Skulduggery Pleasant: Mortal Cole

by Derek Landy

  “Which would be very convenient for you.”

  “Quite the contrary. If Cleric Wreath were here, I’m sure he could explain why he didn’t return the Remnant to the Midnight Hotel as per my instructions. I neither like nor appreciate being accused of something I did not do. And if you’re going to shoot me, then shoot me. Otherwise, put down the gun and stop this ridiculous posturing.”

  “I should shoot you. I should kill you.”

  “Cold-blooded murder? In front of your protégée?”

  “It wouldn’t be murder. It would be a justifiable execution.”

  Tenebrae’s eyes flickered to Valkyrie. “And are you prepared to let him? If he kills me, it all changes for you. You’ll be banished from the Necromancer Order. You’ll never be able to fulfil your destiny. You’ll never become the Death Bringer—”

  Skulduggery smacked the gun against Tenebrae’s head. “Stop calling her that.”

  “Why?” Tenebrae snarled, his hand rising to his forehead. “Because you don’t want to hear it? Because it offends your delicate sensibilities? If she is who Cleric Wreath thinks she is, she has a chance to save the orld.”

  “From what, exactly? You’ve never been too clear on the threat, have you? What does the Death Bringer save us from?”

  Blood was trickling through Tenebrae’s fingers. “These are matters I will not speak about to outsiders.”

  “Then you’ll tell Valkyrie?”

  “When she’s ready to hear it.”

  “And when will that be? When it’s too late for her to turn back?”

  “Detective Pleasant, are you worried that Valkyrie will slip from your influence? I would never have guessed you’d be so insecure.”

  “This has nothing to do with me.”

  “Which presumably means that this is all to do with her, am I correct? And yet you haven’t once allowed her to speak for herself this entire conversation.”

  “I enjoy listening,” Valkyrie said.

  Tenebrae’s smile was not particularly good-humoured. “You’re not usually so shy, Valkyrie. When you’re on your own, you talk an extraordinary amount, don’t you? You have opinions on everything. But when Detective Pleasant is here, you seem content to let him do all the talking for you. Have you noticed this?”

  “Can’t say I have,” Valkyrie said.

  “But now that I’ve pointed it out, I assure you that you’re going to. He’s afraid, you see. He’s terrified that you’ll turn out to be the next Lord Vile. Isn’t that true, Detective?”

  Skulduggery’s voice lowered. “Valkyrie’s path is her own.”

  “And if she does, in fact, turn out to be the next Lord Vile? What then? Will you still be so philosophical? Or will you hunt her down and kill her?”

  “If it comes to that,” Skulduggery said, putting his gun away, “you’ll be dead long before you get to see if you’re right.”

  Tenebrae took his hand away from his forehead, and looked at the blood. “Just so you know, I will be making a formal complaint about you to the Sanctuary. Not that they’ll take any notice. Two of your best friends on the Council of Elders, Detective – this couldn’t have worked out better for you if you’d planned the whole thing.”

  The mood in the car on the drive back was sombre.

  “What are you thinking about?” Skulduggery asked.

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. Everything. My thoughts can’t seem to settle. Too much to think about. Have you heard anything about Clarabelle?”

  “No,” he said. “No I haven’t.”

  “We shouldn’t have allowed her to return to the Hibernian alone. We should have realised she’d find Kenspeckle’s body.”

  “Valkyrie, we were organising the teleportation of two thousand people – most of whom were still unconscious. We didn’t have time to consider each and every one of them.”

  “We let her go, Skulduggery. We didn’t even think about what she’d find. Do you think she’s figured out what she did?”

  “She won’t remember it, but…” He sighed. “The evidence is there. We made a mistake.”

  “And now Clarabelle has run off.”

  “If she wants to be alone, we should respect that. She’s lost someone who meant the world to her. She needs time to grieve. How are you coping?”

  “I’m grand.”

  “Have you mourned? Fight now, mourn later. Like you said, that’s our thing. And now is the time to mourn.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel or how to, to process it, you know? Kenspeckle reminded me of my granddad. Grumpy and grouchy and not approving of the people I hung out with. I felt safe with him. Every time he was around I knew that whatever happened, he could fix me. He’d shuffle in, complain, make me feel guilty about getting into another fight. Then he’d insult you, make me laugh, and fix me. And right before he left he’d say something really nice, to make sure I’d know he cared.”

  “You’re going to miss him.”

  She looked out the window. “Please don’t make me cry.”

  “Of course,” Skulduggery said. “I’m sorry.”

  She didn’t say anything, and they drove on in silence until another name drifted, unwelcome, into her thoughts. “Scapegrace,” she muttered.

  Skulduggery turned his head to her. “What about him?”

  “He’s still locked in Kenspeckle’s examination room. They both are.”

  “And?”

  “Well, we should probably let them out?”

  “So they can make more trouble for us?”

  “We can’t just leave them there. They’re looking for a cure, and Kenspeckle said it might be possible. We ought to let them out so they can find someone else to help them.”

  “Like who?”

  “How about Nye? This’d be right up his alley.”

  “We don’t want anything to do with Doctor Nye.”

  “And we won’t have anything to do with him. We’ll give them his name, let them find him. We can’t leave them locked up in that room, Skulduggery. You know we can’t. Just stop by the Hibernian. I’ll be two minutes.”

  He grumbled about it a little more, but fifteen minutes later, Valkyrie was hurrying from the Bentley into the Hibernian. The place was a mess. The walls were scorched and rubble littered the walkways. The screen was off, but a hole had been blown through the wall, and she climbed in. Lights flickered in the corridors. Her footsteps were loud. Suddenly, coming in alone didn’t seem like such a great idea. What if a Remnant had stayed behind?

  She reached the examination room, but the transparent door stood open.

  “They said they—”

  Valkyrie shrieked and leaped away, spinning in mid-air to face her attacker. She landed and stumbled, and all the while Caelan watched her with a raised eyebrow.

  “My God!” she gasped. “Don’t do that!”

  “Don’t do what?”

  “Don’t sneak up on me!”

  “I wasn’t sneaking.”

  “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

  “I wasn’t sneaking. I was walking.”

  “You should wear a bell round your neck!”

  “Are you finished hyperventilating?”

  “No!” Valkyrie shouted, then felt stupid. “What? What do you want?”

  “I was just going to say, before you started screaming, that I released them. The two zombies. They said they were friends of yours.”

  “They said that?”

  “I suspect they may have been lying, but the taller one would not shut up, so I opened the door and asked them to leave me alone. I hope you don’t mind.”

  She forced herself to calm down. “No. No, I don’t mind. I came to let them out anyway, so…”

  “The crisis is over, I take it?”

  “Yes. You didn’t hear the details?”

  “I’m a vampire without a pack. Nobody tells me anything.”

  “Ah,” said Valkyrie. “Right. Yes, the crisis is over. And now that, you know, you’re here
, I suppose I should thank you for arriving when you did.”

  “You were in danger. I had to save you.”

  She nodded, and smiled. Out of gratitude, she knew she should have just let that one go – but then she found herself saying, “Well, thank you for helping me. Saving me is a bit… strong.”

  “Have you seen him since? The boy?”

  “You mean Fletcher. Yes, of course I have.”

  “Even after everything he did?”

  “That wasn’t him – that was the Remnant.”

  “If what happened to him had happened to me, I would never have hurt you.”

  “It couldn’t happen to you,” Valkyrie said, “you’re a vampire. Remnants can’t possess the dead.”

  “Is that how you see me? As a dead thing?”

  “No,” she admitted.

  “How do you see me?”

  “As a friend.”

  “Nothing more?”

  He touched her arm and she smiled, but moved away. “Caelan, I don’t want you to think that this is going somewhere. You’ve been a really good friend to me, you’ve really come through, but I am firmly and absolutely with Fletcher. And even if I wasn’t, I still don’t think it’d be a good idea.”

  “Love is rarely a good idea.”

  “You don’t love me.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Please, stop saying that.”

  “What will it take for you to love me?”

  “I can’t love a vampire.”

  “Because we’re monsters? Because when the sun goes down, we change? You realise, of course, that the sun went down a few hours ago.”

  Valkyrie’s eyes widened, and she immediately backed away. “What are you doing?”

  “Don’t worry,” he smiled, “I’m not going to change.” He took a syringe from his pocket. “Dusk used this, remember? It’s a mixture of wolfsbane and hemlock and various other herbs. He’d inject it a few times a night, and it’d stop him changing. I’ve spent the last few days searching for it. The old man had manufactured more. Dozens of vials of it, for whatever reason.”

  “Kenspeckle hated vampires,” Valkyrie said softly.

  “I took every last one of the vials. I didn’t think he’d mind, now that he’s dead. I read his notes too, so I know how to make my own.” Caelan’s eyes closed. “I can feel it. It wants to get out. It doesn’t understand why it can’t.” He looked at Valkyrie. “I don’t have to be the monster. For you… For you, I can be normal. I can be human.”

  “If this is how you’re going to live, you have to do it for yourself, not for me.”

  He smiled again. “You’re my reward.”

  “No, Caelan, I’m not.”

  “Not yet, maybe. I have to prove myself. I’m willing to do that.”

  “Listen,” said Valkyrie, “I’m trying to be as clear about this as I possibly can. I don’t want to be with you.”

  “I can hear how fast your heart beats every time you look at me.”

  “Well,” she muttered, “that’s hardly fair.”

  “You are a strange girl, Valkyrie Cain.”

  “And I’ve got a Skeleton Detective waiting for me outside.”

  “You’d better get back to him, then. I’ll see you soon.”

  Valkyrie thought he might step closer, try to kiss her, but instead, he just smiled. She walked away, and tried to ignore the fact that she was disappointed.

  She didn’t tell Skulduggery about Caelan. She got in the Bentley, told him the zombies had already escaped, and they drove back to Haggard.

  “It’s not over,” said Valkyrie.

  “What isn’t?”

  “This whole Darquesse business. I didn’t stop it, did I?”

  Skulduggery hesitated. “It doesn’t look like it, no.”

  “No one else remembers what they did when they were possessed, but I do. I remember more and more all the time. The Remnant wasn’t controlling me, it just… opened a door. Those people who died. I did that.” She took a breath, and let it out slowly. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to start crying or anything. If I had been in control, it wouldn’t have happened. Obviously, I wasn’t in control.”

  “I’m glad you realise that.”

  “But now we have proof, right? That there is something in me capable of doing everything we saw in that vision. So what are we going to do about it?”

  “What do you suggest?”

  Valkyrie looked straight ahead, at the road. “You could kill me.”

  “I have no intention of killing you, Valkyrie. Something turns you. Something triggers the change from the Valkyrie Cain we all know and tolerate to Darquesse, evil witch-queen of Dublin.”

  “It’s going to be something tragic, isn’t it?” she said. “Something awful happens to me or to someone I love, and I go nuts and seek revenge on the whole world.”

  “That’s a possibility.”

  “Any idea what this awful, tragic event might be?”

  “I don’t know. But whatever it is, I’ll be looking out for it, and so will you. When it comes, we’ll be ready.”

  He dropped her off at the pier, and she gave him a wave and watched him drive away. She took out her phone as she hurried to her house, making sure the reflection was still out at a neighbour’s party.

  According to the message it had left her, it was standing in the corner not talking to anyone. The party itself was a complete flop, with no one being in the mood to make merry. Valkyrie, however, managed a smile at the thought of walking through her own front door for once, and letting the reflection be the one to climb up to the window.

  She felt bad about the Cleavers, forced to keep watch out here in the freezing cold. Their van was parked on the far side of the road, with the engine off so as not to arouse suspicion. She had never engaged a Cleaver in conversation, had never even heard one speak, not really, but she approached the van anyway. She could sneak them out a couple of coffees if they needed warming up, and possibly give them some straws so they wouldn’t even have to take their helmets off. She didn’t know if they even drank coffee. She doubted it.

  The front of the van was empty, so Valkyrie rapped lightly on the side door. The windows were darkened. When there was no sound from inside, she frowned. There were three Cleavers stationed here – one stayed with the van at all times, and the other two took regular patrols around the area. She gripped the handle. To her surprise it wasn’t locked. She slid the door open. Three Cleavers lay dead inside.

  She turned and ran to her house. She slipped on the road and fell, rolled, lunged up and kept running. She jumped the low wall around her front garden, landing in the shadows, staying out of the light that shone from the living room window. The fire was roaring and the TV was on.

  Valkyrie saw her mum and dad chatting, and her knees went weak with relief. But they were talking to someone, a woman in jeans and a heavy sweatshirt. Valkyrie didn’t recognise her until she turned her head to laugh. Valkyrie ran into the house and burst through into the living room. They all looked round, surprised at the dramatic entrance.

  “Hi, Stephanie,” Tanith said.

  54

  ENEMIES

  “Heat,” Valkyrie’s mum said. “Heat!”

  Her dad got up, hurried out into the hall. She heard him close the front door to stop the draught, but couldn’t take her eyes off Tanith. “What are you doing here?”

  “My car broke down,” Tanith smiled. “I remember you said you lived here, so I thought I’d stay somewhere warm until my lift arrived. Are you OK? You look like you’re in shock.”

  Her dad came back in. “Born in a barn, were you? I swear to you, Tanith, I don’t know where she gets it from.”

  Tanith laughed. “Don’t worry, Des, she’s exactly the same in school. I may only be a substitute teacher, but I’ve been around long enough to know that Stephanie swans in and out of class expecting doors to close all by themselves.”

  They all chuckled, except for Valkyrie.

  “Tanit
h,” Valkyrie’s mum said, “were you caught up in this Insanity Virus thing? Wasn’t it awful?”

  “Oh, Melissa, it was. My neighbour got it, actually. He went nuts. Didn’t hurt anyone, thank God, but it was so scary. Just like the reports on TV. He’s fine now, though.”

  “It was an attack,” Valkyrie’s dad said. “Something like this just doesn’t happen in nature. I bet you that whoever did this was using Ireland as a testing ground. It’ll be America next, you wait and see. Or London.”

  His wife shook her head. “Some people are saying now it was hallucinogenic drugs pumped into the water supply. They’re even saying it started out as a prank. A prank!”

  “I’m sure you’re right,” Tanith said, nodding. “But it was terrifying. I stayed home the entire time – there was no way I was setting foot outside.”

  “Wise woman.”

  “Oh, excuse me,” Tanith said, taking out her phone and reading the screen. “My lift is here.”

  “That was quick.”

  “That’s the good thing about boyfriends – they come when you call. I’m not too sure how to get back to my car, though. It was on one of these roads…”

  “Oh, I’m sure Steph won’t mind walking you back.”

  “No problem,” Valkyrie said. “You ready to go now? Let’s go now.”

  Tanith stood up, and smiled again. “So eager to get a teacher out of her house. Des, Melissa, thank you so much for your hospitality. Hopefully I’ll see you at the next parent-teacher meeting.”

  While her parents said their goodbyes, Valkyrie ushered Tanith out of the house.

  “If you’re going to set me on fire,” Tanith said quietly, “you might want to wait until we’re around the corner.”

  Valkyrie glanced back. Her dad was on the front step watching them go. After another few moments of letting the heat out, he closed the door.

  Immediately, she stepped away from Tanith. “Why are you here?”

  Tanith kept walking, forcing Valkyrie to keep up. “We’re friends, Val. I just wanted to drop in, say hi.”

  “Ghastly’s an Elder. He’s getting everyone to figure out a way to help you.”

  She smiled. “Why would you think I need help? Look at me – don’t I seem happy to you?”