret, all very private. Nobody knew about it except for China. Well, except for China and her assistant…

  Who was standing there now, hands clasped before him. She ducked back before he saw her.

  This was what she got for trusting someone. Back in her Diablerie days, she’d have killed anyone who knew about her secret escape route. Footsteps behind her and she dodged left, scowling as she did so. Forced to scurry in her own library. She hurried through the stacks and ducked down, and listened to them talking.

  “Have you seen China?” her assistant asked quietly.

  “Glimpsed her,” came the reply. Flaring.

  “Think she knows?” asked another voice, a man’s this time.

  “Possibly,” her assistant said. “Do we have everyone?”

  “I think so.”

  “Then there is nothing to be gained from stealth.”

  China saw movement, and pressed herself back into the shadows.

  “China,” her assistant called loudly. “We know you know. Why don’t you come out?”

  “It’s really not that bad,” called Flaring.

  “Be quiet,” the assistant said. “Whatever chance we have of her surrendering to me, we have none at all of her surrendering to the likes of you.” His voice grew louder again. “This is most undignified, I hope you realise. You’re hiding, for goodness’ sake. China Sorrows is hiding. I have to say, cowering does not become you.”

  No matter how much she wanted to gouge out his eyes at that moment, she was forced to agree with him there.

  “We’ll find you!” the man shouted. “If you fight us, we’ll hurt you!”

  “Will you shut up?” the assistant barked. “China, we have known each other for a long time. I have been your faithful assistant for centuries. I don’t want to see you scrambling around in the dark, like a scared mouse with the cats closing in. If you’re worried about what will happen, please don’t be. You don’t lose who you are. I am still me. You will still be you. Once the Remnant is inside you, you become more, not less.”

  Moving quietly, China took off her shoes. She closed her eyes. The other reason why she kept the old trick of the moving stacks was far less sentimental than reminding her of her childhood. Sometimes, very occasionally, old tricks became very useful, such as when the library was attuned to her moods much more than anyone else’s. China told the library what she needed, and the library obeyed.

  The stacks moved suddenly, slamming up against the possessed sorcerers, forcing them apart, making them stumble and stagger and cry out in shock. China leaped up and ran, bookcases creating walls on either side of her, forming a straight line to the door. But there was someone in her path. Hidalgo had managed to avoid being shunted aside. He turned and saw her, and started to smile just as the bookcase to his left shot into him, squashing him against the bookcase on his right.

  China sprinted by. She plunged out into the corridor and slammed the door shut, tapping the symbol over the lock. The seal wouldn’t hold them for long, but it would be enough for her to make her escape.

  She turned for the stairs, but two mages were just reaching the top. They smiled when they saw her. She didn’t wait to find out if the smiles were genuine, and she didn’t bother to warn them of the danger. She ran into her apartment, headed to her bedroom and grabbed the bag she kept for emergencies. She tapped the symbols tattooed onto her legs and felt the energy charge through her muscles.

  At a gesture, the window flew open and China vaulted out. The cold hit her, the wind gushed around her, and she fell three storeys to land in a crouch on the pavement. Nobody was around to stare. Headlights approached. She waved, and a taxi braked, skidding slightly on the icy road, and she jumped in the back.

  “Drive now,” she commanded, “and drive quickly.”

  The driver laughed, then glanced back at her, and fell in love.

  “Drive!” she snapped.

  Whimpering, he stomped on the accelerator and the car fishtailed as it leaped forward.

  “Watch the road!”

  He fixed his eyes ahead.

  “Head for the city centre,” she said, unzipping her bag. “I’ll tell you where exactly we’re going once I make a phone call.”

  She saw his eyes flicker to her in the rear-view mirror. “I love you,” he said.

  China didn’t bother to respond. She took a pair of expensive boots from the bag, put them on the seat beside her, and took out the rest of the clothes. They were dark, tight-fitting, and stylishly practical.

  “You don’t mind if I get changed back here, do you?” she asked.

  She heard him whimper again.

  37

  ENEMY HANDS

  “Philomena,” Scrutinous hissed. “Philomena! Get over here!”

  Caught sneaking across the quiet street, Philomena Random jerked around, fists clenched, ready to fight. She saw Scrutinous waving frantically and hesitated, then jogged over. The moment she was close enough, Skulduggery stepped out and levelled his gun at Random’s face.

  Random held up her hands. “Don’t shoot. I’m me.”

  Skulduggery shrugged. “Unfortunately, Phil, if you were possessed, that’s exactly what you’d say.”

  “Don’t call me Phil. My name is Philomena.”

  “If you were possessed, you’d say that, too.”

  “Geoffrey,” Random growled, “tell him to put his gun down. The Remnants didn’t get me. I’ve spent the last half-hour running from cover to cover to get here. I haven’t been seen by anyone or anything.”

  “We’d like to believe you, Philomena,” Scrutinous said.

  “Ask me then,” Random said. “Go on. Use your mojo on me.”

  “I don’t know if it’d work on a Remnant.”

  “Why wouldn’t it? It works on mortals, it works on mages. Why wouldn’t it work on a Remnant?”

  “Do it,” Skulduggery said. The gun in his hand was scarily steady.

  Scrutinous looked into Random’s eyes. “You’re going to tell me the truth,” he said.

  “Yes, I am,” Random answered.

  “You’re not going to lie to me.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m me, you moron.”

  “No need to be snarky.”

  “Then get to the point.”

  “Do you have a Remnant inside you?”

  “No, I most certainly do not. Satisfied?”

  Scrutinous looked at Skulduggery. “I didn’t feel anything odd. I think it’s her.”

  Skulduggery put the gun away. “Philomena, we have reason to believe the Great Chamber is already infested. I think the Remnants are having a race to get to the most powerful vessels they can. This would be one of the first places they’d go.”

  “So what are we going to do?” Random asked.

  “We have to make sure. If we’re lucky, the sorcerers inside figured out what’s been going on in time, and they’ve sealed themselves away. If they have, we just have to reach them and get them out of there.”

  “But you don’t think that’s what happened?”

  “No, I do not – but we have to be sure.”

  “So we’re going in,” Scrutinous said.

  Random laughed. “No, we’re not.”

  “Yes, we are.”

  Random’s laugh dissolved. “No, we are not. Are you crazy? Skulduggery, you’re used to this kind of thing, but Geoffrey and I are in public relations. We don’t fight, or shoot guns. We convince mortal witnesses that they didn’t see what they actually saw. We can’t storm a building that’s fallen into enemy hands. We couldn’t storm a closet.”

  “You’re going to have to l
earn,” Skulduggery said, “because you two are the only way I have of making sure people are who they say they are.”

  “But it’s scary,” Random whined.

  Scrutinous laid a hand on Random’s shoulder. “I was in a life or death struggle earlier tonight, Philomena. I was almost killed. But I got through it. Was I injured? Yes. Was it serious? My knee still stings. But I’m alive. I did it. You can too.”

  Random took a breath. “OK. OK, let’s do it. But you’re going first.”

  “Actually,” Scrutinous said, “Skulduggery’s going first. He’s got the gun.”

  “Well, I’m not going last,” said Random. “I’ll go in the middle.”

  Scrutinous glowered. “I’m going in the middle. I’m injured.”

  “You skinned your knee.”

  “Skinning your knee is one of the most painful non-lethal injuries there is.”

  “It’s not worse than a paper cut.”

  “I said one of the most painful,” Scrutinous pointed out.

  “The pair of you,” Skulduggery said, “shut up. I’ll lead the way. You two can walk side by side behind me. Happy?”

  “Not really,” said Random, but Skulduggery was already walking across the street. Scrutinous grabbed Random’s arm and dragged her across. They followed Skulduggery down the steps and through the iron door. It closed behind them as they passed into the corridor with the carved walls.

  “If a Remnant takes control of me,” Scrutinous whispered to Random as they crept along, “I… I would rather you kill me than allow me to hurt anyone.”

  Random looked at him, and nodded solemnly. “You have my word. And if one of those things takes control of me, I… I want you to leave me alone and let me go about my business.”

  “You’re hysterical,” Scrutinous said. “You don’t really mean that.”

  “I am not hysterical and yes, I do mean that. If I’m possessed, you are not allowed to let him shoot me.”

  “But you’ll be evil.”

  “At least I’ll be walking around. Do I have your word?”

  “No,” said Scrutinous crossly, “you do not have my word.”

  “Fine,” Random snapped. “Then you don’t have my word either.”

  A door opened, somewhere beyond the Great Chamber, and they heard shouting, and cries of alarm. Crashes and bangs and the sound of things breaking. A battle being fought.

  They hurried to the door ahead, looked into the Chamber just as figures sprinted through. A fireball exploded and the air rippled. It was the ridiculously named Four Elementals, all five of them, and it was three against two. Black veins stood out clearly on the faces of the three attackers. The two defenders backed away.

  Skulduggery strode in, Scrutinous and Random hurrying to keep up. “How about we even up the odds in here?” he said, at which point all of the Four Elementals looked around. Skulduggery stopped walking immediately, and said, “Oh, hell.”

  The two defenders were black-lipped, vein-ridden Remnants too. This wasn’t a battle between good and evil, it was more a squabble between siblings.

  The Four Elementals pushed at the air as one, and a wave of air hit Scrutinous and Skulduggery and Random, and tossed them back off their feet. Random hit the wall beside the door and dropped to the ground, while Scrutinous and Skulduggery sprawled out into the corridor. Scrutinous looked up, dazed, in time to see a Remnant flit towards Random, and then Skulduggery was pulling him to his feet, and they were running.

  There were more shouts and Scrutinous glanced back, saw Shakra joining the Four Elementals as they sprinted in pursuit, saw even more sorcerers emerging behind them. And above them, darting from point to point, Remnants, closing in. Scrutinous piled on the speed, his sandals slapping the hard floor, the beads around his neck leaping up to hit his goatee. Skulduggery was fast, and was already close to the exit. Scrutinous was not.

  Something cold latched on to the back of his neck, and slithered around before he could even get his hands up. He stumbled, tried to call for help, but the moment his mouth opened the Remnant slipped inside. Ahead of him, Skulduggery had the door open and was looking back. Scrutinous tried to scream as the black-lipped sorcerers caught up to him and the cold feeling spread down into his throat. When he looked back at the door, Skulduggery was gone.

  38

  FIGHTING

  The early morning sun did nothing to beat back the freezing cold. Few cars ventured out, but Tanith’s bike hugged the treacherous roads like it was a warm summer’s day. She pulled into a garage where the only other vehicle was an SUV, set the bike down on its kickstand, and took off her helmet. Her hands were numb as she slipped the petrol nozzle into the tank. The gauge on the pump clicked steadily upwards, her own chattering teeth adding to the symphony.

  Even though Kenspeckle had healed the injuries sustained when Tesseract had thrown that stereo into her head – the very thought of it stirred her anger – the cold was making her face ache. Standing there, freezing, she decided to finally ask Ghastly to make her some warmer clothes. She’d always liked the clothes he’d made Valkyrie, and the fact that they acted like body armour was a bonus she could probably do with. Those kinds of clothes were expensive, though – but she figured if she asked him nicely…

  She returned the nozzle to the petrol pump and hurried in to pay. The warmth embraced her the moment she set foot in the door, and she shivered in appreciation.

  “Cold out,” said the guy behind the counter.

  If it had been Valkyrie standing there instead of Tanith, the guy would have been fixed with a withering stare for stating the bloody obvious. As it was, Tanith smiled as she approached.

  “It is indeed,” she said.

  The guy, no more than eighteen, smiled as he brought up what she owed. “Nice bike,” he said. His nametag identified him as Ged. “I want to get a bike, but the insurance is way high.”

  Tanith handed over cash. “Well, they’re not the safest way to travel, I have to admit.”

  He nodded, still smiling. “I like your coat.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I like your boots.”

  He was still smiling. Not in an endearing way, and not, bless his heart, in a flirtatious way. Just smiling. Just standing there smiling, making random comments.

  “Thanks,” Tanith said again. The door opened behind her and a gust of cold air swept in. “Well, be seeing you.”

  A middle-aged woman stood between her and the door. She was plump, her hair a little too red to be entirely natural. She wasn’t moving, wasn’t shivering, wasn’t shopping, wasn’t looking through her handbag. She was just standing there, looking straight at Tanith, a faint smile on her face.

  Ged grabbed Tanith’s hair and yanked her backwards, halfway over the counter. The middle-aged woman ran forward, fist plunging into Tanith’s belly. The air left Tanith’s lungs and she wanted to fold up, but Ged still had her hair. She tried to break his grip, but he was stronger than he looked. The woman hit her again, and again, then leaned in, hands on Tanith’s face.

  “This won’t take a minute,” the woman said, and opened her mouth wide. Something stirred within her throat, something black, writhing and wriggling its way up her gullet. Tanith saw eyes, slits of white. She stopped trying to break Ged’s hold, and instead slapped both hands against the woman’s ears. The woman sagged, dazed, her mouth closing, forcing the darkness back down inside her. A Remnant. It had to be. The woman took a step back and Tanith kicked her in the face.

  Ged growled, and Tanith cried out as she was hauled all the way over the counter. Ged dropped her on the floor on the other side and knelt on her, firing punches. She covered up as best she could, but the punches were getting through and rattling her skull.

  In desperation, she heaved herself sideways, letting her legs swing up wildly. She caught him on the shoulder and he grunted. She scrambled up, but he was on her already, forcing her back. Her hip slid along the wall and she twisted, flinging him against a rack of car-cleaning product
s.

  Tanith sprang over the counter, ignoring the middle-aged woman who was trying to get to her feet, going right for the door.

  A little boy, aged around eight or nine, stood there.

  “Why did you hurt my mammy?” he asked.

  Ged charged into her, and they crashed into a row of shelves. The shelves toppled. Jam jars smashed and bags of sugar exploded and a dozen other household goods spilled out across the floor. Tanith rolled on top and rammed her elbow into Ged’s grinning mouth. As she hit him, he actually started laughing. She drove her knee up into him and he grunted, and the laugh was reduced to a pained chuckle.

  She pushed herself up. The middle-aged woman was on her feet, but shaking her head, like her equilibrium was lost and she was trying to get it back.

  “Mammy!” the little boy cried, hurrying to her. He passed Tanith and suddenly swung around, his little fist crunching against her ribs. Sharp pain stabbed through her side, and she doubled over as he hit her again.

  The little boy looked at his hands, eyes bright. “This is new,” he murmured. He took hold of her, stepped back and launched her across the floor.

  “I’m fairly certain that I just broke my little hand,” the boy said, sauntering over. “Not that it matters. I’m about to get an upgrade.”

  Tanith raised herself to her hands and knees, but the little boy lunged, his foot smacking into her cheek. She sprawled on to her back.

  “We had a deal, you see,” the little boy continued as he stood over her. “The three of us. We all want a sorcerer’s body, so we decided that the one who beats you, gets you. They both went for the older and stronger vessels. But me? I had a feeling you wouldn’t be too eager to hit a child.”

  The Remnant made him stronger, but it didn’t make him any heavier. She swung her leg into his ankle and he toppled into the magazine rack, which collapsed on top of him. Tanith sprang up. Ged and the woman were closing in.

  “You can’t kill us,” Ged said, blood pouring from his ruined mouth. “These are innocent people we’re using.”

  “Good people,” the woman nodded.

  “If you give yourself to me,” Ged promised, “I promise I’ll take good care of you.”