Skulduggery Pleasant: Mortal Cole

by Derek Landy

  “Oh, but I do have somethin’ constructive to add. Sword-lady, help me up now an’ I’ll solve all your problems an’ woes, I swear on my dear dead momma, may she rest in pieces.”

  Tanith stalked over to him, grabbed his outstretched hand, and twisted his wrist until he leaped up, howling.

  “There,” she said. “Happy?”

  The Texan scowled at her. “We got to work on our communication skills, honey bunny.”

  “This constructive thing you were going to add to our conversation,” Skulduggery said. “Now would be a good time to share it.”

  There was a sound, like a car backfiring in the distance. Sanguine frowned, and his hand went to his shoulder. When he took it away, it was covered in blood. “Hey,” he said, surprised. “I think I been shot.”

  Tanith looked past him, and saw a man running towards them, his left arm in a sling, his right holding a gun. He was firing as he came.

  “That guy shot me!” Sanguine exclaimed.

  The man’s aim wasn’t improving, but the closer he got, the closer the bullets whined. Tanith ducked behind Skulduggery as he held up a hand, creating a solid wall of air. Sanguine took a deep breath, and the ground swallowed him.

  “Remnant?” Tanith asked.

  “Dalrymple,” Skulduggery replied.

  The man, Dalrymple, threw the gun away and took a sword from his belt, yelling a battle-cry. A hand emerged from the ground, snagged his foot, and Dalrymple sprawled onto the road. Sanguine rose up behind him, kicking the sword from his hand. Dalrymple lunged, but Sanguine caught him with a knee to the gut, then grabbed his ear. Dalrymple cried out, and Sanguine dragged him over to the pavement. He dumped him at Skulduggery’s feet, then turned his full attention to clutching his injured shoulder.

  “This really hurts,” he muttered. “I hope we’re gonna kill this guy. We are gonna kill him, right?”

  “Please,” Dalrymple sobbed. “Let me close to them. I’m sorry I shot at you. You were just in my way. I thought you were going to stop me.”

  Skulduggery turned his head, looking behind them. Tanith followed his gaze. The possessed would have been preparing to stop anyone from reaching the Receptacle – so that probably meant that the place where they gathered was directly outside the chamber. She looked at Skulduggery and knew he was thinking the same thing.

  “Leave the weapons here,” Skulduggery said. “We won’t stop you.”

  Sanguine looked up. “What? We’re lettin’ him go?”

  “This has nothing to do with you, Sanguine.”

  “I’m the one he shot!”

  “Dalrymple, go. Now.”

  Dalrymple looked up, tears in his eyes, like he was waiting for Skulduggery to change his mind. When nothing more was said, he scrambled up, and sprinted past them.

  “I don’t believe you guys,” Sanguine said, shaking his head. “I bet if he’d shot you, you wouldn’t be nearly so forgivin’.”

  Tanith looked at him. “How stupid are you?”

  Sanguine looked offended. “Not very.”

  “Think about it, moron. None of us know where the Receptacle is, do we? None of us know where the Remnants are. They could be anywhere. It’s a big mountain range.”

  “It ain’t that big.”

  “He’s going to lead us right where we need to go. And you notice he’s on foot? So he knows a short cut.”

  “And… we’re gonna follow him?”

  “Do you need me to explain it to you slower?”

  “Hey, enough with the attitude, OK? I been shot, an’ my insides are still all twisted up, and I’m sufferin’ from blood loss. But I ain’t no moron. Fact is, both of you are the morons. You’re plannin’ on followin’ him to the creepy critters an’ the machine that’ll save us all, but you can’t start it, can ya? What’re you plannin’ on doin’, lookin’ at it awhile? Remarkin’ on how pretty an’ shiny it is? Call that a plan?”

  “Do you have a better idea?” Skulduggery asked.

  “Course I do. I’m from Texas. We all got better ideas in Texas. My idea is to follow that fool who shot me, get into the cavern where the giant Soul Catcher is kept, and turn it the hell on, usin’ this key I picked from the pocket of Miss China Sorrows.” Sanguine held up the golden key, and tossed it to Skulduggery. “Now tell me – what do y’all think of that particular plan?”

  They kept at a safe distance, but they needn’t have bothered. Dalrymple was so intent on getting to his precious Remnants that he didn’t even glance back once. Sanguine spent most of the time complaining about his arm. He was chewing on a leaf to numb the pain, but it was obvious, just by looking at him, that he was getting weaker with each step. Halfway there, Skulduggery slowed down to help him traverse the rocky terrain. Sanguine was too tired to question the sudden change of heart, but Tanith knew that Skulduggery must have one last job for him to do before he fell by the wayside.

  “Hold on,” Skulduggery said at last, as they watched Dalrymple disappear from sight. The golden key was glowing. He moved it around, and the glow strengthened. “This way. Tanith, check on Dalrymple.”

  He half-carried Sanguine up an incline to their right, and Tanith jogged to where she had last seen Dalrymple. She crouched as she approached an outcrop, and peered over it. Below her, in a wide-open space of grasses and gorse bush, were two thousand possessed people. She saw Dalrymple running towards them, then ducked down before anyone saw her. Keeping low, she hurried back, and rejoined Skulduggery just as he sat Sanguine down next to a sheer wall of rock.

  “I’m feelin’ distinctly woozy,” Sanguine mumbled.

  “It looks like they’re all there,” Tanith told Skulduggery. “And I mean, all of them. There’s an army down there. Is this the cavern? Where’s the door?”

  “I think this is the door,” Skulduggery replied. “Notice how sharp the angles are on this section? See? Less weathered. Less beaten down by the elements.”

  “So… what? What does that mean?”

  “They’re resistant to damage. And the door to the cavern would have to be very resistant to damage.”

  “Hey,” she said, nudging Sanguine with her foot, “can you take us inside?”

  “Let him rest,” Skulduggery told her. “We’re going to need him soon enough. I’m sure we can get in here by ourselves.”

  “So how do we open it? Is there a magic word or something?”

  “I hope not. I’m assuming this key will activate the machine and open the door, but…”

  “But where’s the keyhole?”

  “Indeed.”

  He tapped the key against the rock wall. Nothing happened. She pressed her hand flat against it, the way she’d open any locked door. Still nothing.

  “Are you sure this is the door?” Tanith asked. “I can’t see any join, or hinge, or anything like that. How does it open? Does it swing, or rise, or sink, or what? If we knew that, we could work our way back from there.”

  Skulduggery examined the rock anew. “It wouldn’t be easy to open, but at the same time it should be straightforward. Anyone who needs to access the Receptacle ought to be able to do so, once they have the key.”

  “So maybe it’s a combination of both,” Tanith said. “A magic word spoken by whoever’s holding the key.”

  “It’s possible, but that doesn’t exactly help us. Any one word in any language, magical or mortal, could unlock it.”

  “Well, you’re the detective. You figure it out.”

  Skulduggery sighed, and considered the rock wall again. “Open,” he said loudly. “Oscail. Oscailte amach. Enter. Mellon. Open Sesame. Remnant. Soul Catcher. Receptacle. Danger.”

  “Wow,” Tanith breathed. “We could be here a while.”

  Sanguine looked up from his seated position beside Skulduggery. “There’s somethin’ written on it,” he said, slurring his words. “The key. Look.”

  Skulduggery turned it over and Tanith stepped up, but all she could see was flat gold. “I can’t see anything,” she said.

&nb
sp; “I can,” Skulduggery murmured. He tilted the key till it caught the light. “It’s faint, but it’s there.”

  She peered closer. “You sure it’s not just your imagination playing tricks?”

  “When my imagination plays tricks,” Skulduggery answered, “they’re a lot more elaborate.”

  “I swear, I can’t see anything.”

  “That’s because you’re lookin’ with your eyes,” Sanguine said, his head drooping. “Me an’ the skeleton, we ain’t got eyes.”

  “It says erode,” Skulduggery said.

  Tanith looked at the rock wall. “Nothing’s happening.”

  Skulduggery thought for a moment, then said, “Creim,” and the wall started to rumble.

  Tanith looked at him. “It worked. It’s working. What did you say?”

  ”Creim,” he repeated. “It means erode in Irish.”

  Relief swept through her and she smiled, and the rock exploded into a cloud of dust that stung her eyes and got into her mouth. Tanith stumbled away, coughing and spluttering. The dust was in her hair and in her clothes. Her vision finally cleared and she saw Skulduggery, standing there in a dust-free air bubble.

  “Oh,” he said, noticing the state she was in. “Sorry.”

  The cloud parted for him as he walked through it. Tanith scowled and followed, helping Sanguine up and entering the newly-formed cave mouth.

  “Maybe you should put your arm around me,” Sanguine said. “I’m feelin’ faint.”

  “If you faint, you fall,” Tanith responded.

  Torches flared in brackets as they passed. The tunnel went on for twenty metres, then opened out into a cavern. Skulduggery stood just ahead, waiting for them to catch up.

  “Well?” Tanith asked. “Is it there?”

  He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to.

  A globe, like a small glass moon, 100 metres high and 100 metres wide, sat in a cradle of metal and wooden struts, lashed together with rope and chains. The architects, the engineers, whoever had built this, had used the rocky outcrops to border the machine, to supply its foundation. The cavern itself seemed to be an extension of the massive device, designed to accentuate the size and shape, giving the Receptacle an air of something that had always been here, a natural formation of magic and old science, deep within the mountain.

  “Cool,” Tanith said.

  She left Sanguine leaning against the wall, and joined Skulduggery as he hurried to what looked like a control centre. There were dials and gauges and levers, and a narrow rectangular slot. Without wasting time on ceremony, Skulduggery slipped the key into the slot. Immediately, a gauge came to life. Skulduggery grabbed a lever and pulled it down sharply.

  And nothing happened.

  “Well,” Tanith heard Sanguine say, “that’s kinda disappointin’.”

  “No,” Skulduggery said, “look. It’s moving.”

  Tanith could see it now. The globe was beginning to rotate – very, very slowly. It creaked as it did so.

  “It hasn’t been used in over a century,” Skulduggery said. “It needs some time to warm up. In order for the Remnants to be dragged into it, we’ve got to make sure that the possessed stay close by.”

  “An’ just how,” Sanguine asked, “are you plannin’ on doin’ that?”

  Skulduggery looked at him, and his head tilted.

  Sanguine’s mouth turned down. “Aw, hell,” he muttered.

  50

  MACGILLYCUDDY’S REEKS

  Her surroundings were quite beautiful – a snow-covered mountain, layers of mist rising from the valleys, a pale blue sky. They had passed a lake on the way here, and the roads were narrow and winding, occasionally edged with low stone walls. Altogether very pretty, with the effect only ruined by the two thousand black-veined people waiting for her when she was pulled out of the van.

  China marched her to a small hill in the middle of the clearing, all the Remnants gathered round in their hijacked bodies. China removed the shackles from Valkyrie’s wrists. Anton Shudder and Tesseract joined them on the hill. The crowd was silent.

  “Valkyrie Cain,” Tesseract said, “I am very glad I didn’t kill you. What a mistake that would have been. I would have robbed us of our saviour.”

  “Let me go,” Valkyrie said. “If I’m your saviour, then do as I command. Let me go.”

  “You’re not our saviour. Not yet. But with a little help from us, you soon will be.”

  “I don’t know what you expect me to say. Do you think I’m just going to agree to all this? I’m not going to hurt innocent people.”

  “If we torture you enough,” said Tesseract, “you’ll do anything we tell you to.”

  Valkyrie said nothing.

  “I’m the one who saw you. I saw you through the eyes of Finbar Wrong, laying waste to the world. That’s all we want. We want a dead world, where we are free, where we don’t have to hide in flesh suits. You give us that world. From the moment I saw you I knew we had to help, to guide you on your path. Now, I am not so sure I was right.”

  “So you’re going to let me go?”

  There was a ripple of laughter in the crowd.

  “No,” Tesseract said. “You see, we have been talking, all of us, and we wonder if we are taking the correct approach. It was China who thought of it, actually.”

  China smiled. “We’re friends, aren’t we, Valkyrie? That’s what you said. And because we’re friends, because I know you so well, I can see that it would take a lot to make you hurt the people you love.”

  “I’m not Darquesse,” Valkyrie blurted. “I’ve changed all that. That future doesn’t happen any more.”

  “How can you be sure?” asked China.

  “I’ve sealed my name.”

  “Ah, I see. So you think the only reason you kill everyone is because someone is forcing you to, yes?”

  “Of course. Why else would I do it?”

  “Because you want to, perhaps? Because something happens, something so awful that it drives you to the edge, and the only way out you can see is if everybody dies?”

  “That’s insane.”

  “All kinds of people want to kill the world, Valkyrie.”

  “Not me.”

  “Not yet.” China laughed. “But I agree with you. I don’t think you have it in you. So I came up with an alternative. What if, Valkyrie, what you say is true? What if you would never do this? What if, in fact, it isn’t even you?”

  “What?”

  “I think Darquesse is like us, you see. I think Darquesse has a Remnant inside her.”

  Valkyrie shrank back. “No.”

  “I think in order for our messiah to come out, one of us is going to have to bond with you.”

  “No.”

  “And we already have a volunteer,” China said with a smile.

  Fletcher appeared at China’s side. “I love you,” he said to Valkyrie. “And now I’m going to be you.”

  Hands grabbed her and she struggled against them, but there were too many. Her head was pulled back and there were fingers in her mouth. She bit down and tasted blood, heard a howl of pain, but her jaws were forced apart and she saw it, the Remnant, darting from Fletcher’s mouth as he dropped to the ground, unconscious.

  The Remnant latched on to her face and it was cold. The hands released her and Valkyrie staggered back, lost her footing. She fell, rolled down the small hill, all the while trying to pull the darkness away from her. She felt it slither down into her throat. Her hands clutched at her chest as the Remnant dissipated within her. Tendrils of cold slithered through her body and pierced her brain. Something burst within her mind and the fear went away, and Darquesse stood.

  The others were watching her expectantly, eyes filled with hope and hunger, mouths twisted in smiles.

  Ghastly was the first to step forward. “My Lady?” he asked, voice shaking. When Ghastly had been Ghastly, before the Remnant shared his being, he had been a good man. Darquesse remembered their first meeting, when he had told her that magic wasn’t
a game, and that she should walk away and leave this behind her. He had said those words for her own good, but of course she hadn’t listened. This was a path she had always been meant to walk.

  Destiny? She didn’t believe in it. But she had seen into the future and they had seen herself burn the world. And that, she believed in.

  She took her eyes off the people around her and looked at the world. The mountains and the snow, and the rocks and the sky. She tasted the air. Why would she want to destroy all this? What was it that could drive her to annihilate an entire planet? And what would she do, once everyone and everything was dead? Who would there be to talk to?

  Darquesse smiled at the questions she found herself asking. No doubt, when the time came, she would fully understand why she was killing everything. When the time came, she was sure it would all make perfect sense.

  “Lady Darquesse,” someone said, barging through the crowd to throw himself at her feet. His left arm was in a sling. “I am yours to command. You have given me purpose. You have given me a reason to exist. What is your will?”

  He looked up at her, tears in his eyes.

  She kicked him under the chin, marvelling at her strength. His jaw splintered instantly, but her boot continued upwards and his head came apart around it. Some important piece of him, possibly his brain, shot into the sky like a football. His body crumpled and she laughed and turned to the others. The shock over what she had just done made some of them step back, but there were plenty of others who were laughing along with her, and there were a few who actually applauded. She despised them all.

  She leaped for the nearest one, a sorcerer she had once spoken to in the old Sanctuary. Her fingers closed around his throat and she tore out his windpipe. The woman beside him clapped, and Darquesse put her fist through the woman’s chest, then flung the body behind her.

  The laughter was dying. No one was cheering any more.

  Darquesse swept through them, their screams like a lullaby, making her smile. As she moved, she could sense the Remnant inside her. She could sense its presence and its confusion. This was not how it was meant to be. It had slithered its way inside and opened her up, allowed Darquesse to surface. But they had not, as the Remnant had expected, become one pure being. They were still two separate entities, and she felt its fear and it brought a chuckle to her lips.